My New Curate
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P.A. Sheehan >> My New Curate
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"Certainly."
"The English of Shakespeare is not ours."
"Quite so."
"Even words have come to have exactly antithetical meanings, even in a
lapse of three hundred years."
"Very good."
"And it is said that, owing to accretions, the language we speak will be
unintelligible in a hundred years' time."
"Possibly."
"Now, would you not say that a contemporary of Shakespeare's would be a
better judge of his poetry and its allusive and natural meaning than
ever so learned a linguist, after an interval of change?"
"Well, I should say so. I don't know where you are drifting."
"What is the reason that we never heard of these 'internal evidences,'
these 'historical coincidences,' these 'exclusive idioms,' from Origen
or Dionysius, or from Jerome or Augustine, from any one of the Fathers,
who held what we hold, and what the Church has always taught, about the
authorship of the Sacred Books, and to whom Hebrew and Greek were
vernacular?"
"But, my dear sir, there are evident interpolations even in the
Gospels. Do you really mean to tell me that that canticle of the
_Magnificat_ was uttered by a young Hebrew girl on Hebron, and was not
rather the deliberate poetical conception of the author of St. Luke's
Gospel?"
I jumped from my seat; but I needn't have done so. I saw by the
whitening under my curate's eyes, and the compression of his lips, and
his eyes glowing like coal, that our dear little Queen's honor was safe
in his hands. Father Duff couldn't have stumbled on a more unhappy
example for himself. Father Letheby placed his elbows on the table and,
leaning forward, he said in a low, tremulous voice:
"You may be very learned, Father, and I believe you are; but for all the
learning stored up in those German universities, which you so much
admire, I would not think as you appear to think on this sacred subject.
If anything could show the tendency of modern interpretations of the
Holy Scriptures, it would be the painful and almost blasphemous opinion
to which you have just given expression. It is the complete elimination
of the supernatural, the absolute denial of Inspiration. If the
_Magnificat_ is not an inspired utterance, I should like to know what
is."
There was a painful silence for a few seconds, during which I could hear
the ticking of my watch. Then the Master of Conference arose, and,
kneeling, said the _Actiones nostras_. We were all gathering up our
books and papers to disperse, when the Bishop said:--
"Gentlemen, the annual procession in honor of our Blessed Lady will be
held in the Cathedral and College grounds on the evening of May the
31st. I shall be glad to see there as many of you as can attend. Dinner
at four; rosary and sermon at seven o'clock. Father Letheby, would you
do me the favor of preaching for us on that occasion?"
Father Letheby blushed an affirmative; and then the bishop, with
delightful tact, turned to the humbled and almost effaced Father Duff,
and said:--
"Father Duff, leave me that paper; I think I'll adopt the admirable
suggestion of our friend, Father Dan."
Some of the young fellows, wits and wags as they were, circulated
through the diocese the report that I tried to kiss the bishop. Now,
there is not a word of truth in that--and for excellent reasons. First,
because like Zacchaeus, I am short of stature; and the bishop--God bless
him!--is a fine, portly man. Secondly, because I have an innate and
congenital dread of that little square of purple under his Lordship's
chin. I'm sure I don't know why, but it always gives me the shivers. I'm
told that they are allowing some new class of people called
"Monsignori," and even some little canons, to assume the distinctive
color of the episcopate. 'T is a great mistake. Our Fathers in God should
have their own peculiar colors, as they have their own peculiar and
tremendous responsibilities. But I'll tell you what I did. I kissed the
bishop's ring, and I think I left a deep indentation on his Lordship's
little finger.
The Master of Conference detained me.
"I'm beginning to like that young fellow of yours," he said. "He appears
to have more piety than learning."
"He has both," I replied.
"So he has; so he has, indeed. What are we coming to? What are we coming
to, at all?"
"Then I suppose," I said, "I needn't mind that bell?"
"What bell?"
"The bell that I was to tie around his neck."
"Father Dan, you have too long a memory; good by! I'm glad you've not
that infidel, Duff, as curate."
We went home at a rapid pace, my curate and I, both too filled with
thought to speak much. At last, I said, shaking up:--
"I'm beginning to think that I, too, took forty winks during the reading
of that paper."
"I think about forty minutes of winks, Father Dan," he replied. "You
slept steadily for forty minutes out of the forty-five."
"That's a calumnious exaggeration," I said; "don't I remember all about
Job, and Daniel, and the synoptic Gospels."
"These were a few preliminaries," replied my curate.
"But who was that undignified and ungentlemanly fellow that woke us all
with such a snore? I suppose it was Delaney?"
"No; it was not Delaney. He was too agitated after his rencontre with
the chairman to fall asleep."
"Indeed? Perhaps it would be as well for me not to pursue the subject
further. This will be a great sermon of yours."
"I'm very nervous about it," he said, shaking the reins. "It is not the
sermon I mind, but all the dislike and jealousy and rancor it will
cause."
"You can avoid all that," I replied.
"How?"
"Break down hopelessly and they'll all love you. That is the only road
to popularity--to make a fool of yourself."
"I did that to-day," he said. "I made a most determined cast-iron
resolution not to open my lips unless I was interrogated, but I could
not stand that perkiness and self-sufficiency of Duff, especially when
it developed into irreverence."
"If you had not spoken I should have challenged him; and I am not sure I
would have been so polite as you were. The thing was unpardonable."
We dined at Father Letheby's. Just after dinner there was a timid knock
at the door. He went out, and returned in a few minutes looking
despondent and angry. I had heard the words from the hall:--
"She must give it up, your reverence. Her little chest is all falling
in, and she's as white as a corpse."
"One of the girls giving up work at the machines," he replied. "She's
suffering from chest trouble, it appears, from bending over this work."
"Who is she?" I queried.
"Minnie Carmody--that tall girl who sat near the door."
"H'm," I said. "I think it would be nearer the truth to say that Minnie
Carmody's delicacy comes from the vinegar bottle and white paper. She
was ashamed of her red face, and this is the latest recommendation of
the novelette to banish roses, and leave the lilies of anaemia and
consumption."
"It augurs badly, however," he replied. "The factory is not open quite a
month yet."
CHAPTER XXIV
THE SERMON
I am quite sure that sermon cost me more anxiety and trouble than Father
Letheby suffered. I was deeply interested in its success, of course. But
that was not the point. I am probably the feeblest and worst preacher in
my diocese. This gives me the indefeasible right to dogmatize about
preaching. Just as failures in literary attempts are the credentials of
a great critic, so writers on sermons can claim the high authority and
ambassadorship to dictate to the world, on the grounds that they are
incapable of producing even a catechetical discourse. But they fall back
upon that universal and indisputable privilege of our race--the belief
in their own infallibility. It often surprised me that the definition of
Papal Infallibility, which concentrated in the Vicegerent of the Most
High the reputed privilege of our race, did not create a greater outcry.
It was the final onslaught of the Holy Spirit on the unspeakable vanity
of the race. It was the death-blow to private judgment. At least, it
ought to have been. But, alas! human vanity and presumption are eternal
and indestructible. From the corner-boy here at my window, who asks
indignantly, "Why the deuce did not Gladstone push his Bill through the
House of Lords, and then force the Commons to accept it?" to the flushed
statesman, whose dream is Imperialism; from the little manikin critic,
who swells out his chest, and demands summary vengeance on that idiot of
an author who has had the daring presumption to write a book on the
Greek accent, or binary stars, up to the _Jupiter Tonans_ of the
world-wide circulating journal, which dictates to the universe, it is
all the same. Each from his own little pedestal--it may be the shuffling
stilts of three feet high, or it may be the lofty security of the
Vendome column--shrieks out his little opinion, and demands the silence
or assent of the universe. Would that our modern Stylites, like to those
of old, might, from their eminences, preach their own nothingness! Would
that, like the Muezzins of Islam, they might climb the minarets of
publicity and fame, only to call the world to praise and prayer!
But I, sharing the weaknesses, and, therefore, the privileges of a
common humanity, claim the right to the luxury of preaching, which comes
nearest to that of criticising, and is only in the third degree of
inferiority from that supreme pleasure that is involved in _I told you
so_.
And so, here by the western seas, where the homeless Atlantic finds a
home, do I, a simple, rural priest, venture to homilize and
philosophize on that great human gift of talk. Imagine me, then, on one
of those soft May evenings, after our devotions in my little chapel, and
with the children's hymns ringing in my ears, and having taken one pinch
of snuff, and with another poised in my fingers, philosophizing thus:--
"I think--that is, I am sure--that the worst advices I ever heard given
in my life were these:--
"On Preaching.--Try to be simple; and never aim at eloquence.
"On Meditation.--Keep your fingers in your Breviary, and think over
the lessons of the Second Nocturn.
"And they are evil counsels, not _per se_, but _per accidens_; and for
precisely similar reasons. They took no account of the tendency of human
nature to relax and seek its ease. When the gray-haired counsellor said,
'Be simple,' he said, 'Be bald and vulgar.' For the young men who
listened aimed at simplicity, and therefore naturally argued, the
simpler the better; in fact, the conversational style is best of all.
Where, then, the need for elaborate preparation? We shall only vex and
confuse the people, consequently preparation is superfluous. We know the
results. 'A few words' on the schools; an _obiter dictum_ on the
stations; a good, energetic, Demosthenic philippic against some scandal.
But instruction,--oh, no! edification,--oh, no! That means preparation;
and if we prepare, we talk over the people's heads, and we are
'sounding brasses and tinkling cymbals.'"
"But surely, sir, you wouldn't advise young men to study the eloquence
of Massillon, or Bourdaloue, or Lacordaire? That would be talking over
their heads with a vengeance."
"Do you think so?" I said. "Now, listen, young man. Which is, you or I,
the elder? I am. All right. Now, my experience is that it is not the
language, however eloquent, the people fail to follow, but the ideas,
and they fail to follow the ideas because they are ill-instructed in
their religion. Of course, I'm involved in the censure myself as well
as others. But I proved this satisfactorily to myself long ago. We were
in the habit of 'reading a book' at the Lenten exercises in the last
town wherein I officiated as curate. Now, the people hate that above all
things else. They'd rather hear one word from a stuttering idiot than
the highest ascetical teaching out of a book. Nevertheless, we tried it;
and we tried the simplest and easiest books we could find. No use. They
couldn't follow one paragraph with intelligence. One evening I read for
them--it was in Passion week--the last discourse of our Lord to His
disciples--words that I could never read without breaking down. I assure
you, they failed to grasp the meaning, not to speak of the pathos and
divine beauty, of those awful words. They told me so."
"Do you mean then to conclude that we, young priests, should go in for
high, flowery diction, long phrases, etc.? I could hardly imagine any
man, least of all you, sir, holding such a theory!"
"You're running away with the question, my boy. The eloquence that I
recommend is the eloquence of fine taste, which positively excludes all
the ornaments which you speak of."
"By Jove, we don't know where to turn," said my curate. "I never
ventured, during my late English experience of seven years, to stand in
the pulpit and address the congregation, without writing every word and
committing it to memory. I daren't do otherwise; for if I made a
mistake, fifty chances to one, some Methodist or Socinian would call at
the presbytery next morning and challenge me to deadly combat."
"And why should you give up that excellent habit here," I said, "and go
on the _dabitur vobis_?"
"Because you may conjecture easily that I shall be talking over their
heads."
"Better talk over their heads, young man, than under their feet. And
under their feet, believe me, metaphorically, they trample the priest
who does not uphold the dignity of his sacred office of preacher. 'Come
down to the level of the people!' May God forgive the fools who utter
this banality! Instead of saying to the people: 'Come up to the level of
your priests, and be educated and refined,' they say: 'Go down to the
people's level.' As if any priest ever went down in language or habit
to the people's level who didn't go considerably below it."
"'Pon my word, Father Dan," said Father Letheby, "if I did not know you
so well, I would think you were talking nonsense."
"Hear a little more nonsense!" I said. "I say now that our people like
fine, sonorous language from the altar; and they comprehend it! Try them
next Sunday with a passage from Lacordaire, and you'll see what I mean.
Try that noble passage, 'Il y a un homme, dont l'amour garde la
tombe,'--'There is a man whose tomb is guarded by love,'--and see if
they'll understand you. Why, my dear fellow, fifty years ago, when the
people were a classical people, taught only their Homers and Virgils by
the side of the ditch, they could roll out passage after passage from
their favorite preachers, and enjoy them and appreciate them. It was
only a few days since, I was speaking on the subject to a dear old
friend, who, after the lapse of fifty years, quoted a passage on Hell
that he had heard almost as a child: 'If we allowed our imagination, my
dear brethren, to dwell persistently on this terrific truth, Reason
itself would totter on its throne.' But the people of to-day cannot
quote, because they cannot get the opportunity. The race of preachers is
dead."
I shut him up, and gave myself time to breathe.
"Would you say then, sir," he said meekly, "that I should continue my
habit of writing out verbatim my sermons, and then commit them to
memory?"
"Certainly not," I replied, "unless you find it necessary to maintain
the high level on which all our utterances should be placed. And if now,
after the practice of seven years, you cannot command your language, you
never will. But here is my advice to you, and, as you are a friend, I
shall charge nothing for it, but I make it copyright throughout the
universe:--
I. Study.
II. Preach not Yourself, but God.
III. Live up to your Preaching.
That's all."
He appeared thoughtful and dissatisfied. I had to explain.
"A well-filled mind never wants words. Read, and read, and read; but
read, above all, the Holy Scriptures. Never put down your Breviary, but
to take up your Bible. Saturate yourself with its words and its spirit.
All the best things that are to be found in modern literature are simple
paraphrases of Holy Writ. And interweave all your sentences with the
Sacred Text. All the temporal prosperity of England comes from the use
of the Bible, all its spiritual raggedness and nakedness from its
misuse. They made it a fetish. And their commentators are proving, or
rather trying to prove, that it is only a little wax and
pasteboard--only the literature of an obscure and subjugated race. But,
even as literature, it has had a tremendous influence in forming the
masculinity of the British character. They are now giving up the Bible
and the Sabbath. And the _debacle_ is at hand. But I often thought we
would have a more robust piety, a tenderer devotion, a deeper reverence,
if we used the Sacred Scriptures more freely. And our people love the
Sacred Writing. A text will hang around them, like a perfume, when all
the rest of our preaching is forgotten. Why, look at myself. Forty years
ago I attended a certain Retreat. I forget the very name of the Jesuit
who conducted it; but I remember his texts, and they were well chosen:--
'I have seen a terrible thing upon the earth: a slave upon
horseback, and kings walking in the mire.'
'You have taken my gold and silver, and made idols unto
yourselves.'
'If I am a father, where is my honor?'
'If I am a master, where is my fear?'
I have made hundreds of meditations on these words, and preached them
many a time. Then, again, our people are naturally poetic; the poetry
has been crushed out of their natures by modern education. Yet they
relish a fine line or expression. And again, their own language is full
of aphorisms, bitter and stinging enough, we know, but sometimes
exquisite as befits a nation whose forefathers lived in tents of skins.
Now give them a few of the thousand proverbs of Solomon, and they will
chew them as a cow chews the cud. But I should go on with this subject
forever."
"But what about the use of sarcasm, sir? Your allusions to the Gaelic
sarcasms reminded me of it. I often heard people say that our
congregations dread nothing so much as sarcasm."
"I'm glad you reminded me of it. I can speak on the matter like a
professor, for I was past-master in the science. I had a bitter tongue.
How deeply I regret it, God only knows. I have often made an awful fool
of myself at conferences, at public meetings, etc.; I have often done
silly and puerile things, what the French call _betises_; I think of
them without shame. But the sharp, acrid things I have said, and the few
harsh things I have done, fill me with confusion. There's the benefit of
a diary. It is an examination of conscience. I remember once at a
station, a rather mean fellow flung a florin on a heap of silver before
me. He should have paid a half-crown. I called his attention to it. He
denied it. It was the second or third time he had tried that little
game. I thought the time had come for a gentle remonstrance. I said
nothing till the people were about to disperse. Then I said I had a
story to tell them. It was about three mean men. One was an employer of
labor in America, who was so hard on his men that when his factory blew
up he docked them, or rather their widows, of the time they spent
foolishly up in the sky. There was a titter. The second was a fellow
here at home, who stole the pennies out of the eyes of a corpse. There
was a roar. 'The third, the meanest of the three, I leave yourselves to
discover. He isn't far away.' The bolt went home, and he and his family
suffered. He never went to a fair or market that it was not thrown in
his face; and even his little children in the schools had to bear his
shame. I never think of it without a blush. Who wrote these lines?--
'He who only rules by terror
Doeth grievous wrong;
Deep as Hell I count his error,
Listen to my song.'"
"I'm not sure," said Father Letheby. "I think it was Tennyson."
"Thank God, the people love us. But for that, I should despair of our
Irish faith in the near future."
"You said, 'Preach not yourself, but God'?"
"Aren't you tired?"
"No!" he said; "I think you are speaking wisely." Which was a direct
implication that this was not in my usual style. But never mind!
"Let me carry out my own suggestion," I said. "Take down that Bible.
Now, turn to the prophecy of Ezekiel--that lurid, thunder-and-lightning,
seismic, magnetic sermon. Now find the thirty-third chapter. Now find
the thirtieth verse and read."
He read:--
"And thou, son of man: the children of thy people, that talk of
thee by the walls and in the doors of the houses, and speak, one to
another, each man to his neighbor, saying: Come and let us hear
what is the word that cometh forth from the Lord. And they come to
thee, as if a people were coming in, and my people sit before thee;
and hear thy words, and do them not; for they turn them into a song
of their mouth, and their heart goeth after their covetousness. And
thou art to them as a musical song that is sung with a sweet and
agreeable voice; and they hear thy words and do them not."
"Very good. Now, there is the highest ambition of many a preacher: 'to
be spoken of by the walls, and in the doors of the houses.' And, when
judgment came, the people did not know there was a prophet amongst
them."
"It isn't easy to get rid of ourselves in the pulpit," said Father
Letheby.
"No, my dear boy, it is not. Nowhere does the [Greek: ego] cling more
closely to us. We are never so sensitive as when we are on ceremonies,
never so vain as in the pulpit. Hence the barrenness of our ministry.
The mighty waters are poured upon the land, to wither, not to
fertilize."
"You said, thirdly, 'Live up to your preaching' That's not easy,
either."
"No; the most difficult of the three. Yet here, too, your words are
barren, if they come not supported by the example of your life. A simple
homily from a holy man, even though it were halting, lame, and
ungrammatical, will carry more weight than the most learned and eloquent
discourse preached by a worldly priest. I know nothing more significant
in all human history than what is recorded in the Life of Pere
Lacordaire. In the very zenith of his fame, his pulpit in Toulouse was
deserted, whilst the white trains of France were bringing tens of
thousands of professional men, barristers, statesmen, officers,
professors, to a wretched village church only a few miles away. What was
the loadstone? A poor country parish priest, informed, illiterate,
uncouth,--but a saint. And I know nothing more beautiful or touching in
all human history than the spectacle of the great and inspired
Dominican, coming to that village chapel, and kneeling for the blessing
of M. Vianney, and listening, like a child, to the evening catechetical
lecture, delivered in a weak voice, and probably with many a halt for a
word, by the saint of Ars."
Here I could proceed no further. These episodes in the lives of our holy
ones fill me up to the throat, for my heart swells for their beauty. And
I am a soft old fool. I can never read that office of St. Agatha or St.
Agnes without blubbering; and St. Perpetua, with her little babe, kills
me outright.
We had a great debate, however, the following evening about the
subject-matter of the sermon. He wanted to preach on the _Magnificat_.
I put down my foot there, and said, No!
"That poor Duff will be there; and you'll be like the victor rooster
crowing over a fallen antagonist."
"But Duff and I are the best friends in the world."
"No matter. I suppose he has nerves and blood, like the rest of us. Try
something else!"
"Well, what about the _Ave Maria_, or _Tu gloria Jerusalem, tu laetitia
Israel_, etc.?"
"The very thing."
"Or, the place of the Blessed Virgin in Scripture?"
"You've hit the nail on the head. That's it!"
"Well, now," said he, taking out a note-book, "how long shall it be?"
"Exactly forty-five minutes."
"And I must write every word?"
"Every word!"
"How many pages will that make?"
"Twenty pages--ordinary copy-book. The first fifteen will be expository;
the last five will be the peroration, into which you must throw all the
pathos, love, fire, and enthusiasm of which you are capable."
"All right. Many thanks, Father Dan. But I shall be very nervous."
"Never mind. That will wear off."
I said to myself, you have heavier troubles in store; but why should I
anticipate? The worst troubles are those that never arise. And where's
the use of preaching to a man with the toothache about the perils of
typhoid fever?
I went down to see my little saint.
She was "happy, happy, oh! so happy! But, Daddy Dan, I fear't won't last
long!"
"You are not going to heaven so soon, and leaving us all desolate, are
you?"
"No, Daddy Dan. But Mr. Ormsby, who thinks that I have made him a
Catholic, says he will bring down a great, great doctor from Dublin to
cure me. And I don't want to be cured at all."
"If it were God's Holy Will, dear, we should be all glad. But I fear
that God alone can cure the hurt He has made."
"Oh, thank you! thank you! Daddy Dan. You have always the kind word. And
sure you know more than all the doctors. And sure, if God wished me to
be cured, you'd have done it long ago."
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