Lavengro

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The Armenian again renewed his proposition about Z---, which I again
refused, as I felt but little inclination to place myself beneath the
jurisdiction of a person who was in the habit of cuffing those whom he
employed, when they made mistakes. I presently took my departure; not,
however, before I had received from the Armenian a pressing invitation to
call upon him whenever I should feel disposed.

CHAPTER XLVIII.

What to do--Strong Enough--Fame and Profit--Alliterative
Euphony--Excellent Fellow--Listen to Me--A Plan--Bagnigge Wells.

Anxious thoughts frequently disturbed me at this time with respect to
what I was to do, and how support myself in the Great City. My future
prospects were gloomy enough, and I looked forward and feared; sometimes
I felt half disposed to accept the offer of the Armenian, and to commence
forthwith, under his superintendence, the translation of the Haik Esop;
but the remembrance of the cuffs which I had seen him bestow upon the
Moldavian, when glancing over his shoulder into the ledger or whatever it
was on which he was employed, immediately drove the inclination from my
mind. I could not support the idea of the possibility of his staring
over my shoulder upon my translation of the Haik Esop, and, dissatisfied
with my attempts, treating me as he had treated the Moldavian clerk;
placing myself in a position which exposed me to such treatment, would
indeed be plunging into the fire after escaping from the frying pan. The
publisher, insolent and overbearing as he was, whatever he might have
wished or thought, had never lifted his hand against me, or told me that
I merited crucifixion.

What was I to do? turn porter? I was strong; but there was something
besides strength required to ply the trade of a porter--a mind of a
particularly phlegmatic temperament, which I did not possess. What
should I do?--enlist as a soldier? I was tall enough; but something
besides height is required to make a man play with credit the part of
soldier, I mean a private one--a spirit, if spirit it can be called,
which would not only enable a man to submit with patience to insolence
and abuse, and even to cuffs and kicks, but occasionally to the lash. I
felt that I was not qualified to be a soldier, at least a private one;
far better be a drudge to the most ferocious of publishers, editing
Newgate lives and writing in eighteenpenny reviews--better to translate
the Haik Esop, under the superintendence of ten Armenians, than be a
private soldier in the English service; I did not decide rashly--I knew
something of soldiering. What should I do? I thought that I would make
a last and desperate attempt to dispose of the ballads and of Ab Gwilym.

I had still an idea that, provided I could persuade any spirited
publisher to give these translations to the world, I should acquire both
considerable fame and profit; not, perhaps, a world-embracing fame, such
as Byron's; but a fame not to be sneered at, which would last me a
considerable time, and would keep my heart from breaking;--profit, not
equal to that which Scott had made by his wondrous novels, but which
would prevent me from starving, and enable me to achieve some other
literary enterprise. I read and re-read my ballads, and the more I read
them the more I was convinced that the public, in the event of their
being published, would freely purchase, and hail them with the merited
applause. Were not the deeds and adventures wonderful and
heart-stirring, from which it is true I could claim no merit, being but
the translator; but had I not rendered them into English, with all their
original fire? Yes, I was confident I had; and I had no doubt that the
public would say so. And then, with respect to Ab Gwilym, had I not done
as much justice to him as to the Danish ballads; not only rendering
faithfully his thoughts, imagery, and phraseology, but even preserving in
my translation the alliterative euphony which constitutes one of the most
remarkable features of Welsh prosody? Yes, I had accomplished all this;
and I doubted not that the public would receive my translations from Ab
Gwilym with quite as much eagerness as my version of the Danish ballads.
But I found the publishers as untractable as ever, and to this day the
public has never had an opportunity of doing justice to the glowing fire
of my ballad versification, and the alliterative euphony of my imitations
of Ab Gwilym.

I had not seen Francis Ardry since the day I had seen him taking lessons
in elocution. One afternoon, as I was seated at my table, my head
resting on my hands, he entered my apartment; sitting down, he inquired
of me why I had not been to see him.

"I might ask the same question of you," I replied. "Wherefore have you
not been to see me?" Whereupon Francis Ardry told me that he had been
much engaged in his oratorical exercises, also in escorting the young
Frenchwoman about to places of public amusement; he then again questioned
me as to the reason of my not having been to see him.

I returned an evasive answer. The truth was, that for some time past my
appearance, owing to the state of my finances, had been rather shabby;
and I did not wish to expose a fashionable young man like Francis Ardry,
who lived in a fashionable neighbourhood, to the imputation of having a
shabby acquaintance. I was aware that Francis Ardry was an excellent
fellow; but, on that very account, I felt, under existing circumstances,
a delicacy in visiting him.

It is very possible that he had an inkling of how matters stood, as he
presently began to talk of my affairs and prospects. I told him of my
late ill success with the booksellers, and inveighed against their
blindness to their own interest in refusing to publish my translations.
"The last that I addressed myself to," said I, "told me not to trouble
him again, unless I could bring him a decent novel or a tale."

"Well," said Frank, "and why did you not carry him a decent novel or a
tale?"

"Because I have neither," said I; "and to write them is, I believe, above
my capacity. At present I feel divested of all energy--heartless, and
almost hopeless."

"I see how it is," said Francis Ardry, "you have overworked yourself,
and, worst of all, to no purpose. Take my advice; cast all care aside,
and only think of diverting yourself for a month at least."

"Divert myself," said I; "and where am I to find the means?"

"Be that care on my shoulders," said Francis Ardry. "Listen to me--my
uncles have been so delighted with the favourable accounts which they
have lately received from T--- of my progress in oratory, that, in the
warmth of their hearts, they made me a present yesterday of two hundred
pounds. This is more money than I want, at least for the present; do me
the favour to take half of it as a loan--hear me," said he, observing
that I was about to interrupt him, "I have a plan in my head--one of the
prettiest in the world. The sister of my charmer is just arrived from
France; she cannot speak a word of English; and, as Annette and myself
are much engaged in our own matters, we cannot pay her the attention
which we should wish, and which she deserves, for she is a truly
fascinating creature, although somewhat differing from my charmer, having
blue eyes and flaxen hair; whilst Annette, on the contrary--But I hope
you will shortly see Annette. Now my plan is this--Take the money, dress
yourself fashionably, and conduct Annette's sister to Bagnigge Wells."

"And what should we do at Bagnigge Wells?"

"Do!" said Francis Ardry. "Dance!"

"But," said I, "I scarcely know anything of dancing."

"Then here's an excellent opportunity of improving yourself. Like most
Frenchwomen, she dances divinely; however, if you object to Bagnigge
Wells and dancing, go to Brighton, and remain there a month or two, at
the end of which time you can return with your mind refreshed and
invigorated, and materials, perhaps, for a tale or novel."

"I never heard a more foolish plan," said I, "or one less likely to
terminate profitably or satisfactorily. I thank you, however, for your
offer, which is, I dare say, well meant. If I am to escape from my cares
and troubles, and find my mind refreshed and invigorated, I must adopt
other means than conducting a French demoiselle to Brighton or Bagnigge
Wells, defraying the expense by borrowing from a friend."

CHAPTER XLIX.

Singular Personage--A Large Sum--Papa of Rome--We are
Christians--Degenerate Armenians--Roots of Ararat--Regular Features.

The Armenian! I frequently saw this individual, availing myself of the
permission which he had given me to call upon him. A truly singular
personage was he, with his love of amassing money, and his nationality so
strong as to be akin to poetry. Many an Armenian I have subsequently
known fond of money-getting, and not destitute of national spirit; but
never another who, in the midst of his schemes of lucre, was at all times
willing to enter into a conversation on the structure of the Haik
language, or whoever offered me money to render into English the fables
of Z--- in the hope of astonishing the stock-jobbers of the Exchange with
the wisdom of the Haik Esop.

But he was fond of money, very fond. Within a little time I had won his
confidence to such a degree that he informed me that the grand wish of
his heart was to be possessed of two hundred thousand pounds.

"I think you might satisfy yourself with the half," said I. "One hundred
thousand pounds is a large sum."

"You are mistaken," said the Armenian, "a hundred thousand pounds is
nothing. My father left me that or more at his death. No; I shall never
be satisfied with less than two."

"And what will you do with your riches," said I, "when you have obtained
them? Will you sit down and muse upon them, or will you deposit them in
a cellar, and go down once a day to stare at them? I have heard say that
the fulfilment of one's wishes is invariably the precursor of extreme
misery, and forsooth I can scarcely conceive a more horrible state of
existence than to be without a hope or wish."

"It is bad enough, I dare say," said the Armenian; "it will, however, be
time enough to think of disposing of the money when I have procured it. I
still fall short by a vast sum of the two hundred thousand pounds."

I had occasionally much conversation with him on the state and prospects
of his nation, especially of that part of it which still continued in the
original country of the Haiks--Ararat and its confines, which, it
appeared, he had frequently visited. He informed me that since the death
of the last Haik monarch, which occurred in the eleventh century, Armenia
had been governed both temporally and spiritually by certain personages
called patriarchs; their temporal authority, however, was much
circumscribed by the Persian and Turk, especially the former, of whom the
Armenian spoke with much hatred, whilst their spiritual authority had at
various times been considerably undermined by the emissaries of the Papa
of Rome, as the Armenian called him.

"The Papa of Rome sent his emissaries at an early period amongst us,"
said the Armenian, "seducing the minds of weak-headed people, persuading
them that the hillocks of Rome are higher than the ridges of Ararat; that
the Roman Papa has more to say in heaven than the Armenian patriarch, and
that puny Latin is a better language than nervous and sonorous Haik."

"They are both dialects," said I, "of the language of Mr. Petulengro, one
of whose race I believe to have been the original founder of Rome; but,
with respect to religion, what are the chief points of your faith? you
are Christians, I believe."

"Yes," said the Armenian, "we are Christians in our way; we believe in
God, the Holy Spirit, and Saviour, though we are not prepared to admit
that the last personage is not only himself, but the other two. We
believe--" and then the Armenian told me of several things which the
Haiks believed or disbelieved. "But what we find most hard of all to
believe," said he, "is that the man of the mole-hills is entitled to our
allegiance, he not being a Haik, or understanding the Haik language."

"But, by your own confession," said I, "he has introduced a schism in
your nation, and has amongst you many that believe in him."

"It is true," said the Armenian, "that even on the confines of Ararat
there are a great number who consider that mountain to be lower than the
hillocks of Rome; but the greater number of degenerate Armenians are to
be found amongst those who have wandered to the west; most of the Haik
churches of the west consider Rome to be higher than Ararat--most of the
Armenians of this place hold that dogma; I, however, have always stood
firm in the contrary opinion."

"Ha! ha!"--here the Armenian laughed in his peculiar manner--"talking of
this matter puts me in mind of an adventure which lately befell me, with
one of the emissaries of the Papa of Rome, for the Papa of Rome has at
present many emissaries in this country, in order to seduce the people
from their own quiet religion to the savage heresy of Rome; this fellow
came to me partly in the hope of converting me, but principally to extort
money for the purpose of furthering the designs of Rome in this country.
I humoured the fellow at first, keeping him in play for nearly a month,
deceiving and laughing at him. At last he discovered that he could make
nothing of me, and departed with the scowl of Caiaphas, whilst I cried
after him, 'The roots of Ararat are _deeper_ than those of Rome.'"

The Armenian had occasionally reverted to the subject of the translation
of the Haik Esop, which he had still a lurking desire that I should
execute; but I had invariably declined the undertaking, without, however,
stating my reasons. On one occasion, when we had been conversing on the
subject, the Armenian, who had been observing my countenance for some
time with much attention, remarked, "Perhaps, after all, you are right,
and you might employ your time to better advantage. Literature is a fine
thing, especially Haik literature, but neither that nor any other would
be likely to serve as a foundation to a man's fortune; and to make a
fortune should be the principal aim of every one's life; therefore listen
to me. Accept a seat at the desk opposite to my Moldavian clerk, and
receive the rudiments of a merchant's education. You shall be instructed
in the Armenian way of doing business--I think you would make an
excellent merchant."

"Why do you think so?"

"Because you have something of the Armenian look."

"I understand you," said I; "you mean to say that I squint?"

"Not exactly," said the Armenian, "but there is certainly a kind of
irregularity in your features. One eye appears to me larger than the
other--never mind, but rather rejoice; in that irregularity consists your
strength. All people with regular features are fools; it is very hard
for them, you'll say, but there is no help: all we can do, who are not in
such a predicament, is to pity those who are. Well! will you accept my
offer? No! you are a singular individual; but I must not forget my own
concerns. I must now go forth, having an appointment by which I hope to
make money."

CHAPTER L.

Wish Fulfilled--Extraordinary Figure--Bueno--Noah--The Two Faces--I don't
Blame Him--Too Fond of Money--Were I an Armenian.

The fulfilment of the Armenian's grand wish was nearer at hand than
either he or I had anticipated. Partly owing to the success of a bold
speculation, in which he had some time previously engaged, and partly
owing to the bequest of a large sum of money by one of his nation who
died at this period in Paris, he found himself in the possession of a
fortune somewhat exceeding two hundred thousand pounds; this fact he
communicated to me one evening about an hour after the close of 'Change;
the hour at which I generally called, and at which I mostly found him at
home.

"Well," said I, "and what do you intend to do next?"

"I scarcely know," said the Armenian. "I was thinking of that when you
came in. I don't see anything that I can do, save going on in my former
course. After all, I was perhaps too moderate in making the possession
of two hundred thousand pounds the summit of my ambition; there are many
individuals in this town who possess three times that sum, and are not
yet satisfied. No, I think I can do no better than pursue the old
career; who knows but I may make the two hundred thousand three or
four?--there is already a surplus, which is an encouragement; however, we
will consider the matter over a goblet of wine; I have observed of late
that you have become partial to my Cyprus."

And it came to pass that, as we were seated over the Cyprus wine, we
heard a knock at the door. "Adelante!" cried the Armenian; whereupon the
door opened, and in walked a somewhat extraordinary figure--a man in a
long loose tunic of a stuff striped with black and yellow; breeches of
plush velvet, silk stockings, and shoes with silver buckles. On his head
he wore a high-peaked hat; he was tall, had a hooked nose, and in age was
about fifty.

"Welcome, Rabbi Manasseh," said the Armenian. "I know your knock--you
are welcome; sit down."

"I am welcome," said Manasseh, sitting down; "he--he--he! you know my
knock--I bring you money--_bueno_!"

There was something very peculiar in the sound of that _bueno_--I never
forgot it.

Thereupon a conversation ensued between Rabbi Manasseh and the Armenian,
in a language which I knew to be Spanish, though a peculiar dialect. It
related to a mercantile transaction. The Rabbi sighed heavily as he
delivered to the other a considerable sum of money.

"It is right," said the Armenian, handing a receipt. "It is right; and I
am quite satisfied."

"You are satisfied--you have taken money. _Bueno_, I have nothing to say
against your being satisfied."

"Come, Rabbi," said the Armenian, "do not despond; it may be your turn
next to take money; in the meantime, can't you be persuaded to taste my
Cyprus?"

"He--he--he! senor, you know I do not love wine. I love Noah when he is
himself; but, as Janus, I love him not. But you are merry; _bueno_, you
have a right to be so."

"Excuse me," said I; "but does Noah ever appear as Janus?"

"He--he--he!" said the Rabbi, "he only appeared as Janus once--una vez
quando estuvo borracho; which means--"

"I understand," said I; "when he was--" and I drew the side of my right
hand sharply across my left wrist.

"Are you one of our people?" said the Rabbi.

"No," said I, "I am one of the Goyim; but I am only half enlightened. Why
should Noah be Janus, when he was in that state?"

"He--he--he! you must know that in Lasan akhades wine is janin."

"In Armenian, kini," said I; "in Welsh, gwin; Latin, vinum; but do you
think that Janus and janin are one?"

"Do I think? Don't the commentators say so? Does not Master Leo
Abarbenel say so, in his 'Dialogues of Divine Love'?"

"But," said I, "I always thought that Janus was a god of the ancient
Romans, who stood in a temple open in time of war, and shut in time of
peace; he was represented with two faces, which--which--"

"He--he--he!" said the Rabbi, rising from his seat; "he had two faces,
had he? And what did those two faces typify? You do not know; no, nor
did the Romans who carved him with two faces know why they did so; for
they were only half enlightened, like you and the rest of the Goyim. Yet
they were right in carving him with two faces looking from each
other--they were right, though they knew not why; there was a tradition
among them that the Janinoso had two faces, but they knew not that one
was for the world which was gone, and the other for the world before
him--for the drowned world, and for the present, as Master Leo Abarbenel
says in his 'Dialogues of Divine Love.' He--he--he!" continued the
Rabbi, who had by this time advanced to the door, and, turning round,
waved the two forefingers of his right hand in our faces; "the Goyims and
Epicouraiyim are clever men, they know how to make money better than we
of Israel. My good friend there is a clever man, I bring him money, he
never brought me any; _bueno_, I do not blame him, he knows much, very
much; but one thing there is my friend does not know, nor any of the
Epicureans, he does not know the sacred thing--he has never received the
gift of interpretation which God alone gives to the seed--he has his
gift, I have mine--he is satisfied, I don't blame him, _bueno_."

And with this last word in his mouth, he departed.

"Is that man a native of Spain?" I demanded.

"Not a native of Spain," said the Armenian, "though he is one of those
who call themselves Spanish Jews, and who are to be found scattered
throughout Europe, speaking the Spanish language transmitted to them by
their ancestors, who were expelled from Spain in the time of Ferdinand
and Isabella."

"The Jews are a singular people," said I.

"A race of cowards and dastards," said the Armenian, "without a home or
country; servants to servants; persecuted and despised by all."

"And what are the Haiks?" I demanded.

"Very different from the Jews," replied the Armenian; "the Haiks have a
home--a country, and can occasionally use a good sword; though it is true
they are not what they might be."

"Then it is a shame that they do not become so," said I; "but they are
too fond of money. There is yourself, with two hundred thousand pounds
in your pocket, craving for more, whilst you might be turning your wealth
to the service of your country."

"In what manner?" said the Armenian.

"I have heard you say that the grand oppressor of your country is the
Persian; why not attempt to free your country from his oppression--you
have two hundred thousand pounds, and money is the sinew of war?"

"Would you, then, have me attack the Persian?"

"I scarcely know what to say; fighting is a rough trade, and I am by no
means certain that you are calculated for the scratch. It is not every
one who has been brought up in the school of Mr. Petulengro and Tawno
Chikno. All I can say is, that if I were an Armenian, and had two
hundred thousand pounds to back me, I would attack the Persian."

"Hem!" said the Armenian.

CHAPTER LI.

The One Half-Crown--Merit in Patience--Cementer of Friendship--Dreadful
Perplexity--The Usual Guttural--Armenian Letters--Much Indebted to
You--Pure Helplessness--Dumb People.

One morning on getting up I discovered that my whole worldly wealth was
reduced to one half-crown--throughout that day I walked about in
considerable distress of mind; it was now requisite that I should come to
a speedy decision with respect to what I was to do; I had not many
alternatives, and, before I had retired to rest on the night of the day
in question, I had determined that I could do no better than accept the
first proposal of the Armenian, and translate, under his superintendence,
the Haik Esop into English.

I reflected, for I made a virtue of necessity, that, after all, such an
employment would be an honest and honourable one; honest, inasmuch as by
engaging in it I should do harm to nobody; honourable, inasmuch as it was
a literary task, which not every one was capable of executing. It was
not everyone of the booksellers' writers of London who was competent to
translate the Haik Esop. I determined to accept the offer of the
Armenian.

Once or twice the thought of what I might have to undergo in the
translation from certain peculiarities of the Armenian's temper almost
unsettled me; but a mechanical diving of my hand into my pocket, and the
feeling of the solitary half-crown, confirmed me; after all, this was a
life of trial and tribulation, and I had read somewhere or other that
there was much merit in patience, so I determined to hold fast in my
resolution of accepting the offer of the Armenian.

But all of a sudden I remembered that the Armenian appeared to have
altered his intentions towards me: he appeared no longer desirous that I
should render the Haik Esop into English for the benefit of the stock-
jobbers on Exchange, but rather that I should acquire the rudiments of
doing business in the Armenian fashion, and accumulate a fortune, which
would enable me to make a figure upon 'Change with the best of the stock-
jobbers. "Well," thought I, withdrawing my hand from my pocket, whither
it had again mechanically dived, "after all, what would the world, what
would this city be, without commerce? I believe the world, and
particularly this city, would cut a very poor figure without commerce;
and there is something poetical in the idea of doing business after the
Armenian fashion, dealing with dark-faced Lascars and Rabbins of the
Sephardim. Yes, should the Armenian insist upon it, I would accept a
seat at the desk, opposite the Moldavian clerk. I do not like the idea
of cuffs similar to those the Armenian bestowed upon the Moldavian clerk;
whatever merit there may be in patience, I do not think that my
estimation of the merit of patience would be sufficient to induce me to
remain quietly sitting under the infliction of cuffs. I think I should,
in the event of his cuffing me, knock the Armenian down. Well, I think I
have heard it said somewhere, that a knock-down blow is a great cementer
of friendship; I think I have heard of two people being better friends
than ever after the one had received from the other a knock-down blow."