Knickerbocker, or New York Monthly Magazine, March 1844
V >>
Various >> Knickerbocker, or New York Monthly Magazine, March 1844
Pages:
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
11 |
12 |
13 | 14 |
15
'La, Sir! let alone--you fright me!'
Said the daughter of the Jew:
'Dearest! how these eyes delight me!
Let me love thee, darling, do!'
'Vat is dish?' the bailiff mutter'd,
Rushing in with fury wild;
'Ish your muffins so vell butter'd
Dat you darsh insult ma shild?'
'Honorable my intentions,
Good ABEDNEGO, I swear!
And I have some small pretensions,
For I am a Baron's heir.
If you'll only clear my credit,
And a thousand give or so,
She's a peeress; I have said it!
Don't you twig, ABEDNEGO?'
'Datsh a very different matter!'
Said the bailiff, with a leer;
'But you musht not cut it fatter
Than ta slish will shtand, ma tear!
If you seeksh ma approbation,
You must quite give up your rigsh;
Alsho, you mosht join our nation,
And renounch ta flesh of pigsh.'
* * * * *
At a meeting of the Rabbis,
Held about the Whitsuntide,
Was this thorough-paced Barabbas
Wedded to his Hebrew bride.
All his former debts compounded,
From the spunging-house he came;
And his father's feelings wounded
With reflections on the same.'
It is a very dear marriage for UWINS, for on visiting his father the
Baron, that incensed nobleman tells the double-dyed apostate never to
cross his threshold again, and directs JOHN the porter to kick him into
the street. The order is anticipated:
'Forth rushed I. O. UWINS, faster
Than all winking, much afraid
That the orders of the master
Would be punctually obeyed;
Sought his club, and there the sentence
Of expulsion first he saw:
No one dared to own acquaintance
With a bailiff's son-in-law.
Uselessly down Bond-street strutting,
Did he greet his friends of yore;
Such a universal cutting
Never man received before.
Till at last his pride revolted;
Pale, and lean, and stern, he grew;
And his wife REBECCA bolted
With a missionary Jew.
Ye who read this doleful ditty,
Ask ye where is UWINS now?
Wend your way through London city,
Climb to Holborn's lofty brow;
Near the sign-post of 'The Nigger,'
Near the baked-potato shed,
You may see a ghastly figure,
With three hats upon his head.
When the evening shades are dusky,
Then the phantom form draws near,
And, with accents low and husky,
Pours effluvia in your ear;
Craving an immediate barter
Of your trousers or surtout,
And you know the Hebrew martyr,
Once the peerless I. O. U.'
* * * * *
A friend, in a recent letter to the Editor, thus alludes to the '_National
Intelligencer_,' one of the ablest and most dignified journals in the
country, and to two of its 'special correspondents:' 'Mr. WALSH, who
writes from Paris, seems an incorporation of European literature and
politics; and his articles are, in my belief, the most valuable now
contributed to any journal in the world. Willis is the lightest and most
mercurial 'knight of the quill' in all the tournament. It is astonishing
with what dexterity, felicity, and grace he touches off the veriest trifle
of the day, investing the trite with originality, and giving the value of
wit and poetry to the worthless and the dry. Pity that this brilliant
'quid nunc' should degenerate into a mere trifling '_arbiter
elegantiarum_,' and expend his buoyant and ductile genius in the
indictment of ephemeral paragraphs. His genius, it is true, has little
solidity; but if he would rest two or three years on his oars, he might
collect the scatterings of wit and poetry, which would in that time accrue
to him from his readings and reflections, into a volume of essays, etc.,
which would be inferior in brilliancy and piquancy to but few of any
nation.' Possibly; but in the mean time, let us advise our friend, Mr.
WILLIS has the little substantials of every-day life to look after. He
'pleases to write' frequently and _currente calamo_, because he 'pleases
_to live_.' Fame is one thing, and can be waited for; there are other
things that cannot tarry so well. Mr. WILLIS has 'seen the elephant.' He
knows that KENNY MEADOWS is not far out of the way in his humorous picture
of '_The Man of Fame and the Man of Funds_,' wherein a shadowy hand
protrudes from cloud-land, holding a pair of steel-yards, to resolve the
comparative weight of an appetizing leg-of-mutton, and a huge
laurel-wreath. The mutton 'has it' all to nothing, and the wreath 'kicks
the beam! . . . PUNCH, up to the latest dates, suddenly makes his
appearance in our sanctum. Merriest of Merry Andrews, he is ever welcome!
His 'COMIC BLACKSTONE,' must be of great service to legal gentlemen. In
it, among other things, we are enlightened as to the '_Rights of the
Clergy_.' We subjoin a few items: 'An archbishop is a sort of inspector of
all the bishops in his province; but he does not call them out as an
inspector would so many policemen, to examine their mitres, and see that
their lawn sleeves are properly starched, before going on duty in their
respective dioceses. An archbishop may call out the bishops, just as a
militia colonel may call out the militia.' 'A bishop (_episcopes_) is
literally an overseer, instead of which it is notorious that some of them
are overlookers of their duties, and blind to the state of their diocese,
though they call it their see.' 'The duties incumbent on a parson are,
first to act as the incumbent, by living in the place where he has his
living. Formerly, a clergyman had what is called the benefit of clergy in
cases of felony; a privilege which, if a layman had asked for, he would
have been told that the authorities would 'see him hanged first.' 'A
curate is the lowest grade in the church, for he is a sort of journeyman
parson, and several of them meet at a house of call in St. Paul's
Church-Yard, ready to job a pulpit by the day, and being in fact
'clergyman taken in to bait' by the landlord of the house alluded to.'
Concerning '_Subordinate Magistrates_,' as officers of the customs,
overseers of the poor, etc., we glean the following information:
'Tide-waiters are overseers of the customs duties, therefore it is their
duty to overlook the customs. Custom is unwritten law, and a practice may
be termed a custom when it can be proved to have lasted for a hundred
years. Now, can any man doubt that the custom of defrauding the customs
has endured more than a hundred years? Then the practice has become a law,
and for observing this law, which, it seems, is one of our time-revered
institutions, and a profitable proof of the wisdom of our ancestors,
landing-waiters and tradesmen are to be prosecuted and punished. Monstrous
injustice!' 'Overseers of the Poor are functionaries who sometimes
literally over-see or over-look the cases of distress requiring
assistance. The poor law of ELIZABETH has been superseded by a much poorer
law of WILLIAM the Fourth, the one great principle of which is, to afford
the luxury of divorce to persons in needy circumstances. It also
discountenances relief to the able-bodied, a point which is effected by
disabling, as far as possible, any body who comes into the work-house. The
Poor Law is administered by three Commissioners, who spend their time in
diluting gruel and writing reports; trying experiments how little will
suffice to prevent a repeal of the union between the soul and the body.'
We have this information concerning the clock heretofore complained of:
'PUNCH has been accused of hitting this clock very hard when it was down;
and it certainly must be admitted that it was wholly unable to strike in
return. We are happy to say that the wound has been followed by the clock
being at last wound, and we now offer to take it by the hands in a spirit
of friendship. We have been told that the long stagnation has been caused
by the absurd scruples of the pendulum, which refused to go from side to
side, lest it should be accused of inconsistency.' Under the different
months, 'PUNCH'S Almanack' gives many important directions, one of which
is for the proprietors of the public gardens: 'Now trim your lamps, water
your lake, graft new noses on statues, plant your money-taker, and if the
season be severe, _cut your sticks_.' The following '_Tavern Measure_' is
doubtless authentic: Two 'goes' make one gill; two gills one 'lark;' two
larks one riot; two riots one cell, or station-house, equivalent to five
shillings.' For office-clerks, as follows: Two drams make one 'go;' two
goes one head-ache; two head-aches one lecture; two lectures 'the sack.'
To those gentlemen who are lovers of the Virginia weed in its native
purity, a list of prices, 'furnished by one of the first _Spanish_
houses,' is published. It includes 'choice high-dried dock-leaf regalias,'
'fine old cabbage Cuba's,' 'genuine goss-lettuce Havana's,' and
'full-flavored brown-paper Government Manilla's!' Two scraps under the
head of '_University Intelligence_' must close our quotations: 'Given the
_force_ with which your fist is propelled against a cabman, and the
_angle_ at which it strikes him; required the _area_ of mud he will cover
on reaching the _horizontal plane_.' 'Show the incorrectness of using
_imaginary quantities_, by attempting to put off your creditors with
repeated promises to pay them out of your Pennsylvania dividends.' . . .
MANY German physicians and surgeons hold that there remains in the brain
of a decollated head some degree of thought, and in the nerves something
of sensibility. It is stated by his biographer, that in the case of Sir
EVERARD DIGBY, executed for a participation in the Gunpowder Plot, the
tongue pronounced several words after the head was severed from the body.
After the execution of CHARLOTTE CORDAY, also, it is alleged that the
executioner held up her lovely head by its beautiful hair, and slapped the
pale cheeks, which instantly reddened, and gave to the features such an
expression of unequivocal indignation, that the spectators, struck by the
change of color, with loud murmurs cried out for vengeance on barbarity so
cowardly and atrocious. 'It could not be said,' writes Dr. SUE, a
physician of the first eminence and authority in Paris, 'that the redness
was caused by the blow, since no blow can ever recall any thing like color
to the cheeks of a corpse; beside, this blow was given on one cheek, and
the other equally reddened.' Singular facts. Do they not militate against
certain theories of 'nervous sensation' recently promulgated in our
philosophical circles? . . . DOESN'T it sicken you, reader, to hear a
young lady use that common but horrid commercial metaphor, '_first-rate?_'
'How did you like CASTELLAN, last evening, Miss HUGGINS?' '_Oh,
first-rate!_' 'When a girl makes use of this expression,' writes an
eastern friend, 'I mutter inly,' 'Your pa' sells figs and salt-fish, I
know he does.' And it is all very well and proper, if he _does_; but for
the miserable compound itself, pray kill it dead in your Magazine! Hit it
hard! By the by, talking of odd phrases, hear this. A young Italian friend
of mine, fresh from Sicily as his own oranges, a well-educated, talented
person, who has labored hard to get familiar with English letters, and has
read our authors, from CHAUCER downward, dilated thus on the poets: 'PO-PE
is very mosh like HORACE; I like him very mosh; but I tink BIR-RON was
very sorry poet.' 'What!' quoth I, 'BYRON a sorry poet! I thought he was a
favorite with Italians?' 'Oh, yes; I adore him very mosh; I almost do
admire him; but he was very _sorry_ poet.' 'How so? BYRON a sorry bard?'
'Oh, yes, very sorry; don't you think so? _molto triste_--very
mel-_an_-choly; don't you find him so? I always feel very sorry when I
read him. I think he's far more sorry than PETRARCA; don't you?' This will
remind the reader of the very strong term used by a Frenchman, who on
being asked at a soiree what was the cause of his evident sadness,
replied: 'I av just hear my fader he die: _I_ am ver' mosh _dissatisfied!_'
. . . WE shall _probably_ find a place for the paper entitled '_Foreigners
in America_.' The writer touches with a trenchant pen upon 'the social
abuses which the first families in the metropolis tolerate at the hands of
disreputable exquisites and titled rascals.' Nervous words, but not
undeserved. 'How much more rapidly a fashionable foreigner will move in
the high road of preferment than one of your thinking, feeling, complex
persons, in whom honor, integrity and reason make such a pother that no
step can be taken without consulting them!' . . . WE have indulged in one
or two sonorous guffaws, and several of Mr. COOPER's 'silent laughs,' over
the following 'palpable hit' from a New-Jersey journal: 'A
talking-machine,' says the 'Newton Herald,' 'which speaks passable French,
capital English, and choice Italian, is now to be seen at New-York. It is
made of wood, brass, and gum-elastic.' 'A similar machine,' adds the
'Sussex Register,' 'compounded of buckram, brass, and soap-locks, and
familiarly called 'GREEN JOSEY,' is to be seen in Newton, at the Herald
office; though we cannot say that it speaks _any_ language 'passably.' It
frequently makes the attempt, however, and here is one of its last
'essays:' 'Gov. GILMER is understood to have had a standing CART-BALANCE
for any appointment under the present administration, which he might
choose to _except_; but he will not _except_ an appointment of any kind
under this administration.' Isn't that 'standing _cart-balance_' rich? The
usual phrase _carte-blanche_, which in the sentence quoted might be
rendered by 'unconditional offer,' is transmogrified into _cart-balance_!
Among all the blunders perpetrated by conceited ignorance in its attempts
to _parley-voo_, this stands unequalled. We have seen _hic jacet_ turned
into _his jacket_, in an obituary; that was a trifle; but CART-BALANCE
overcomes our gravity!' So it does ours. The anecdote, to adopt the
reading of a kindred accomplished linguist whom we wot of, is a 'capital
_jesus-de-sprit!_' . . . THE beginning of 'L.'s '_Stanzas_' is by no means
unpromising; but what a 'lame and impotent conclusion!'
'Lord HOWE he went out,
And LORD! how he came in!'
The third verse would do credit to STREET, so graphic and poetical are the
rural images introduced; but it runs into the fourth, a stanza 'most
tolerable, and not to be endured.' Our young friend may be assured that we
shall _not_ 'regard with indifference' any thing from his pen that may
fulfil the _promise_ of the lines to which we allude. Na'theless, he must
'squeeze out more of his whey.' . . . THE admirers of one of the most
popular contributors that this Magazine ever enjoyed, will be glad to meet
with the following announcement:
'BURGESS, STRINGER AND COMPANY, corner of Broadway and Ann-street,
New-York, have in press the Literary Remains of the late WILLIS
GAYLORD CLARK, including the _Ollapodiana Papers_, with several
other of his Prose Writings, not less esteemed by the public;
including also his '_Spirit of Life_,' a choice but comprehensive
selection from his Poetical Contributions to the Literature of his
Country; together with a Memoir: to be edited by his twin-brother,
LEWIS GAYLORD CLARK, Editor of the KNICKERBOCKER Magazine. The
publishers do not consider it necessary for them to enlarge upon
the character of the writings which will compose the above volume.
The series of papers under the title of _Ollapodiana_ will be
remembered with admiration and pleasure, by readers in every
section of the United States. Their rich variety of subject; their
alternate humor and pathos; the one natural, quiet, and
irresistibly laughable; the other warm from the heart, and
touching in its tenderness and beauty; won for them the cordial
and unanimous praise of the press throughout the Union, and
frequent laudatory notices from the English journals.
Reminiscences of early days; expositions of the Ludicrous and the
Burlesque, in amusing Anecdote; Limnings from Nature; and 'Records
of the Heart,' were among their prominent characteristics. It is
not too much to say of the other Prose Writings which the volume
will contain, that although of a somewhat different character,
they are in no respect inferior to the _Ollapodiana_, in their
power to awaken and sustain interest. The _Poetical Writings_ of
Mr. CLARK are too well known to require comment. They have long
been thoroughly established in the national heart, and have
secured for the writer an enviable reputation abroad.'
The work will be embraced in four numbers, of ninety-six~pages each,
stereotyped upon new types in the best manner, and printed upon fine white
paper; and the price will be but twenty-five cents for each number. Need
we ask the interest of our friends, of the friends of the Departed, in
behalf of the volume in question? . . . THE ITALIAN OPERA, at Sig. PALMO'S
new and beautiful temple in Chambers-street, has taken the town captive.
_I Puritani_ was first produced, and to overflowing houses at each
representation. _Belisario_ is now running a similar successful career. We
shall have occasion in our next to advert more at large to this very
popular establishment, and to notice in detail the _artists_ (with and
without the _e_) who compose its prominent attractions. . . . SINCE the
direction given by an afflicted widow to some humane persons who had found
the body of her husband in a mill-race, full of eels, 'Take the eels up to
the house, and _set him again_!' we have seen nothing more affecting than
an anecdote of a widower at St. Louis, who, on seeing the remains of his
late wife lowered into the grave, exclaimed, with tears in his eyes:
'Well, I've lost sheep, and I've lost cows, but I never had any thing to
cut me up like this!' As CARLYLE says, 'his right arm, and spoon, and
necessary of life' had been taken away, and he could not choose but weep.
. . . THE typographical error to which our Natchez friend alludes was
corrected in some two or three thousand sheets; hence we dispense with his
trifling errata. 'I remember a clergyman in New-England,' once wrote an
accomplished contributor to us, 'that when 'the rains descended and the
floods came and the winds blew,' carried away in the pulpit in the height
of his ardor the wrong house, and left that _standing_ that was built upon
the sand. After the service was over I ventured to observe to my uncle,
Parson C----, (whose assistant had been preaching) that this seemed to be
a new reading to the parable, and that I wondered when Mr. A---- had
discovered his error, as he did at the time of re-iteration, that he did
not correct it. My uncle defended his curate, and observed that if he had
_then_ corrected himself, he would have carried away _both_ houses, which
was utterly in opposition to all Scripture. Part of the audience, said he,
were asleep; and many of the rest so drowsy that, so long as one of the
houses was taken off, the moral was enforced upon their perceptions as
well by the one as the other. If he had made a _thorough_ correction, he
would have roused the attention of the whole parish, and nothing else
would have been talked of for nine days. When a man has made an error he
had better let other people make a discovery; and this truth, my lad, said
he, you will understand better when you grow up.' Let us conclude with an
expression of great force and newness: 'Comment is unnecessary.' . . .
'T.N.P.'s article, as he will perceive, is anticipated by the initial
paper in the present number. How does he like the new definition of
Transcendentalism: _Incomprehensibilityosityivityalityationmentnessism_?'
To us, it seems 'as clear as mud!' . . . THE graceful 'penciller' of the
'_New Mirror_' weekly journal copies the beautiful '_Lines to a Cloud_'
from our January number, with the remark: 'This BRYANT-like, finished and
high-thoughted ('a vile phrase') poetry was written by a young lady of
seventeen, and is her first published production. She is the daughter of
one of our oldest and best families, resident on the Hudson. If the noon
be like the promise of the dawn of this pure intellect, we have here the
beginning of a brilliant fame.' We think '_The two Pictures_,' from the
same pen, in our February issue fully equal to the fair writer's
_coup-d'essai_. By the by, it would have been but simple courtesy, as it
strikes us, to have given the KNICKERBOCKER Magazine credit for the lines
in question. . . . NUMEROUS articles in prose and verse are on file for
insertion, touching which we shall hope soon to have leisure to advise
with the writers by letter.
* * * * *
'AMERICA WELL DEFENDED' would not be inappropriate as a true designation
of a beautifully printed pamphlet before us, from the press of Mr.
BENJAMIN H. GREENE, Boston, containing a 'Letter to a Lady in France on
the supposed Failure of a National Bank, the supposed Delinquency of the
National Government, the Debts of the several States, and Repudiation:
with Answers to Inquiries concerning the Books of Capt. MARRYAT and Mr.
DICKENS.' We have read this production with warm admiration of its calm
and dignified style, the grouping and invariable _pertinence_ of its
facts and arguments; and the absence of every thing which savors of
_retaliatory_ spirit, in its animadversions upon the misrepresentations of
the United States by the English press. Expositions are offered of the
character of the old United States' Bank, as contradistinguished from the
'United States' Bank of Pennsylvania;' of the origin and nature of our
public debts, national as well as of the separate States, etc. The themes
of love of money, gravity of manners, of slavery, lynch-law, mobs, etc.,
are next considered; and the pamphlet concludes with some remarks upon the
strength of our government, general results of our experiment, and our
growing attachment to the Union. The author we understand to be Mr. THOMAS
G. CARY, a distinguished merchant, who has brought the observation and
knowledge of a _practical_ life in aid of his reasoning, throughout his
pamphlet. It has passed, we are glad to learn, to a speedy second edition;
and we cannot but hope that it may be re-published in England. It could
not fail to produce great good, in the rectification of gross errors in
relation to this country.
PARLEY'S CABINET LIBRARY.--In this work Mr. GOODRICH proposes to furnish
the public with forty numbers, at twenty-five cents each, of biographical,
historical and miscellaneous sketches, designed for the family circle, and
especially for youth. The first two numbers consist of the lives of famous
men of modern times; as SCOTT, BYRON, BONAPARTE, BURNS, BURKE, GOETHE,
JOHNSON, MILTON, SHAKSPEARE, BACON, etc. The next two numbers are devoted
to famous men of ancient times; as CAESAR, HANNIBAL, CICERO, ALEXANDER,
PLATO, etc. The fifth and sixth numbers contain the 'Curiosities of Human
Nature,' as ZERA COLBURN, CASPAR HAUSER, etc. The seventh and eighth
contain the lives of benefactors: as WASHINGTON, FRANKLIN, HOWARD, FULTON,
BOWDITCH, etc. We notice also, in the biographical series, the lives of
celebrated Indians and celebrated women. The historical sketches will
present a series of striking pictures, illustrative of the history of the
four quarters of the globe. The miscellaneous department will embrace
arts, sciences, manners and customs of nations, a view of the world and
its inhabitants, etc., etc. The intention of the author is to furnish a
library of twenty volumes, devoted to the most interesting portions of
human knowledge, with the design of rendering their subjects interesting
and attractive to the general reader. Several of the numbers are now
issued; and judging from these, we are happy to give the work our hearty
approbation. The sketches will not be found to be _mere_ sketches, drawn
from cyclopedias: the author has evidently gone to the original sources,
and culled with care the most interesting points on each subject. A
contemporary expresses surprise that he has been able to say so much that
is striking, just and new, in so brief a space; a praise in which we fully
concur. The work entitled 'Curiosities of Human Nature' is one of the
deepest interest, and is calculated to suggest profound reflections as to
the capacities of the human mind. The two numbers devoted to the American
Indians, as well as other volumes, present a good deal of new and curious
matter. The life of JETAU, the Indian VOLTAIRE, is very striking. The
Benefactors will be read with gratification by every one who loves to
dwell upon the actions of those who have been great in doing good. The
moral tendency of these works is excellent, and they may be read with
pleasure as well as profit by old and young. They are happily adapted to
the family as well as the school-library; and we are glad to know that
they have been adopted for the latter purpose in some of our principal
cities. They will constitute a wholsome check upon, as well as an
agreeable substitute for, most of the trashy and pernicious literature
that is now so freely poured upon the public. Mr. JOHN ALLEN, at the
office of the KNICKERBOCKER, is the agent for this city.
Pages:
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
11 |
12 |
13 | 14 |
15