The Mother and Her Child

W >> William S. Sadler >> The Mother and Her Child

Pages:
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35

NEVER ACCUSE CHILDREN OF DISHONESTY

Never tell children that you suspect they are dishonest or untruthful.
Be very slow to accuse and suspect them of falsehood or theft. Tell
them over and over again they are the best boys and girls in the
world; that they are going to make the noblest of men and women; that
they love honesty and truth. Even when you discover them in minor
faults do not make the mistake of unduly magnifying and emphasizing
the error. As soon as possible direct the thoughts and attention of
the wrongdoer away from his error, and focus his thoughts and
attention on the high goal you expect him to reach. This will not be
construed as doing away with proper punishment for persistent faults
after the more ideal methods seem to have failed.

A patient recently called us to see her little girl, and as we made
ready to make the examination the mother said: "Now, Mary, stop your
playing and come and be undressed and let the doctor look at you."

"I don't want to stop playing," murmured Mary.

"But you must come. You know you don't feel well at all, your cheeks
are so red. Now swallow and see if it don't hurt. Now try again. I
know you don't feel well." By the time we had begun our examination
Mary began to succumb to her mother's suggestions, and began to feel a
trifle indisposed. She was being made temporarily ill by the unwise
and unfortunate suggestions of the overanxious mother. The
examination revealed that there was nothing whatever the matter with
her.

IT IS EASY TO FORM GOOD HABITS

Let us get the truth firmly into our minds as parents that it is just
about as easy to form a good habit as a bad habit, just about as easy
to acquire helpful, happy thoughts as those that are injurious; and we
can do it, if we will but see to it that our children early form
correct and proper habits of thinking and acting. While the children
are taught proper respect for authority, let fear be an unknown word
to them. Don't let a thought of the fear of insanity, of haunted
houses, of drafts, of this and of that enter into your home. Instead,
live in the glorious sunshine of strong, healthy, faith-thought, and a
supreme happiness will come into your life, and you will give a legacy
to your children for which they will "rise up and call you blessed."

CHIVALROUS SPIRIT

The love of mother and sister can naturally and happily be turned
early to a chivalrous attitude toward all women when it is developed
by suggestion and other training. In giving up a chair or bringing one
for a guest, in lifting the hat, in noticing ways to be polite and
attentive to mother, a lifelong conduct may be ensured.

Each day gives us trying and sometimes shocking revelations of the
prevalent lack of courtesy, or even humanity, on the street cars
during the "rush" hours. The indifference to the comfort of women,
even the aged, on the part of many men and boys in the matter of
giving them seats or other care, indicates a dangerous social
condition.

The mother, instead of exercising selfish concern for her boy, should
make it her duty very early to suggest that he give his seat to a
woman or girl, as he would be glad to have someone do for his mother
or sister. Such unselfish service will become a habit of pleasure, and
help the boy become a pure-minded, manly gentleman with that respect
for womanhood without which a nation is doomed.

CHAPTER XXXVIII

PLAY AND RECREATION

There are a number of theories advocated by late authors on the
"psychology of play," in which they connect the free and easy play of
the modern child with the more serious and sober pursuits of our
ancestors--our racial parents of prehistoric and primitive times. We
quote from _Worry and Nervousness_:

And so we are told that the spectacle of the young infant
suspending its weight while holding on to some object, and the
early instincts so commonly shown to climb ladders, trees, or
anything else available, are but racial mementos of our ancestral
forest life. The hide and seek games, the desires to convert a
blanket into a tent, the instinct for "shanties"--which all boys
universally manifest--we are told that these forms of play are
but the echo of remote ages when our ancestors sojourned in
caves, lived in tents, or dwelt in the mountain fastness. In this
same way the advocates of this theory seek to explain the strange
and early drawings which the young lad has for wading, swimming,
fishing, boating, and other forms of aquatic recreation.[C]

In this chapter we purpose to discuss the play of the child, whose
career we will divide, for convenience, into three stages:

1. The age from three to six--juvenile days.
2. The age from six to twelve--the "going to school" child.
3. The age from twelve to twenty--the adolescent youth.

[C] William S. Sadler, _Worry and Nervousness_, p. 377.

JUVENILE PLAY DAYS

As nearly as is possible the little child should be out of doors the
greater part of his waking hours: To our mind it is nothing short of
criminal to keep the little folks in the house when the weather
permits outdoor life.

Of the outdoor games which we have to suggest, perhaps the sand pile
stands at the head of the list. Clean white sand should be placed in
an inclosure just low enough for the child to climb over. Many, many
happy hours may be spent in this sand pile, at the same time the
little fellow is in his own yard and the watchful mother knows the
drift of the conversations which take place.

In a previous chapter we called attention to the fact that the little
girls' frocks should be provided with knickerbockers, so that she may
run and jump, or sit as comfortable as the little boy, without a
conscious reproof ever ringing in her ears, "Mary, do keep your dress
down."

OUTDOOR PLAY

Tree climbing is another source of enjoyment to these little people
and they should early be taught how to climb. Instead of suggesting
fear to the child let the mother go into the yard and talk with her
something like this: "Now, Mary, put your foot in that fork, now catch
hold of that upper limb, hold on tight, you will get there yet;"
instead of the following conversation, which all of our readers have
heard: "John, do take care or you will fall and break your neck; be
careful, you will fall. There, I knew you'd fall!" etc. Both mothers
are trying to accomplish the same thing--one mother suggests
"fore-thought," while the second mother thoughtlessly suggests
"fear-thought."

These little people should be provided with rakes, spades, and hoes,
and a portion of the yard should be given them in which they are at
liberty to dig and rake and have a royal good time. We have yet to see
the child who is not interested in flower-bed making, and the mother
should think of the virgin opportunity to instill the story of life
into the child's mind as he plants the seed, and day by day watches
its development and growth.

A pen of rabbits may be a good thing, if proper measures are taken to
prevent their burrowing out of the pen, destroying the lawn, causing
much sadness of heart to their little keeper, and no end of annoyance
to the neighbors.

Roller skating and hoop rolling, as well as sledding, are all valuable
recreations. The snowman, snowballing, and the sled riding all bring
the ruddy glow of health to the cheek, and are wonderful producers of
good appetites and restorers of "tired out nerves."

INDOOR GAMES

There is no end to the number of things that can be done when the
weather shuts us in, but before we take up these games let us never
forget that every child thoroughly enjoys going out in the rain well
protected with rubber boots, raincoat, and umbrella.

It is not extravagant to burn plenty of electricity or gas on cloudy
days, for the artificial sunlight helps to cheer the heart. Such
indoor games as those which may be had from blocks, puzzles, cutting
out of pictures, darning of cardboard, soldier games, dolls,
housekeeping, etc., are all splendid means of recreation for the
little ones. Let the mother or caretaker join with the little folks in
these pleasant games. For the older children, checkers and dominoes
are most excellent indoor games.

THE "GOING TO SCHOOL" CHILD

First of all we must decide upon the bedtime hour, as well as the hour
for rising. Between the ages of six to twelve, the bedtime hour should
be eight o'clock, or not later than eight-thirty, and the rising hour
at seven, or seven-thirty in the morning, for children of this age
require eleven to twelve hours sleep.

Again, there must be taken into consideration the home work that the
children at school are asked to do by their teachers. While this home
work is not usually taxing, yet the time spent in doing the work must
be taken account of. In our opinion the best time for home work is an
hour and a half to two hours after the little fellow gets home from
school. He should be allowed to relax for one and a half or two hours,
to play out of doors whenever the weather permits, and then with
either his mother or his caretaker from one-half to three-quarters of
an hour should be spent on the lesson for the following day. Following
this, the dinner hour is enjoyed with the parents, and after that
there should always be provision in the daily duties of the father and
mother for at least a half hour for the evening romp; so that play and
recreation during the school age occupies possibly not more than two
or two and one-half hours a day outside of school hours.

The playgrounds of schools are of inestimable value, and we quite
agree with one who said: "If we can only afford one of the two--the
playground or the school--have the playground first and afterward the
school." The small parks and playgrounds of the cities are a great
blessing to the little folks.

COMPANIONS

The companions of the school child are usually his playfellows at
school, and we urge the throwing open of the home during inclement
weather to allow these school friends to come in and make trains out
of our chairs and tents out of our couch covers, steamer rugs,
afghans, etc.

We do suggest that caution be used in allowing children to play
indoors who are suffering from colds in the head, running noses,
running ears, tuberculosis, or other chronic disorders, which are
often highly contagious. Running noses and running ears, as well as
tuberculosis, may be contracted by susceptible children when the play
at recreation time takes place indoors; while such disorders are much
less dangerous in connection with outdoor play.

We are well aware of the fact that some playmates may choose the
bathroom, requesting that doors be locked, or wish to play in a
bedroom securely away from mother and the caretaker. Under no
circumstances should this be allowed. Let the child early learn that
good wholesome play in the open is better than secretive misdemeanor
behind closed doors.

THE "IN THE HOUSE" HOUR

It is a pitiful fact that many mothers apparently are wholly
unconcerned as to the whereabouts of their little folks, even after
dusk; this is unwise to say the least, for a boy or girl under twelve
years of age should be found under the parental roof at dusk. The city
mother should impress upon her child that when the street lamps are
lighted his first duty is at once to come into the house. During the
winter months this lighting of the street lamps occurs anywhere from
four to six. During the summer months another rule should be laid
down, depending upon the neighborhood, the character of the friends on
the street, the surroundings, etc. By all means let us see that our
young people are in the house by dusk.

PARTIES

Every mother who reads these lines has had to meet this question:
"Shall I let my little one begin to go to parties?" and every mother
will have to answer that question for herself. We personally feel that
the social life extended by the school, together with the meeting of
the companions at Sunday school, in the park, or on the playground, is
quite enough; and we deplore the fact that many children grow into the
idea that much time must be spent at "parties" in the drawing-room
under unnatural surroundings, in dressed-up clothes, eating ice cream
and cake, etc. Outdoor gatherings of children are wholesome and
hygienic, but most of these indoor gatherings of groups of children we
consider decidedly unhygienic. One child coming down with scarlet
fever, measles, or whooping cough can infect twenty others at an
afternoon party. The eating of so much ice cream, candy, and cake is
deplorable in that it upsets the digestion, and all this is irritating
to the developing nervous system of the child; and not infrequently
brings on a lot of other symptoms, resulting in discomfort and
disease. We believe in outdoor picnics but not in too frequent indoor
parties.

PICNICS

Groups of children gathering in the park, on the beach, in the woods,
when well chaperoned, are among the pleasant and profitable pleasures
of childhood. It is just such gatherings that mothers and children
should indulge in--and once a week is not too often during the long
vacation. The mothers, too, should enter enthusiastically into the
joys of a day's outing, where the enormous intake of oxygen, the
hearty laughter, the races, the games, etc., all create a wonderful
appetite, which can be so delightfully satiated from the well-filled
lunch baskets; and while the children are thus playing together what a
wonderful opportunity for the mothers to engage in an exchange of
helpful ideas. Each mother has her own way, which is "the best way" to
make this cake or that salad; or has met this particular difficulty in
child training in a carefully thought out way; a neighborhood women's
club can thus be held out in the open, while the children are having
the time of their lives in the frolic of the picnic.

"MOVIES"

The movie is an institution that has come to stay, and today mothers
everywhere are perhaps discussing this particular institution more
than any other. The movie affords a wonderful opportunity to see the
sights and scenes of other lands, of feeding the imagination of the
child on travel pictures and nature pictures. It is a most deplorable
fact, however, that this wonderful institution which is fraught with
so many opportunities to educate and enlighten the mind of the growing
child has carefully to be censored. Women's clubs have done much to
purify the movies for the school-age child; many theaters are now
showing on certain days a special afternoon movie for the children;
and while many of these movies have great possibilities for good, we
most earnestly urge that the school child see the movie that he is to
see before dinner, and not have his mind excited and his nervous
system "thrilled" just before going to bed. Someone asked me several
years ago, "Are you going to let your little fellow go to movies?" I
instantly answered, "No, but I shall take him." If the mother or the
father sits by the side of a growing child and carefully,
thoughtfully, and, yes, prayerfully, points out the good and explains
the evil, then even the questionable movies will prove the means of
bringing father and son and mother and daughter, into closer
companionship.

Under no circumstances should children under twelve years of age be
taken to long lectures, entertainments, or concerts, which will keep
them out until eleven.

VACATIONS

Let the vacation be well planned. This is the opportunity "de luxe"
for the child to earn a few pennies to enlarge his bank account. Allow
him a truck garden, guinea pigs, chickens, anything remunerative,
which will enable him to become one of the world's workers and one of
the world's savers. Let him start a bank account when he is six, and
watch him as he puts the dime in the bank, instead of taking it to the
ice-cream-soda cashier.

Some time during the vacation, if possible, mother and father should
accompany the little folks to the camp, to the beach--somewhere,
anywhere--to get back to nature and live like Indians for a short
time. Each member of the family will come back rested, happier, and
more ready for the next year's work.

In the summer time learn to eat on the porch--it is great sport for
the children. Many meals can be served on porches that are so often
served in hot, stuffy rooms.

The "home" does not consist in the furniture, the rooms, the
bric-a-brac, or the curtains. The home is the mother and the father
and the children and the spirit of good fellowship which should
possess them. Make the companions of the little folks very welcome,
letting them learn the early use and abuse of the different articles
of furniture in the house. It is all right to play tent with the
beautiful couch cover; it is all right at certain times to dress up in
father's best clothes and mother's beautiful gown, but while they are
thus having a good time let them learn that all these things are to be
used and not abused.

ADOLESCENT DAYS

The homely boy or the homely girl usually grows up free from the
flattery and undue attention which are sure to be heaped upon the
good-looking boy and the popular girl. Way back in the early days of
five or six, and all the way up to the ages of twelve to twenty,
children should be taught that it is altogether natural and correct
to do things well and to look well; parents should stop, and cause
their acquaintances to stop, "making over" the boy or the girl just
because they have done something well, or have beautiful curls, or
because their eyes are a magnificent brown, etc. If a girl should be
especially endowed with a charming complexion, a wonderful chin, and
if she does possess a beautiful nose or neck, let her early realize
that she has been made the custodian of goodly features and that she
must give an account for this particular blessing, and under no
circumstances must she become self-conscious about it. Ofttimes a good
frown to an unwise friend is all that is necessary to stop this "lip
service" flattery.

The "chewing-gum girl" is just a thoughtless girl, that is all; sit
her in front of a mirror and compel her to chew gum for one-half hour
and watch herself do it, and it will often suffice to cure her. Young
ladies should be taught that chewing gum should be done in the
bedroom, but never in the living-room or on the streets. It is not
only a disgusting habit, but it often creates an occasion for
criticism as to the quality of one's home training.

ICE-CREAM PARLORS

The mother who cares will not allow her lovely daughters nightly, or
even semi-weekly, to frequent the ice-cream parlors and secluded soda
fountains. She had far better arrange group dinners and group
receptions in her own parlor; with ice cream served in her own dishes
and eaten with spoons that she has supervised the washing of.

Young women and young men in their late teens crave companionship, and
they should have it; but let it be under wise chaperonage at home or
in public rooms, and not in the solitude of a lonely bench in the
public park, or the seclusion of an out-of-the-way, ice-cream parlor.
This "running the streets" which is so freely indulged in by the
adolescent youth in the early teens need not occur, if wise provision
is made for the assembly of small groups in the home.

Some elders think it pleasing and cute for young men and young
women--fourteen to sixteen, or even seventeen--to wrestle and roll
around on the floor like two huge kittens; but it is unwise and
indiscreet and should be discouraged.

DANCING

We hesitate to speak of dancing for we realize it is a very popular
indoor recreation of today, but we most earnestly urge that if dancing
must be done, it be done under proper chaperonage, and if young people
must meet in public dance halls let them be municipal dance halls,
where motherly matrons are in charge. Many of the social dances which
bring the participants into such close physical contact are to be
discouraged and stricken off the list; and while dancing is a splendid
form of exercise--let us add that it is also sometimes a dangerous
one.

QUESTIONABLE PLAY

After the boys and girls graduate from grammar school they may come
into contact with such agencies as secret societies--which nine times
out of ten are questionable--and while we realize that there is a
contention both for and against these organizations, we may dismiss
the subject here by simply adding that we have known little special
good to come out of these societies.

While it may not be any more wrong to hit a ball from the end of a
stick--as in billiards--than it is to hit it from a mallet in croquet;
or from a stretched tendon, as in tennis; or from a bat, as in
baseball--we do not feel that we have to argue the point, when we
remind the reader that billiards and pool, especially in the public
parlors, do assemble questionable companions, who use questionable
language; while these games are often accompanied by betting, which is
always to be deplored. And so with card playing, we see no greater
harm in playing a game of euchre, than a game of authors, as far as
the cards are concerned, but your boy and girl, as well as mine, as a
rule, have cleaner and purer minds at the home game of authors than is
probable in a game of cards in a public place.

In closing this chapter we have to announce a group of wholesome
recreations which may be entered into by our lovely young people--the
man and the woman of tomorrow--whom we one and all wish to keep clean
and good and pure; all the while helping them to develop the sense of
humor and the element of play. Such recreations are tennis, golf,
croquet, roque, boating, sledding, skiing, bicycling, motoring,
horseback riding, and a host of others too numerous to mention. Let us
not forget that ofttimes pursuits such as garden-making and helping
the parent in the office or in the home, may be made a great source of
enjoyment to the adolescent youth, if they are allowed to earn a small
amount of money each week, which they may deposit in the bank.

We close this chapter "Play and Recreation" with the wish that all,
old and young, would develop a greater sense of humor, a greater love
for play and recreation, which will increase the health of both mind
and body and prevent many nervous disorders such as neurasthenia.

CHAPTER XXXIX

THE PUNY CHILD

In every neighborhood there is to be found the delicate child, and
everywhere anxious mothers are putting forth every effort to improve
the condition of their puny boys and girls. In carefully looking over
the puny child, we see an underweight little creature with pale skin,
and as he comes to the table everybody notes that he refuses more or
less food.

DIET AND HYGIENE

As we give the child a closer examination we find that certain lymph
glands are enlarged, possibly adenoids are present in the post-nasal
pharnyx, and, in many instances, there are badly diseased tonsils.
Usually the puny child is constipated, hands and feet are cold, and he
jumps and starts at any unusual noise, thus showing a tendency to
nervousness. One of the first things necessary is to take this little
one to a good specialist and if necessary have the adenoids and
tonsils removed. This having been done, the diet should be carefully
looked into. There should be served him for breakfast a generous bowl
of dextrinized grains with a good portion of diluted cream, a glass of
rich milk, a baked potato, and fruit. For lunch at twelve o'clock he
should be given a glass of malted milk with egg, or eggnog, six or
eight dates or three or four figs, a handful of pecan kernels, and
perhaps a lettuce sandwich. For dinner at half past five, another
nourishing meal of baked potatoes, a protein dish of either cheese and
macaroni or eggs or meat, a generous fruit salad, a glass of rich
milk, and bread and butter, should be enjoyed.

There is no class of little folks who eat between meals more often
than do these delicate children, for mothers painstakingly endeavor
to feed these children all they can possibly take; so one mother
thoughtlessly went about it something like this: the half past seven
breakfast having been only touched--nibbled at--with the ten o'clock
hour came this request: "Mother, I am so hungry, I want something to
eat." Eagerly the mother prepared either a meat sandwich or a jelly
sandwich and possibly a glass of milk.

When it was time for the twelve o'clock dinner hour, or lunch hour,
again the well-filled plate was refused, the appetite having been
satisfied at ten o'clock. Having taken very little nourishment at
noon, by half past two the plaintive plea again came to the mother
ears: "May I have a piece?" and again the well-meaning mother gave him
the desire of his heart. So the day passed, the dinner making the
fifth time food was taken into the stomach, and in all probability
there was eaten a cookie in between. The reader can readily see that
the digestion was consequently very much disturbed, fermentation
occurred, decomposition of food took place in the digestive tract,
with its result--constipation.

Pages:
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35