Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.

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1 The Constable of the night.

156~~Bob could not very well understand what was the meaning of this
lingo; he was perfectly at a loss to comprehend the terms of deadbody
snatching and the resurrection rig. The crowd increased as they went
along; and as they did not exactly relish their company, Sparkle led.
them across the way, and then proceeded to explain.

"Why," said Sparkle, "the custom of dead-body snatching has become
very common in London, and in many cases appears to be winked at by the
Magistrates; for although it is considered a felony in law, it is also
acknowledged in some degree to be necessary for the Surgeons, in
order to have an opportunity of obtaining practical information. It is
however, at the same time, a source of no slight distress to the parents
and friends of the parties who are dragg'd from the peaceful security of
the tomb. The _Resurrection-men_ are generally well rewarded for their
labours by the Surgeons who employ them to procure subjects; they are
for the most part fellows who never stick at trifles, but make a decent
livelihood by moving off, if they can, not only the bodies, but coffins,
shrouds, &c. and are always upon the look-out wherever there is a
funeral--nay, there have been instances in which the bodies have been
dug from their graves within a few hours after being deposited there."

"It is a shameful practice," said Bob, "and ought not to be tolerated,
however; nor can I conceive how, with the apparent vigilance of the
Police, it can be carried on."

"Nothing more easy," said Sparkle, "where the plan is well laid. These
fellows, when they hear a passing-bell toll, skulk about the parish from
ale-house to ale-house, till ~157~~they can learn a proper account of
what the deceased died of, what condition the body is in, &c. with which
account they go to a _Resurrection Doctor_, who agrees for a price,
which is mostly five guineas, for the body of a man, and then bargain
with an Undertaker for the shroud, coffin, &c. which, perhaps with a
little alteration, may serve to run through the whole family."

"And is it possible," said Bob, "that there are persons who will enter
into such bargains?"

"No doubt of it; nay, there was an instance of a man really selling his
own body to a Surgeon, to be appropriated to his own purposes when dead,
for a certain weekly sum secured to him while living; but in robbing
the church-yards there are always many engaged in the rig--for notice is
generally given that the body will be removed in the night, to which the
Sexton is made privy, and receives the information with as much ease as
he did to have it brought--his price being a guinea for the use of the
_grubbing irons_, adjusting the grave, &c. This system is generally
carried on in little country church-yards within a few miles of London.
A hackney-coach or a cart is ready to receive the stolen property, and
there cannot be a doubt but many of these depredations are attended with
success, the parties escaping with their prey undetected--nay, I know
of an instance that occurred a short time back, of a young man who was
buried at Wesley's Chapel, on which occasion one of the mourners, a
little more wary than the rest, could not help observing two or three
rough fellows in the ground during the ceremony, which aroused his
suspicion that they intended after interment to have the body of his
departed friend; this idea became so strongly rooted in his mind, that
he imparted his suspicions to the remainder of those who had followed
him: himself and another therefore determined if possible to satisfy
themselves upon the point, by returning in the dusk of the evening to
reconnoitre. They accordingly proceeded to the spot, but the gates being
shut, one of them climbed to the top of the wall, where he discovered
the very parties, he had before noticed, in the act of wrenching open
the coffin. Here they are, said he, hard at it, as I expected. But
before he and his friend could get over the wall, the villains
effected their escape, leaving behind them a capacious sack and all the
implements of their infernal trade. They secured the body, had ~158~~it
conveyed home again, and in a few days re-buried it in a place of
greater security.{1}

Bob was surprised at this description of the _Resurrection-rig_, but was
quickly drawn from his contemplation of the depravity of human nature,
and what he could not help thinking the dirty employments of life, by
a shouting apparently from several voices as they passed the end of
St. Martin's Lane: it came from about eight persons, who appeared to be
journeymen mechanics, with pipes in their mouths, some of them rather
_rorytorious_,{2} who, as they approached, broke altogether into the
following

SONG.{3}

"I'm a frolicsome young fellow, I live at my ease,
I work when I like, and I play when I please;
I'm frolicsome, good-natured--I'm happy and free,
And I care not a jot what the world thinks of me.

With my bottle and glass some hours I pass,
Sometimes with my friend, and sometimes with my lass:
I'm frolicsome, good-natur'd--I'm happy and free,
And I don't care one jot what the world thinks of me.

By the cares of the nation I'll ne'er be perplex'd,
I'm always good-natur'd, e'en though I am vex'd;
I'm frolicsome, good-humour'd--I'm happy and free,
And I don't care one d----n what the world thinks of me.

1 A circumstance very similar to the one here narrated by
Sparkle actually occurred, and can be well authenticated.

2 Rorytorious--Noisy.

3 This song is not introduced for the elegance of its
composition, but as the Author has actually heard it in the
streets at the flight of night or the peep of day, sung in
full chorus, as plain as the fumes of the pipes and the
hiccups would allow the choristers at those hours to
articulate; and as it is probably the effusion of some
Shopmate in unison with the sentiments of many, it forms
part of Real Life deserving of being recorded in this Work.

Particular trades have particular songs suitable to the
employment in which they are engaged, which while at work
the whole of the parties will join in. In Spitalfields,
Bethnal-green, &c. principally inhabited by weavers, it is
no uncommon thing to hear twenty or thirty girls singing,
with their shuttles going--The Death of Barbary Allen--There
was an old Astrologer--Mary's Dream, or Death and the Lady;
and we remember a Watch-maker who never objected to hear his
boys sing; but although he was himself a loyal subject, he
declared he could not bear God Save the King; and upon being
ask'd his reason--Why, said he, it is too slow--for as the
time goes, so the fingers move--Give us _Drops of Brandy_,
or _Go to the Devil and Shake Yourself_--then I shall have
some work done.

~159~~This Song, which was repeated three or four times, was continued
till their arrival at Newport-market, where the Songsters divided: our
party pursued their way through Coventry-street, and arrived without
further adventure or interruption safely at home. Sparkle bade them
adieu, and proceeded to Bond-street; and Tom and Bob sought the repose
of the pillow.

It is said that "Music hath charms to sooth the savage breast," and it
cannot but be allowed that the _Yo heave ho_, of our Sailors, or the
sound of a fiddle, contribute much to the speed of weighing anchor.

It is an indisputable fact that there are few causes which more
decidedly form, or at least there are few evidences which more clearly
indicate, the true character of a nation, than its Songs and Ballads. It
has been observed by the learned Selden, that you may see which way the
wind sets by throwing a straw up into the air, when you cannot make the
same discovery by tossing up a stone or other weighty substance. Thus it
is with Songs and Ballads, respecting the state of public feeling, when
productions of a more elaborate nature fail in their elucidations: so
much so that it is related of a great Statesman, who was fully convinced
of the truth of the observation, that he said, "Give me the making of
the national Ballads, and I care not who frames your Laws." Every day's
experience tends to prove the power which the _sphere-born_ Sisters of
harmony, voice, and verse, have over the human mind. "I would rather,"
says Mr. Sheridan, "have written Glover's song of 'Hosier's Ghost' than
the Annals of Tacitus."~160~~

CHAPTER XII

O what a town, what a wonderful Metropolis!
Sure such a town as this was never seen;
Mayor, common councilmen, citizens and populace,
Wand'ring from Poplar to Turnham Green.

Chapels, churches, synagogues, distilleries and county banks--
Poets, Jews and gentlemen, apothecaries, mountebanks--
There's Bethlem Hospital, and there the Picture Gallery;
And there's Sadler's Wells, and there the Court of Chancery.

O such a town, such a wonderful Metropolis,
Sure such a town as this was never seen!
O such a town, and such a heap of carriages,
Sure such a motley group was never seen;
Such a swarm of young and old, of buryings and marriages,
All the world seems occupied in ceaseless din.

There's the Bench, and there's the Bank--now only take a peep at her--
And there's Rag Fair, and there the East-London Theatre--
There's St. James's all so fine, St. Giles's all in tattery,
Where fun and frolic dance the rig from Saturday to Saturday.
O what a town, what a wonderful Metropolis,
Sure such a town as this was never seen!

A SHORT time after this day's ramble, the Hon. Tom Dash all and his
friend Tallyho paid a visit to the celebrated Tattersall's.

[Illustration: page160 Tattersall's]

"This," said Tom, "is a great scene of action at times, and you will
upon some occasions find as much business done here as there is on
'Change; the dealings however are not so fair, though the profits
are larger; and if you observe the characters and the visages of the
visitants, it will be found it is most frequently attended by Turf-Jews
and Greeks.{1} Any man indeed who dabbles in horse-dealing, must, like
a gamester, be either a rook or a pigeon; {2} for horse-dealing is a
species of gambling, in which as many

1 Turf-Jews and Greeks--Gamblers at races, trotting-
matches, &c.

2 Rooks and Pigeons are frequenters of gaming-houses: the
former signifying the successful adventurer, and the latter
the unfortunate dupe.

~161~~depredations are committed upon the property of the unwary as in
any other, and every one engaged in it thinks it a meritorious act to
dupe his chapman. Even noblemen and gentlemen, who in other
transactions of life are honest, will make no scruple of cheating you in
horse-dealing: nor is this to be wondered at when we consider that
the Lord and the Baronet take lessons from their grooms, jockeys, or
coachmen, and the nearer approach they can make to the appearance
and manners of their tutors, the fitter the pupils for turf-men, or
gentlemen dealers; for the school in which they learn is of such
a description that dereliction of principle is by no means
surprising--fleecing each other is an every-day practice--every one
looks upon his fellow as a bite, and young men of fashion learn how to
buy and sell, from old whips, jockeys, or rum ostlers, whose practices
have put them up to every thing, and by such ruffian preceptors are
frequently taught to make three quarters or seventy-five per cent,
profit, which is called turning an honest penny. This, though frequently
practised at country fairs, &c. by horse-jobbers, &c. is here executed
with all the dexterity and art imaginable: for instance, you have
a distressed friend whom you know must sell; you commiserate his
situation, and very kindly find all manner of faults with his horse, and
buy it for half its value--you also know a Green-horn and an extravagant
fellow, to whom you sell it for twice its value, and that is the neat
thing. Again, if you have a horse you wish to dispose of, the same
school will afford you instruction how to make the most of him, that is
to say, to conceal his vices and defects, and by proper attention to put
him into condition, to alter his whole appearance by hogging, cropping,
and docking--by patching up his broken knees--blowing gun-powder in his
dim eyes--bishoping, blistering, &c. so as to turn him out in good twig,
scarcely to be known by those who have frequently seen and noticed him:
besides which, at the time of sale one of these gentry will aid and
assist your views by pointing out his recommendations in some such
observations as the following:

'There's a horse truly good and well made.

'There's the appearance of a fine woman! broad breast, round hips, and
long neck.

'There's the countenance, intrepidity, and fire of a lion.

'There's the eye, joint, and nostril of an ox.

~162~~'There's the nose, gentleness, and patience of a lamb.

'There's the strength, constancy, and foot of a mule.

'There's the hair, head, and leg of a deer.

'There's the throat, neck, and hearing of a wolf.

'There's the ear, brush, and trot of a fox.

'There's the memory, sight, and turning of a serpent.

'There's the running, suppleness, and innocence of the hare.

"And if a horse sold for sound wind, limb, and eyesight, with all the
gentleness of a lamb, that a child might ride him with safety, should
afterwards break the purchaser's neck, the seller has nothing to do with
it, provided he has received the _bit_,{1} but laughs at the _do_.{2}
Nay, they will sometimes sell a horse, warranted to go as steady as ever
a horse went in harness, to a friend, assuring him at the same time that
he has not a fault of any kind--that he is good as ever shoved a head
through a horse-collar; and if he should afterwards rear up in the gig,
and overturn the driver into a ditch, shatter the concern to
pieces, spill Ma'am, and kill both her and the child of promise, the
conscientious Horse-dealer has nothing to do with all this: How could
he help it? he sold the horse for a good horse, and a good horse he was.
This is all in the way of fair dealing. Again, if a horse is sold as
sound, and he prove broken-winded, lame, or otherwise, not worth
one fortieth part of the purchase-money, still it is only a piece of
jockeyship--a fair manouvre, affording opportunities of merriment."

"A very laudable sort of company," said Bob.

"It is rather a mixed one," replied Tom--"it is indeed a complete
mixture of all conditions, ranks, and orders of society. But let us take
a peep at some of them. Do you observe that stout fellow yonder, with
a stick in his hand? he has been a _Daisy-kicker_, and, by his arts and
contrivances having saved a little money, is now a regular dealer, and
may generally be seen here on selling days."

"Daisy-kicker," said Bob, "I don't comprehend the term."

"Then I will explain," was the reply. "Daisy-kickers are Ostlers
belonging to large inns, who are known to each other by that title, and
you may frequently hear them

1 Bit--A cant term for money.

2 Do--Any successful endeavour to over-reach another is by
these gentlemen call'd a do, meaning--so and so has been
done.

~163~~ask--When did you sell your Daisy-kicker or Grogham?--for these
terms are made use of among themselves as cant for a horse. Do you also
observe, he is now in close conversation with a person who he expects
will become a purchaser."

"And who is he?"

"He is no other than a common informer, though in high life; keeps his
carriage, horses, and servants--lives in the first style--he is shortly
to be made a Consul of, and perhaps an Ambassador afterwards. The first
is to all intents and purposes a Lord of Trade, and his Excellency
nothing more than a titled spy, in the same way as a Bailiff is a
follower of the law, and a man out of livery a Knight's companion or a
Nobleman's gentleman."

Their attention was at this moment attracted by the appearance of two
persons dressed in the extreme of fashion, who, upon meeting just by
them, caught eagerly hold of each other's hand, and they overheard
the following--'Why, Bill, how am you, my hearty?--where have you
been _trotting your galloper_?--what is you arter?--how's Harry and
Ben?--haven't seen you this blue moon.'{1}

'All tidy,' was the reply; 'Ben is getting better, and is going to sport
a new curricle, which is now building for him in Long Acre, as soon as
he is recovered.'

'Why what the devil's the matter with him, eh?'

'Nothing of any consequence, only he got mill'd a night or two ago about
his blowen--he had one of his ribs broke, sprained his right wrist, and
sports a _painted peeper_{2} upon the occasion, that's all.'

'Why you know he's no _bad cock_ at the Fancy, and won't put up with any
gammon.'

'No, but he was lushy, and so he got queer'd--But I say, have you sold
your bay?'

'No, d----n me, I can't get my price.'

'Why, what is it you axes?'{3}

'Only a hundred and thirty--got by Agamemnon. Lord, it's no price at
all--cheap as dirt--But I say, Bill,

1 Blue moon--This is usually intended to imply a long time.

2 Painted peeper--A black eye.

3 Axes--Among the swell lads, and those who affect the
characters of knowing coveys, there is a common practice of
endeavouring to coin new words and new modes of expression,
evidently intended to be thought wit; and this affectation
frequently has the effect of creating a laugh.

~164~~how do you come on with your grey, and the pie-bald poney?'

'All right and regular, my boy; matched the poney for a light curricle,
and I swapped{1} the grey for an entire horse--such a rum one--when
will you come and take a peep at him?--all bone, fine shape and action,
figure beyond compare--I made a rare good chop of it.'

'I'm glad to hear it; I'll make a survey, and take a ride with you the
first leisure day; but I'm full of business, no time to spare--I say,
are, you a dealer?'

'No, no, it won't do, I lost too much at the Derby--besides, I must go
and drive my Girl out--_Avait, that's the time of day_,{2} my boys--so
good by--But if you should be able to pick up a brace of clever
pointers, a prime spaniel, or a greyhound to match Smut, I'm your
man--buy for me, and all's right--price, you know, is out of the
question, I must have them if they are to be got, so look out--bid and
buy; but mind, nothing but prime will do for me--that's the time of day,
you know, d----n me--so good by--I'm off.' And away he went.

"Some great sporting character, I suppose," said Bob--"plenty of money."

"No such thing," said Tom, drawing him on one side--"you will hardly
believe that Bill is nothing more than a Shopman to a Linen-draper,
recently discharged for malpractices; and the other has been a Waiter
at a Tavern, but is now out of place; and they are both upon the
sharp look-out to _gammon the flats_. The former obtains his present
livelihood by gambling--spends the most of his time in playing cards
with _greenhorns_, always to be picked up at low flash houses, at fairs,
races, milling-matches, &c. and is also in the holy keeping of the
cast-off mistress of a nobleman whose family he was formerly in as a
_valet-de-chambre_. The other pretends to teach sparring in the City,
and occasionally has a benefit in the Minories, Duke's Place, and the
Fives Court."

"They talk it well, however," said Bob.

1 Swapp'd--Exchanged.

2 That's the time of day--That's your sort--that's the
barber--keep moving--what am you arter--what am you up to--
there never was such times--that's the Dandy--Go along Bob,
&c. are ex-pressions that are frequently made use of by the
people of the Metropolis; and indeed fashion seems almost to
have as much to do with our language as with our dress or
manners.

~165~~"Words are but wind, many a proud word comes off a weak stomach,"
was the reply; "and you may almost expect not to hear a word of truth in
this place, which may be termed The Sporting Repository--it is the grand
mart for horses and for other fashionable animals--for expensive asses,
and all sorts of sporting-dogs, town-puppies, and second-hand
vehicles. Here bets are made for races and fights--matches are made up
here--bargains are struck, and engagements entered into, with as much
form, regularity, and importance, as the progress of parliamentary
proceedings--points of doubt upon all occasions of jockeyship are
decided here; and no man of fashion can be received into what is termed
polished society, without a knowledge of this place and some of the
visitors. The proceedings however are generally so managed, that the
ostlers, the jockeys, the grooms, and the dealers, come best off, from
a superiority of knowledge and presumed judgment--they have a method of
patching up deep matches to _diddle the dupes_, and to introduce _throws
over, doubles, double doubles_, to ease the heavy pockets of their
burdens. The system of puffing is also as much in use here as among the
Lottery-office Keepers, the Quack Doctors, or the Auctioneers; and
the __Knowing ones, by an understanding amongst each other, sell their
cattle almost for what they please, if it so happens they are not
immediately in want of the _ready_,{1} which, by the way, is an article
too frequently in request--and here honest poverty is often obliged to
sell at any rate, while the rich black-leg takes care only to sell to
a good advantage, making a point at the same time not only to make the
most of his cattle, but also of his friend or acquaintance."

"Liberal and patriotic-minded men!" said Bob; "it is a noble Society,
and well worthy of cultivation."

"It is fashionable Society, at least," continued Tom, "and deserving of
observation, for it is fraught with instruction."

"I think so, indeed," was the reply; "but I really begin to suspect that
I shall scarcely have confidence to venture out alone, for there does
not appear to be any part of your wonderful Metropolis but what is
infested with some kind of shark or other."

"It is but too true, and it is therefore the more necessary to make
yourself acquainted with them; it is rather a long lesson, but really
deserving of being learnt. You

1 The ready--Money.

~166~~perceive what sort of company you are now in, as far as may be
judged from their appearances; but they are not to be trusted, for I
doubt not but you would form erroneous conclusions from such premises.
The company that assembles here is generally composed of a great variety
of characters--the Idler, the Swindler, the Dandy, the Exquisite, the
full-pursed young Peer, the needy Sharper, the gaudy Pauper, and the
aspiring School-boy, anxious to be thought a dealer and a judge of the
article before him--looking at a horse with an air of importance and
assumed intelligence, bidding with a trembling voice and palpitating
heart, lest it should be knock'd down to him. Do you see that dashing
fellow nearly opposite to us, in the green frock-coat, top-boots, and
spurs?--do you mark how he nourishes his whip, and how familiar he seems
to be with the knowing old covey in brown?"

"Yes; I suppose he is a dealer."

"You are right, he is a dealer, but it is in man's flesh, not horse
flesh: he is a _Bum trap_{1} in search of some friend

1 Bum trap--A term pretty generally in use to denominate a
Bailiff or his follower--they are also called Body-
snatchers. The ways and means made use of by these gentry to
make their captions are innumerable: they visit all places,
assume all characters, and try all stratagems, to secure
their friends, in order that they may have an opportunity of
obliging them, which they have a happy facility in doing,
provided the party can _bleed free_.* Among others, the
following are curious facts:

A Gentleman, who laboured under some peculiar difficulties,
found it desirable for the sake of his health to retire into
the country, where he secluded himself pretty closely from
the vigilant anxieties of his friends, who were in search of
him and had made several fruitless attempts to obtain an
interview. The Traps having ascertained the place of his
retreat, from which it appeared that nothing but stratagem
could draw him, a knowing old snatch determined to effect
his purpose, and succeeded in the following manner:

One day as the Gentleman came to his window, he discovered a
man, seemingly in great agitation, passing and re-passing;
at length, however, he stopped suddenly, and with a great
deal of attention fixed his eyes upon a tree which stood
nearly opposite to the window. In a few minutes he returned
to it, pulled out a book, in which he read for a few
minutes, and then drew forth a rope from his pocket, with
which he suspended himself from the tree. The Gentleman,
eager to save the life of a fellow-creature, ran out and cut
him down. This was scarcely accomplished, before he found
the man whom he had rescued (as he thought) from death,
slapp'd him on the shoulder, informed him that he was his
prisoner, and in return robbed him of his liberty!