Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.

P >> Pierce Egan >> Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.

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It would be scarcely possible to give a full and accurate description
of the appearances as they went along; imagination would labour in vain,
and words are altogether incapable of conveying a picture of the road to
this memorable fight; the various instances in which they could discover
that things were not all right were admirably contrasted by others,
where care and good coachmanship, with a perfect management of the
bloods, proved the reverse--while the single horsemen, whose hearts were
really engaged in the sport, were picking their way with celerity, and
posting to the point of attraction.--The public-houses were thronged
to excess, and the Turnpike-keepers made a market of the mirth-moving
throng.

[Illustration: page398 Road to a Fight]

Our party arrived in the neighbourhood of Copthorne about half-past
twelve, where all was bustle and confusion. The commissary in chief, Mr.
Jackson, being out of town, some of the subalterns, who had taken the
command _pro tempore_, had, for divers weighty reasons,principally
founded on a view to the profits of certain of the Surrey Trusts, and to
accommodate the sporting circles at Brighton, fixed the combat to take
place in a meadow belonging to a farmer named Jarvis, near this place.

On this spot accordingly the ring was formed, and an immense mass of
all descriptions of vehicles was admitted, not much, it may naturally
be supposed, to the prejudice of the owner of the premises, whose
agents were praise-worthily active in levying proper contributions. Some
Gentlemen however in the neighbourhood, observing that the strictest
delicacy was not maintained towards the sacredness of their fences,
insisted that the place was too confined, and intimated that a move must
be made, or they should make application to the Magistrates; and at
the same time suggested Crawley Downs, the site of so ~399~ many former
skirmishes, as the most convenient spot for their accommodation.

In this state of things, a move immediately took place, and a fresh
ring was established on the spot alluded to; but, in effecting this new
lodgment, much mortification was experienced, not alone by those, who,
after a dreadful drag up one of the worst by-roads in England, had
obtained a comfortable situation, but by those, who, speculating on the
formation of the ring, had expended considerable sums in the hire of
waggons for their purpose from the surrounding farmers. The waggons
it was found impossible to move in due time, and thus the new area was
composed of such vehicles as were first to reach the appointed ground.

The general confusion now was inconceivable, for, notwithstanding the
departure of connoisseurs from Jarvis's Farm, Martin still maintained
his post, alleging, that he was on the ground originally fixed, and
that he should expect Randall to meet him there; in which demand he was
supported by his backers. This tended to increase the embarrassment of
the amateurs; however, about one, Randall arrived at Crawley Downs, in
a post-chaise, and took up his quarters at a cottage near the ground,
waiting for his man; and at two, General Barton, who had just mounted
his charger, intending to consult the head-quarters of the Magistrates,
to ascertain their intention in case of proceeding to action at Jarvis's
Farm, was suddenly arrested in his progress by an express from the
Martinites, announcing that their champion had yielded his claim to the
choice of ground, and was so anxious for the mill, that he would meet
Randall even in a saw-pit. Bill Gibbons arriving soon after, the Ring,
with the assistance of many hands, was quickly formed; by which time,
Tom and Bob had secured themselves excellent situations to view the
combat.

About twenty minutes before three, Randall entered the outer Ring,
attended by General Barton and Mr. Griffiths. He was attired in a
Whitehall upper Benjamin, and _threw his hat into the Ring_ amidst loud
applause. In a few minutes after, Martin approached from an opposite
direction, accompanied by Mr. Sant and Mr. Elliott; he was also warmly
greeted.

The men now passed the ropes, and were assisted by their immediate
friends in peeling for action. Martin was ~400~~ attended by Spring and
Thurton; Randall, by Harry Holt and Paddington Jones.

The men stript well, and both appeared to be in excellent health, good
spirits, and high condition; but the symmetry of Randall's bust excited
general admiration; and the muscular strength of his arms, neck, and
shoulders, bore testimony to his Herculean qualities; the whole force of
his body, in fact, seem'd to be concentrated above his waistband. Martin
stood considerably above him, his arms were much longer, but they wanted
that bold and imposing weight which characterized those of Randall. They
walked up to the _scratch_, and shook hands in perfect good fellowship.
Every man now took his station, and the heroes threw themselves into
their guard.

It was rumoured that Martin intended to lose no time in manoeuvring, but
to go to work instanter. This however he found was not so easily to
be effected as suggested, for Randall had no favour to grant, and was
therefore perfectly on his guard. He was all wary caution, and had
clearly no intention of throwing away a chance, but was evidently
waiting for Martin to commence. Martin once or twice made play, but
Randall was not skittishly inclined, all was "war hawk." Randall made a
left-handed hit to draw his adversary, but found it would not do.
Martin then hit right and left, but was stopped. Randall was feeling for
Martin's wind, but hit above his mark, though not without leaving one of
a red colour, which told "a flattering tale." Randall returned with his
left, and the men got to a smart rally, when Randall got a konker, which
tapped the claret. An almost instantaneous close followed, in which
Randall, grasping Martin round the neck with his right arm, and bringing
his head to a convenient posture, sarved out punishment with his left.
This was indeed a terrific position. Randall was always famous for the
dreadful force of his short left-handed hits, and on this occasion they
lost none of their former character. Martin's nob was completely in a
vice; and while in that hopeless condition, Randall fibbed away with the
solid weight of the hammer of a tuck-mill. His aim was principally at
the neck, where every blow told with horrible violence. Eight or ten
times did he repeat the dose, and then, with a violent swing, threw
Martin to the ground, falling on him as he; went with all his weight.
The Ring resounded with applause, and Jack coolly took ~401~~ his seat
on the knee of his Second. Martin's friends began to look blue, but
still expected, the fight being young, there was yet much to be done.

All eyes were now turned to Martin, who being lifted on Spring's knee,
in a second discovered that he was done. His head fell back lifeless,
and all the efforts of Spring to keep it straight were in vain. Water
was thrown on him in abundance, but without effect: he was, in fact,
completely senseless; and the half-minute having transpired, the
Nonpareil was hailed the victor.

Randall appeared almost without a scratch, while poor Martin lay like a
lump of unleavened dough; he was removed and bled, but it was some time
before he was conscious of his defeat.

Nothing could exceed the astonishment which so sudden and complete a
finish to the business produced. The round lasted but seven minutes and
a half, of which four minutes and a half had elapsed before a blow was
attempted. Thus ended one of the most extraordinary battles between two
known game men on the pugilistic records. Very heavy bets had been made
upon it in all parts of the kingdom. One gentleman is said to have had
five thousand pounds, and another one thousand eight hundred guineas.
The gains of the conqueror were supposed to be about a thousand pounds.

The amusements of the day were concluded by a second fight between
Parish and Lashbroke, which proved a manly and determined contest for
upwards of an hour, and in which the combatants evinced considerable
skill and bravery, and was finally decided in favour of Parish. All
amusement which might have been derived from this spectacle, however,
was completely destroyed by the daring outrages of an immense gang of
pickpockets, who broke in the Ring, and closed completely up to the
ropes, carrying with them every person, of decent appearance, and openly
robbing them of their watches, pocket-books and purses. And the lateness
of the hour, it being five o'clock, and almost dark, favoured the
depredators.

In the midst of this struggle, Tom Dashall had nearly lost his fancy
topper,{1} and Tallyho was secretly eased of his clicker.{2} From the
scene of tumult and confusion they were glad to escape; and being again
safely seated in the

1 Topper--A flash term given to a hat.

2 Clicker--A flash term given to a watch,

~402~~ barouche, they made the best of their way home; in doing which,
they found the roads almost as much clogg'd as they were in the morning.
The Randallites were meritorious, and, flushed with good fortune, lined
the public-houses on the road to _wet their whistles_, singing and
shouting his name in strains to them equally inspiring as

"See the conquering hero comes!
Sound your trumpets, beat your drums;"

while the Martinites rolled along the road in sullen silence; and, by
the time they reached town, an account of the Battle was hawking about
the streets, and songs singing to the praise of the successful combatant
in all the melodious cadences of a last dying speech and confession:
such is the promptitude of London Printers, Poets, and News-venders.

"Well," said Dashall, as they re-entered the house, "the events of this
day have completely disappointed some of the knowing ones."

"That may be," replied Bob, "but they have been too knowing for me,
notwithstanding your previous instructions. However, I don't regret
seeing the humours of a Prize Ring; and the next time you catch me
there, I must take a lesson from the man of profit, and keep a wakeful
winker on the possibles. Really, I could not help feeling astonished at
the immense number of persons assembled on such an occasion."

[Illustration: page402 A Private Turn-up]

"Zounds!" said Tom, "'tis the real centre of attraction, the thing,
the tippy, and the twig, among the Lads of the Fancy. Why, it is pretty
generally known, through the medium of the newspapers, that a certain
Nobleman paid the debts of one of these Pugilists, amounting to 300L.
that he might be released from Newgate in order to fight a prize battle;
and it is not long since that the Marquis of T--ed--e, whilst
entertaining a large party, after dinner introduced the subject with so
much effect, that a purse of 100 guineas was subscribed among them for a
turn up between two of the _prime hammermen_; who, being introduced,
actually set-to in his drawing-room for the amusement of his friends.
Nor is it less true, that this sporting Nobleman gloriously took up the
conqueror, (as the saying is) and evinced his patronage and his power at
once, by actually subduing his antagonist, proving to certitude, that if
his Lordship would but practise this sublime art, he ~403~~ could hardly
fail of adding to his present title that of the Champion of England! It
is the theme of constant conversation, and in many cases there is more
anxiety about contests of this sort than there is about the arrival of a
Monarch on the Irish coast among the lads of _praties_, whiskey, and
buttermilk--thoughts are busy, energies are active--and money in galore
is circulated upon it."

Bob laughed heartily at these observations of his Cousin upon what he
termed the sublime art.

"You don't appear to enter into the spirit of it," continued Tom; "but
I can assure you, it is a very animating subject, and has occupied the
attention of all classes, from the peer to the prelate, the peasant
and the pot-boy; it is said that one of the lower order of ranting
Preachers, not many miles from Bolton-on-the-Moors, lately addressed
his auditory in the following metaphorical language, accompanied with
striking and appropriate attitudes:--'I dare say, now, you'd pay to see
a boxing-match between Randall and Turner, or Martin--yet you don't like
to pay for seeing a pitched-battle between me and the Black Champion
Beelzebub. Oh! my friends, many a hard knock, and many a cross-buttock
have I given the arch bruiser of mankind--aye, and all for your dear
sakes--pull--do pull off those gay garments of Mammon, strike the devil
a straight-forward blow in the mouth, darken his spiritual daylights.
At him manfully, give it him right and left, and I'll be your
bottle-holder--I ask nothing but the money, which you'll not forget
before you go.' "

"The true spirit moved him," said Bob, "and a very laudable one too; but
he very emphatically deprecated the votaries of Mammon."

"Certainly, he being called, would have been unworthy of his calling if
he had not."

This conversation was carried on over a glass of generous wine, and,
dwindling into indifferent subjects, is not necessary to be detailed;
suffice it to say, that, fatigued with the day's exertions, they sought
repose in the arms of Morpheus at an early hour, determined on the
pursuit of fresh game with the dawn of the morning.404~~

CHAPTER XXVI

"See yonder beaux, so delicately gay;
And yonder belles, so'deck'd in thin array--
Ah! rather see not what a decent pride
Would teach a maiden modestly to hide;
The dress so flimsy, the exposure such,
"twould almost make a very wanton blush.
E'en married dames, forgetting what is due
To sacred ties, give half clad charms to view.
What calls them forth to brave the daring glance,
The public ball, the midnight wanton dance?
There many a blooming nymph, by fashion led,
Has felt her health, her peace, her honour fled;
Truss'd her fine form to strange fantastic shapes,
To be admir'd, and twirl'd about by apes;
Or, mingling in the motley masquerade,
Found innocence by visor'd vice betrayed."

AN agreeable lounge through the Parks in the morning afforded them an
opportunity of recalling in idea the pleasures of the past Real Life in
London, of which Tallyho had been enabled to partake, and during which
he again signified a desire to change the scene, by a departure at
an early period for his native vales, to breathe, as he observed, the
uncontaminated air of the country--to watch the wary pointer, and mark
the rising covey--to pursue the timid hare, or chase the cunning
fox; and Dashall finding him inflexible, notwithstanding his glowing
descriptions of scenes yet unexplored, at length consented to accompany
him to Belville Hall, upon condition that they should return again in
a month. This mode of arrangement seemed perfectly satisfactory to Bob;
and a view of the Panorama and a peep at the Tennis Court would have
finished their rambles for the day, but at the latter place of
amusement and healthful exercise, meeting with young Mortimer, a further
developement of facts relative to Sparkle and his Bride transpired; in
which it appeared that they had arrived at their place of destination,
and had forwarded an invitation to his brother-in-law to ~405~~ pay them
an early visit, and who proposed starting in a few days.

"Well," said Dashall, "we will all go together, and no doubt with our
old friend Sparkle we shall be able to endure the unchanging prospects
of a country life."

"In the Country how blest, when it rains in the fields,
To feast upon transports that shuttle-cock yields;
Or go crawling from window to window, to see
An ass on a common, a crow on a tree.

In the Country you're nail'd, like some pale in your park,
To some stick of a neighbour, crammed into the ark;
And if you are sick, or in fits tumble down,
You reach death ere the Doctor can reach you from town."

"Never mind," cried Tallyho, "a change of scene will no doubt be useful,
and, at all events, by enduring the one, we may learn more judiciously
to appreciate the other."

"True," said Tom, "and I shall like myself all the better for being
in good company. But pray, Mr. Mortimer, what do you mean to do at the
approaching masquerade?"

"Not quite decided yet," was the reply.

"You go, of course?"

"Certainly--as Orpheus, or Apollo. But pray what character do you intend
to sustain?"

"That's a secret--"

"Worth knowing, I suppose--well, well, I shall find you out, never
fear."

"Time's a tell-tale," said Dashall, "and will most likely unfold all
mysteries; but I always think the life and spirit of a masquerade is
much injured by a knowledge of the characters assumed by friends, unless
it be where two or more have an intention of playing, as it were,
to, and with each other; for where there is mystery, there is always
interest. I shall therefore propose that we keep to ourselves the
characters in which we mean to appear; for I am determined, if possible,
to have a merry night of it."

"On the lightly sportive wing,
At pleasure's call we fly;
Hark! they dance, they play, they sing,
In merry merry revelry;
Hark! the tabors lively beat,
And the flute in numbers sweet,
Fill the night with delight
At the Masquerade.
Let the grave ones warn us as they may,
Of every harmless joy afraid;
Whilst we're young and gay,
We'll frolic and play
At the Masquerade."

~406~~ Tom's observations upon this subject were in perfect accordance
with those of. Mortimer and Tallyho; though he had intended to consult
his Cousin as to the character he should appear in, he now determined
to take his own direction, or to have advice from Fentum in the Strand,
whose advertisements to supply dresses, &c. he had observed in the
newspapers.

These preliminaries being decided upon, as far as appeared needful at
the moment, Mortimer departed towards home, where he expected to meet
his Uncle upon his return from the chase after the fugitives, Sparkle
and Miss Mortimer, now Mrs. Sparkle; and Tom and Bob to Piccadilly,
where a select party of Dashall's friends were invited to dinner, and
where they enjoyed a pleasant evening, drank rather freely, and had but
little to regret after it, except certain qualmish feelings of the head
and stomach the next morning.

The anticipated Masquerade had been the principal subject of
conversation, so long as reason held her sway; but the hard exercise of
the arm, and the generosity of the wine, had an early and visible effect
upon some of the party, who did not separate till a late hour, leaving
Bob just strength and intelligence enough to find the way to his
dormitory.

By the arrival of the appointed evening for the grand Masquerade at
Vauxhall Gardens, Tom Dashall, who had a particular view in keeping
his intended proceedings a secret, had arranged all to his wishes, and
anticipated considerable amusement from the interest he should take
in the safety of his Cousin, whom he entertained no doubt of quickly
discovering, and with whom he determined to promote as much mirth as
possible.

Tallyho, in the mean time, had also made occasional calls upon Merrywell
in his confinement, and, under his direction, been preparing for the
occasion, equally determined, if possible, to turn the laugh on his
Cousin; ~407~~ and it must be acknowledged, he could scarcely have
found a more able tutor, though he was doomed rather to suffer by
his confidence in his instructor, as will hereafter be seen; for, in
escaping the intended torment of one, he was unexpectedly subjected to
the continual harassing of another.

It was about half after eleven o'clock, when Tallyho, duly equipped in
his country costume, as a Huntsman, entered this splendid and spacious
scene of brilliancy. The blaze of light which burst upon him, and the
variety of characters in constant motion, appeared almost to render him
motionless; and several of the would-be characters passed him with a
vacant stare, declaring he was no character at all! nor was he roused
from his lethargic position till he heard a view halloo, which seemed
to come from a distant part of the Garden, and was so delivered, as
actually to give him an idea of the party being in pursuit of game, by
growing fainter towards the close, as if receding from him. The sound
immediately animated him, and answering it in a truly sportsman-like
style, he burst from his situation, and cracking his whip, at full speed
followed in the direction from which it came, under the impression that
he knew the voice of Dashall, and should discover him. In his speed,
however, he was rather rudely attacked by a small dandy personage,
whose outward appearance indicated some pretensions to manhood, with a
"Demmee, Sir, how dare you be rude to my voman! for egad I shall have
you clapped in the Round-house--here, Vatchman, take this here man in
charge--Vatch! Vatch!" The voice however soon told him he had a lady to
deal with, and he entered into a long harangue by way of apology. This
not being acceptable to the offended party, he was surrounded by a host
of Charleys springing their rattles all at once, and, notwithstanding
the dexterous use of his whip, he was obliged to yield. At this moment,
Tallyho was again sounded in his ears, issuing from another quarter; but
his struggles to pursue the party from whom it came were ineffectual. A
rough-hewn Sailor with a pipe in his mouth, and an immense cudgel in
his hand, however, arrived to his assistance, accompanied by an Irish
Chairman in a large blue coat, and a cock'd hat bound with gold lace,
armed with a chair-pole, who effected his liberty; and he again scoured
off in pursuit ~408~~ of his friend, but without success. He now began
to think his situation not altogether so pleasant as he could wish. He
listened to every voice, examined every form that passed him in rapid
succession; yet he felt himself alone, and determined not to be led away
by sounds such as had already occupied his attention, but rather to look
about him, and notice the eccentricities with which he was surrounded.
Sauntering along in this mood, he was presently assailed by a voice
behind him, exclaiming, "Bob--

"Bob, if you wish to go safely on,
Tarn round about, and look out for the Don."

Upon hearing this, he turned hastily around, and encountered a group
of Chimney-sweepers, who immediately set up such a clatter with their
brushes and shovels, dancing at the same time in the true May-day style
round him and a strapping Irish fish-woman, that he was completely
prevented from pursuit, and almost from observation, while a universal
laugh from those near him bespoke the mirth his situation excited; and
the Hibernian damsel, with true Irish sympathy, attempted to allay his
chagrin by clasping him in her brawny arms, and imprinting on his ruddy
cheek a kiss. This only served to heighten their merriment and increase
his embarrassment, particularly as his _Cher ami_ swore she had not had
a buss like it since the death of her own dear dead and departed Phelim,
the last of her four husbands, who died of a whiskey fever, bawling for
pratees and buttermilk, and was waked in a coal-shed.

This mark of the Lady's favour was not so favourably received by
Tallyho, and, determined to make his escape, he gave Moll a violent
fling from him, overturned her and her basket, knock'd down two of the
Chimney-sweepers, and then with a leap as if he had been springing at
a five-barred gate, jumped over his late companion, who lay sprawling
among the flue-fakers, and effected his purpose, to the inexpressible
amusement of those, who, after enjoying a hearty laugh at him, now
transferred their risibility to those he left behind. Finding himself
once more unshackled, he smack'd his whip with enthusiasm, and repeated
his Tallyho with increased effect; for it was immediately answered, and,
without waiting for its final close, he found the person from whom it
was ~409~~ proceeding to be no other than a Turk, who was precipitately
entering one of the rooms, and was as quickly recognized by him to be
the Hon. Tom Dashall. The alteration which a Turkish turban and pelisse
had effected in his person, would however have operated as an effectual
bar to this discovery, had he not seized him in the very moment of
vociferation; and although his Cousin had been the chief cause of the
adventures he had already met with, he had at the same time kept an eye
upon Bob, and been equally instrumental in effecting his release from
embarrassment.

"Come," said Tom, "I am for a little gig in the Room--how long have
you been here?--I thought I should find you out, very few can disguise
themselves from me; we will now be spectators for half an hour, and
enjoy the mirth excited by others."