The Merry Thought: or the Glass Window and Bog House Miscellany
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Hurlo Thrumbo (pseudonym) >> The Merry Thought: or the Glass Window and Bog House Miscellany
Then quit Hopes of rising,
And Riches despising,
Leave the Camp and the Court
For Love's pleasing Sport;
By Experience you'll know, }
Love's Pleasure's still flow, }
Un-embitter'd with Care, and untinctur'd with Woe. }
_In a Window at _Parson's-Green_._
_The Lover's Retreat._
From meaner Pleasure I retire,
Yet real Happiness pursue;
Friendship and Love my Breast inspire,
And I have met them both in you,
Whatever in my Wish had Place,
In thee, my lovely Fair, I find;
All that's beauteous in thy Face,
And all that's virtuous in thy Mind.
_Written by Mr. ---- in _Chloe_'s Bed-Chamber._
Wou'd you know the true Road that to Pleasure doth lead,
Then this Way, ye Swains, your Footsteps must tread.
And then for the Piece which this Pleasure doth cost,
Why, 'tis only a Guinea, you can't think it lost.
Since Supper and Lodging, and Mistress and all,
Nay, and Maid, if you like her, are ready at Call.
_The _Thief_ and the _Doctor_._
A Thief a Parson stopp'd on the Highway,
And having bid him stand, next bid him pay.
The Parson drew his sword, for well he durst,
And quickly put his Foe unto the Worst.
Sir, (quoth the Thief) I by your Habit see,
You are a Churchman, and Debate should flee,
You know 'tis written in the sacred Word,
_Jesus_ to _Peter_ said, _Put up thy Sword_:
True, (quoth the Parson) but withal then hear,
St. _Peter_ first had cut off _Malchus_'s Ear.
__Pasquin_ against _P. S. Quintus_, when he forbid the Bawdy-Houses at
_Rome_, in Queen _Elizabeth_'s Time._
_Lex prohibet Pueros, prohibet Lupanaria Sixtus;_
_Ergo quid agendum? Sit tibi amica manus._
_The Cure of Love._
Love is, as some Physicians say,
A Fever bred by too high Feeding:
To cure it then the speediest Way,
Would be by Purging, and by Bleeding.
_Written in the Window of the Bar of the _White-Swan-Tavern_ of the City
of _Norwich_._
Mcccmixixx.
---- ---- ---- _firmissima vina,_
---- ---- ---- _reponite mensis,_
---- ---- ---- _& pocula porgite dextris._
_In the Bog-House of the same Tavern._
Six Pennyworth of Whiting, }
A Hole to let Light in, }
Will make it fit to sh - - te in. }
_Underneath._
By what's above, I welly ween,
The Fool wants Light to sh - t him clean.
_In a Bog-House in _St. Michael_'s Parish in _Norwich_._
_Tim Kirby_, _Peter Harrod_, and _Will Hall_,
Are three fit Pieces for a Bog-House Wall.
_Underneath. By another._
But _Old Nick_ has got them all.
_Written in a Bog-House at _Ipswich_._
_Si desit stramen, cum digito terge Feramen._
_In _English_. By another._
If you cannot get some Grass,
With your Finger wipe your A - - se
_And under that, by another._
Such wretched _Latin_, and such wretched Verse,
Are proper _Stremina_ to clean my A - - se.
_In a Window at _Mount Ephraim_, near _Tunbridge_:_
_A Dialogue between a Lover and a Poet._
_Lov._ What is bright _Celia_ like, Dear Poet, say?
_Poet._ Why _Celia_, Sir, is like a Summer's Day.
_Lov._ Who to a Day could liken such a Woman?
_Poet._ Is she not very _fair_, and very _common_?
_Written with a Pencil in the Vault at _Chelsea College_._
Who scribbles on the Wall when he's at sh - -,
May sure be said to have a Flux of Wit.
_In the Vaults at _Tunbridge_._
Like Claret-Drinkers Stools, a Blockhead's Brain;
Hardly conceives what it brings forth with Pain.
Such is my Case----who, while I'm thus inditing,
Prove the Analogy 'twixt it and Sh------.
_Written on the Window of a Coffee-House._
_Underneath, Coffee, Tea,_ &c.
The Mistress by her Window's represented,
For why, 'tis brittle Ware, and painted.
_On a Butcher's marrying a Tanner's Daughter at _Reading_._
A fitter Match there never could have been,
Since here the _Flesh_ is wedded to the _Skin_.
_At _Tunbridge_._
_Chloe_ is fair as _Fields_ in Autumn seen,
Her Temper gentle as the purling _Stream_:
That's true; but then with those the rest conspire,
Lighter she is than _Air_, and hot as _Fire_.
_In Mrs. _Cowser_'s Window; in _Russel-Street_, _Covent-Garden_._
Love, 'tis said, his Arrows shooting,
Wounds is ever distributing;
But before I felt, I knew not,
That in Poison dipp'd they flew hot.
To _Jenny_ I owe
That this Secret I know,
For her I felt Smart
At first in my Heart;
Which quickly she cur'd: But alack and alas!
I now feel a Throbbing in a much lower Place.
To _Jenny_ I went; but, alas! it was in vain:
Though she gave me the Wound, she can't cure me again.
_An Epitaph on an old Maid._
Beneath this Place there lies an ancient Maid,
Whose secret Parts no Man did e'er invade;
Scarce her own Finger she'd permit to touch
That Virgin Part, altho' it itched much.
And in her last expiring dying Groans,
Desir'd no Tomb, if it was built with Stones.
_The Effects of Love._
Love is the sweetest softest Passion,
That can warm the human Soul;
'Tis a gentle Inclination
Which doth ev'ry Care controul:
Thro' our Bosom Love diffusing,
Tender Thoughts is ever choosing;
Softest Words its Flame expressing,
Towards the Dame our Heart possessing.
Love still gentle makes and easy,
Soft in ev'ry Thing we do;
Bent on all Things that may please ye,
Men are Angels when they Woo.
_This was wrote somewhere; and means something, if you can find it out._
A Beauty like her's whose Charms I now sing,
Ne'er sparkled in vain in the Box or the Ring;
No Youth of Distinction who gaz'd on her Eyes,
E'er retir'd, but he left her his Heart as her Prize.
Vain are all their Endeavours, for still the coy Maid,
At the Mention of Marriage, look'd strangely afraid,
Nor e'er thought of yeilding----until not long since
Eluding dull Ties----she was join'd to a P----
_FINIS._
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_From Nothing comes Nothing, and there remains Nothing._
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* * * * *
* * * *
* * * * *
Errata:
The List of Editors was despeckled in scanning. All periods
(full stops) were supplied by the transcriber.
Editor's Introduction:
By Swine who nee'r provide Bumfodder
_spelling unchanged (taken from primary text)_
Primary Text:
Title Page:
All title pages-- including Part 1, issued as a separate ARS
publication-- are essentially identical.
--The last part of the second paragraph (after "... Nation.") varies.
--The name "Bethleham-Wall" is spelled "Bethlehem" in Part 3.
Part 2:
Will make a T d more lasting;
_shown as printed_
Part 3:
Names the Nymph that I adore.
_text reads "Npmph"_
_Save us from sudden Death_, was said,
_text reads "wa ssaid"_
Part 4:
Shall lay (on Pain of Flagellation)
(From lowest Club, to that call'd Royal,)
_close parenthesis missing from both lines_
He'el feed on a Jest, that is broke with your Wind,
_spelling unchanged_
By Swine who nee'r provide Bumfodder
_spelling unchanged (quoted in editor's introduction)_
E'er I that Suit procure.
_text has comma at end_
Professor of Dulness and Bombast. Price 6 _d._
_text reads "Picre"_
Further Notes:
Why are _Doll_'s Teeth so white, and _Susan_'s black?
The Reason soon is known.
_Doll_ buys her Teeth which she doth lack,
But _Susan_ wears her own.
This verse is a translation of Martial V.43:
_Thais habet nigros, niveos Laecania dentes
Quae ratio est? Emptos haec habet, illa suos._
_P. S. Quintus_
Pope Sixtus V (= Quintus).