The Mother and Her Child

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NECESSARY MORAL TRAINING

While we are using the plant and animal world as object lessons in
teaching our children the facts of sex and the secrets of life; while
we face the commonplace sex matings of the animals about us without
cringing, without appearing to be shocked when our children call
attention to these things; nevertheless, when the child is old enough
to take cognizance of these phenomena, he is old enough to begin to
receive some definite instruction from his parents regarding the moral
phase of these great biologic problems. We cannot safely and
indefinitely utilize the animal world as an object lesson in sex
education, without at the same time emphasizing the moral difference
between man and the beast.

Many parents treat these sex problems so lightly and endeavor to act
so naturally and unconcerned about these questions, that the child
comes to look upon the promiscuous sexual relations of the animal
world as something altogether natural; and, unless proper moral and
religious training is carried on at this time, he stands in danger of
coming to regard lightly the moral standards of modern society.

At the same time of life that Mother Nature fully develops the sex
instincts--at adolescence--she also awakens the religious emotions;
the one being so necessary for the proper and adequate control of the
other. Let parents take a cue from old Mother Nature, and at the same
time the sex relations of animals are freely discussed with the
growing child, let the mother or father wisely call attention to the
fact that but very few of the animals live family lives as do human
beings. In this connection valuable use--by way of illustration--can
be made of the ostrich and some of the ape family who are loyal and
true to their chosen companions.

Moral and religious instruction must accompany sex-hygiene teaching
just as soon as you leave the realms of botany and enter the sphere of
zoology. We could here relate many a tragic experience which our
patients have passed through as a result of volunteering too much sex
knowledge and at the same time neglecting this very necessary moral
instruction.

SANTA CLAUS AND THE STORK

We must bear in mind that the child believes what we tell him; he
trusts us implicitly and we owe it to him to teach him the truth in
answer to his numerous questions. We must keep his confidence. Take
the matter of Christmas, for instance. How many confidences have been
broken over the falsehood of Santa Claus and the chimney. Two little
fellows hesitated in their play in the back yard, and the following
conversation was heard: "You know that story about Santa Claus is all
a fake." "Sure it is, I know it isn't so, I saw my father and mother
filling the stockings. You know that stork story is all a lie too,
there's nothing to it, babies don't come that way, and now I'm
investigating this Jesus Christ story, I suppose that's all a fake
too." The fact of the matter is, that while these children have
discovered the truth of the first two stories, for a long time they
will query the third story, for to them, that too is mysterious and
fairy-like. They hadn't seen Santa or the Stork and had only heard
about Jesus.

STORY OF THE HUMAN BABY

The story of the human baby may be told to any child of seven to ten
years. Each mother will have to decide in her own mind the right time
to go into the details of the human baby seed. The child should have
had an opportunity to have planted some seeds in the ground, to have
visited an incubator, or to have visited the farm and observed the
family groups of babies--the chicks, pigs, calves, etc.--with their
mothers.

Let me see now how many different baby seeds do we know? Yes, we do
know the radish seeds, many flower seeds, chicken seeds, bird seeds,
corn, potatoes, and many others, and we can tell them all apart. The
boy and girl baby seeds are too tiny to be seen with the eye. They are
so small that it takes about two hundred of them in a row to make one
inch. We can only see these human baby seeds with the aid of a
microscope. It is such a precious seed that it cannot be intrusted to
the ground or to a tree nest for development. The great Wise Father
decided that a mamma would love and care for it better than anything
or anybody in all the world. So, just as there is a cradle bed in the
mamma flower, so there is in the human mother's own warm body, tucked
far away from the cold rains and the hot sun, a little bed, for the
boy and girl baby seeds. Right near to this little seed bed Mother
Nature has prepared a little room, which holds the tiny "waked up"
seed for nearly a year as it slowly grows into a little baby girl or
baby boy.

THE MATING STORY

You remember the story of how Bob Robin found Jenny Robin, don't you?
You remember mamma told you how Bob came up from the southland early
in the spring and asked Jenny in lovely bird song to come and be his
very own wife? How he promised her he would feed her on cherries, and
currants and the fattest of worms? And that she told Bob she loved him
and went to live with him, and how they built that cute little nest to
hold the eggs; and how Jenny Robin sat on the nest until the little
baby robins were all hatched out.

Well, one day papa found mamma. He met her and loved her dearly and
told her he wanted her to come and live with him, and they built their
home nest and were very happy together, because they decided they
would always love each other more than any one else in the world.
After mamma and papa built their home and lived together, one day a
wonderful change came to one of the baby seeds and it awakened and
began to grow. Mother Nature whispered to it, and told it how to find
its way into this little room and there it clung to the wall and grew
for nearly a year. Papa brought mamma nice things to eat, just as Bob
Robin did Jenny. Papa did everything he could to make mamma happy and
comfortable.

For nearly five months this little seed just grew and did not let
anybody know it was there, until one day it began to tap against the
sides of the walls of this little room, and every time it did mamma's
heart just bounded with joy as she thought of the precious seed
growing to be a darling baby--and all inside of her very own body. And
one day, after nearly a whole year had passed, the door to the room
began to open, and, very soon, a lovely baby found its way out of this
special room into the big, big world. Mother Nature then told this
little baby that it might still remain close to the mamma it had been
with so long, and so she taught it how to get its food every day from
mamma's breast. At this point the child usually breaks out by saying,
"Now, mamma, I know just why I love you so much."

UNFOLDING THE TRUTH

I shall always remember with pleasure my own son, not quite
two-and-a-half years old, who sat at the table one day asking numerous
questions such as, "Mamma, what is that? Mamma, where did that come
from?" etc.

He picked up a navel orange, and pointing to the navel said, "What is
that?"

I frankly said to him, "Why, my dear, that is the baby orange."

"Why, Mamma," he exclaimed, "do oranges come from oranges?"

"Certainly, dear child; where else could they come from?"

"But," he says, "Mamma, do potatoes come from potatoes?"

"Why, honey," I said, "Orange babies come from orange mammas, potato
babies from potato mammas, grapes come from grape mammas, little
kitties from kitty mammas, and little boys from their mammas."

We simply mixed all the babies up, just as you would mix up a
delicious fruit salad. We took from the mind all question of mystery
and surprise by quickly and honestly answering his question. Thus, his
first knowledge of his origin, if he is able to recall it, will ever
be associated with oranges, grapes, potatoes, kittens, etc.

We did not tell the whole story for some two or three years later, but
day by day we simply answered the questions as he asked them.

One day, when he was about three, he burst into my bedroom, saying,
"Mamma, dear, I did come from you, didn't I?"

"Why, yes, darling, from nobody else; just from your own mamma and
papa."

"Say, mamma, was my hand in your hand, my foot in your foot, my head
in your head?"

"No, dear," I replied, "You were all curled up as snug as a little
kitty is when it's asleep, and you slept for nearly a year in a little
room underneath mamma's heart."

It was a wonderful story. He threw his chubby arms about my neck, his
legs around my waist, and said: "You dear, dear, mamma. I do love you
and papa more, just awful much."

THE DOCTOR'S PART

In my private sitting-room, where William and I have had many
conferences, there hangs my medical-class picture with classmates and
faculty. A member of my family was one day answering the boy's queries
as to who this one or that one was, etc. Finally, on pointing to one
particular face, the answer came to his inquiry, "That's Dr. P. You
wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him." That evening the little
fellow, just past three years, came to me and asked, "Mamma, didn't
you say I came from you?"

"Yes, dear," I replied.

"Well, Auntie says I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Dr. P. What did
the doctor have to do with it?"

"Why, simply this, dear. The door to the little room in which you grew
in mamma's body wouldn't open, and so kind Dr. P. came and helped open
the door."

"And let me out?" exclaimed the eager child. "Oh, I want to go and see
Dr. P. and thank him for helping me out!"

And this little fellow was neither shocked or surprised, any more
than he was over finding out that orange babies came from orange
mammas.

In the same frank manner in which the simpler questions are answered,
strive to answer these important ones. If we seek to evade, to
postpone, to wrap in mystery these sex questions, the little ones will
not forget but will ponder and worry over them, and seek to obtain
certain knowledge from others who oftentimes tell too much or too
little, and such information is usually mixed with much unnecessary
matter which may or may not be foreign to this particular subject. On
the other hand, if we frankly and honestly answer the question at
hand, curiosity is avoided and the child feels he understands it all.
The subject drops into the background of his mind--into the marginal
consciousness--with the countless other facts he has accumulated. A
sense of "knowledge possession" is as comfortable to the child as it
is to the adult.

TRUSTING YOUR CHILD

Often the question arises: "Will they tell to other children this
newly found knowledge?" If the wise mother makes them feel they are a
part of a "family," and reminds them that such matters as the secrets
about Santa Claus, the stork, and the baby nest are only discussed in
"family groups," they are often seized with the normal pride which
accompanies confidence, and often keep secrets as well or even better
than do most adults.

One day a little man, three-and-a-half years old, was posing for a
photograph. The photographer said: "My little fellow, you pose well.
We've had such a good time together. Where did they get such a lad as
you?"

The mother's heart stood still. From her hiding place behind a large
curtain at the back of the studio, she listened, wondering what would
be his answer.

At first he hesitated, but after a moment's pause, said: "Really, Mr.
W. if you don't know I feel sorry for you, and I'd really like to tell
you, but I can't, it's a secret between me and my mamma."

Children enjoy secrets. If possible, isolate a group of subjects that
are not to be discussed with playmates, such as Santa Claus facts, the
stork story, and the baby story; often the very isolation of one
single fact stands out so big in the child's mind that he is many
times tempted to mention it, when, if it were associated with a whole
group of "family secrets" he would seldom be led to talk about it. As
we have said, children can keep secrets much better than most adults;
and just suppose they _should_ tell something--what harm? With
twenty-five false stories in the neighborhood, suppose one story of
truth should escape! No particular harm would result; but I find they
keep these secrets well.

Numerous questions will arise which should be met with open frankness.
No blush, no shame, should even suggest itself, for we are dealing
with a wonderful truth, so let us give out our answers with clean
hearts and pure minds. The Great Father will bless us and surround our
loved "flock" with a garment of confidence in mother and father that
will protect from much of the evil which is in the world, and,
eventually, our little ones will grow into men and women whose very
life of purity will cast its influence into the social circle. Only
the company of the good and the true and the pure will be sought when
associating with the opposite sex; while, in the end, better mothers
and better fathers will be developed for the work of the next
generation.

TEN POSSIBLE CAUSES OF SECRET VICE

1. The attention of the little folks is often drawn to the sexual
organs by a sensation of itching which accompanies a state of
uncleanliness and filth. The genitals must be kept scrupulously clean.
Elsewhere in this book we paid our respects to the rubber diaper, and
we wish to reiterate at this time that it is in all probability
responsible for a great deal of masturbation. The constant moisture
and heat keeps the genital organs in a state of congestion which is
more or less accompanied by itching sensations.

2. A long or tight foreskin in the male child favors the accumulation
of secretions which not only occasion itching sensations but
oftentimes are the cause of convulsions in early infancy. In the case
of the female, a tight foreskin over the clitoris will retain
secretions which also cause an itching sensation.

3. Unscrupulous nurses sometimes actually teach these little fellows
to masturbate.

4. Lying in bed on the back with a full bladder, in the case of the
boy, often produces an erection of the penis, and this is usually
accompanied by a feeling of fullness which serves to direct the mind
to the genital organs.

5. Lying in bed alone with nothing to do but to investigate often
results in secret vice.

6. The unwise practice of allowing children to visit each other over
night and sleep together, is often productive of mischief.

7. Constantly telling a little girl to keep her feet down, to keep her
dress down, makes her over conscious of sex and otherwise causes the
attention to be directed in unhealthy channels.

8. Teasing a child unnecessarily about a little sweetheart often
produces an emotional reaction which is not altogether desirable.
These suggestions are especially bad in the older children.

9. Unwise sex knowledge is usually productive of curious
investigations, which if not properly followed up, particularly in
those children who are temperamentally secretive, and who do not fully
confide in mother and father, often results in moral misdemeanors.

10. Do not allow two young children habitually to isolate themselves
in their play. Direct their play away from the attic, the basement,
and other places remote from direct observation.

There is no use telling a child not to touch that part of his body,
particularly if it is a boy, for it is going to be absolutely
impossible for him to carry out such instructions. One mother
overheard her caretaker say, "Don't put your hand there, it isn't
nice." Immediately the wise mother called the caretaker to her and
reminded her that most children usually continue to investigate even
though they are told not to, and so the caretaker received this
instruction: "When you see Harry putting his hand to that particular
part of his body, just gently draw it away and divert his attention to
something else, and when he goes to sleep in his little bed teach him
to lie on his side and bring his little hands up under his chin or the
side of his face and remain near him telling him a beautiful story
until the eyes begin to get sleepy and pick him up immediately on
awaking in the morning."

This mother was quite unlike the mother who once came to my office,
saying: "Doctor Lena, I have done everything to prevent my boy's
handling himself, why every time he wakes up at night I am always
awake and I instantly say to him, Charlie where are your hands? You
see Doctor, I am doing the best I know how." Very likely it is
unnecessary to call the attention of the reader to the fact that this
mother was doing more harm than good in constantly calling his
attention to the fact that he did have a sexual side to his nature.

TRUTH VS. EXAGGERATION

And just here let us add that while masturbation is an unclean habit,
an impure habit, and a thing altogether to be shunned, we would not be
honest to ourselves and to our readers if we did not explain that
under no circumstances does it make foolish minds out of sound minds
or insane minds out of sane minds. If your boy or your girl is going
to grow up to be foolish or insane he had a through ticket for the
feebleminded institution or the insane asylum when he was born into
the world. The time when masturbation does affect the mind of the
child is when the mind awakens to the fact that it is allowing an
abnormal, unclean, or filthy habit to dominate mind, soul, and body,
and then, and usually not until then, does this bad habit begin to
cause mental depression and a host of other symptoms that so often
accompany masturbation.

In our worthy efforts to combat the evils of secret vice let us not go
to the other extreme and create such a condition of mind in the youth
of our generation as to lay the foundation for sexual neurasthenia
later on in life, as a result of the protracted worry, constant
brooding, and conscientious condemnation, which they so often
experience following some brief or trivial indulgence in early secret
vice. Let us fight this vice with the truth, and not resort to
over-exaggerated pictures which can only serve to blight the hopes and
destroy the courage of over-sensitive boys and girls after they have
grown up--as they look back on their lives and recall perhaps a single
misstep in their childhood. In this way we can hope to do good today
without mortgaging the child's happiness and mental peace in years to
come.

APPENDIX

APPENDIX

BATHS USED TO REDUCE FEVER

1. _The Sponge Bath._ The child, completely undressed but loosely
wrapped in a wool blanket, is placed on a table so that the mother or
a nurse may conveniently stand while administering the bath. Close at
hand have a number of soft linen towels and a large bowl of tepid
water which may or may not contain a small amount of alcohol,
witch-hazel, salt, or vinegar, according to the doctor's directions.
The upper portion of the body is partially uncovered and the tepid
water is applied with the hands to the skin surface of one arm. The
hands may be dipped in water from one to four times, thus making
repeated applications of the water to the arm. These are followed by
careful drying--patting rather than rubbing. The other arm is now
taken, then the chest, then the back and last the legs.

2. _The Wet-Sheet Pack._ Two light-weight wool blankets are folded to
fit the child; they should extend eighteen inches below the feet and
should be wide enough to lap well in front. A sheet just large enough
to envelop the body is then wrung out of cold water and spread out
over the woolen blankets. The feverish child is entirely disrobed and
is placed on the wet sheet, which is quickly wrapped about the body,
over the chest, under the arms, and between the legs--coming in
contact with the entire skin surface. The dry blankets are quickly
brought around and tucked snugly about the patient. This is a cooling
wet-sheet pack and will often so relieve the nervousness and
irritability of a feverish child that he will go to sleep in the pack.
In the very young child, under two years, it is important to put some
accessory warmth to the feet such as a warm-water bottle--not hot. The
effect of this pack is very quieting, and is indicated when the
temperature of the child reaches 103 F. or more.

3. _The Graduated Bath._ This is usually administered in a large
bathtub and is beneficial in the fevers of the older children. The
temperature of the water should be one or two degrees higher than the
body temperature, for example--if the child's temperature is 103 F.
then the bath starts out with a temperature of 104 or 105 F. The
temperature is then gradually lowered, about a degree every two
minutes, until it reaches 92 or 90 F. A helper should support the head
while the mother or nurse briskly rubs the entire skin surface of the
body. This friction greatly facilitates the fever-reducing work of the
bath because it brings the blood to the surface where it is more
readily cooled by the bath. This bath should last ten or fifteen
minutes.

4. _The Hot Sponge Bath._ Often, in combating the high fever of
typhoid, the hot sponge bath is valuable. The hands are dipped in
water just as hot as can be borne and are applied to the chilly,
mottled skin which is so often seen in high fever. This bath is
administered just as is the tepid sponge bath. Evaporation is allowed
to take place to some extent by delaying the drying. In this instance
the child should be wrapped in a warm wool blanket with only a portion
of the body exposed at one time.

5. _The Hot-Blanket Pack._ The hot-blanket pack is indicated at the
onset of many fevers such as in typhoid, grippe, pneumonia, etc. Like
the wet-sheet pack, the blankets are spread upon the bed, abundant
accessory heat is applied--such as a half-dozen hot-water bottles. In
the absence of these, glass jars or hot ears of corn may be utilized.
Hot bricks or hot stove lids wrapped in paper are also serviceable. A
blanket, in size to suit the individual (an adult would use a full
single blanket, a child one-half of a single blanket), is wrung very
dry from boiling water. This may be done by the means of a wash
wringer, or two persons grasping the blanket by its gathered ends may
so twist it that it looks very much like an old-fashioned twisted
doughnut. The twist is now lowered into boiling water, and as each
pulls the twist wrings itself. This is at once quickly spread out so
as to let the child lay on the center, and then the hot sides are
brought in contact with the skin, just as in the wet-sheet pack. The
dry blankets are now brought quickly and snugly about the child. Just
outside the second dry blanket the accessory heat is placed to the
sides of the trunk, the sides of the thighs, and one at the feet. A
wrapped stove lid or a hot-water bottle is placed over the pelvis and
one under the back. Cold cloths are put on the face and around the
neck, and these should be changed every three minutes. This pack
continues for fifteen or twenty minutes, at the end of which time the
accessory heat and the wet blanket are removed and the patient is
cooled off by a cold mitten friction, a saline rub, a witch-hazel rub,
or an alcohol rub; or the patient may be placed in a tub of water,
temperature 98 F., after which he should be carefully dried off.

6. _Sweating Baths._ Another bath which is effectual at the onset of
grippe or pneumonia is the sweating bath. The bowels should have moved
some time before the treatment. Have ready a large bowl of ice water,
two turkish towels, one sheet, and four wool blankets. The bathtub is
now filled with water at the temperature of 100 F.; which is quickly
raised up to 103 or 104 F. Ice-water towels are applied to the head,
neck and heart. The patient remains in this bath for about ten
minutes, after which he steps out and at once gets into the four hot,
dry blankets previously spread out on the bed. No time is lost, the
patient is quickly wrapped in the hot blankets and sweating continues
for twenty minutes. The covering is now loosened and gradual cooling
takes place. It is well to go to bed at once.

TONIC BATHS

1. _The Cold Mitten Friction._ The cold mitten friction is a bath that
is applicable to any condition where the child or adult needs "toning
up." It should always be preceded by heat to the feet. The following
articles are necessary. Four or five turkish towels, a warm wool
blanket, a hot-water bottle for the feet, a bowl containing water, a
generous piece of ice, and a rough mitten without a thumb. The
patient's clothes are removed and he is wrapped in the warm blanket
with heat to the feet. One part of the body is taken at a time, first
the arm, then the other arm, then the chest, the abdomen, one leg, the
second leg, and last the back and the buttocks. A dry turkish towel
is placed under the part to be treated, and after the mittened hand is
dipped in ice-water, brisk short friction strokes are given to the arm
until it is pink. Several dippings of the mitten in ice-water are
necessary. One cannot be too active in administering this bath. Slow,
Delsarte movements are entirely out of place at this time. Action--and
quick action--is a necessity. No part of the child's body is left
until it is pink. It is an invigorating tonic bath and is indicated in
all conditions of low vitality, functional inactivity, puniness,
rickets, etc.

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