Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.

P >> Pierce Egan >> Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.

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"Respectable, indeed," exclaimed Tallyho, as he detected an urchin thief
in the act of picking his pocket of his handkerchief. This hopeful imp,
though young in years, was experienced in iniquity, had served an active
apprenticeship to the art of picking pockets with impunity,

1 The Sharper, who has generally had a genteel education, is
a person of good address and conversation, has more the
power of delusion at will than the unlettered cheat, devoid
of address and other requisites to complete the pretended
gentleman, and therefore should be more carefully avoided.
These villains, having run through their fortunes at an
early period of life by associating with professed gamblers
and sharpers, (who having eased them of their money, in
return complete them for the profession by which they have
been ruined) set up for themselves, throw aside honour and
conscience, and quote the lex talionis for deceiving others,
as they themselves have been deceived. These gentry are to
be met with at horse-races, cock-fights, the billiard and
hazard tables, and at all public places of diversion. On
your entering the coffee-house, tavern, or gaming-house, the
Sharper views you with attention, and is not long before he
becomes acquainted and very intimate with you; if you agree
to his proposal to play, if he cannot beat you by fair, he
will by foul means. Rather than lose, he will elude your
attention, and raise your passion sufficiently to put you
off your guard, while he plays his underhand game, and
cheats you before your face; and though you are sensible of
being cheated, yet you shall not be able to discover by what
means it is effected. The various methods sharpers have to
cheat and deceive are so many and unaccountable, that it
would exceed the limits of our publication to detail even
the tenth-part of them; their study is to supply their
exigencies by means within their power, however wicked or
villanous. If you associate with sharpers, you must not only
expect, but deserve to be cheated by them for your
credulity; for who would go with his eyes open into a den of
thieves, but in expectation of being robbed? Or, who would
herd with sharpers, and not expect to be cheated? We would
therefore advise the stranger in London to shun these
reptiles of the creation, fraught with guile, and artful as
the serpent to delude. Beware of their conversation, avoid
their company, take no notice of their tricks, nor be caught
by their wheedling professions of friendship; listen not to
any of their enticements, if you would preserve your peace
and property; be not fond of making new acquaintance with
persons you do not know, however genteel in appearance and
behaviour, for many a villain lurks under the disguise of a
modern fine gentle-man; and if any stranger asks you to play
with him for money, set him down in your mind as a Sharper,"
and leave the room immediately.

~33~~and at last became so great an adept in the profession, that at
the early age of thirteen years he was unanimously elected captain of
an organized band of juvenile depredators, some much younger, none older
than himself, who for a considerable length of time set at defiance the
vigilance of the police. These young fry carried on a long protracted
successful war of extermination against ladies' reticules. One urchin,
watching her approach, would lay himself across the path she must pass,
and it frequently happened that she tumbled over him; a grab was then
made at the reticule, the watch, and the shawl, with which the young
villains generally got clear off. Others, in detachments of two or
three, would hover about the door or window of a tradesman's shop, cut
out a pane of glass, and abstract some valuable trinket; or watch the
retirement of the shopkeeper into his back-room, when one of the most
enterprizing would enter on hands and knees, crawl round the counter
with the stillness of death, draw out the till with its contents, and
bear off the spoil with impunity. One night, however, luckily for the
public, the whole gang was made prisoners of, and dispersed to various
gaols, each delinquent being ordered a severe flogging and solitary
confinement. Availing himself of this indulgence, the Captain had
watched the opportunity of approximating towards Tallyho, and was
detected, as we said before, in the exercise of his former propensities;
so difficult it is to eradicate vice from the human mind, even though
in this instance so early implanted. Lenity in this case would have been
equally misplaced as unjust, although the Squire humanely pressed his
intercession; the incorrigible pilferer was therefore handed over to
the custody of one of the turnkeys, until the Governor might award a
punishment suitable to the heinousness of the offence.

The two friends had been here above an hour--it was an hour they thought
not idly spent. And now leaving a small donation for distribution
amongst such as appeared deserving objects, they returned home gratified
by the additional knowledge acquired of _Real Life in London_.~34~~

CHAPTER III

"......Would you see
The Debtors' world, confide yourself to me.
Come; safely shall you pass the fatal door,
Nor fear it shuts you in, to ope no more.
See, frowning grimly o'er the Borough Road,
The crossing spikes that crown the dark abode!
O! how that iron seems to pierce the soul
Of him, whom hurrying wheels to prison roll,
What time from Serjeants' Inn some Debtor pale
The Tipstaff renders in default of bail.
Black shows that grisly ridge against the sky,
As near he draws and lifts an anxious eye:
Then on his bosom each peculiar spike,
Arm'd with its proper ill, appears to strike."

THE recollection of past enjoyments in the vivacious company of Merry
well, could not fail to be revived in the minds of Dashall and his
Cousin; and as some persons, with due attention to his safety, had
manifested their interest and regard for him by obtaining his admission
to the Priory, where he was at this moment pursuing his studies,
and could not quite so conveniently call on them, an early visit was
determined on.

"We shall," said Tom, "by a call on Merrywell after six weeks residence
among the gay blades that inhabit the walls of the King's Bench,
have all the benefit of his previous observation. He will be able to
delineate the characters, consciences, and conduct of his neighbours.
He will describe all the comforts and advantages of a college life,
introduce us to the Bloods and the Blacks, and, in short, there are few
persons I know, except Sparkle himself, more able to conduct us through
the intricacies of the Building, to point out the beauty and excellence
of the establishment, its uses and abuses, than Merrywell."

"Do they charge any thing on admittance?"enquired Bob.

"O yes," was the reply, "they charge you, by a public ~35~~ notice in
the lobby, not to convey into the interior any spirituous liquors, on
pain of being yourself discharged from thence, and confined elsewhere.
Bless your soul, why the King's Bench is a little world within itself,
a sort of epitome of London; it is in a healthy situation, and the space
which it occupies is extensive. There are in all 224 rooms, and they
measure each about 14 or 16 feet by 12 or 13; of these, eight are called
State-rooms, are much larger than the rest, and more commodious; and
a well-breech'd customer may have almost any accommodation. It is the
prison most immediately belonging to the Court of King's Bench, and,
exclusive of debtors there sued, all persons standing in contempt
of that Court, and most of those committed under its sentence, are
confined."

"And pretty generally all inhabited?" interrogated Tallyho.

"Yes, and frequently it is difficult to obtain a place to sleep in even
as a chum."

Bob found himself at fault, and required an explanation of the word
chum.

"The chum," replied Dashall, "is a partner or bed-fellow, a person
who has an equal right to all the comforts and conveniences of a room,
previously wholly in the possession of one."

"I understand," said Bob; "then when every room has already one
occupant, they accommodate him with a companion."

"Exactly so, and he may prove friend or foe. This, however, may be
avoided, if the student is in possession of the rubbish, by an escape
into the Rules, which extend for three miles round the priory. These
Rules are purchaseable after the following rate, viz. Ten guineas for
the first hundred pounds, and about half that sum for every hundred
pounds afterwards; day-rules, of which three may be obtained in every
term, may be purchased for 4s. 2d. for the first day, and 3s. 10d. for
the rest. Each also must give good security to the Marshal.~36~~

"----The fiction of the law supposes,
That every prisoner, with means to pay,
(For he that has not this advantage loses,)
Either has business in the courts, or may;
Bond, fee, and sureties fresh prepare the way
And Mister Broothoft's manual sign declares
'That Mister such-a-one, on such a day,
'Hath got a rule of Court, and so repairs
'To town, or elsewhere, call'd by his affairs.'

This little Talisman of strange effect,
(Four shillings just and sixpence is the price)
From Bailiff's power the wearer will protect,
And nullify a Capias in a trice:
It bears a royal head in quaint device,
At least as true as that which Wellesley Pole,
With taste for English artists much too nice,
Stamp'd by Pistrucci's aid (Heaven rest his soul!
And shield henceforth the Mint from his controul.)

In various ways the various purchasers
That sally forth with this protecting spell,
Employ the privilege this grant confers:
Some, like myself, their lawyer's citadel
Besiege, his speed long striving to impel;
To take a dinner with a friend some go;
In fashion's haunts some for an hour to swell;
Some strive, what creditors intend, to know;
And some the moments on their love bestow."

"Thus you have a full, true, and particular, as well as amusing account,
of a Day Rule, or what in the cant language of the day is termed hiring
a horse, which sometimes proves a bolter."

"And what is meant by a bolter?"

"He is one," replied Dashall, "who, having obtained the privilege of a
Day Rule, brushes off, and leaves his bondsmen, or the Marshal, to
pay his debt; or one who transgresses the bounds; but such a one when
retaken, usually undergoes some discipline from the inhabitants of the
College, who being all honourable men, set their faces against such
ungentleman-like proceedings."

"Then they do sometimes make an escape?"

"Yes, notwithstanding their restrictive arrangements, such things have
occurred, and you must recollect that of Lord Cochrane, confined for
the memorable Stock Exchange hoax. The means by which it was effected,
I believe, have never been discovered; but certain it is, that he was in
the House of Commons, while a prisoner in the King's Bench, and on the
first night of his subsequent liberation, gave the casting vote against
a proposed grant to a certain Duke."

"I remember it very well, and also remember that the generality of
thinking persons considered his Lordship harshly treated."

~37~~ "However, he is now bravely fighting the battles of independence,
increasing both his fame and fortune, while some of the Ministerial
hirelings are subjected to a similar privation. We shall have a view of
some of the residents in this renowned place of fashionable resort; the
interior of which perhaps exhibits a spectacle far more diversified,
and if possible more immoral and vicious, than the exterior. There are
quondam gentlemen of fortune, reduced either so low as not to be able to
pay for the Rules, or so unprincipled and degraded as to have no friend
at command who could with safety become their surety. Shop-keepers,
whose knavery having distanced even their extravagance, dread the
appearance of ease exhibited in the Rules and the detection of fraud,
by producing the reverse of their independence, and who even grudge
the expenditure of money, to obtain limited liberty.
Uncertificated bankrupts, and unconvicted felons; Jews--gamblers by
trade--horse-dealers--money scriveners--bill discounters--annuity
procurers--disinterested profligates--unemployed and branded
attorneys--scandal mongers and libel writers--Gazetted publicans,
and the perhaps less culpable sinners of broken officers--reduced
mechanics--starving authors, and cast-off Cyprians."

"A very comprehensive and animated account truly," said Tallyho.

"And you will find it accurate," continued Dashall, "for the turn-out of
this dwelling of crime and misery, resembles the Piazza de Sant Marco at
Venice, in the Carnival time. There are all descriptions and classes in
society, all casts and sects, all tribes and associations, all colours,
complexions and appearances, not only of human and inhuman beings, but
also all shades, features, and conformations of vice. The Spendthrift,
or degraded man of fortune, lives by shifts, by schemes, by loans, by
sponging on the novice, by subscription, or on commiseration's uncertain
aid. He has however in perspective some visionary scheme of emolument
and dishonour blended, to put into execution as soon as he obtains his
discharge. The uncertificated Bankrupt has many opportunities left yet;
he has other dupes, other tricks of trade, other resources in reserve.
The Swindler mellows, refines, and sublimates his plan of future
operations, and associates in it, perchance, a fallen fair one, or
an incipient Greek, ~38~~ put up in the Bench. Horse-dealers, money
scriveners, bill doers, attorneys, &c. have either the means of setting
up again, or some new system of roguery to be put in practice, in fresh
time and place, which may conduct them to the harbour of Fortune, or
waft them over the herring pond at the expence of the public purse. The
disinterested Profligate here either consumes, corrupts, and festers,
under the brandy fever and despair, or is put up by a gambler, who sells
his art to his brother debtors, and thus lives in hope of yet turning
the honest penny in imitation of those who have gone before him. The
Cyprian, still exercising her allurements, lingers and decays
until persecution loses the point of its arrow, and drops from the
persecutor's hand, grasping more hardly after money, and opening from
the clenched attitude of revenge. Then, to conclude the picture, there
are youths living upon the open infamy of easy-hearted women, who
disgrace and ruin themselves without the walls, in order to pamper the
appetite and humour the whims of a favourite within, thus sacrificing
one victim to another. Partners carrying on trade in the world,
communing with their incarcerated partners in durance vile. Misery and
extravagance, rude joy and frantic fear, with more passions than the
celebrated Collins ever drew, and with more scenes, adventures, and
vicissitudes, than ever Jonathan Wild or any other Jonathan exhibited."

"Excellent description," exclaimed Bob.

"And you shall have ocular demonstration of its absolute existence; nay,
this sketch might serve for many other places of confinement, the Fleet,
&c. They are like the streets of the Metropolis, constantly varying in
their company, according to entrances and exits of their visitors."

"This, however," continued the Hon. Tom Dashall, "is rather a mental
picture of what we shall presently witness in reality, a sort of
introductory sketch by way of passport through the doors of this
Panorama of Beal Life, to which you will shortly be introduced; a sort
of ideal, or dramatic sketch of its inhabitants _en masse_, before the
drawing up of the curtain."

The eagerness of Bob to listen to his Cousin's sketches of London
society, on the one hand, and the earnestness with which Dashall
had been exercising his imaginary powers, on the other, had led our
perambulators to the ~39~~ foot of Blackfriar's Bridge, on their road
to the King's Bench, without any particular circumstance exciting their
attention; when Bob, suddenly twitching his Cousin by the arm, and
directing his eye at the same time to a thin spare figure of a man,
without hat or coat, who was rapidly passing towards Fleet market,
enquired who it was, and what was his occupation or calling.

"Don't you hear his calling?" was the reply.

"Hot, hot, hot, pudding hot!" was in a moment vociferated in his ears,
while the active and industrious mercantile pedestrian, with a swing of
his head, which was in continual motion from right to left, gave Bob a
wipe in the eye with his tail, which by the velocity of the wearer was
kept in full play like the pendulum of a clock, or the tail of Matthews
in his admirable delineation of Sir Fretful Plagiary.

"Zounds," cries Bob, "it is true I may hear, but I can't pretend to say
I can see; who the devil is he? there is no looking at him, he seems to
leave time and space behind him; where is he?"

Tom laughed heartily, while Bob rubbed his eyes in vain to obtain
another view.

"That," said Dashall, "is a sort of Commissary, a dealer in stores for
the stomach--red hot pudding, all hot, and commonly called the Flying
Pieman."{1}~40~~

1 James Sharpe Eglaud, more commonly known in the streets of
the Metropolis by the appellation of the Flying Pieman, may
fairly be held forth as an example of what may be effected
by persevering industry and activity, especially in a large
and populous city. Those qualities, joined with a moderate
share of prudence, cannot fail to ensure to every man at
least comfort and respectability, it" not competence and
wealth, however humble his sphere, and however unpromising
his beginnings. He was bred to the sedentary trade of a
tailor, and worked for some years with his relation, Mr.
Austerbury, of Friday Street, Cheapside; but love, which
works so many changes, and which has ere now transformed
blacksmiths into painters, and which induced Hercules to
exchange his club for the distaff, caused this Knight of the
Steel Bar to relinquish the shop-board and patch up his
fortune by the patty-pan. He married his landlady, a widow,
who resided in Turnmill Street, Clerkenwell. He had a soul
above buttons, and abandoned the making of garments to cover
the outside, in order to mould cakes, pies, and other small
pastry, to comfort the internals. His active genius,
however, could not brook the tedious task of serving his
customers behind the counter; he therefore took up his
eatables and went abroad in quest of them, and we doubt not
he has found this practice, which he has continued ever
since, very profitable. The neatness and cleanliness of his
appearance at all times are truly pleasing. Hail, rain, or
shine, he may be seen abroad without coat or hat; his hair
powdered, his shirt sleeves turned up to his elbows, and a
steel hanging on his apron-string. Originally he carried a
tin case, something like a Dutch oven, in which he
constantly kept a lire, but is now generally seen with a
small tray. In serving a customer, he never touches his
pudding with his hands, but has a knife for the purpose of
presenting it to the purchasers, and his sale is so
extensive, that he is obliged to replenish several times in
a day; and in order to secure a regular and ready supply,
his female partner and himself convey a quantity of pudding
to a certain distance, and deposit their load at some
public-house, where she takes care to keep it "all hot,"
while Egland scours the neighbourhood in search of
customers. The first cargo being disposed of he returns for
more, and by this method he has it always fresh, and is
never in want of goods.

Many laughable anecdotes are told of this flying pieman, and
perhaps a day's excursion in following him during his
peregrinations would furnish much of curious and interesting
amusement. We shall however select one, authenticated by his
appearance at Marlborough Street Police Office on Monday,
July 8, 1821, as most intimately connected with Real Life in
London; when he preferred a serious charge against a Beggar,
no other than the president of a smoking club in the Holy
Land, and others, for stealing his mutton pies, cutting off
his tail, and otherwise disfiguring his person. By the
evidence of Egland, it appeared that he was introduced, with
his goods for sale, to a company chiefly consisting of
street beggars in St. Giles's, the chair at that moment
being filled by a beggar without hands, well known in the
vicinity of the Admiralty as a chalker of the pavement. The
dignity of the chair was well sustained by this ingenious
colourer, who was smoking a pipe as great as an alderman
over a bason of turtle soup; but no sooner did Egland make
his appearance, than the company seized upon his goods and
crammed them down their throats, in spite of the repeated
vociferations of "honour, honour, Gentlemen," from the
assailed. Resistance was vain, and Egland in this dilemma
began to consider that his only safety lay in flight. This,
however, he found equally impracticable; he was detained,
and by way of consolation for his loss, was called upon for
a song. His lungs were good, and although his spirits were
not much exhilarated by the introductory part of the
entertainment, he began to "tip 'em a stave;" but whilst he
was chanting "The stormy winds do blow," a fellow cut off
his tail. This was worse than all the rest; it was, as it
were, a part of his working tools, and the loss of it was
likely to injure his business by an alteration of his
appearance, and could not be tacitly submitted to.

The magistrates gravely considering this a most serious
charge of unprovoked attack upon an industrious individual,
ordered the parties to find bail, in default of fully
satisfying the inoffensive dealer in pastry, which was
accordingly done.

In the year 1804, scorning to be behindhand in loyalty as
well as activity, he became a member of the Clerkenwell
Volunteers, and was placed in the light company, in which
capacity he obtained the character not only of being the
cleanest man, but the best soldier in the regiment.

It is said, that for amusement, or the gratification of a
whim, he will sometimes walk a distance of fifty or a
hundred miles from the Metropolis, and return the same way.
On such occasions he always manages to take some companion
or friend out with him, but was never known to come back in
the same company; for so irresistibly are they allured
forward by his inexhaustible fund of humour and
sprightliness of conversation, that they seldom think of the
distance till they find themselves too far from home to
return on foot.

~41~~"Then," said Bob, "he is not like some of the London dealers, who
invite their customers to taste and try before they buy, for he scarcely
seems to afford a chance of seeing what he sells."

"You did not try him," replied Tom, "nor would he have expected you to
be a customer. He is a remarkable character, well known all over the
Metropolis. Particularly noted for his activity in disposing of
his goods; never standing still for a moment, but accosting with
extraordinary ease and fluency every person who appears likely to be a
purchaser; always ready with an answer to any question, but delivering
it with so much volubility, that it is impossible to propose a second
enquiry, suiting at the same time his answer to the apparent quality
of the querist, though frequently leaving it unfinished in search of a
customer, and moving on with so much rapidity, that you may almost find
him at the same moment at Tower Hill, Billingsgate, and Spa Fields; at
Smithfield, Temple Bar, and Piccadilly; indeed he may be said to be in
all quarters of the town in a space of time incredibly short for a man
who obtains a livelihood by seeking customers as he moves along."

"Zounds," cried Bob, "this walking genius, this credible incredible,
and visible invisible pedestrian dealer in portable eatables, has almost
blinded me.

"For, by this flying pieman,
I've nearly lost an eye, man."