My New Curate

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Then I got her a fine big brass Crucifix from the Passionist Fathers at
Mount Argus, and left her to her wonder-working and merciful Master. But
she has impressed Ormsby profoundly. "The weak things of the world hast
Thou chosen to confound the strong." "Thy ways are upon the sea, and Thy
pathway on the mighty waters, and Thy footsteps are unknown."

"Well, now," I said to Father Letheby, getting out of my reverie, "to
come down from the Holy Mountain, what's this you are saying about the
shirt-factory? You don't mean to aver it is a _fait-accompli_?"

"Certainly," he replied, "everything is arranged; and on the 20th a
dozen sewing-machines will be clicking merrily in the old mill."

"You have the lamp of Aladdin," I said admiringly. "Now, who's to be
there?"

"All the gentry and the _elite_ of the neighborhood," he said.

"Rather a limited audience for a great occasion," I couldn't help
saying.

"No matter," he cried, rising up; "it is a good work, however. But
you'll take the chair, Father Dan, won't you?"

"All right," I replied, but with a little misgiving, for no one knows
what necromancy this fellow is capable of, and I had already conjured up
visions of the Lord Lieutenant and the Dowager This and the Countess
That--"but mind you, my speech is to come in at the end; and I promise
you they won't have to look long at their watches."

"Very good, sir," he replied, "all is now arranged."

I went down to see my little martyr, for she is pleased to say that I do
her good by my visits. There she lay meekly, the big crucifix in her
hands, and her lips always moving in silent prayer. The children often
come in to see her, she told me, and read by her bedside; for now there
is no jealousy, nor triumph, but all have begun to think that there is a
saint in the parish. The little milliner used come at the beginning, and
bring her little novelettes and journals, and talk about the fashions,
which only made the sufferer unhappy. All that is now stopped; and the
"Clock of the Passion" and the "Visions of Catherine Emmerich" are now
her only reading.

"Mr. Ormsby was here again to-day," she said.

"Indeed. And was he as inquisitive as usual?"

"Nearly," she said, with a smile. "But do you know, Daddy Dan, I think
he'll become a Catholic. Isn't it an awful thing not to be a Catholic,
Daddy Dan?"

"'Tis, my child. It's worse than being born blind."

"Now, what would I do if I had not our dear Lord"--kissing the
crucifix--"and His holy Mother? I'd rather a thousand times be as I am
than Queen of England."

"Of course. Who brought these flowers?"

"Miss Campion. She calls them lilies of the valley. Is it a sin to smell
them, Daddy Dan?"

"No, child, it is no sin. Nay, 't is a prayer if you glorify God for the
wonders He has wrought in these tiny leaves."

"But they'll fade away and die in a day or two, Daddy Dan!"

"So shall all beautiful things, my child, only to be transplanted where
there is no rust or fading."

"Thank you, Daddy Dan. That's just what I said to Mr. Ormsby. 'Do you
really believe,' he said, 'that it is the love of God that has smitten
you?' 'Yes,' I said firmly. 'Do you believe that you are all the dearer
to Him for that He has smitten you?' 'Yes,' I said, 'I'm sure of it.'
'And do you believe that God will take you out of the grave and build
you up far fairer than you have been?' 'I believe it most certainly,' I
replied. 'It's the sublime and the impossible,' he cried. And then he
said,--but I shouldn't repeat this, Daddy Dan,--'Mind, little one, if I
become a Catholic, it's you have made me one.' But it would be so nice,
if only to repay Miss Campion for all her goodness."

Then I began to think of some holy man that said: There should be an
invalid and an incurable one in every religious community, if only to
bring God nearer to them in His great love.

As I was leaving, Mrs. Moylan pulled me aside.

"Is there any chance at all, your reverence, of her recovery?"

She looked with a mother's wistfulness at me.

"For I do be praying to the Lord morning, noon, and night, that if it be
His Blessed and Holy Will, He would take her out of suffering, or
restore her to me."

I made no answer.

"You could do it, your reverence, if you liked. Sure, I don't want you
to do any harm to yourself, God forbid; but you could cure her and
restore her to me, if you plazed."

"I couldn't, Mrs. Moylan," I replied; "and what is more, I wouldn't
now take her away from God if I could. I was as bitter as you about it;
but now I see that God has His own designs upon your child, and who am I
that I should thwart Him?"

"Perhaps your reverence is right," she replied; "but the mother's heart
will spake up sometimes whin it ought to be silent."

I passed by my little chapel as I went home, and knelt down for a
prayer. I thought the Blessed Virgin looked queer at me, as if to say:--

"Well, are you satisfied now? Who was right--you or my Son?" And I went
home very humbled.

* * * * *

The great day at last arrived. And if I was surprised the evening of the
concert at the transformation effected in the old mill, I was still more
surprised when, entering its precincts on the opening day of the
Kilronan Shirt-Factory, I came face to face with quite a distinguished
gathering. There were carriages drawn up at the door, the liveried
coachmen hardly able to hold the prancing horses' heads; and the owners
were in the great room upstairs, chatting in groups or examining the
machines, that, clean and bright and polished, only awaited the soft
touch of human fingers to work wonders. And there, on the large table
filling up the whole centre of the room, was displayed an assortment of
linen and flannels cut up into as many sections as you could take out of
all the diagrams of Euclid. And there, of course, was the stage,
undisturbed since the evening of the concert; and there were the same
flowers and palms, and the same little girls dressed in satin, and the
same piano, and Miss Campion, only waiting the signal to commence.

I moved up through the long hall, making my bows to right and left.
Father Letheby was chatting gayly with some very grand people, and
pointing out his little improvements here and there. He was in his best
optimistic humor, and was quite at his ease in the groups that
surrounded him. It is curious how we differ. I did not feel at all
comfortable, for I'd rather be talking over the cross-door to any old
woman about her chickens, or settling the price of a bonham, or
lecturing about the measles and the croup, than conversing with the
grandest people of the land. But every one to his tastes; and sure, I
ought to be proud that my good curate--

"I move that the parish priest take the chair."

"I beg to second the proposal," said a dapper young fellow, who looked
as if he had stepped out of a bandbox. And before I knew where I was, I
was on the stage ensconced in a comfortable chair; and then there was a
burst of music around me, which gave me leisure to look about and take
stock. It was all very nice. There was a great group of fine ladies in
front, and they were all staring at me as if I were a dime-museum
prodigy. I was "Gorgonized from head to foot with a stony, British
stare"; a cool, unblushing, calculating stare, that made me feel as if
I were turning into stone. I did not know what to do. I tried to cross
my legs coolly, but the arm-chair was too low, and I fell back in a most
undignified manner. Then I placed my hands on my knees, thinking that
this was the correct thing; but it struck me immediately that this was
the attitude at High Mass, and I gave it up as out of place. Then I
assumed an air of frigid composure, and toyed with my watch-chain. But a
little girl screwed her eyes into me, and said, evidently, in her mind:
"That old gentleman is a fidget." Then I leaned back gracefully, but
something whispered: "That's all right at home, Father Dan, but please
remember that the _convenances_ of society require a different posture;"
and I sat bolt upright in a moment. My eye caught in a blissful moment
my new handsome umbrella that lay against my chair. I took it up and
leaned with dignity upon it; but that aforesaid little girl looked at
me, and looked at her mamma, and said--I know she said in her own
mind--"That old gentleman thinks it is going to rain, and he wants to
open his umbrella. Mamma, tell him that there is no danger of rain
here." I put down my umbrella. Then Miss Campion--God bless her! she
always comes to my relief--tore her little fingers along the keys in a
grand finale, and then tripped over to her old pastor, and said
gayly:--

"Hurrah! Now, Father Dan, for the grand speech. Won't you astonish these
heretics?"

I believe I did astonish them. For, after a few preliminaries, I settled
down coolly into a quiet, deliberate talk; and I saw by degrees the
stony stare melt away into sunny smiles, and the sunny smiles broadened
into genteel laughter, and there was great clapping of hands, and
suppressed cheers, and altogether I felt that I held them all in the
palms of my hands. But that wicked little girl in the front seats held
out a long time. She did not know whether to laugh or to cry. She
blinked her eyes at me, as if to be sure it was not a spectral vision;
then looked dreadfully alarmed; then consulted her mother's face, now
wreathed in smiles; and then, when her brother was falling off the seat
laughing, and poking her with his stick, she condescended to relax her
awful stare, to smile, to look surprised at herself for smiling--at
last, to laugh. I knew then I had the victory, and I sang, _lo
Triumphe!_ in my own mind.

It is curious and interesting to notice how thoroughly these Protestant
folk warm to a priest the moment they discover he is not quite an ogre.
All these great people gathered round me; they were so delighted, etc.

"What's your name, my dear?" I said to the wicked little girl.

"Nonna!" she replied.

"By Jove!" I exclaimed, "St. Gregory's mother!"

"Naw," she said, "it's grandmaw's name."

"It's a pretty name all the same," I replied; "may you wear it as long
as grandma."

The girls were all sitting at the machines waiting. Down near the end of
the hall were two individuals in close conversation. They looked prosaic
and dull amid all the excitement. When I got near them I saw the man,
who was looking at me steadily, with one eye closed, whilst I was
speaking. He was an infidel, a Giaour, an incredulous, questioning,
calculating unbeliever in all my rosy forecastings. He was the manager
over from Loughboro'. The lady was manageress, and had come over to
superintend the initial proceedings at Kilronan. Somehow I didn't like
them. They chilled the atmosphere. There was that cool, business-like
air about them, that L. S. D. expression that shears off the rays of
imagination, and measures and weighs everything by the same low
standard. I saw Father Letheby buoyant, enthusiastic, not merely
hopeful, but certain of the success of his enterprise. I saw these two
business people chatting and consulting together, and I knew by their
looks that they were not quite so sanguine. It was "the little rift
within the lute."

As I went home, pondering and thinking,--for I didn't wait for the tea
and cake that are supposed to be essential to all these gatherings,--I
heard the patter of a light foot behind me, and in a minute Bittra was
by my side.

"Dear me!" she panted, "you are so young and active, Father Dan, it is
hard to keep up with you."

By which kind sarcasm I knew that Bittra had something good to tell me.

"Shall I call you Bittra or Beata?" I replied, looking down at her
flushed face.

"Beata! Beata! Beatissima!" she said, in a kind of ecstasy; "it is all
right; and God is _so_ good!"

"I always object to the fireworks style of elocution on the part of my
curate," I said, "and if you could shed a calm, lambent light on this
ecstatic episode, it would suit my slow intellect."

"Slow," she said, stopping,--"do you know, Father Dan, that is, you _do_
know, that you have just made one of the nimblest, wittiest, drollest,
most eloquent speeches that ever was made. I heard Mrs. S---- say that
she never could have believed--"

"Beata," I interrupted seriously, "my purgatory will be long enough, I
believe. Indeed, if I get out in the general exodus on the Day of
Judgment I shall consider myself happy. Where's the use in your adding
to it, and making an old vain man so much vainer? Tell me about what is
nearest to your heart to-day."

Thus soberized, she gave me a fairly consecutive account of what had
happened. I say "fairly," because, of course, there were many
exclamations, and notes of interrogation, and "asides," which I let pass
without comment.

Ormsby had paid the suffering child a visit that morning, and had put
his final theses and difficulties before her. Disbeliever in miracles,
he was face to face with a miracle. That such an awful affliction as
befell Alice should be accepted, not only with resignation, but with
joy; that she would consider it a positive misfortune to be restored to
her old beauty, and that she was forever thanking God that He had
elected her to suffering, was either of two things--insanity or
inspiration. And her faith in the supernatural--her intense realization
of the existence and the daily, hourly influence of our Lord and His
Blessed Mother, and her profound conviction that one day her physical
shame and torment would intensify her glory in Heaven--all this struck
him as a revelation, before which the antics of spiritualists, and the
foreknowledge of Brahmins, and the blank agnosticism of science paled
into contemptible insignificance.

Bittra, as usual, had been speaking to Mrs. Moylan in the kitchen.
Sitting on the straw chair, she spoke for the hundredth time her words
of consolation to the poor mother. The murmur of voices came clear, but
indistinct, from the little chamber of the sick girl. Then, after a
long conference, Ormsby came out, grave and collected as usual, and
Bittra having said good by to the mother, and kissed the leprous face of
the sick girl, they both walked on in silence, until they came to the
bridge that spanned the fiord near the "great house." Ormsby leaned on
the parapet of the bridge looking out over the tumbling waters for a
long time. Then, turning, he said:--

"Bittra, I _must_ become a Catholic."

Then Bittra put her hand in his gloved palm, and that was all.

"And was that all?" I exclaimed incredulously.

"That's all," said Bittra, "and wasn't it enough?"

"That's not the way a novelist would wind up such a delightful romance,"
I said. "There would have been at least twenty or thirty pages of lurid
description."

"Ah! but this is not a romance," said Bittra; "this is stern reality."

And she tried ineffectually to frown.

"It only remains now," she continued, "that Rex shall be instructed, and
that won't take long; and then received, and make his First Communion,
and that won't take long; and then--and then--"

She paused. I was studying attentively a seagull that was poised
motionless over the heaving waters.

"Father Dan, you're becoming very unkind."

"Indeed? I was only waiting for the date and circumstances of the
'then.'"

"Well, you see, it can't be May; because the people have a foolish
superstition about May; though I should _so_ like to be--to be--married
under our Lady's auspices. But the first day in June. Won't that be
delightful? And it must be right under the statue of the Sacred Heart;
and I shall put there such a mass of roses that day; and we shall both
go to Holy Communion, and you'll say the nuptial Mass, Father Dan--"

"I?"

"Yes, of course. Who else, I should like to know?"

"I thought you would be bringing down an Archbishop or even a
Cardinal--"

"Now, you're jesting as usual. I'll have no one but you--you--you--to
marry me; and perhaps, if I were not asking too much, the choir might
sing--"

"Certainly! They _must_. But I won't promise you that wedding-march by
that German fellow--"

"Mendelssohn?"

"Yes. That's his name, I believe. Nor that other march of that other
fellow, whom we see on the papers."

"I know. You mean the grand march in 'Lohengrin.' Why, Father Dan, what
a musician you are! Who would ever think it?"

"Ah, my dear, I'm not understood at all. But I'll promise you one
thing, my little child, such an ovation from the poor of Kilronan as
will make the angels cry with envy."

Here Bittra was silent.

"One word more, Father Dan," she said, wiping away a happy tear, "I must
be running back. Rex is waiting. But he doesn't speak enthusiastically
about this sewing business. You know he has great experience of the
world--"

I nodded "Of course."

"And he has seen all kinds of things, and he is awfully shrewd and
clever, and he knows people so well, and he understands business matters
so thoroughly--"

"Go on," I said, admiringly.

"Well," she continued, with a laugh, "he does not like this affair at
all, nor the boat business at all. He's afraid that Father Letheby, for
whom he has the greatest admiration, will become embarrassed in money
matters, and that there will be trouble--"

"Don't let this imaginary shadow darken your sunshine, Bittra. It will
be all right. Trust Father Letheby. He is very far-seeing."

"Well, good-by, Father Dan. Pray for me. And won't you go see our little
saint, and tell her? I have no time to-day."

"Good-by, and God bless you!" I said fervently.

It is these white souls that brighten the gray landscapes of life, and
make death desirable; for shall we not meet their sisters and compeers
in Heaven?

CHAPTER XXII

THE MAY CONFERENCE

My mail is not generally a heavy one, thank God! and when I do see a
sheaf of letters on my table, I feel pretty certain that there is
something unpleasant amongst them. I make it a rule, therefore, never to
read a letter until breakfast is over; for I think we ought take our
food, as the Lord intended, with a calm mind. And I am not one of those
ascetics whom every mouthful they swallow seems to choke. I take what
God sends with a thankful heart, and bless Him for it. And sure it was
well I followed this wholesome practice the following morning; for I do
not think I ever lost my equanimity so thoroughly as when, on opening a
circular, I saw a formal and extended and appalling syllabus of our
Conferences for that year. Up to this, our Conferences had been
conferences--informal conventions, where we met, talked over our little
troubles, discussed a rubrical or theological question in an academic
fashion, and listened with patience and edification to some young man,
who nervously read for an hour or so some carefully prepared paper on a
given subject. Then, if the Master of Conferences wanted to show how
well read he was, he put a few questions here and there around the
table. But if he was very persistent, and the chase became too hot, it
was easy to draw a red herring across the track, the aforesaid red
herring generally taking the shape of one of those venerable questions,
which, like the trisection of an angle, or the quadrature of a circle,
or the secret of perpetual motion, shall never be finally solved. The
red herring that did us most service, and was now, after the lapse of
forty years' discussion, a battered skeleton, was "whether invincible
ignorance on the part of the penitent as to the reservation of a
particular sin excused from the reservation, or whether faculties in
every case were withdrawn from the confessor." I believe the question
has been warmly debated in the schools; but there it remains, suspended,
like the Prophet's coffin (I am afraid my metaphors are getting mixed),
between heaven and earth.

But altogether these conferences were nice, pleasant occasions for
meeting the brethren and exchanging ideas. What was my consternation
this morning to read a series of new rules, as dogmatic as an Act of
Parliament, which put an end forever to the old order of things, and
reduced our delightful meetings to a number of monthly examinations on
Rubrics, Sacred Hermeneutics, Theology, and Ecclesiastical History. Our
names were all to go into a hat, and the unfortunate prizeman was to be
heckled and cross-examined by the chairman for ten minutes, like any
ordinary Maynooth student at the Christmas and Easter examinations. Then
came _the_ Conference, after three or four poor fellows had been turned
inside out. This was a paper to be read for three-quarters of an hour.
Then came another cross-examination of that unhappy man; then a series
of cross-questions, after we had all gone into the hat again. "And
then," I said to myself with chagrin and disgust, "they will gather up
all that remains of us from the floor and send us home for decent
interment." Here is one little trifle, that would easily fill up a
half-year's study in a theological seminary:--

PRO MENSE AUGUSTO.

(_Die I^ma Mensis._)

1. Excerpta ex Statutis Dioecesanis et Nationalibus.
2. De Inspiratione Canonicorum Librorum.
3. Tractatus de Contractibus (Crolly).

"Good heavens," I exclaimed, as Father Letheby came in and read down the
awful list in the second copy which I handed him, "imagine that! What in
the world do bishops think? It is easy for them to be twirling their
rings around their little fingers and studying the stones in their
mitres. They have nothing else to do, as we all know, except the
occasional day's amusement of knocking curates around, as you would pot
balls on a billiard-table. But what consideration have they for us, poor
hard-working missionary priests? What do they know about our heavy
confessionals, our sick-calls, our catechising in the schools, our
preparing for our sermons, our correspondence for our people, with
Europe, Asia, Africa, America, and Oceanica, our--our--our--look at
this! 'Excerpta ex Statutis!' That means reading over every blessed
diocesan and national statute, that is, two ponderous volumes. Again,
'De Inspiratione'--the whole question of the Higher Criticism, volume
after volume, Bull after Bull, articles in all the magazines, and the
whole course of German exegetics. That's not enough! But here, as
dessert, after junks of Rubrics, and indigestible slabs of controverted
hermeneutics, come the light truffles and _pate de foie gras_ of
Crolly's 'Contracts.' Begor, the next thing will be they'll want us to
preach our sermons before them; and then this Master of
Conferences,--he's a good fellow and an old classmate of my own; but of
course he must exhibit his learning, and bring in all his Christy
minstrel conundrums, as if any fool couldn't ask questions that twenty
wise men couldn't answer;--and then he'll cock his head, like a duck
under a shower, and look out of the window, and leave me stuck dead--"

There was a quiet smile around Father Letheby's mouth during this
philippic. Then he said, smoothing out the paper:--

"There is a little clause here at the end, which I think, Father Dan,
just affects you."

"Affects me? If there is, it didn't catch my eye. Show it to me."

I took the paper, and there, sure enough, was a little paragraph:--

"6 deg. The privilege, in virtue of which parish priests of a certain
standing on the mission are exempted from the obligations of the
Conference, will be continued."

I read that over three times to make quite sure of it, my curate looking
down smilingly at me.

"If _you_ are not of a certain standing, Father Dan, I'd like to know
who is."

"True for you," I replied musingly. "I believe I am called the Patriarch
of the Conference."

Visions of an old man, leaning back in his chair, whilst he was
proof-protected against theological bullets, swam before me; and I began
to feel like a man on a safe eminence, overlooking the battlefield, or a
Spanish lady at a bullfight.

"'Pon my word," I said, at length, "I'm beginning to think there is
something in it, after all. The Holy Ghost has something to say to our
good and holy prelates. There is no doubt there was a great waste of
time at these Conferences, and young men got into idle habits and
neglected their theology; and, you know, that's a serious matter. In
fact, it reaches sometimes to a mortal sin. We must _all_ study now. And
you see how practical the bishop is. There's Rubrics. Now, there's no
doubt at all that a good many of us don't respect the ceremonies of the
Mass. Go to Lisdoonvarna, and every fellow appears to have his own idea
of--"

[Illustration: "I read that over three times to make quite sure of it."]

"Pardon me, sir," said Father Letheby, "I cannot quite follow you
there. I must say I never saw the Rubrics half so well carried out in
England as here at home. In fact, this complaint appears to be one of
these satires on racial characteristics that are only half true, and
take all their force from traditional misrepresentations."

Isn't that fine language? You see, he's taking a leaf or two out of my
book.

"Well, but you can't deny that this question of Scriptural exegesis is
one of these dominant questions that must arrest the attention of all
who are interested in ecclesiastical or hieratical studies," said I,
trying to keep pace with him.

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