Lavengro

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"Well," said I, "the Radical in the public-house will perhaps be glad of
your company thither; he is as great an admirer of America as yourself,
though I believe on different grounds."

"I shall go by myself," said Belle, "unless--unless that should happen
which is not likely--I am not fond of Radicals no more than I am of
scoffers and mockers."

"Do you mean to say that I am a scoffer and mocker?"

"I don't wish to say you are," said Belle; "but some of your words sound
strangely like scoffing and mocking. I have now one thing to beg, which
is, that if you have anything to say against America, you would speak it
out boldly."

"What should I have to say against America? I never was there."

"Many people speak against America who never were there."

"Many people speak in praise of America who never were there; but with
respect to myself, I have not spoken for or against America."

"If you liked America you would speak in its praise."

"By the same rule, if I disliked America I should speak against it."

"I can't speak with you," said Belle; "but I see you dislike the
country."

"The country!"

"Well, the people--don't you?"

"I do."

"Why do you dislike them?"

"Why, I have heard my father say that the American marksmen, led on by a
chap of the name of Washington, sent the English to the right-about in
double-quick time."

"And that is your reason for disliking the Americans?"

"Yes," said I, "that is my reason for disliking them."

"Will you take another cup of tea?" said Belle.

I took another cup; we were again silent. "It is rather uncomfortable,"
said I, at last, "for people to sit together without having anything to
say."

"Were you thinking of your company?" said Belle.

"What company?" said I.

"The present company."

"The present company! oh, ah!--I remember that I said one only feels
uncomfortable in being silent with a companion, when one happens to be
thinking of the companion. Well, I had been thinking of you the last two
or three minutes, and had just come to the conclusion, that to prevent us
both feeling occasionally uncomfortable towards each other, having
nothing to say, it would be as well to have a standing subject, on which
to employ our tongues. Belle, I have determined to give you lessons in
Armenian."

"What is Armenian?"

"Did you ever hear of Ararat?"

"Yes, that was the place where the ark rested; I have heard the chaplain
in the great house talk of it; besides, I have read of it in the Bible."

"Well, Armenian is the speech of people of that place, and I should like
to teach it you."

"To prevent--"

"Ay, ay, to prevent our occasionally feeling uncomfortable together. Your
acquiring it besides might prove of ulterior advantage to us both; for
example, suppose you and I were in promiscuous company, at Court, for
example, and you had something to communicate to me which you did not
wish anyone else to be acquainted with, how safely you might communicate
it to me in Armenian."

"Would not the language of the roads do as well?" said Belle.

"In some places it would," said I, "but not at Court, owing to its
resemblance to thieves' slang. There is Hebrew, again, which I was
thinking of teaching you, till the idea of being presented at Court made
me abandon it, from the probability of our being understood, in the event
of our speaking it, by at least half a dozen people in our vicinity.
There is Latin, it is true, or Greek, which we might speak aloud at Court
with perfect confidence of safety, but upon the whole I should prefer
teaching you Armenian, not because it would be a safer language to hold
communication with at Court, but because, not being very well grounded in
it myself, I am apprehensive that its words and forms may escape from my
recollection, unless I have sometimes occasion to call them forth."

"I am afraid we shall have to part company before I have learnt it," said
Belle; "in the mean time, if I wish to say anything to you in private,
somebody being by, shall I speak in the language of the roads?"

"If no roadster is nigh, you may," said I, "and I will do my best to
understand you. Belle, I will now give you a lesson in Armenian."

"I suppose you mean no harm?" said Belle.

"Not in the least; I merely propose the thing to prevent our occasionally
feeling uncomfortable together. Let us begin."

"Stop till I have removed the tea-things," said Belle; and, getting up,
she removed them to her own encampment.

"I am ready," said Belle, returning, and taking her former seat, "to join
with you in anything which will serve to pass away the time agreeably,
provided there is no harm in it."

"Belle," said I, "I have determined to commence the course of Armenian
lessons by teaching you the numerals; but, before I do that, it will be
as well to tell you that the Armenian language is called Haik."

"I am sure that word will hang upon my memory," said Belle.

"Why hang upon it?" said I.

"Because the old women in the great house used to call so the chimney-
hook, on which they hung the kettle; in like manner, on the hake of my
memory I will hang your hake."

"Good!" said I, "you will make an apt scholar; but, mind, that I did not
say hake, but haik; the words are, however, very much alike; and, as you
observe, upon your hake you may hang my haik. We will now proceed to the
numerals."

"What are numerals?" said Belle.

"Numbers. I will say the Haikan numbers up to ten. There, have you
heard them?"--"Yes." "Well, try and repeat them."

"I only remember number one," said Belle, "and that because it is me."

"I will repeat them again," said I, "and pay great attention. Now, try
again."

"Me, jergo, earache."

"I neither said jergo, nor earache. I said yergou and yerek. Belle, I
am afraid I shall have some difficulty with you as a scholar."

Belle made no answer. Her eyes were turned in the direction of the
winding path, which led from the bottom of the hollow where we were
seated, to the plain above. "Gorgio shunella," she said, at length, in a
low voice.

"Pure Rommany," said I; "where?" I added, in a whisper.

"Dovey odoi," said Belle, nodding with her head towards the path.

"I will soon see who it is," said I; and starting up, I rushed towards
the pathway, intending to lay violent hands on any one I might find
lurking in its windings. Before, however, I had reached its
commencement, a man, somewhat above the middle height, advanced from it
into the dingle, in whom I recognised the man in black, whom I had seen
in the public-house.

CHAPTER XC.

Buona Sera--Rather Apprehensive--The Steep Bank--Lovely
Virgin--Hospitality--Tory Minister--Custom of the Country--Sneering
Smile--Wandering Zigan--Gypsies' Cloaks--Certain Faculty--Acute
Answer--Various Ways--Adio--Best Hollands.

The man in black and myself stood opposite to each other for a minute or
two in silence; I will not say that we confronted each other that time,
for the man in black, after a furtive glance, did not look me in the
face, but kept his eyes fixed, apparently on the leaves of a bunch of
ground nuts which were growing at my feet. At length, looking around the
dingle, he exclaimed, "Buona Sera, I hope I don't intrude."

"You have as much right here," said I, "as I or my companion; but you had
no right to stand listening to our conversation."

"I was not listening," said the man, "I was hesitating whether to advance
or retire; and if I heard some of your conversation, the fault was not
mine."

"I do not see why you should have hesitated if your intentions were
good," said I.

"I think the kind of place in which I found myself, might excuse some
hesitation," said the man in black, looking around; "moreover, from what
I had seen of your demeanour at the public-house, I was rather
apprehensive that the reception I might experience at your hands might be
more rough than agreeable."

"And what may have been your motive for coming to this place?" said I.

"Per far visita a sua signoria, ecco il motivo."

"Why do you speak to me in that gibberish," said I; "do you think I
understand it?"

"It is not Armenian," said the man in black; "but it might serve in a
place like this, for the breathing of a little secret communication, were
any common roadster near at hand. It would not do at Court, it is true,
being the language of singing women, and the like; but we are not at
Court--when we are, I can perhaps summon up a little indifferent Latin,
if I have anything private to communicate to the learned Professor."

At the conclusion of this speech the man in black lifted up his head,
and, for some moments, looked me in the face. The muscles of his own
seemed to be slightly convulsed, and his mouth opened in a singular
manner.

"I see," said I, "that for some time you were standing near me, and my
companion, in the mean act of listening."

"Not at all," said the man in black; "I heard from the steep bank above,
that to which I have now alluded, whilst I was puzzling myself to find
the path which leads to your retreat. I made, indeed, nearly the compass
of the whole thicket before I found it."

"And how did you know that I was here?" I demanded.

"The landlord of the public-house, with whom I had some conversation
concerning you, informed me that he had no doubt I should find you in
this place, to which he gave me instructions not very clear. But now I
am here, I crave permission to remain a little time, in order that I may
hold some communion with you."

"Well," said I, "since you are come, you are welcome, please to step this
way."

Thereupon I conducted the man in black to the fire-place, where Belle was
standing, who had risen from her stool on my springing up to go in quest
of the stranger. The man in black looked at her with evident curiosity,
then making her rather a graceful bow, "Lovely virgin," said he,
stretching out his hand, "allow me to salute your fingers."

"I am not in the habit of shaking hands with strangers," said Belle.

"I did not presume to request to shake hands with you," said the man in
black, "I merely wished to be permitted to salute with my lips the
extremity of your two fore-fingers."

"I never permit anything of the kind," said Belle, "I do not approve of
such unmanly ways, they are only befitting those who lurk in corners or
behind trees, listening to the conversation of people who would fain be
private."

"Do you take me for a listener, then?" said the man in black.

"Ay, indeed I do," said Belle; "the young man may receive your excuses,
and put confidence in them if he please, but for my part I neither admit
them, nor believe them;" and thereupon flinging her long hair back, which
was hanging over her cheeks, she seated herself on her stool.

"Come, Belle," said I, "I have bidden the gentleman welcome; I beseech
you, therefore, to make him welcome, he is a stranger, where we are at
home, therefore, even did we wish him away, we are bound to treat him
kindly."

"That's not English doctrine," said the man in black.

"I thought the English prided themselves on their hospitality," said I.

"They do so," said the man in black; "they are proud of showing
hospitality to people above them, that is to those who do not want it,
but of the hospitality which you were now describing, and which is
Arabian, they know nothing. No Englishman will tolerate another in his
house, from whom he does not expect advantage of some kind, and to those
from whom he does, he can be civil enough. An Englishman thinks that,
because he is in his own house, he has a right to be boorish and brutal
to any one who is disagreeable to him, as all those are who are really in
want of assistance. Should a hunted fugitive rush into an Englishman's
house, beseeching protection, and appealing to the master's feelings of
hospitality, the Englishman would knock him down in the passage."

"You are too general," said I, "in your strictures; Lord ---, the
unpopular Tory minister, was once chased through the streets of London by
a mob, and, being in danger of his life, took shelter in the shop of a
Whig linendraper, declaring his own unpopular name, and appealing to the
linendraper's feelings of hospitality; whereupon the linendraper, utterly
forgetful of all party rancour, nobly responded to the appeal, and
telling his wife to conduct his lordship upstairs, jumped over the
counter, with his ell in his hand, and placing himself with half-a-dozen
of his assistants at the door of his boutique, manfully confronted the
mob, telling them that he would allow himself to be torn to a thousand
pieces, ere he would permit them to injure a hair of his lordship's head;
what do you think of that?"

"He! he! he!" tittered the man in black.

"Well," said I, "I am afraid your own practice is not very different from
that which you have been just now describing, you sided with the Radical
in the public-house against me, as long as you thought him the most
powerful, and then turned against him, when you saw he was cowed. What
have you to say to that?"

"O! when one is in Rome, I mean England, one must do as they do in
England, I was merely conforming to the custom of the country, he! he!
but I beg your pardon here, as I did in the public-house. I made a
mistake."

"Well," said I, "we will drop the matter, but pray seat yourself on that
stone, and I will sit down on the grass near you."

The man in black, after proffering two or three excuses for occupying
what he supposed to be my seat, sat down upon the stone, and I squatted
down, gypsy fashion, just opposite to him, Belle sitting on her stool a
slight distance on my right. After a time I addressed him thus. "Am I
to reckon this a mere visit of ceremony? should it prove so, it will be,
I believe, the first visit of the kind ever paid me."

"Will you permit me to ask," said the man in black,--"the weather is very
warm," said he, interrupting himself, and taking off his hat.

I now observed that he was partly bald, his red hair having died away
from the fore part of his crown--his forehead was high, his eyebrows
scanty, his eyes grey and sly, with a downward tendency, his nose was
slightly aquiline, his mouth rather large--a kind of sneering smile
played continually on his lips, his complexion was somewhat rubicund.

"A bad countenance," said Belle, in the language of the roads, observing
that my eyes were fixed on his face.

"Does not my countenance please you, fair damsel?" said the man in black,
resuming his hat and speaking in a peculiarly gentle voice.

"How," said I, "do you understand the language of the roads?"

"As little as I do Armenian," said the man in black; "but I understand
look and tone."

"So do I, perhaps," retorted Belle; "and, to tell you the truth, I like
your tone as little as your face."

"For shame," said I; "have you forgot what I was saying just now about
the duties of hospitality? You have not yet answered my question," said
I, addressing myself to the man, "with respect to your visit."

"Will you permit me to ask who you are?"

"Do you see the place where I live?" said I.

"I do," said the man in black, looking around.

"Do you know the name of this place?"

"I was told it was Mumpers', or Gypsies' Dingle," said the man in black.

"Good," said I; "and this forge and tent, what do they look like?"

"Like the forge and tent of a wandering Zigan; I have seen the like in
Italy."

"Good," said I; "they belong to me."

"Are you, then, a Gypsy?" said the man in black.

"What else should I be?"

"But you seem to have been acquainted with various individuals with whom
I have likewise had acquaintance; and you have even alluded to matters,
and even words, which have passed between me and them."

"Do you know how Gypsies live?" said I.

"By hammering old iron, I believe, and telling fortunes."

"Well," said I, "there's my forge, and yonder is some iron, though not
old, and by your own confession I am a soothsayer."

"But how did you come by your knowledge?"

"O," said I, "if you want me to reveal the secrets of my trade, I have,
of course, nothing further to say. Go to the scarlet dyer, and ask him
how he dyes cloth."

"Why scarlet?" said the man in black. "Is it because Gypsies blush like
scarlet?"

"Gypsies never blush," said I; "but Gypsies' cloaks are scarlet."

"I should almost take you for a Gypsy," said the man in black, "but for--"

"For what?" said I.

"But for that same lesson in Armenian, and your general knowledge of
languages; as for your manners and appearance I will say nothing," said
the man in black, with a titter.

"And why should not a Gypsy possess a knowledge of languages?" said I.

"Because the Gypsy race is perfectly illiterate," said the man in black;
"they are possessed, it is true, of a knavish acuteness; and are
particularly noted for giving subtle and evasive answers--and in your
answers, I confess, you remind me of them; but that one of the race
should acquire a learned language like the Armenian, and have a general
knowledge of literature, is a thing che io non credo afatto."

"What do you take me for?" said I.

"Why," said the man in black, "I should consider you to be a philologist,
who, for some purpose, has taken up a Gypsy life; but I confess to you
that your way of answering questions is far too acute for a philologist."

"And why should not a philologist be able to answer questions acutely?"
said I.

"Because the philological race is the most stupid under Heaven," said the
man in black; "they are possessed, it is true, of a certain faculty for
picking up words, and a memory for retaining them; but that any one of
the sect should be able to give a rational answer, to say nothing of an
acute one, on any subject--even though the subject were philology--is a
thing of which I have no idea."

"But you found me giving a lesson in Armenian to this handmaid?"

"I believe I did," said the man in black.

"And you heard me give what you are disposed to call acute answers to the
questions you asked me?"

"I believe I did," said the man in black.

"And would any one but a philologist think of giving a lesson in Armenian
to a handmaid in a dingle?"

"I should think not," said the man in black.

"Well, then, don't you see that it is possible for a philologist to give
not only a rational, but an acute answer?"

"I really don't know," said the man in black.

"What's the matter with you?" said I.

"Merely puzzled," said the man in black.

"Puzzled?"

"Yes."

"Really puzzled?"

"Yes."

"Remain so."

"Well," said the man in black, rising, "puzzled or not, I will no longer
trespass upon your and this young lady's retirement; only allow me,
before I go, to apologize for my intrusion."

"No apology is necessary," said I; "will you please to take anything
before you go? I think this young lady, at my request, would contrive to
make you a cup of tea."

"Tea!" said the man in black--"he! he! I don't drink tea; I don't like
it--if, indeed, you had," and here he stopped.

"There's nothing like gin and water, is there?" said I, "but I am sorry
to say I have none."

"Gin and water," said the man in black, "how do you know that I am fond
of gin and water?"

"Did I not see you drinking some at the public-house?"

"You did," said the man in black, "and I remember, that when I called for
some, you repeated my words--permit me to ask, is gin and water an
unusual drink in England?"

"It is not usually drunk cold, and with a lump of sugar," said I.

"And did you know who I was by my calling for it so?"

"Gypsies have various ways of obtaining information," said I.

"With all your knowledge," said the man in black, "you do not appear to
have known that I was coming to visit you?"

"Gypsies do not pretend to know anything which relates to themselves,"
said I; "but I advise you, if you ever come again, to come openly."

"Have I your permission to come again?" said the man in black.

"Come when you please; this dingle is as free for you as me."

"I will visit you again," said the man in black--"till then, addio."

"Belle," said I, after the man in black had departed, "we did not treat
that man very hospitably; he left us without having eaten or drunk at our
expense."

"You offered him some tea," said Belle, "which, as it is mine, I should
have grudged him, for I like him not."

"Our liking or disliking him had nothing to do with the matter, he was
our visitor and ought not to have been permitted to depart dry; living as
we do in this desert, we ought always to be prepared to administer to the
wants of our visitors. Belle, do you know where to procure any good
Hollands?"

"I think I do," said Belle, "but--"

"I will have no buts. Belle, I expect that with as little delay as
possible you procure, at my expense, the best Hollands you can find."

CHAPTER XCI.

Excursions--Adventurous English--Opaque Forests--The Greatest Patience.

Time passed on, and Belle and I lived in the dingle; when I say lived,
the reader must not imagine that we were always there. She went out upon
her pursuits, and I went out where inclination led me; but my excursions
were very short ones, and hers occasionally occupied whole days and
nights. If I am asked how we passed the time when we were together in
the dingle, I would answer that we passed the time very tolerably, all
things considered; we conversed together, and when tired of conversing I
would sometimes give Belle a lesson in Armenian; her progress was not
particularly brilliant, but upon the whole satisfactory; in about a
fortnight she had hung up one hundred Haikan numerals upon the hake of
her memory. I found her conversation highly entertaining; she had seen
much of England and Wales, and had been acquainted with some of the most
remarkable characters who travelled the roads at that period; and let me
be permitted to say that many remarkable characters have travelled the
roads of England, of whom fame has never said a word. I loved to hear
her anecdotes of these people; some of whom I found had occasionally
attempted to lay violent hands either upon her person or effects, and had
invariably been humbled by her without the assistance of either justice
or constable. I could clearly see, however, that she was rather tired of
England, and wished for a change of scene; she was particularly fond of
talking of America, to which country her aspirations chiefly tended. She
had heard much of America, which had excited her imagination; for at that
time America was much talked of, on roads and in homesteads, at least so
said Belle, who had good opportunities of knowing, and most people
allowed that it was a good country for adventurous English. The people
who chiefly spoke against it, as she informed me, were soldiers disbanded
upon pensions, the sextons of village churches, and excisemen. Belle had
a craving desire to visit that country, and to wander with cart and
little animal amongst its forests; when I would occasionally object, that
she would be exposed to danger from strange and perverse customers, she
said that she had not wandered the roads of England so long and alone, to
be afraid of anything which might befall in America; and that she hoped,
with God's favour, to be able to take her own part, and to give to
perverse customers as good as they might bring. She had a dauntless
heart, that same Belle: such was the staple of Belle's conversation. As
for mine, I would endeavour to entertain her with strange dreams of
adventure, in which I figured in opaque forests, strangling wild beasts,
or discovering and plundering the hordes of dragons; and sometimes I
would narrate to her other things far more genuine--how I had tamed
savage mares, wrestled with Satan, and had dealings with ferocious
publishers. Belle had a kind heart, and would weep at the accounts I
gave her of my early wrestlings with the dark Monarch. She would sigh,
too, as I recounted the many slights and degradations I had received at
the hands of ferocious publishers; but she had the curiosity of a woman;
and once, when I talked to her of the triumphs which I had achieved over
unbroken mares, she lifted up her head and questioned me as to the secret
of the virtue which I possessed over the aforesaid animals; whereupon I
sternly reprimanded, and forthwith commanded her to repeat the Armenian
numerals; and, on her demurring, I made use of words, to escape which she
was glad to comply, saying the Armenian numerals from one to a hundred,
which numerals, as a punishment for her curiosity, I made her repeat
three times, loading her with the bitterest reproaches whenever she
committed the slightest error, either in accent or pronunciation, which
reproaches she appeared to bear with the greatest patience. And now I
have given a very fair account of the manner in which Isopel Berners and
myself passed our time in the dingle.

CHAPTER XCII.

The Landlord--Rather Too Old--Without a Shilling--Reputation--A Fortnight
Ago--Liquids--The Main Chance--Respectability--Irrational
Beings--Parliament Cove--My Brewer.

Amongst other excursions, I went several times to the public-house to
which I introduced the reader in a former chapter. I had experienced
such beneficial effects from the ale I had drunk on that occasion, that I
wished to put its virtue to a frequent test; nor did the ale on
subsequent trials belie the good opinion which I had at first formed of
it. After each visit which I made to the public-house, I found my frame
stronger, and my mind more cheerful than they had previously been. The
landlord appeared at all times glad to see me, and insisted that I should
sit within the bar, where, leaving his other guests to be attended to by
a niece of his who officiated as his housekeeper, he would sit beside me
and talk of matters concerning "the ring," indulging himself with a cigar
and a glass of sherry, which he told me was his favourite wine, whilst I
drank my ale. "I loves the conversation of all you coves of the ring,"
said he once, "which is natural, seeing as how I have fought in a ring
myself. Ah, there is nothing like the ring; I wish I was not rather too
old to go again into it. I often think I should like to have another
rally--one more rally, and then--but there's a time for all things--youth
will be served, every dog has his day, and mine has been a fine one--let
me be content. After beating Tom of Hopton, there was not much more to
be done in the way of reputation; I have long sat in my bar the wonder
and glory of this here neighbourhood. I'm content, as far as reputation
goes; I only wish money would come in a little faster; however, the next
main of cocks will bring me in something handsome--comes off next
Wednesday at --- have ventured ten five pound notes--shouldn't say
ventured either--run no risk at all, because why? I knows my birds."
About ten days after this harangue, I called again at about three o'clock
one afternoon. The landlord was seated on a bench by a table in the
common room, which was entirely empty; he was neither smoking nor
drinking, but sat with his arms folded, and his head hanging down over
his breast. At the sound of my step he looked up; "Ah," said he, "I am
glad you are come, I was just thinking about you." "Thank you," said I;
"it was very kind of you, especially at a time like this, when your mind
must be full of your good fortune. Allow me to congratulate you on the
sums of money you won by the main of cocks at ---. I hope you brought it
all safe home." "Safe home!" said the landlord; "I brought myself safe
home, and that was all, came home without a shilling, regularly done,
cleaned out." "I am sorry for that," said I; "but after you had won the
money, you ought to have been satisfied, and not risked it again--how did
you lose it? I hope not by the pea and thimble." "Pea and thimble,"
said the landlord--"not I; those confounded cocks left me nothing to lose
by the pea and thimble." "Dear me," said I; "I thought that you knew
your birds." "Well, so I did," said the landlord, "I knew the birds to
be good birds, and so they proved, and would have won if better birds had
not been brought against them, of which I knew nothing, and so do you see
I am done, regularly done." "Well," said I, "don't be cast down; there
is one thing of which the cocks by their misfortune cannot deprive
you--your reputation; make the most of that, give up cock-fighting, and
be content with the custom of your house, of which you will always have
plenty, as long as you are the wonder and glory of the neighbourhood."