David Lannarck, Midget

G >> George S. Harney >> David Lannarck, Midget

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A wave of stillness blanketed the audience that had come to see--and
maybe laugh at--the antics of a midget. Up to now, the address was
not in the expected pitch. It was far afield from the anticipated
humor of frivolous incidents. Dissertations on literature, science,
and philosophy came as an unexpected jolt. Davy Lannarck, who had
spent his adult life in facing the public, now knew that he had 'em
mesmerized.

"Who, then, composes this exclusive class in the human family? Who are
midgets?" Davy gave the question its full emphasis to include the
dramatic pause. "Well, I've lived the life of one for more than a
quarter of a century. If literature, dictionaries, encyclopedias, and
Holy Writ fail to sort us into the proper herd, why, I'll heat my own
runnin' iron and brand the ones I think are eligible.

"Midgets are people. Out of a million or more of babies born one, at
least, is destined not to reach adult stature. Normal in every way and
perfectly proportioned, this millionth babe stops growing, while yet a
babe, and thereafter not an inch is added to his stature and very
little to his Weight. 'Arrested development' the scientist terms it;
'a malfunctioning of the pituitary gland' is the doctor's diagnosis of
the disaster.

"So, one out of a million or more babies born is destined to go
through life bumping his head against other people's knees. If it's a
boy, he can never bust one over the fence for a home run, never look
squarely into the face of the receiving teller at the bank or of the
room clerk at the hotel. He is never to referee a prize fight or run
for president. If he wants a drink at the public fountain, he must ask
someone to get it for him. If he goes to school, church, or a public
meeting he must either get a front seat or he'll get a back view. On
trains, busses, and Pullmans he pays the same adult fare as the
two-hundred-pounder across the aisle.

"In the meager information about midgets, one writer, in an excellent
article, estimates one midget to every million of population. He must
have lived in New York City, as the little people flock to that
metropolis, seeking employment in theaters and museums. My personal
estimate of the ratio is that not one babe in two million is destined
to go through life looking through the wrong end of opera glasses. In
my brief career I have never seen more than twenty-two midgets in one
group, and that only after Baron Singer had combed the civilized world
in an effort to get 'em all in one assemblage.

"I have said that literature is almost silent concerning midgets and
their activities. Yet, if one would compile all the scattered
paragraphs of the ages past, it might be a sizeable volume. Back in
the days when chivalry ran parallel with human bondage, midgets were
rated as personal property. Kings and emperors called them to court
for amusement purposes; offered them as gifts to appease the powerful
or seduce the weak. And at courtly banquets, when the liquor was
potent enough to inspire adventuresome bravery, midgets were tossed
like medicine balls, from guest to guest, to provide entertainment for
the ladies and gallants there present. However, the meager paragraphs
failed to reveal if the ball was dribbled or if free throws were
allowed in the event of fouls being made on the brave participants.

"Midgets marry same as other people, and strange to relate, fully half
of them wed full grown adults. Just why this is I do not know. While I
have acted the part of Dan Cupid in several stage productions, I've
had no actual experience with the attachments and jealousies of
humans--big or little. Midgets do have love-longings and jealousies,
and love-making is carried on with all the zeal of modern warfare.
Also, it has some of the elements of modern international diplomacy in
its double-talk and duplicity. I witnessed one of these incidents as
an innocent bystander.

"Andre, a very competent juggler, had come to America with the Singer
Midgets. He was a Frenchman and spoke not a word of English. In
America, the Singer Company was rallying to its organization all the
little people it could induce to join up in a tour of the big circuit.
Among the new arrivals was Lorette Sanford, a beautiful little trick
of a girl. Andre was much impressed with her beauty and vivacity.
Here was his soulmate! But he just couldn't tell her of his undying
affection on account of the language handicap. Lorette knew not a word
of French.

"But love laughs at locksmiths and Cupid has many assistants. Andre
sought out Jimmy Quick, who had toured France and could make himself
understood. Jimmy was commissioned to anglicize a proper proposal and
Andre spent hours in repeating the verbiage as taught. At the proper
moment, he met the object of his adoration back of the scenes and
fired his volley of transposed endearments. It had a tremendous effect
all right, but it was in reverse gear. Lorette screamed and ran, but
quickly returned to slap Andre's face, kick his shins, and push him
sprawling into a mess of paint cans and brushes. Surely a disastrous
ending for a well meant intention.

"Of course it turned out that Jimmy Quick, who secretly had notions of
his own as to the beauty and desirability of the object of Andre's
affections, had composed a proposal of all the vile and abusive words
in the English language. Jimmy was too big for Andre to chastise, but
as the rumor of the incident spread and the comedians began to quote
freely some of the indecent phrases of the hoax, Andre fled the scene
of torment. He left the company at Buffalo and went to Quebec where
English was in limited use, and the story unknown.

"But Andre's juggling act was invaluable among so many amateurs. The
manager went to Canada to urge his return. But by the time he
succeeded, Jimmy Quick had eloped with the fair Lorette and had joined
up with Cairstair's Congress of Living Wonders. And to give the matter
a modern and adult finish, it turned out that Andre already had a wife
and child in France.

"Yes, midgets--small in size and few in number--marry and raise
families in about the same proportions as 'the big ones.' It is a
matter of record that Mrs. Judith Skinner, herself a midget, gave
birth to fourteen children. They were all of normal size. In fact, the
mystery of midget existence is further complicated by the added truth
that no midget ever gave birth to a midget.

"Midgets never grow bald and are usually vain in the matter of dress,
probably due to the fact that in the past they were attaches of
royalty. A midget is usually suave in manners and not easily
embarrassed in public. Several instances are related that midgets,
back in the conspiring and deceitful days of royalty, gave their
patrons much information of enemy intrigues and adverse plottings
against the crown.

"This story is told of a midget's participation in imperial intrigue.
Richebourg, only twenty-three inches tall, was an attache of the royal
family of Orleans, deeply involved in the French Revolution. Swaddled
in baby garments, he was allowed to be carried through enemy lines by
an ignorant maid, bearing vital messages to friends of imprisoned
royalty.

"But notwithstanding their limitations in size and number, midgets
have made material contributions in science, art, and invention. Many
of the present day comforts and much of our current beauty in art came
from these Lilliputians. And set this down to the credit of the midget
populace: few midgets, or maybe none at all, are ever convicted of the
major crimes of murder, mayhem, arson, or theft. If the 'big ones'
were as law-abiding as the 'little ones' there would be little need
for criminal courts and jails.

"It was the establishment of democracies that gave midgets a status as
a citizen. In the dark ages of the past, he had been a creature of
derision, a thing to be bandied about in trade or gift. And it was in
our own blessed United States of America that he began taking his
proper place as a communal asset. Our own Tom Thumb and his genial
wife, Lavinna Warren, traveled extensively over the world to prove
that midgets were intelligent and companionable people. Later came
Admiral Dot, Commodore Nutt, and others of the fraternity, to travel
widely over the country, and by contact prove the worth of midgets.

"But it was Baron Leopold von Singer, an Austrian citizen and a man of
great wealth, who lifted midgets out of the mental mire of being
regarded as children and gave them their rightful place. The story is
told that the baron became interested in little people through the
pleadings of an invalid daughter. He invited several midgets to his
home. Finding them agreeable and companionable, he founded a midget
city with all the conveniences and accessories of a municipality to
include a theater where much talent was revealed.

"In the midst of these activities Austria became a center of strife in
the World War. The baron hastily moved his theatrical activities to
London, and later to the United States where he toured all the larger
cities to exhibit his little troupers and their talents.

"Really, the baron never planned this tour of the Singer Midgets as a
money making venture. He had learned to love the little people and
took keen pleasure and joy in the development of their genius to
entertain the public. He paid good salaries with no thought of
commercialism. But the enterprise did make money. It was a major means
of revealing to the public that midgets have talents. And best of all,
it furnished a wide field of employment to little people. The public
wants to see midgets and fully fifty percent of these are now engaged
in some form of show business.

"My personal contact with show business was made through the Singer
Midgets. As a youngster I had planned to study architecture, as I had
developed some talent at the drawing board. But the death of my
parents interrupted my home life. I sought diversion. I visited the
Singer Show at St. Louis. I had no specialty--no act--that would amuse
the public, but the manager signed me up, hoping to develop something
useful. And I did develop. On account of my voice being in the right
pitch, I expanded into a spieler, a front man, the person who makes
the announcements in front of the curtain, that does the ballyhoo for
the side show or bawls out, from the center ring, the features of the
concert 'that will immediately fallaawftah this pawfo'mance.'

"And for twelve years, winter and summer, night and day, I have
traveled about to see our dear America at its best and its worst. In
that time, I have looked into the faces of half the people of the
nation and, as a corollary, I was the object of their scrutiny and
comment. I got tired of the job. I wanted to get out where I could
meet them, one at a time, to tell jokes, hear the news, complain about
the depression, cuss Congress, and sympathize with those in distress.

"But please do not think that my aversion of the public extends to a
meeting such as we have here tonight. Here, I feel happy in being
permitted to meet my neighbors and grateful for the opportunity to
give such publicity as I can to the accomplishments of the little
people who for centuries were held in a bondage of ridicule and
derision, but who now, by industry and mental accomplishments, stand
side by side with all who seek to make this a better world.

"And now let's go to the circus where--"

Davy's further remarks were interrupted by applause. Led by the young
minister, the seated audience rose to cheer his simple, earnest story
of midget life and accomplishments.

"Now, I am doubly paid," said the little speaker, showing his first
signs of embarrassment. "Maybe the double pay is for overtime; maybe
you are glad that I am nearing the end of the story. At any rate,
let's go out to the circus lot, even if we do not get inside the Big
Top. That will shorten the program.

"I love the circus. Inside the ring of its glamorous pageantry is a
circle of closely knit friendships and sociability not found in any
other organization. From management to roustabout there are common
ties of interest. And because a destination must be reached on the
hour, and a pageant presented, there is teamwork such as I have never
seen elsewhere. Personally, I think circuses, in their precision of
movement and volume of property handled, have been used as models for
our great United States' Armies in their muster of men and equipment
and in the accuracy of transportation.

"Think of it! A big circus, in property and personnel, is the equal of
a small city. On Monday, this city sets up shop in a Des Moines suburb
to give two exhibitions. Tuesday it shows in Omaha; Wednesday, in
Kansas City. It sets up and tears down, the same day. It changes
location while you sleep. All details, from elephants to tent stakes,
from kid-show banners to the great arena that shelters and seats ten
thousand patrons, all must be torn down, transported, and set up
between sunset and sunrise. I know of no other private enterprise that
so truly represents the skill, aptitude, and energy of American
genius.

"But pshaw! All of you have been to circuses! Yet there are erroneous
impressions abroad that should be corrected. Circuses are, for the
most part, privately owned and have grown up from small beginnings.
The owners are business men such as you meet in other industries. They
employ the best talent available in each department. They try to get
young bank employees to handle bookkeeping and finances. Surely the
man on the ticket wagon must be a wizard to handle the volume of
business done within the limited time; and the boss canvasman, to lay
out and erect a circus city in two hours, must know his men and
property in every detail.

"But the important part of the circus business is transacted in the
winter months and in remote and strange places. What are we to exhibit
in the coming season? The entire world is scouted to find new and
sensational features and spectacles. Not only are the jungles combed
for the little known and strange creatures of earth, but the highly
civilized quarters of the world should yield new accomplishments in
the acrobatic field and in the latest achievements of science and
art. And in these later years, all history is carefully explored for
the dramatic incident that can be portrayed in glamorous pageantry for
the amusement and education of those who come to the circus.

"And then comes the gravest problem of all. Where will we exhibit this
planned program? Routing a circus is a technical matter. Every feature
of the locale must be studied. Stock markets and boards of trade must
be consulted as to the financial outlook. Crop estimates, factory
production, and foreign markets are big factors in the planning.
Droughts, floods, crop failures, labor troubles, and great fires are
some of the many things to be avoided in the routings. All this must
be planned before a pitch is made.

"Aside from the management the personnel of a circus naturally divides
itself into three groups: the ring performers, the animal trainers,
and the roustabouts. The first named, consisting of acrobats,
tumblers, jugglers, aerial artists, and equestrians, are an exclusive
class that eat at the same table and use the same Pullmans. They are
not 'snooty,' just reserved. There are many foreigners among them. In
some acts the entire family takes part. They are a sober lot. Hard
liquor has no place on the refreshment list of a class whose life is
dependent on a clear brain and a sure hand and foot. Many of them are
good church folk. We could always tell when Sunday morning came by the
bustle and stir to attend early Mass.

"Roustabouts, the labor battalion of the circus army, join up out of
curiosity and quit when satiated. A wise boss never fixes a specific
payday or else, on the day following, not enough of 'em would be left
to light the cook's fire. They are the first to be rousted out in the
morning and never go to bed. They are supposed to catch naps during
the afternoon performance and of evenings before the menagerie is torn
down for another move. However, these naps are canceled if they can
contact the public for a 'touch' or gain an audience for their weird,
fantastic tales of personal heroism in their life with the circus.

"And because Mister John Q. Public contacts these ne'er-do-wells and
romancers, he forms wrong estimates of the business. Mister Public is
further deceived in believing that the 'con man' who has a pitch
nearby is connected with the enterprise. Circuses are widely
advertised to appear at a certain place on a fixed date. The skin-game
artists and shilabers, cheaters, flimflammers, and medicine men flock
to these gatherings as flies to a picnic. They are as barnacles on a
fast-moving ship, flies in the ointment of circus management. Happily
much of this odium has been erased. By close cooperation with local
authorities, the con man and shilaber is moved out before he starts.
Unhappily the stigma of past incidents still persists.

"And now, you are happy that I am approaching the end of the chapter,
and I am happy to say a final word in behalf of my favorites among the
circus folks, the animal trainers. To me, these patient, hard workers
are the cream of the crop. Whenever I had time to spare I was a
visitor in their schools. We marvel that we can communicate by
telephone and radio, but animal trainers not only make themselves
understood, but they must first teach their subjects the language in
which they speak. At these training schools I've seen horses, dogs,
elephants, seals, and birds told in pantomime what certain words mean;
they are then told to execute the exact meaning of the word. Those who
teach young humans have an easy task as compared with these patient
teachers of dumb, but brainy brutes.

"Animal trainers are born with the 'gift.' None, so far as I know,
would shine in educational circles and none are dilettanti in the arts
and sciences, yet they have that mysterious 'it' of influence and
command. I've seen a great herd of elephants move in unison at a
whispered word, and a dog will venture to death's door if a little,
old ragged master bids him to do so. A queer relationship this! It has
always fascinated me.

"But, I want you to understand, my admiration for the game does not
extend to the cat family. I always turn my back and walk away when I
see Beatty walk into a cage of tigers, leopards, lions, or cougars. I
admire his pluck but condemn his judgment. I cannot join the general
public in admiring the sinuous majesty of the cats. I was always glad
to hear the final slam of the gate and to wonder if the latch caught
as Clyde backed out.

"But with the rest of the trainees I am in good standing. I love to
ramble around in the menagerie and hear the big talk of the gang in
charge. Elephants like children and midgets. Old Mom always had a
friendly greeting for me and knew in which pocket I had parked the
peanuts. Seals know a lot more than they let on. However, they are a
jealous set. They sulk and pout, worse than humans, if one act wins
more applause than another.

"As a sort of a summary of my happy hours spent with animal trainers,
I offer the opinion that dogs, because of their centuries of contact
with man, are the most faithful creatures of the animal kingdom; that
horses are the most useful, for this great western empire would still
be a desert or a roaring wilderness had it not been for the horse.
Elephants are smarter than many of the other creatures. They can
reason from cause to effect. This I know, for one dark, rainy night
when we were stuck in the mud trying to get off the lot at Columbus,
old Canhead Fortney was using two of the smaller Asiatics to shove the
big cages out of the mire. Jerry Quiggle had six horses on a chain and
was surging away to get the wagons out to the pavement. Canhead moved
the little elephants around back of the big rhinoceros cage and fixed
the head-pads for the big shove. But they didn't shove. Canhead bawled
and fussed around in the dark and thought he had a mutiny on his
hands. Presently he heard Jerry, up in front, hooking on the chain and
clucking to the horses. Then the little Asiatics, without further
orders, bent to their task and the big cage rolled out to the hard
surface. Canhead apologized for his error. He stopped at a hydrant and
washed the mud off the elephants' legs and gave 'em an extra feed.

"But of all the animals under training, I think seals are the
smartest. They are uncanny in their reasoning. They do unexpected
things. When seals are associated with human beings as long as dogs
they will speak our language and do it correctly. I think seals like
to tour the country in the hope that some day they can go back to the
ocean, to the rocks and cliffs and slides, to tell the other seals
just how dumb we humans are.

"And that's about all, my friends. I realize that my rambling remarks
are poor pay for the splendid little horse I got. Really, if my time
and talk is the value of exchange, I would be here for a week, telling
of the tragedies and comedies I've seen in this vast, fast-moving
business. I could tell of the big blow-down we had in Texas; of the
train wreck in the Carolinas; of the near elephant stampede we had
when the woman raised her parasol as the parade was forming in
Frankfort. And to show how closely tragedy and comedy are interwoven,
I'll ring down the final curtain by telling this incident.

"At Toledo, the Grand Entry was forming for the night performance. In
the menagerie tent the animals, chariots, Roman soldiers, and
attendants were being lined up for the Grand March. In the lineup were
two hippopotamuses. It was a new feature, having these big brutes free
and unrestrained in a parade. Just as the march started, old Fisheye
Gleason, a seasoned old retainer who cleaned out cages, fed the
animals, and who claimed he was with Noah when he landed his animal
collection on Mount Ararat; old Fisheye was climbing down from the top
of a cage when he stumbled and fell right on the back of a hippo. Now
a hippo isn't classed with the smart animals. He makes up in bulk what
he lacks in brains. He is billed as being the 'Blood-Sweating Behemoth
of Holy Writ.'

"But it was Fisheye that did the sweating. He didn't want to fall off
to be run over by the chariots and it was hard to stick on the round,
fat hippo. And the poor, scared hippo ran through the band,
scattering musicians and horns, ran round the arena with Fisheye
aboard, and finally scrambled up about four tiers in the reserved
seats to an entangling stop. So far as I know, this was the only
parade that Fisheye ever headed, and Toledo was the only city to
witness such a Grand Entry.

"Thank you, one and all, for your kindly indulgence."

Again the young minister headed the prolonged applause, but he
motioned for the audience to remain seated for a final word.

"This is one of the happy events of my life," he said
enthusiastically. "I have been well entertained, and have gained much
valuable information on two subjects that I knew little about. And now
that I am to add a further paragraph as to our material gains, I hope
our guest and entertainer will understand our deep appreciation of his
presence with us and his thoughtful remarks.

"Brother Peyton informs me that the receipts of the evening amount to
four hundred and seventy-one dollars. This is a giant sum to be
collected voluntarily, in a small community, in a time of depression
and for an entertainment that was wholly home talent and given at
little expense.

"Our parent church provides for loans to be made, to match sums
donated for building purposes. I am making application for such a
loan. I have contracted for the purchase of the old Hartman home at
the corner of Laramie Street. It needs a new roof and new paint. If a
partition is torn out it will be ample for our church needs just now.
Tomorrow I will canvass the community for volunteers to do this work.
I have already made some inquiry on this matter and feel sure that we
can get donations of three hundred manpower hours for this task.

"So what you two have accomplished this night," said the youthful
preacher in closing, "will be shown in our church records. It will be
recorded that a handsome, enthusiastic young girl and a former circus
performer made the initial contributions that established a church in
a community where it was said that such a thing was impossible. I
thank you all for your presence here, for your labors, and your
contributions."

16

Sunday was a quiet day at the Gillis home. It was freighted with both
doubt and hope. Landy and Davy were out of bed at four o'clock Monday
morning. At five they were in the saddle; at six-thirty they were at
the Carter filling station. Adine had just arrived and had introduced
herself to old Maddy, seated on the porch. She heard a brief recital
as to the cause of his injuries and as Landy and Davy rode up she
invited the invalid to accompany the party.

"It will do you good," she explained, "for after the snows come you
must stay in the house for a long time. We three ride the front seat
but there is a long, narrow seat at the rear where you can prop up
your injured feet and view the scenery."

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