Aims and Aids for Girls and Young Women

G >> George Sumner Weaver >> Aims and Aids for Girls and Young Women

Pages:
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15

[Transcriber's Note: Obvious printer errors, including punctuation, have
been corrected. All other inconsistencies have been left as they were in
the original.]

AIMS AND AIDS
FOR
Girls and Young Women,

ON THE

VARIOUS DUTIES OF LIFE,

INCLUDING

PHYSICAL, INTELLECTUAL, AND MORAL DEVELOPMENT; SELF-CULTURE, IMPROVEMENT,
DRESS, BEAUTY, FASHION, EMPLOYMENT, EDUCATION, THE HOME
RELATIONS, THEIR DUTIES TO YOUNG MEN, MARRIAGE,
WOMANHOOD AND HAPPINESS.

BY REV. G. S. WEAVER,

AUTHOR OF "HOPES AND HELPS," "MENTAL SCIENCE," "WAYS OF LIFE," ETC.

NEW YORK:
FOWLER AND WELLS, PUBLISHERS,
308 BROADWAY.
London: William Horsell, 492 Oxford Street.
BOSTON: } 1856. { PHILADELPHIA:
142 Washington-st.} { No. 231 Arch-street.

ENTERED, ACCORDING TO ACT OF CONGRESS, IN THE YEAR 1855, BY
FOWLER AND WELLS,
IN THE CLERK'S OFFICE OF THE DISTRICT COURT OF THE UNITED
STATES FOR THE SOUTHERN DISTRICT OF NEW YORK.

DAVIES AND ROBERTS, STEREOTYPERS,
201 William Street, New York.

PREFACE.

My interest in woman and our common humanity is my only apology for
writing this book. I see multitudes of young women about me, whose
general training is so deficient in all that pertains to the best ideas
of life, and whose aims and efforts are so unworthy of their powers of
mind and heart, that I can not make peace with my own conscience without
doing something to elevate their aims and quicken their aspirations for
the good and pure in thought and life. Our female schools are but poor
apologies for the purposes of mind-culture and soul-development. The
idea of life they inspire is but a skeleton of custom-service and
fashion-worship. It is altogether subservient to what is, not what
should be. Society does little else than to teach its girls to be dolls
and drudges. The prevailing current of instruction and influence is
deplorably low. I feel confident that the best part of society is
longing for something better. To obtain it, each one has but to live
out, and express to the world his idea of a true life.

In regard to the book I may say, whatever it lacks it has the merit of
being in earnest. I hope those who see its deficiencies will make haste
to supply them in some form of instruction or encouragement to the class
the book addresses. Thinking fathers and mothers and teachers will not
complain of this humble effort to serve their daughters and pupils, but
will rather add more in a similar direction, and seek to complete what I
have endeavored to begin. While life is spared, I hope to work in this
field, that my own daughters, as well as those of others, may attain a
worthy womanhood.

G. S. W.
ST. LOUIS, 1855.

CONTENTS.

Lecture One.

GIRLHOOD.

Angels view Girlhood with Solicitude and Delight--Beauty no perpetual
Pledge of Safety--Nothing in Man or Things impels a Provident Regard for
it--Blossoming Womanhood an Object of Deep Interest and Pity--Girlhood's
first Work is to Form a Character--It should be _Pure_ and
_Energetic_--Woman only a Thing--Her Education progressing--Physical
Health should be Preserved--A Woman not Herself without Physical
Strength--Woman must be Independent, and Earn her own
Livelihood--Character must Embody Itself in an Outward Form to be of
Service to the World Page 9-21

Lecture Two.

BEAUTY.

God a Lover of Beauty--Every thing in the Universe Beautiful--The
Admirer of Beauty should Reverence its Author--The Love of Beauty
elevating in its Tendency--Its Abuses Fearful--Man a Part of Nature, and
God in all--Woman the most Perfect Type of Beauty--Youthful Woman
exposed to great Temptation--Beauty a Charming, but Dangerous Gift--The
most Beautiful should be the most Pious--Beauty of Person Worthless
without Loveliness of Character--"Strong-minded" Women not
Beautiful--Beauty the Nurse of Vanity--Value of Character depreciates
with Increase of Beauty when substituted for Moral Worth--Beauty only
Skin-deep--Beauty Two-fold: Inward and Outward--Inward Beauty shines
through--Beauty of Soul made Washington, Josephine, and Channing
glorious--Every Woman may be Beautiful--Cheerfulness, Agreeable Manners,
a Correct Taste, and Kindness should be Cultivated 22-40

Lecture Three.

DRESS.

Religion and Dress--Variety in Nature--Dress should not be
Injurious--Present Customs Unhealthy, Slovenly, and Immodest--A Subject
of Religious Consideration--Suicide _vs._ Providence--Foolish
Vanity--Taste an Element of Mind--Dress should be Symbolical--Woman
should Elevate her Aims--Appropriate Dress Admirable 41-57

Lecture Four.

FASHION.

Fashion made Superior to Health--Fashionable Religion--Unfashionable
Ministers--Votaries of Fashion Despise it--Fashionable Women
Short-lived--Mothers of Great Men Unfashionable--Woman's Greatness shown
in Offspring--Example of Women of Fashion--Apostrophe to Fashion--Appeal
to American Women--Nature in Freedom's Temple--Fashion is
Monotonous--Woman needs more Freedom 58-72

Lecture Five.

EDUCATION.

Life a School--Education a Work of Progress--Schools of Vice--Every
Circumstance a Teacher--Kinds of Education--Female Education--True
Womanly Ambition--Improve your Opportunities--Principles should be
Understood--Time Trifled Away--Some Excuses--Society Needs Woman's
Influence--Education as it is--Girls should have Something to Live For
73-87

Lecture Six.

PHYSICAL AND INTELLECTUAL DEVELOPMENT.

Natural Position of Woman--Relations of Body and Mind--Sound Minds only
in Sound Bodies--To be Healthy is a Duty--Physical Laws
Obligatory--Penalties for Violation--Girls and their
Grandmothers--Causes of Difference--Physiological Studies Advised--Women
the "Weaker Vessel;" Why?--Intelligence and Beauty--Woman's Sound
Judgment--Woman's Mind not Powerless--Finished Educations--Education at
Home--Schools only Helps to Education--Woman's Thought Wanted 88-105

Lecture Seven.

MORAL AND SOCIAL CULTURE.

Woman Judges by Impressions--Mental Powers should Harmonize--Effects of
Different Culture--Male and Female Minds Differ--The Female Mind
Analyzed--Feminine Purity--Woman's Benevolence--The Sentiment of
Duty--Integrity in Woman--Cultivate Regard for Truth--Piety the Crown of
Moral Virtues--Cultivation of Piety Urged--Development of Social
Nature--Friendship and Love 106-121

Lecture Eight.

EMPLOYMENT.

Employment a Duty--Powers Developed by Labor--All Females are not
Women--Dependence Usually Ignoble--Adversity gives Strength--Girls
should have Trades--Self-reliance necessary to Women--Do Something and
Be Something--Riches no Excuse for Idleness--Employment gives Activity
and Strength--Labor considered Vulgar--Life is given for
Employment--Woman was Made for Usefulness 122-135

Lecture Nine.

HOME.

Maternal Love--Ideas of Future Home Universal--Heaven's Home
Perfected--Home the Garden of Virtue--Home Influence Permanent--Home is
Woman's World--Place does not constitute Home--Our Homes will be like
us--Home a Sensitive Place--Home Habits Second Nature 136-147

Lecture Ten.

THE RELATIONS AND DUTIES OF YOUNG WOMEN
TO YOUNG MEN.

The Primary Principles of Being--Life is full of Solemnities--Influence
of the Sexes--Influence depends on Culture--Men Reverence Female
Worth--Much Influence is directly Evil--Woman should demand
Morality--Errors of Society--The Sexes too much Separated--Equality of
Moral Standards--Female Encouragement and Counsel--Time Trifled, Worse
than Lost 148-160

Lecture Eleven.

MARRIAGE.

Unhappy Marriages--Marriage has its Laws--The Second Question in
Life--Be sure you are Right--For Better or for Worse--Know whom thou
Marriest--Marriage a Holy Institution--Marriage should be made a
Study--Marriage is not for Children--Early Marriages Inadvisable--What
are Early Marriages?--Influence of an Ignorant Wife--Woman the Hope of
the World--Married Life must be lived well--Love should rule all 161-176

Lecture Twelve.

RELIGIOUS DUTIES.

Our Father in Heaven--Moral Obligations and Religious Duties--Impiety of
Professed Christians--Deficiency of Religious Gratitude--Gratitude makes
Life Cheerful--Religion gives Joy to Life--Love, the Seed of
Religion--The Religion of Christ--Woman's Heart a Natural
Shrine--Religion fit for all Conditions--Love for the Unseen--Personal
Acquaintance not necessary for Love--The Idea of God Spontaneous--It is
the Unseen we Love--Life well lived is Glorious 177-191

Lecture Thirteen.

WOMANHOOD.

Woman not an Adornment only--Civilization Elevates Woman--Woman not what
She should be--Woman's Influence Over-rated--Force of Character
Necessary--The Virtue of True Womanhood--Passion is not always
Love--True Love is only for Worth--Good Behavior and
Deportment--Spiritual Harmony Desirable--Importance of
Self-control--What shall Woman do--Strive to be a True Woman 192-204

Lecture Fourteen.

HAPPINESS.

Happiness Desired--Fretful People--Motes in the Eye--We Were Made for
Happiness--Sorrow has Useful Lessons--Happiness a Duty--Despondency Is
Irreligious--Pleasure not always Happiness--The Misuse of the
World--Contentment necessary to Happiness--Happiness must be sought
aright--Truly seeking we shall Find--Our Success not always
Essential--Happiness often Found Unexpectedly--Happiness overcomes
Circumstances--A Tendency to Murmuring--God Rules over All--Health
necessary to Happiness--Disease is Sinful--God Loves a Happy
Soul--Happiness Possible to All 205-224

AIMS AND AIDS.

Lecture One.

GIRLHOOD.

Angels view Girlhood with Solicitude and Delight--Beauty no
perpetual Pledge of Safety--Nothing in Man or Things impels a
provident Regard for it--Blossoming Womanhood an Object of deep
Interest and Pity--Girlhood's first Work is to Form a Character--It
should be _Pure_ and _Energetic_--Woman only a Thing--Her Education
progressing--Physical Health should be Preserved--A Woman not
Herself Without Physical Strength--Woman must be Independent, and
Earn her own Livelihood--Character must Embody Itself In an Outward
Form to be of Service to the World.

If the angels look down upon earth and behold any natural object with
especial delight, it must be Girlhood. And yet if they are not gifted
with prophetic vision, they must tremble with fearful solicitude while
they gaze delighted. There is a fearfulness in the beauty of Girlhood
which mingles anxiety in the cup of admiration. No good being can look
upon it without casting a solicitous thought forward to its future, to
ask whether it will be well or ill with it. The beauty of Girlhood is no
perpetual pledge of its safety. Society has built no wall of protection
around it. It has no sure defense within itself. Its Maker has hung no
flaming sword turning every way above it to ward off danger. There is
nothing in the world of man and things which impels a provident regard
for it. Suns, winds, frosts, storms, time, diseases, and death pay no
deferential respect to it. Man respects it, bows to it, but while he
does it, it withers under his devotion, so little does he mingle wisdom
and care in his regard. Society professes to respect it, and so it does,
but it subjects it to so many untimely trials and injurious customs,
that that very respect is fearful. A young girl, fresh from childhood,
blossoming into a woman, rosy health in her veins, innocence in her
heart, caroling gaiety in her laugh, buoyant life in her step, the rich
glance of an opening soul in her eye, grace in her form with the casket
of mind richly jeweled, is indeed an object of beauty. He who can behold
it and not feel a benevolent interest in it, is an object of pity. He
who can live and not live in part for Girlhood, is devoid of the highest
order of feeling. He who can see it wither under unrighteous customs or
pass away by the blight of unholy abuses, and not drop a tear of
sympathy, is less than a generous man. He who sees its perilous position
and lifts not his warning voice, fails in a great duty. It is not enough
to admire Girlhood; it is not enough to do it graceful honors, make it
obsequious bows, strew its pathway with flattering compliments, and call
it by all beautiful names. Such outward expressions, unless most
judiciously made, are quite as likely to do it injury as direct abuse.
Girlhood is full of tenderness and weakness. The germs of its future
strength are its most perilous weaknesses now. Its mightiest energies
often kindle the fires of its ruin. Its most salient points of character
are often soonest invaded. Indeed, it can scarcely be said to have a
character. It is forming one, but knows not yet what it will be. Its
interior now is not exactly a chaos, but a beautiful disorder. The
elements of something grand are there, but they are not yet polished nor
put together, nor compactly cemented. This work is yet to be done. It is
the great work of Girlhood. It is the moral art to which it is to apply
all its ingenuity and energy. Girlhood is not all a holiday season; it
is more a working time, a study hour, an apprenticeship. True, it has
buoyant spirits, and should let them out with fresh good-will at proper
times. It has its playful moods, which should not only be indulged but
encouraged, but not wholly for the sake of the momentary enjoyment, but
rather to infuse the forming character largely with the element of
cheerfulness. A gloomy Girlhood is as odd and improper as it is
unnatural. And it is improper, not only because it is out of place and
wrong, but because it shades the character with a desponding hue.
Desponding is absolutely wrong in itself. It is a perversion of our
minds. To put on weeds when nobody is dead, to weep when it would be
more becoming and useful to laugh, to wear a face of woe when the
sunshine of gladness has the best right to preside in our sky, is all
wrong. It is absolutely wicked, because it casts a baneful influence
upon all with whom we associate, and prepares us to go through life like
a frowning cloud or a drooping willow, shading the circle of our
influence with melancholic gloom. No, better sing with the birds and
laugh with the babbling brooklets than be gloomy in Girlhood. Trials and
troubles of course will come. We must sometimes weep, and when we do, it
should be done with chastened spirits for real sorrow, that we may be
the calmer and happier when we recover from the shock of grief. Such
weeping is a gracious and healthy exercise. It does not check the true
joyousness of Girlhood's nature, nor cast any darkening line into the
future character. April suns are all the brighter for April showers. The
real sorrows ordinarily incident to Girlhood are not many; the real
causes for gloom are few; the most are imaginary. This is true of all
ages. Our _borrowed_ trouble is much more than that which comes as our
own in the legitimate course of our life. Trouble is the worst article
we can borrow. We have the least need for it, and it is a miserable dose
to take. Of all things which it does, Girlhood should not borrow
trouble. A heavy interest will have to be paid for it in the future; and
there is danger that it will make the soul absolutely bankrupt. If
borrowed trouble would go home when we told it to, and would never leave
a track behind, it would do less injury. But it will not. It is hard to
get rid of, and always leaves its dark trail on the most beautiful
feelings of the heart. If Girlhood is mindful of any thing, it should be
of the shadows that fall upon the heart. Whether they be of delusion,
disappointment, or sin, they are bad, and will make sad marks in the
character to be borne through life. Age can never forget its youth; nor
can one easily rub out dark lines traced in his character in its forming
state. If I could speak to Girlhood in its wide realm of beauty and
promise all over the world, I should say to it, that its first work is
to form a fitting character with which to pass through life and do the
great work of woman. There is much in starting right. A stumble in the
start often defeats the race, while a good strike at the onset often
wins the victory. There is no more alarming feature in the Girlhood of
our times than its apparent indifference to the great work before it.
Multitudes of girls are as thoughtless and giddy as the lambs that sport
on the lea. They seem scarcely to cast a prophetic glance before. They
live as though life was a theater, good for nothing but its acting. I
know there is much reason why girls do live so, why they are so heedless
of the grandeur that swells into eternal glory before them. I know they
have been taught by the customs of society, by the follies of their
elders, to regard themselves as the playthings of men, the ornaments of
society, rather than the helpers of themselves and their race, and the
solid substance of the social fabric. But it is time they had learned
better. They must soon know that they are made for a purpose as grand as
that which brought the Saviour of the world into being. They must soon
know that their powers were made for the highest order of usefulness and
excellency. They must soon know that if in Girlhood they regard
themselves as playthings and pets, in womanhood they will have to be
drudges or the cast-off dolls of their boyish husbands, or the
hangers-on to a society they would but can not be a part of. Is life a
preparation for eternity? so is Girlhood a preparation for womanhood. Do
effects follow their causes? so will Girlhood send its life and
character into womanhood. If a girl would be a good woman, she must
commence now. If she would be wise, she must not frolic away her early
life. If she would not feel the hand of oppression in age, she must lay
now the foundation of a noble independence which will make her
self-reliant, energetic, calm, and persistent in the pursuit of life's
great aim. Not only is a _pure_ character needed, chastity of thought
and feeling, but one of _energy_. It is grand to be pure of heart; it is
glorious to be virtuous, to be able to resist temptation and confound
all tempters. This, we confess, is one of the prime beauties of female
character. But this is not all that is needed. Life is more than a trial
of virtue, more a scene of temptation. It is a work. Christ resisted
temptation. But that was not all he had to do. That only showed him
ready for the great work before him. So woman has something more to do
than to beat back the tempter. If she can do this, she proves herself
made of the pure gold. She has a mission to engage in, a great work to
do. All women have. This work requires that they shall possess _energy_
as well as purity. They must have force of will to dare and to do. They
must dare to be and do that which is right; dare to face false customs;
dare to frown on fashion; dare to resist oppression; dare to assert
their rights; dare to be persecuted for righteousness' sake; dare to do
their own thinking and acting; dare to be above the silly pride and
foolish whims and prudish nonsense that enslave little minds. Woman is
now bound hand and foot by custom and law. She is only a thing. She is
not a conscious independent personality. She is not recognized as a
self-directing, responsible agent. She plays a second part. She is shut
out from all the higher aims and opportunities of life. Into no college
is she permitted to enter if she would cultivate her mind in the highest
walks of science and literature. At the feet of no learned professor may
she sit for wisdom. Every profession but the teacher's is barred against
her, and in that her services are considered not half at par. She can
not get more than half-pay for her labor. In law she is but a ninny; if
she is married she is less still, an absolute nonentity; her legal
existence is merged in that of her husband--the two become one, and he
is that one. Then in the every-day customs of life she is but a child.
She is not independent, free, energetic. The sun must not shine upon
her; she must not breathe the free air, nor bathe her limbs in the clear
stream, nor exercise in a healthful and profitable way. She must not go
away from her home without a protector; she must not step into the
street after nightfall without a watch; she must trail her dress in the
mud if others do; hang her bonnet behind her head if it is the fashion;
wear a bodiced waist tight as a vice if the milliner says so, and do and
submit to a thousand other things equally absurd and wrong. This is her
present position. To rise above this position and be what she is
capable of being, be strong in mind and purpose, be resolute in the
right, be herself untrammeled by custom or law, so far as any being can
be in a good society, it requires the culture of energy in the Girlhood
of this age. What was once regarded as a sufficient character for a
woman, is not enough now. Women are advancing as well as science,
mechanics, and men. Young women should remember this. Once it was
thought education enough if a woman could read and write a little. Now,
she must know a number of things more. The time is not far distant when
she must be educated as well as man. So it is in relation to character.
Very soon woman must possess energy, self-reliance, force of will and
thought, as well as love, or she will be wanting in the essential
elements of a noble womanhood. The woman and wife will be quite
different at the commencement of the next century from what they were at
the commencement of the last. Do the girls understand this? It must be
so. The edict has gone out and can not be withdrawn. Woman hails it with
joy. She wishes to improve with the advancing age. She would feel sad
and look antiquated if the car of progress left her behind. If a few
women of this age could be mesmerized and kept in the magnetic state
five hundred years, and then unlocked from the somnambulic fetters, how
would they compare with the women of that future age? They would be
women still, but in character as much antiquated as in custom. This is
to be looked for in the very nature of things. We know that woman's
education in the future is to be quite different from what it was in
the past. We know that the improvements in science and mechanics are
making rapid changes in the nature of the labor of life. Women are fast
entering into new fields of labor. Who knows but the sewing, cooking,
washing, and much else that woman now does, will in a great measure be
done by machinery? If so, woman will be left free to employ herself
elsewhere. There must be a change. It will probably be for the better.
The change will require the culture of new powers or forces in the
female character. Woman will rise, not fall. Her character must rise.
The young women ought to know it, and be preparing for it. Is the
Girlhood of to-day a fit preparation for the duties that will devolve
upon the women of the next generation? Parents ought to ask themselves
this question. And all young women should consider it well. The elements
of a true female character should be carefully studied. It would be well
if some strong hand should write out the moral philosophy of Girlhood as
a book for schools and academics as well as families, that every young
woman might have line upon line and precept upon precept, in the
formation of her character. All desire to possess a true character, but
all do not know how to acquire it.

A second duty devolves upon Girlhood. It is to preserve its physical
health and strength. The richest mind is of but little avail to the
world if locked up in a feeble, sickly body. The noblest character would
not half make its impression on the world if it was imprisoned in
weakness and barricaded with disease. A woman can not be herself unless
she possesses physical as well as mental and moral strength. Girlhood
has both beauty and strength. Why may they not be carried into
womanhood? Shall not the wife and mother retain the beauty and health of
the girl? Shall not the woman retain the physical integrity of the girl?
There is no good reason why she shall not. Health and strength were made
to be life-lasting, or nearly so. So beauty is a rich gift of the Divine
Artist given for life. Why should we dissipate it in an hour? It is
ungrateful, impious to do it. We ought to prize and retain it as a
divine benefaction. God could as well have made Girlhood ugly as
beautiful. His wisdom and love chose to make it a model of grace and
elegance. Has he laid a necessity upon woman's nature that this beauty
shall last but an hour? Far from it. On the other hand, he has made
every provision for its preservation. Why, then, is it not preserved?
Simply because Girlhood is not instructed in the science of health or
life. And this is not so much the fault of young women as it is of
parents and society. We study astronomy in all our schools, but where is
a class instructed in the economy of health? True, some go through a
text-book on physiology, but how meager is the instruction there gleaned
relative to the preservation of health, and how few ever think of
putting into practice what they do get! When physiologists say that pure
air, much exercise, comfortable and airy dress, frequent bathing,
sufficient sleep, a plain, simple diet, and regular habits, with a
peaceful and active mind, are essential to health, how many young women
heed the instruction? Now of what avail will a good character be without
health to apply its forces to the work of life? Of what avail is a good
boiler and a high pressure of steam to the engineer if his engine is all
out of order, so that it has neither strength nor freedom to work? So it
is with a good character in a fragile, broken-down body. If there was
any other way to use the forces of a good character than through the
medium of a physical engine, health would not be a matter of so much
importance; but as there is not, it is clear that for all the active,
benevolent, and useful purposes of this life, health is about as
important as character. Neither is of much utility alone. A boiler
pressed full of steam would be useless without an engine to use and
apply its forces, and the engine would be as useless without the boiler.
Why, then, is Girlhood so prodigal of its health and strength? Why does
it imprison itself in close, hot rooms? Why live on a diet that no brute
could bear? Why confine every limb and muscle of its body? Why engirdle
its waist in warmth and cordage, and expose its feet to every storm and
frost, to mud and snow? It is useless to talk, and preach, and write
about the value of a good character unless we couple it with an equally
earnest lesson about the value of health. It is useless for Girlhood to
be anxious about its moral character unless it is equally anxious about
its physical character. If we have no right to cultivate a bad
character, we have no right to abuse the only means by which a good
character can be of use to the world. If we have no moral right to set
a bad example before our fellow-men, we have no right to weaken and
disease a good physical organization. And it would be difficult to show
the reasoning at fault, should we conclude that we have no more moral
right to be sick than we have to sin. But we hope to say more on this
subject before our work is done.

Pages:
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15