Gov. Bob. Taylor\'s Tales
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Robert L. Taylor >> Gov. Bob. Taylor\'s Tales
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"The bells, bells, bells!
What a world of pleasure their harmony foretells!
The bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells!
The tintinnabulation of the dinner bells!"
In my native mountains there once lived one of these old gluttonous
dreamers. I think he was the champion eater of the world. Many a time I
have seen him at my grandfather's table, and the viands and battercakes
vanished "like the baseless fabric of a vision,"--he left not "a wreck
behind." But one day, in the voracity of his shark-like appetite, he
unfortunately undertook too large a contract for the retirement of an
immense slice of ham. It scraped its way down his rebellious esophagus
for about two inches, and lodged as tightly as a bullet in a rusty gun.
His prodigious Adam's apple suddenly shot up to his chin; his eyes
protruded, and his purple neck craned and shortened by turns, like a
trombone in full blast. He scrambled from the table and pranced about
the room like a horse with blind staggers. My grandfather sprang at him
and dealt him blow after blow in the back, which sounded like the blows
of a mallet on a dry hide; but the ham wouldn't budge. The old man ran
out into the yard and seized a plank about three feet long, and rushed
into the room with it drawn.
"Now William," said he, "get down on your all-fours." William got down.
"Now William, when I hit, you swallow." He hit, and it popped like a
Winchester rifle.
William shot into the corner of the room like a shell from a mortar, but
in a moment he was seated at his place at the table again, with a broad
grin on his face. "Is it down William?" shouted the old man. "Yes, Mr.
Haynes, the durned thing's gone,--please pass the ham."
[Illustration: "WHEN I HIT, YOU SWALLOW."]
I thought how vividly that old glutton illustrated the fools who, in
their effort to gulp down the sensual pleasures of this world, choke the
soul, and nothing but the clap-board of hard experience, well laid on,
can dislodge the ham, and restore the equilibrium.
PHANTOMS OF THE WINE CUP.
[Illustration]
A little below the glutton lies the plane of the drunkard whose visions
and dreams are bounded by the horizon of a still tub. "A little wine for
the stomach's sake is good," but in the trembling hand of a drunkard,
every crimson drop that glows in the cup is crushed from the roses that
once bloomed on the cheeks of some helpless woman. Every phantom of
beauty that dances in it is a devil; and yet, millions quaff, and with
a hideous laugh, go staggering to the grave.
[Illustration]
THE MISSING LINK.
A little below the plane of the drunkard is the dude, that missing link
between monkey and man, whose dream of happiness is a single eye-glass,
a kangaroo strut, and three hours of conversation without a sensible
sentence; whose only conception of life is to splurge, and flirt, and
spend his father's fortune.
"Out of the fullness of his heart his mouth singeth:"
"I'm a dandy; I'm a swell.
Just from college, can't you tell?
I'm the beau of every belle;
I'm the swellest of the swell.
I'm the King of all the balls,
I'm a Prince in banquet halls.
My daddy's rich, they know it well,
I'm the swellest of the swell."
NIGHTMARE.
Unhappily for us all, in the world of visions and dreams, there is a
dark side to human life. Here have been dreamed out all the crimes which
have steeped our race in shame since the expulsion from Eden, and all
the wars that have cursed mankind since the birth of history. Alexander
the Great was a monster whose sword drank the blood of a conquered
world. Julius Caesar marched his invincible armies, like juggernauts,
over the necks of fallen nations. Napoleon Bonaparte rose with the
morning of the nineteenth century, and stood, like some frightful comet,
on its troubled horizon. Distraught with the dream of conquest and
empire, he hovered like a god on the verge of battle. Kings and emperors
stood aghast. The sun of Austerlitz was the rising sun of his glory and
power, but it went down, veiled in the dark clouds of Waterloo, and
Napoleon the Great, uncrowned, unthroned, and stunned by the dreadful
shock that annihilated the Grand Army and the Old Guard, "wandered
aimlessly about on the lost field," in the gloom that palled a fallen
empire, as Hugo describes him, "the somnambulist of a vast, shattered
dream."
INFIDELITY.
It is in the desert of evil, where virtue trembles to tread, where hope
falters, and where faith is crucified, that the infidel dreams. To him,
all there is of heaven is bounded by this little span of life; all there
is of pleasure and love is circumscribed by a few fleeting years; all
there is of beauty is mortal; all there is of intelligence and wisdom is
in the human brain; all there is of mystery and infinity is fathomable
by human reason, and all there is of virtue is measured by the relations
of man to man. To him, all must end in the "tongueless silence of the
dreamless dust," and all that lies beyond the grave is a voiceless shore
and a starless sky. To him, there are no prints of deathless feet on its
echoless sands, no thrill of immortal music in its joyless air.
He has lost his God, and like some fallen seraph flying in rayless
night, he gropes his way on flagging pinions, searching for light where
darkness reigns, for life where Death is King.
THE DREAM OF GOD.
[Illustration]
I have wondered a thousand times, if an infidel ever looked through a
telescope. The universe is the dream of God, and the heavens declare
His glory. There is our mighty sun, robed in the brightness of his
eternal fires, and with his planets forever wheeling around him. Yonder
is Mercury, and Venus, and there is Mars, the ruddy globe, whose poles
are white with snow, and whose other zones seem dotted with seas and
continents. Who knows but that his roseate color is only the blush of
his flowers? Who knows but that Mars may now be a paradise inhabited by
a blessed race, unsullied by sin, untouched by death? There is the giant
orb of Jupiter, the champion of the skies, belted and sashed with vapor
and clouds; and Saturn, haloed with bands of light and jeweled with
eight ruddy moons; and there is Uranus, another stupendous world,
speeding on in the prodigious circle of his tireless journey around the
sun. And yet another orbit cuts the outer rim of our system; and on its
gloomy pathway, the lonely Neptune walks the cold, dim solitudes of
space. In the immeasurable depths beyond appear millions of suns, so
distant that their light could not reach us in a thousand years. There,
spangling the curtains of the black profound, shine the constellations
that sparkle like the crown jewels of God. There are double, and triple,
and quadruple suns of different colors, commingling their gorgeous hues
and flaming like archangels on the frontier of stellar space. If we
look beyond the most distant star, the black walls are flecked with
innumerable patches of filmy light like the dewy gossamers of the
spider's loom that dot our fields at morn. What beautiful forms we trace
among those phantoms of light! circles, and elipses, and crowns, and
shields, and spiral wreaths of palest silver. And what are they? Did
I say phantoms of light? The telescope resolves them into millions of
suns, standing out from the oceans of white hot matter that contain the
germs of countless systems yet to be. And so far removed from us are
these suns, that the light which comes to us from them to-night has been
speeding on its way for more than two million years.
What is that white belt we call the milky way, which spans the heavens
and sparkles like a Sahara of diamonds? It is a river of stars: it is
a gulf stream of suns; and if each of these suns holds in his grasp a
mighty system of planets, as ours does, how many multiplied millions
of worlds like our own are now circling in that innumerable concourse?
Oh, where are the bounds of this divine conception! Where ends this
dream of God? And is there no life and intelligence in all this throng
of spheres? Are there no sails on those far away summer seas, no wings
to cleave those crystal airs, no forms divine to walk those radiant
fields? Are there no eyes to see those floods of light, no hearts to
share with ours that love which holds all these mighty orbs in place?
It cannot be, it cannot be! Surely there is a God! If there is not,
life is a dream, human experience is a phantom, and the universe is
a flaunting lie!
* * * * *
[Illustration: Syrup of Figs]
ONE ENJOYS
Both the method and results when Syrup of Figs is taken; it is
pleasant and refreshing to the taste, and acts gently yet promptly
on the Kidneys, Liver, and Bowels, cleanses the system effectually,
dispels colds, headaches, and fevers and cures habitual constipation.
Syrup of Figs is the only remedy of its kind ever produced, pleasing
to the taste and acceptable to the stomach, prompt in its action and
truly beneficial in its effects, prepared only from the most healthy
and agreeable substances, its many excellent qualities commend it to
all and have made it the most popular remedy known.
Syrup of Figs is for sale in 50 cent bottles by all leading
druggists. Any reliable druggist who may not have it on hand will
procure it promptly for any one who wishes to try it. Do not accept
any substitute.
CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP CO.
San Francisco, Cal. Louisville, Ky. New York, N. Y.
* * * * *
VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY,
DEPARTMENT OF DENTISTRY
NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE.
A purely dental school--a training school for dentists--does what
it claims to do, as the results show. Regular Session will begin
Oct. 5th; ends March 31, 1898. Post-graduate and Practical Courses,
also.
FOR INFORMATION, ADDRESS
DR. W. H. MORGAN, Dean,
211 N. HIGH ST.
* * * * *
[Illustration: Balmer's Magnetic Inhaler]
A MAGIC CURE ... FOR ...
Catarrh, Asthma, Hay Fever, La Grippe, Sore Throat, etc.
A positive preventive and cure for all germ diseases. A quick cure
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One minute's trial will convince you of its wonderful merit.
Endorsed by leading physicians. Every one guaranteed. Money refunded
if not satisfied. Will last two years and can be refilled by us
for 20 cents in stamps. Thousands have been sold under guarantee.
It speaks for itself. Show it and it sells itself. Price 50 cents
postpaid. Stamps taken.
AGENTS WANTED. Send 50 cents for one Inhaler and ask for wholesale
prices to agents. Address
BAPTIST AND REFLECTOR,
NASHVILLE, TENN.
* * * * *
[Illustration]
NEW SOUTHERN HOTEL,
CHATTANOOGA, TENN.
Centrally located. Newly furnished. First-class in all respects.
Best ventilated and the best fire protection of any house in the
city. Prompt and polite service. Rates $2.50 to $3.00. Commercial
rates to travelling men. Special rates to excursions of five and
upwards.
W. O. PEEPLES, MANAGER.
* * * * *
THE SOUTH'S LEADING JEWELERS.
STIEF JEWELRY CO.
208 & 210 Union St., Nashville, Tenn.
Direct Importers of Fine DIAMONDS.
Dealers in Watches, Jewelry, and Fancy Goods.
We are strictly "Up-to-Date" in designs, with quality and prices
guaranteed. Write for our illustrated Catalogue, if unable to call
and see us. Special attention given to all mail orders.
_JAMES B. CARR, Manager._
LARGEST JEWELRY HOUSE IN THE SOUTH.
* * * * *
HIGHEST AWARD.
STARR PIANOS
WORLD'S FAIR, 1893.
BUY DIRECT AND SAVE MONEY.
America's leading manufacturers and dealers. Branches in leading
cities of U. S.
FACTORIES: RICHMOND, IND.
JESSE FRENCH PIANO & ORGAN CO., NASHVILLE, TENN.
* * * * *
Artistic Home Decorations.
We can show you effects never before thought of, and at moderate
prices, too.
Why have your house decorated and painted by inferior workmen,
when you can have it done by skilled workmen--by artists--for the
same price?
If you intend decorating, if only one room, call to see what we
are doing, and for whom.
* * * * *
TAPESTRY PAINTING.
2,000 tapestry painting to choose from. 38 artists employed,
including gold medalists of the Paris Salon. Send 25 cents for
compendium of 140 studies.
WALL PAPER.
New styles, designed by gold medal artists. From 10 cents per
roll up. Will give you large samples if you will pay expressage.
A large quantity of last year's paper, $1 and $2 per roll;
now 10 c. and 25 c.
DECORATIONS.
Color schemes--designs and estimates submitted free. Artists sent
to all parts of the world to do every sort of decorating and
painting. We are educating the country in color-harmony. Relief,
stained glass, wall paper, carpets, furniture, draperies, etc.
Pupils taught.
DECORATIVE ADVICE.
Upon receipt of $1, Mr. Douthitt will answer any question on
interior decorations--color-harmony and harmony of form, harmony
of wall coverings, carpets, curtains, tiles, furniture, gas
fixtures, etc.
* * * * *
JOHN F. DOUTHITT,
AMERICAN TAPESTRY DECORATIVE CO.
286 FIFTH AVENUE, near 30th St., NEW YORK.
* * * * *
Artistic Home Decorations.
* * * * *
MANUAL OF ART DECORATIONS.
The art book of the century. 200 royal quarto pages. 50 superb
full-page illustrations (11 colored) of modern home interiors and
tapestry studies. Price, $2. If you want to be up in decoration,
send $2 for this book. Worth $50.
SCHOOL.
Six 3-hours tapestry painting lessons, in studio, $5. Complete
written instruction by mail, $1. Tapestry paintings rented;
full-size drawings, paints, brushes, etc., supplied. Nowhere,
Paris not excepted, are such advantages offered pupils. New
catalogue of 125 studies, 25 cents. Send $1 for complete
instruction in tapestry painting and compendium of 140 studies.
TAPESTRY MATERIALS.
We manufacture tapestry materials superior to foreign goods,
and half the price. Book of samples, 10 cents. Send $1.50 for
2 yards No. 6, 50-inch goods, just for a trial order; worth $3.
All kinds of Drapery to match all sorts of Wall Papers, from
10 c. per yard up. THIS IS OUR GREAT SPECIALTY.
GOBLIN PRINTED BURLAPS.
Over 100 new styles for wall coverings, at 25 cents per yard,
36 inches wide, thus costing the same as wall paper at $1 per
roll. 240 kinds of Japanese lida leather paper, at $2 per roll.
GOBLIN ART DRAPERY.
Grecian, Russian, Venetian, Brazilian, Roman, Rococo, Dresden,
Festoon, College Stripe, Marie Antoinette, Indian, Calcutta,
Bombay, Delft, Soudan.
In order that we may introduce this line of new art goods, we
will send one yard of each of 50 different kinds of our most
choice patterns for $7.50.
* * * * *
JOHN F. DOUTHITT,
AMERICAN TAPESTRY DECORATIVE CO.
286 FIFTH AVENUE, near 30th St., NEW YORK.
* * * * *
Free tuition. We will give one or more free scholarships in
every county in the U. S. Write us.
Positions Guaranteed _Under reasonable conditions_....
Will accept notes for tuition or can deposit money in bank until
position is secured. Car fare paid. No vacation. Enter at any
time. Open for both sexes. Cheap board. Send for free illustrated
catalogue.
Address J. F. DRAUGHON, Pres't, at either place.
Draughon's
Practical
Business Colleges,
NASHVILLE, TENN., GALVESTON AND TEXARKANA, TEX.
Bookkeeping, Shorthand, Typewriting, etc. The most thorough,
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Home study. We have prepared, for home study, books on bookkeeping,
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Extract. "PROF. DRAUGHON--I learned bookkeeping at home
from your books, while holding a position as night telegraph
operator." C. E. LEFFINGWELL, Bookkeeper for Gerber and Ficks,
Wholesale Grocers, South Chicago, Ill.
(_Mention this paper when writing._)
* * * * *
Young People.
FREE: $20.00 IN GOLD, Bicycle, Gold Watch, Diamond Ring, or a
Scholarship in Draughon's Practical Business College, Nashville,
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can be secured by doing a little work at home for the Youths'
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Nashville, Tenn.
[Mention this paper.]
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