The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night, Volume 1

R >> Richard F. Burton >> The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night, Volume 1

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"If I liken thy shape to the bough when green * My likeness errs
and I sore mistake it;
For the bough is fairest when clad the most * And thou art
fairest when mother naked."

When the lady heard his verses she came up out of the basin and,
seating herself upon his lap and knees, pointed to her genitory
and said, "O my lordling, what be the name of this?" Quoth he,
"The basil of the bridges;" but she said, "Bah, bah!" Quoth he,
"The husked sesame;" quoth she, "Pooh, pooh!" Then said he, "Thy
womb;" and she cried, "Fie, Fie! art thou not ashamed of
thyself?" and cuffed him on the nape of the neck. And whatever
name he gave declaring " 'Tis so," she beat him and cried "No!
no!" till at last he said, "O my sisters, and what is its name?"
She replied, "It is entitled the Khan[FN#162] of Abu Mansur;"
whereupon the Porter replied, "Ha! ha! O Allah be praised for
safe deliverance! O Khan of Abu Mansur!" Then she came forth and
dressed and the cup went round a full hour. At last the Porter
rose up, and stripping off all his clothes, jumped into the tank
and swam about and washed under his bearded chin and armpits,
even as they had done. Then he came out and threw himself into
the first lady's lap and rested his arms upon the lap of the
portress, and reposed his legs in the lap of the cateress and
pointed to his prickle[FN#163] and said, "O my mistresses, what
is the name of this article?" All laughed at his words till they
fell on their backs, and one said, "Thy pintle!" But he replied,
"No!" and gave each one of them a bite by way of forfeit. Then
said they, "Thy pizzle!" but he cried "No," and gave each of them
a hug; And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying
her permitted say.

When it was the Tenth Night,

Quoth her sister Dunyazad, "Finish for us thy story;" and she
answered, "With joy and goodly greet" It hath reached me, O
auspicious King, that the damsels stinted not saying to the
Porter "Thy prickle, thy pintle, thy pizzle," and he ceased not
kissing and biting and hugging until his heart was satisfied, and
they laughed on till they could no more. At last one said, "O our
brother, what, then, is it called?" Quoth he, "Know ye not?"
Quoth they, "No!" "Its veritable name," said he, "is mule Burst
all, which browseth on the basil of the bridges, and muncheth the
husked sesame, and nighteth in the Khan of Abu Mansur." Then
laughed they till they fell on their backs, and returned to their
carousel, and ceased not to be after this fashion till night
began to fall. Thereupon said they to the Porter,
''Bismillah,[FN#164] O our master, up and on with those sorry old
shoes of thine and turn thy face and show us the breadth of thy
shoulders!" Said he, "By Allah, to part with my soul would be
easier for me than departing from you: come let us join night to
day, and tomorrow morning we will each wend our own way." "My
life on you," said the procuratrix, "suffer him to tarry with us,
that we may laugh at him: we may live out our lives and never
meet with his like, for surely he is a right merry rogue and a
witty."[FN#165] So they said, "Thou must not remain with us this
night save on condition that thou submit to our commands, and
that whatso thou seest, thou ask no questions there anent, nor
enquire of its cause." "All right," rejoined he, and they said,
"Go read the writing over the door." So he rose and went to the
entrance and there found written in letters of gold wash; WHOSO
SPEAKETH OF WHAT CONCERNETH HIM NOT, SHALL HEAR WHAT PLEASETH HIM
NOT! [FN#166] The Porter said, Be ye witnesses against me that I
will not speak on whatso concerneth me not." Then the cateress
arose, and set food before them and they ate; after which they
changed their drinking place for an other, and she lighted the
lamps and candles and burned amber gris and aloes wood, and set
on fresh fruit and the wine service, when they fell to carousing
and talking of their lovers. And they ceased not to eat and drink
and chat, nibbling dry fruits and laughing and playing tricks for
the space of a full hour when lo! a knock was heard at the gate.
The knocking in no wise dis turbed the seance, but one of them
rose and went to see what it was and presently returned, saying,
"Truly our pleasure for this night is to be perfect." "How is
that?" asked they; and she answered, "At the gate be three
Persian Kalandars[FN#167] with their beards and heads and
eyebrows shaven; and all three blind of the left eye--which is
surely a strange chance. They are foreigners from Roum-land with
the mark of travel plain upon them; they have just entered
Baghdad, this being their first visit to our city; and the cause
of their knocking at our door is simply because they cannot find
a lodging. Indeed one of them said to me:--Haply the owner of
this mansion will let us have the key of his stable or some old
out house wherein we may pass this night; for evening had
surprised them and, being strangers in the land, they knew none
who would give them shelter. And, O my sisters, each of them is a
figure o' fun after his own fashion; and if we let them in we
shall have matter to make sport of." She gave not over persuading
them till they said to her, "Let them in, and make thou the usual
condition with them that they speak not of what concerneth them
not, lest they hear what pleaseth them not." So she rejoiced and
going to the door presently returned with the three monoculars
whose beards and mustachios were clean shaven.[FN#168] They
salam'd and stood afar off by way of respect; but the three
ladies rose up to them and welcomed them and wished them joy of
their safe arrival and made them sit down. The Kalandars looked
at the room and saw that it was a pleasant place, clean swept and
garnished with cowers; and the lamps were burning and the smoke
of perfumes was spireing in air; and beside the dessert and
fruits and wine, there were three fair girls who might be
maidens; so they exclaimed with one voice, "By Allah, 'tis good!"
Then they turned to the Porter and saw that he was a merry faced
wight, albeit he was by no means sober and was sore after his
slappings. So they thought that he was one of themselves and
said, "A mendicant like us! whether Arab or foreigner."[FN#169]
But when the Porter heard these words, he rose up, and fixing his
eyes fiercely upon them, said, "Sit ye here without exceeding in
talk! Have you not read what is writ over the door? surely it
befitteth not fellows who come to us like paupers to wag your
tongues at us." "We crave thy pardon, O Fakir,"[FN#170] rejoined
they, "and our heads are between thy hands." The ladies laughed
consumedly at the squabble; and, making peace between the
Kalandars and the Porter, seated the new guests before meat and
they ate. Then they sat together, and the portress served them
with drink; and, as the cup went round merrily, quoth the Porter
to the askers, "And you, O brothers mine, have ye no story or
rare adventure to amuse us withal?" Now the warmth of wine having
mounted to their heads they called for musical instruments; and
the portress brought them a tambourine of Mosul, and a lute of
Irak, and a Persian harp; and each mendicant took one and tuned
it; this the tambourine and those the lute and the harp, and
struck up a merry tune while the ladies sang so lustily that
there was a great noise.[FN#171] And whilst they were carrying
on, behold, some one knocked at the gate, and the portress went
to see what was the matter there. Now the cause of that knocking,
O King (quoth Shahrazad) was this, the Caliph, Harun al-Rashid,
had gone forth from the palace, as was his wont now and then, to
solace himself in the city that night, and to see and hear what
new thing was stirring; he was in merchant's gear, and he was
attended by Ja'afar, his Wazir, and by Masrur his Sworder of
Vengeance.[FN#172] As they walked about the city, their way led
them towards the house of the three ladies; where they heard the
loud noise of musical instruments and singing and merriment; so
quoth the Caliph to Ja'afar, "I long to enter this house and hear
those songs and see who sing them." Quoth Ja'afar, "O Prince of
the Faithful; these folk are surely drunken with wine, and I fear
some mischief betide us if we get amongst them." "There is no
help but that I go in there," replied the Caliph, "and I desire
thee to contrive some pretext for our appearing among them."
Ja'afar replied, "I hear and I obey;"[FN#173] and knocked at the
door, whereupon the portress came out and opened. Then Ja'afar
came forward and kissing the ground before her said, "O my lady,
we be merchants from Tiberias town: we arrived at Baghdad ten
days ago; and, alighting at the merchants' caravanserai, we sold
all our merchandise. Now a certain trader invited us to an
entertainment this night; so we went to his house and he set food
before us and we ate: then we sat at wine and wassail with him
for an hour or so when he gave us leave to depart; and we went
out from him in the shadow of the night and, being strangers, we
could not find our way back to our Khan. So haply of your
kindness and courtesy you will suffer us to tarry with you this
night, and Heaven will reward you!"[FN#174] The portress looked
upon them and seeing them dressed like merchants and men of grave
looks and solid, she returned to her sisters and repeated to them
Ja'afar's story; and they took compassion upon the strangers and
said to her, "Let them enter." She opened the door to them, when
said they to her, "Have we thy leave to come in?" "Come in,"
quoth she; and the Caliph entered followed by Ja'afar and Masrur;
and when the girls saw them they stood up to them in respect and
made them sit down and looked to their wants, saying, "Welcome,
and well come and good cheer to the guests, but with one
condition!" "What is that?" asked they, and one of the ladies
answered, "Speak not of what concerneth you not, lest ye hear
what pleaseth you not." "Even so," said they; and sat down to
their wine and drank deep. Presently the Caliph looked on the
three Kalandars and, seeing them each and every blind of the left
eye, wondered at the sight; then he gazed upon the girls and he
was startled and he marvelled with exceeding marvel at their
beauty and loveliness. They continued to carouse and to converse
and said to the Caliph, "Drink!" but he replied, "I am vowed to
Pilgrimage;"[FN#175] and drew back from the wine. Thereupon the
portress rose and spreading before him a table cloth worked with
gold, set thereon a porcelain bowl into which she poured willow
flower water with a lump of snow and a spoonful of sugar candy.
The Caliph thanked her and said in himself,"By Allah, I will
recompense her to morrow for the kind deed she hath done." The
others again addressed themselves to conversing and carousing;
and, when the wine gat the better of them, the eldest lady who
ruled the house rose and making obeisance to them took the
cateress by the hand, and said, "Rise, O my sister and let us do
what is our devoir." Both answered "Even so!" Then the portress
stood up and proceeded to remove the table service and the
remnants of the banquet; and renewed the pastiles and cleared the
middle of the saloon. Then she made the Kalandars sit upon a sofa
at the side of the estrade, and seated the Caliph and Ja'afar and
Masrur on the other side of the saloon; after which she called
the Porter, and said, "How scanty is thy courtesy! now thou art
no stranger; nay, thou art one of the household." So he stood up
and, tightening his waist cloth, asked, "What would ye I do?" and
she answered, "Stand in thy place." Then the procuratrix rose and
set in the midst of the saloon a low chair and, opening a closet,
cried to the Porter, "Come help me." So he went to help her and
saw two black bitches with chains round their necks; and she said
to him, "Take hold of them;" and he took them and led them into
the middle of the saloon. Then the lady of the house arose and
tucked up her sleeves above her wrists and, seizing a scourge,
said to the Porter, "Bring forward one of the bitches." He
brought her forward, dragging her by the chain, while the bitch
wept, and shook her head at the lady who, however, came down upon
her with blows on the sconce; and the bitch howled and the lady
ceased not beating her till her forearm failed her. Then, casting
the scourge from her hand, she pressed the bitch to her bosom
and, wiping away her tears with her hands, kissed her head. Then
she said to the Porter, "Take her away and bring the second;"
and, when he brought her, she did with her as she had done with
the first. Now the heart of the Caliph, was touched at these
cruel doings; his chest straitened and he lost all patience in
his desire to know why the two bitches were so beaten. He threw a
wink at Ja'afar wishing him to ask, but; the Minister turning
towards him said by signs, "Be silent!" Then quoth the portress
to the mistress of the house, "O my lady, arise and go to thy
place that I in turn may do my devoir."[FN#176] She answered,
"Even so"; and, taking her seat upon the couch of juniper wood,
pargetted with gold and silver, said to the portress and
cateress, "Now do ye what ye have to do." Thereupon the portress
sat upon a low seat by the couch side; but the procuretrix,
entering a closet, brought out of it a bag of satin with green
fringes and two tassels of gold. She stood up before the lady of
the house and shaking the bag drew out from it a lute which she
tuned by tightening its pegs; and when it was in perfect order,
she began to sing these quatrains:--

"Ye are the wish, the aim of me *And when, O Love, thy sight I
see[FN#177]
The heavenly mansion openeth;[FN#178] * But Hell I see when
lost thy sight.
From thee comes madness; nor the less * Comes highest joy,
comes ecstasy:
Nor in my love for thee I fear * Or shame and blame, or hate and
spite.
When Love was throned within my heart * I rent the veil of
modesty;
And stints not Love to rend that veil * Garring disgrace on grace
to alight;
The robe of sickness then I donned * But rent to rags was
secrecy:
Wherefore my love and longing heart * Proclaim your high
supremest might;
The tear drop railing adown my cheek * Telleth my tale of
ignomy:
And all the hid was seen by all * And all my riddle ree'd aright.

Heal then my malady, for thou * Art malady and remedy!
But she whose cure is in thy hand * Shall ne'er be free of bane
and blight;
Burn me those eyne that radiance rain * Slay me the swords of
phantasy;
How many hath the sword of Love * Laid low, their high degree
despite?
Yet will I never cease to pine * Nor to oblivion will I flee.
Love is my health, my faith, my joy * Public and private, wrong
or right.
O happy eyes that sight thy charms * That gaze upon thee at their
gree!
Yea, of my purest wish and will * The slave of Love I'll aye be
hight."

When the damsel heard this elegy in quatrains she cried out
"Alas! Alas!" and rent her raiment, and fell to the ground
fainting; and the Caliph saw scars of the palm rod[FN#179] on her
back and welts of the whip; and marvelled with exceeding wonder.
Then the portress arose and sprinkled water on her and brought
her a fresh and very fine dress and put it on her. But when the
company beheld these doings their minds were troubled, for they
had no inkling of the case nor knew the story thereof; so the
Caliph said to Ja'afar, "Didst thou not see the scars upon the
damsel's body? I cannot keep silence or be at rest till I learn
the truth of her condition and the story of this other maiden and
the secret of the two black bitches." But Ja'afar answered, "O
our lord, they made it a condition with us that we speak not of
what concerneth us not, lest we come to hear what pleaseth us
not." Then said the portress "By Allah, O my sister, come to me
and complete this service for me." Replied the procuratrix, "With
joy and goodly gree;" so she took the lute; and leaned it against
her breasts and swept the strings with her finger tips, and began
singing:--

"Give back mine eyes their sleep long ravished * And say me
whither be my reason fled:
I learnt that lending to thy love a place * Sleep to mine eyelids
mortal foe was made.
They said, "We held thee righteous, who waylaid * Thy soul?" "Go
ask his glorious eyes," I said.
I pardon all my blood he pleased to spill * Owning his troubles
drove him blood to shed.
On my mind's mirror sun like sheen he cast * Whose keen
reflection fire in vitals bred
Waters of Life let Allah waste at will * Suffice my wage those
lips of dewy red:
An thou address my love thou'lt find a cause * For plaint and
tears or ruth or lustihed.
In water pure his form shall greet your eyne * When fails the
bowl nor need ye drink of wine.[FN#180]"

Then she quoted from the same ode:--

"I drank, but the draught of his glance, not wine, * And his
swaying gait swayed to sleep these eyne:
'Twas not grape juice grips me but grasp of Past * 'Twas not bowl
o'erbowled me but gifts divine:
His coiling curl-lets my soul ennetted * And his cruel will all
my wits outwitted.[FN#181]"

After a pause she resumed:--

"If we 'plain of absence what shall we say? * Or if pain afflict
us where wend our way?
An I hire a truchman[FN#182] to tell my tale * The lover's plaint
is not told for pay:
If I put on patience, a lover's life * After loss of love will
not last a day:
Naught is left me now but regret, repine * And tears flooding
cheeks for ever and aye:
O thou who the babes of these eyes[FN#183] hast fled * Thou art
homed in heart that shall never stray
Would heaven I wot hast thou kept our pact * Long as stream shall
flow, to have firmest fey?
Or hast forgotten the weeping slave * Whom groans afflict and
whom griefs waylay?
Ah, when severance ends and we side by side * Couch, I'll blame
thy rigours and chide thy pride!"

Now when the portress heard her second ode she shrieked aloud and
said, "By Allah! 'tis right good!"; and laying hands on her
garments tore them, as she did the first time, and fell to the
ground fainting. Thereupon the procuratrix rose end brought her a
second change of clothes after she had sprinkled water on her.
She recovered and sat upright and said to her sister the
cateress, "Onwards, and help me in my duty, for there remains but
this one song." So the provisioneress again brought out the lute
and began to sing these verses:--

"How long shall last, how long this rigour rife of woe * May not
suffice thee all these tears thou seest flow?
Our parting thus with purpose fell thou dost prolong * Is't not
enough to glad the heart of envious foe?
Were but this lying world once true to lover heart * He had not
watched the weary night in tears of woe:
Oh pity me whom overwhelmed thy cruel will * My lord, my king,
'tis time some ruth to me thou show:
To whom reveal my wrongs, O thou who murdered me? * Sad,
who of broken troth the pangs must undergo!
Increase wild love for thee and phrenzy hour by hour * And days
of exile minute by so long, so slow;
O Moslems, claim vendetta[FN#184] for this slave of Love *
Whose sleep Love ever wastes, whose patience Love lays low:
Doth law of Love allow thee, O my wish! to lie * Lapt in
another's arms and unto me cry Go!?
Yet in thy presence, say, what joys shall I enjoy * When he I
love but works my love to overthrow?"

When the portress heard the third song she cried aloud; and,
laying hands on her garments, rent them down to the very skirt
and fell to the ground fainting a third time, again showing the
scars of the scourge. Then said the three Kalandars, "Would
Heaven we had never entered this house, but had rather righted on
the mounds and heaps outside the city! for verily our visit hath
been troubled by sights which cut to the heart." The Caliph
turned to them and asked, "Why so?" and they made answer, "Our
minds are sore troubled by this matter." Quoth the Caliph, "Are
ye not of the household?" and quoth they, "No; nor indeed did we
ever set eyes on the place till within this hour." Hereat the
Caliph marvelled and rejoined, "This man who sitteth by you,
would he not know the secret of the matter?" and so saying he
winked and made signs at the Porter. So they questioned the man
but he replied, "By the All might of Allah, in love all are
alike![FN#185] I am the growth of Baghdad, yet never in my born
days did I darken these doors till to day and my companying with
them was a curious matter." "By Allah," they rejoined, "we took
thee for one of them and now we see thou art one like ourselves."
Then said the Caliph, "We be seven men, and they only three women
without even a fourth to help them; so let us question them of
their case; and, if they answer us not, fain we will be answered
by force." All of them agreed to this except Ja'afar who
said,[FN#186] "This is not my recking; let them be; for we are
their guests and, as ye know, they made a compact and condition
with us which we accepted and promised to keep: wherefore it is
better that we be silent concerning this matter; and, as but
little of the night remaineth, let each and every of us gang his
own gait." Then he winked at the Caliph and whispered to him,
"There is but one hour of darkness left and I can bring them
before thee to morrow, when thou canst freely question them all
concerning their story." But the Caliph raised his head haughtily
and cried out at him in wrath, saying, "I have no patience left
for my longing to hear of them: let the Kalandars question them
forthright." Quoth Ja'afar, "This is not my rede." Then words ran
high and talk answered talk, and they disputed as to who should
first put the question, but at last all fixed upon the Porter.
And as the jingle increased the house mistress could not but
notice it and asked them, "O ye folk! on what matter are ye
talking so loudly?" Then the Porter stood up respectfully before
her and said, "O my lady, this company earnestly desire that thou
acquaint them with the story of the two bitches and what maketh
thee punish them so cruelly; and then thou fallest to weeping
over them and kissing them; and lastly they want to hear the tale
of thy sister and why she hath been bastinado'd with palm sticks
like a man. These are the questions they charge me to put, and
peace be with thee."[FN#187] Thereupon quoth she who was the lady
of the house to the guests, "Is this true that he saith on your
part?" and all replied, "Yes!" save Ja'afar who kept silence.
When she heard these words she cried, "By Allah, ye have wronged
us, O our guests. with grievous wronging; for when you came
before us we made compact and condition with you, that whoso
should speak of what concerneth him not should hear what pleaseth
him not. Sufficeth ye not that we took you into our house and fed
you with our best food? But the fault is not so much yours as
hers who let you in." Then she tucked up her sleeves from her
wrists and struck the floor thrice with her hand crying, "Come ye
quickly;" and lo! a closet door opened and out of it came seven
negro slaves with drawn swords in hand to whom she said, "Pinion
me those praters' elbows and bind them each to each." They did
her bidding and asked her, "O veiled and virtuous! is it thy high
command that we strike off their heads?"; but she answered,
"Leave them awhile that I question them of their condition,
before their necks feel the sword." "By Allah, O my lady!" cried
the Porter, "slay me not for other's sin; all these men offended
and deserve the penalty of crime save myself. Now by Allah, our
night had been charming had we escaped the mortification of those
monocular Kalandars whose entrance into a populous city would
convert it into a howling wilderness." Then he repeated these
verses :

"How fair is ruth the strong man deigns not smother! * And
fairest fair when shown to weakest brother:
By Love's own holy tie between us twain, * Let one not suffer for
the sin of other."

When the Porter ended his verse the lady laughed And Shahrazad
perceived the dawn of day and ceased to say her permitted say.

When It was the Eleventh Night,

She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the lady,
after laughing at the Porter despite her wrath, came up to the
party and spake thus, "Tell me who ye be, for ye have but an hour
of life; and were ye not men of rank and, perhaps, notables of
your tribes, you had not been so froward and I had hastened your
doom." Then said the Caliph, "Woe to thee, O Ja'afar, tell her
who we are lest we be slain by mistake; and speak her fair be
fore some horror befal us." "'Tis part of thy deserts,"replied
he; whereupon the Caliph cried out at him saying, "There is a
time for witty words and there is a time for serious work." Then
the lady accosted the three Kalandars and asked them, "Are ye
brothers?"; when they answered, "No, by Allah, we be naught but
Fakirs and foreigners." Then quoth she to one among them, "Wast
thou born blind of one eye?"; and quoth he, "No, by Allah, 'twas
a marvellous matter and a wondrous mischance which caused my eye
to be torn out, and mine is a tale which, if it were written upon
the eye corners with needle gravers, were a warner to whoso would
be warned."[FN#188] She questioned the second and third Kalandar;
but all replied like the first, "By Allah, O our mistress, each
one of us cometh from a different country, and we are all three
the sons of Kings, sovereign Princes ruling over suzerains and
capital cities." Thereupon she turned towards them and said, "Let
each and every of you tell me his tale in due order and explain
the cause of his coming to our place; and if his story please us
let him stroke his head[FN#189] and wend his way." The first to
come forward was the Hammal, the Porter, who said, "O my lady, I
am a man and a porter. This dame, the cateress, hired me to carry
a load and took me first to the shop of a vintner, then to the
booth of a butcher; thence to the stall of a fruiterer; thence to
a grocer who also sold dry fruits; thence to a confectioner and a
perfumer cum druggist and from him to this place where there
happened to me with you what happened. Such is my story and peace
be on us all!" At this the lady laughed and said, "Rub thy head
and wend thy ways!"; but he cried, "By Allah, I will not stump it
till I hear the stories of my companions." Then came forward one
of the Monoculars and began to tell her

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