Ting a ling

F >> Frank Richard Stockton >> Ting a ling

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"Hello, Parsley!" cried Ting-a-ling, reining up. "What are you doing
there?"

"Why you see, Ting-a-ling," said the other, "I came out to look for the
Princess."--

"You!" cried Ting-a-ling; "a little fellow like you!"

"Yes, _I_!" said Parsley; "and Sourgrass and I rode the same butterfly;
but by the time we had come this far, we got too heavy, and Sourgrass
made me get off."

"And what are you going to do now?" said Ting-a-ling.

"O, I'm all right!" replied Parsley. "I shall have a butterfly of my own
soon."

"How's that?" asked Ting-a-ling, quite curious to know.

"Come here!" said Parsley; and so Ting-a-ling got off his grasshopper,
and led it up close to his friend. "See what I've found!" said Parsley,
showing a cocoon that lay beside him. "I'm going to wait till this
butterfly's hatched, and I shall have him the minute he comes out."

The idea of waiting for the butterfly to be hatched, seemed so funny to
Ting-a-ling, that he burst out laughing, and Parsley laughed too, and so
did the grasshopper, for he took this opportunity to slip his head out
of the bridle, and away he went!

Ting-a-ling turned and gazed in amazement at the grasshopper skipping up
the hill; and Parsley, when he had done laughing, advised him to hunt
around for another cocoon, and follow his example.

Ting-a-ling did not reply to this advice, but throwing his bridle to
Parsley, said, "There, you would better take that. You may want it when
your butterfly's hatched. I shall push on."

"What! walk?" cried Parsley.

"Yes, walk," said Ting-a-ling. "Good-by."

So Ting-a-ling travelled on by himself for the rest of the day, and it
was nearly evening when he came to a wide brook with beautiful green
banks, and overhanging trees. Here he sat down to rest himself; and
while he was wondering if it would be a good thing for him to try to get
across, he amused himself by watching the sports and antics of various
insects and fishes that were enjoying themselves that fine summer
evening. Plenty of butterflies and dragon-flies were there, but
Ting-a-ling knew that he could never catch one of them, for they were
nearly all the time over the surface of the water; and many a big fish
was watching them from below, hoping that in their giddy flights, some
of them would come near enough to be snapped down for supper. There were
spiders, who shot over the surface of the brook as if they had been
skating; and all sorts of beautiful bugs and flies were there,--green,
yellow, emerald, gold, and black. At a short distance, Ting-a-ling saw a
crowd of little minnows, who had caught a young tadpole, and, having
tied a bluebell to his tail, were now chasing the affrighted creature
about. But after a while the tadpole's mother came out, and then the
minnows caught it!

While watching all these lively creatures, Ting-a-ling fell asleep, and
when he awoke, it was dark night. He jumped up, and looked about him.
The butterflies and dragon-flies had all gone to bed, and now the great
night-bugs and buzzing beetles were out; the katydids were chirping in
the trees, and the frogs were croaking among the long reeds. Not far
off, on the same side of the brook, Ting-a-ling saw the light of a fire,
and so he walked over to see what it meant. On his way, he came across
some wild honeysuckles, and, pulling one of the blossoms, he sucked out
the sweet juice for his supper, as he walked along. When he reached the
fire, he saw sitting around it five men, with turbans and great black
beards. Ting-a-ling instantly perceived that they were magicians, and,
putting the honeysuckle to his lips, he blew a little tune upon it,
which the magicians hearing, they said to one another, "There is a fairy
near us." Then Ting-a-ling came into the midst of them, and, climbing up
on a pile of cloaks and shawls, conversed with them; and he soon heard
that they knew, by means of their magical arts, that the Princess had
been stolen the night before, by the slaves of a wicked dwarf, and that
she was now locked up in his castle, which was on top of a high
mountain, not far from where they then were.

[Illustration]

"I shall go there right off," said Ting-a-ling.

"And what will you do when you get there?" said the youngest magician,
whose name was Zamcar. "This dwarf is a terrible little fellow, and the
same one who twisted poor Nerralina's head, which circumstance of course
you remember. He has numbers of fierce slaves, and a great castle. You
are a good little fellow, but I don't think you could do much for the
Princess, if you did go to her."

Ting-a-ling reflected a moment, and then said that he would go to his
friend, the Giant Tur-il-i-ra; but Zamcar told him that that tremendous
individual had gone to the uttermost limits of China, to launch a ship.
It was such a big one, and so heavy, that it had sunk down into the
earth as tight as if it had grown there, and all the men and horses in
the country could not move it. So there was nothing to do but to send
for Tur-il-i-ra. When Ting-a-ling heard this, he was disheartened, and
hung his little head. "The best thing to do," remarked Alcahazar, the
oldest of the magicians, "would be to inform the King and his army of
the place where the Princess is confined, and let them go and take her
out."

"O no!" cried Ting-a-ling, who, if his body was no larger than a very
small pea-pod, had a soul as big as a water-melon. "If the King knows
it, up he will come with all his drums and horns, and the dwarf will
hear him a mile off and either kill the Princess, or hide her away. If
we were all to go to the castle, I should think we could do something
ourselves." This was the longest speech that Ting-a-ling had ever made;
and when he was through, the youngest magician said to the others that
he thought it was growing cooler, and the others agreed that it was.
After some conversation among themselves in an exceedingly foreign
tongue, these kind magicians agreed to go up to the castle, and see what
they could do. So Zamcar put Ting-a-ling in the folds of his turban, and
the whole party started off for the dwarf's castle. They looked like a
company of travelling merchants, each one having a package on his back
and a great staff in his hand. When they reached the outer gate of the
castle, Alcahazar, the oldest, knocked at it with his stick, and it was
opened at once by a shiny black slave, who, coming out, shut it behind
him, and inquired what the travellers wanted.

"Is your master within?" asked Alcahazar.

"I don't know," said the slave.

"Can't you find out?" asked the magician.

"Well, good merchant, perhaps I might; but I don't particularly want to
know," said the slave, as he leaned back against the gate, leisurely
striking with his long sword at the night-bugs and beetles that were
buzzing about.

"My friend," said Alcahazar, "don't you think that is rather a careless
way of using a sword? You might cut somebody."

"That's true," said the slave. "I didn't think of it before;" but he
kept on striking away, all the same.

"Then stop it!" said Alcahazar, the oldest magician, striking the sword
from his hand with one blow of his staff. Upon this, up stepped
Ormanduz, the next oldest, and whacked the slave over his head; and then
Mahallah, the next oldest, struck him over the shoulders; and Akbeck, the
next oldest, cracked him on the shins; and Zamcar, the youngest, punched
him in the stomach; and the slave sat down, and begged the noble
merchants to please stop. So they stopped, and he humbly informed them
that his master was in.

"We would see him," said Alcahazar.

"But, sirs," said the slave, "he is having a grand feast."

"Well," said the magician, "we're invited."

"O noble merchants!" cried the slave, "why did you not tell me that
before?" and he opened wide the gate, and let them in. After they had
passed the outer gate, which was of wood, they went through another of
iron, and another of brass, and another of copper, and then walked
through the court-yard, filled with armed slaves, and up the great
castle steps; at the top of which stood the butler, dressed in gorgeous
array.

"Whom have you here, base slave?" cried the gorgeous butler.

"Five noble merchants, invited to my lord's feast," said the slave,
bowing to the ground.

"But they cannot enter the banqueting hall in such garbs," said the
butler. "They cannot be noble merchants, if they come not nobly dressed
to my lord's feast."

"O sir!" said Alcahazar, "may your delicate and far-reaching
understanding be written in books, and taught to youth in foreign lands,
and may your profound judgment ever overawe your country! But allow us
now to tell you that we have gorgeous dresses in these our packs. Would
we soil them with the dust of travel, ere we entered the halls of my
lord the dwarf?"

The butler bowed low at this address, and caused the five magicians to
be conducted to five magnificent chambers, where were slaves, and
lights, and baths, and soap, and towels, and wash-rags, and
tooth-brushes; and each magician took a gorgeous dress from his pack,
and put it on, and then they were all conducted (with Ting-a-ling still
in Zamcar's turban) to the grand hall, where the feast was being held.
Here they found the dwarf and his guests, numbering a hundred, having a
truly jolly time. The dwarf, who was dressed in white (to make him look
larger), was seated on a high red velvet cushion at the end of the hall,
and the company sat cross-legged on rugs, in a great circle before him.
He was drinking out of a huge bottle nearly as big as himself, and
eating little birds; and judging by the bones that were left, he must
have eaten nearly a whole flock of them. When he saw the five magicians
entering, he stopped eating, and opened his eyes in amazement, and then
shouted to his servants to tell him who these people were, who came
without permission to his feast; but as no one knew, nobody answered.
The guests, seeing the stately demeanor and magnificent dresses of the
visitors, thought that they were at least five great monarchs.

"My lord the dwarf," said Alcahazar, advancing toward him, "I am the
king of a far country; and passing your castle, and hearing of your
feast, I have made bold to come and offer you some of the sweet-tasting
birds of my kingdom." So saying, he lifted up his richly embroidered
cloak, and took from under it a great silver dish containing about two
hundred dozen hot, smoking, delicately cooked, fat little birds. Under
the dish were fastened lamps of perfumed oil, all lighted, and keeping
the savory food nice and hot. Making a low bow, the magician placed the
dish before the dwarf, who tasted one of the birds, and immediately
clapped his hands with joy. "Great King!" he cried, "welcome to my
feast! Slaves, quick! make room for the great king!" As there was no
vacant place, the slaves took hold of one of the guests, and gave him
what the boys would call a "hist," right through the window, and
Alcahazar took his place. Then stepped forward Ormanduz, and said, "My
lord the dwarf, I am also the king of a far country, and I have made
bold to offer you some of the wine of my kingdom." So saying, he lifted
his gold-lined cloak, and took from beneath it a crystal decanter,
covered with gold and ruby ornaments, with one hundred and one
beautifully carved silver goblets hanging from its neck, and which
contained about eleven gallons of the most delicious wine. He placed it
before the dwarf, who, having tasted the wine, gave a great cheer, and
shouted to his slaves to make room for this mighty king. So the slaves
took another guest by the neck and heels, and sent him, slam-bang,
through the window, and Ormanduz took his place. Then stepped forward
Mahallah, and said, "My lord the dwarf, I am also the king of a far
country, and I bring you a sample of the venison of my kingdom." So
saying, he raised his velvet cloak, trimmed with diamonds, and took from
under it a whole deer, already cooked, and stuffed with oysters,
anchovies, buttered toast, olives, tamarind seeds, sweet-marjoram, sage,
and many other herbs and spices, and all piping hot, and smelling
deliciously. This he put down before the dwarf, who, when he had tasted
it, waved his goblet over his head, and cried out to the slaves to make
room for this mighty king. So the slaves seized another guest, and out
of the window, like a shot, he went, and Mahallah took his place. Then
Akbeck stepped up, and said, "My lord the dwarf, I am also the king of a
far country, and I bring you some of the confections of my dominions."
So saying, he took from under his cloak of gold cloth, a great basket of
silver filagree work, in which were cream-chocolates, and burnt almonds,
and sponge-cake, and lady's fingers, and mixtures, and gingernuts, and
hoar-hound candy, and gum-drops, and fruit-cake, and cream candy, and
mintstick, and pound-cake, and rock candy, and butter taffy, and many
other confections, amounting in all to about two hundred and twenty
pounds. He placed the basket before the dwarf, who tasted some of these
good things, and found them so delicious, that he lay on his back and
kicked up his heels in delight, shouting to his slaves to make room for
this great king. As the next guest was a big, fat man, too heavy to
throw far, he was seized by four slaves, who walked him Spanish right
out of the door, and Akbeck took his place. Then Zamcar stepped forward
and said, "My lord the dwarf, I also am king of a far country, and I
bring you some of the fruit of my dominions." And so saying, he took
from beneath his gold and purple cloak, a great basket filled with
currants as big as grapes, and grapes as big as plums, and plums as big
as peaches, and peaches as big as cantaloupes, and cantaloupes as big as
water-melons, and water-melons as big as barrels. There were about
nineteen bushels of them altogether, and he put them before the dwarf,
who, having tasted some of them, clapped his hands, and shouted to his
slaves to make room for this mighty king; but as the next guest had very
sensibly got up and gone out, Zamcar took his seat without any delay.
Then Ting-a-ling, who was very much excited by all these wonderful
performances, slipped down out of Zamcar's turban, and, running up
towards the dwarf, cried out, "My lord the dwarf, I am also the king of
a far country, and I bring you"--and he lifted up his little cloak; but
as there was nothing there, he said no more, but clambered up into
Zamcar's turban again. As nobody noticed or heard him, so great was the
bustle and noise of the festivity, his speech made no difference one way
or the other. After everybody had eaten and drunk until they could eat
and drink no more, the dwarf jumped up and called to the chief butler,
to know how many beds were prepared for the guests; to which the butler
answered that there were thirty beds prepared. "Then," said the dwarf,
"give these five noble kings each one of the best rooms, with a down
bed, and a silken comfortable; and give the other beds to the
twenty-five biggest guests. As to the rest, turn them out!" So the dwarf
went to bed, and each of the magicians had a splendid room, and
twenty-five of the biggest guests had beds, and the rest were all turned
out. As it was pouring down rain, and freezing, and cold, and wet, and
slippery (for the weather was very unsettled on this mountain), and all
these guests, who now found themselves outside of the castle gates,
lived many miles away, and as none of them had any hats, or knew the way
home, they were very miserable indeed.

[Illustration]

Alcahazar did not go to bed, but sat in his room and reflected. He saw
that the dwarf had given this feast on account of his joy at having
captured the Princess, and thus caused grief to the King and Prince, and
all the people; but it was also evident that he was very sly, and had
not mentioned the matter to any of the company. The other magicians did
not go to bed either, but sat in their rooms, and thought the same
thing; and Ting-a-ling, in Zamcar's turban, was of exactly the same
opinion. So, in about an hour, when all was still, the magicians got up,
and went softly over the castle. One went down into the lower rooms, and
there were all the slaves, fast asleep; and another into one wing of the
castle, and there were half the guests, fast asleep; and another into
the other wing, and there were the rest of the guests, fast asleep; and
Alcahazar went into the dwarf's room, in the centre of the castle, and
there was he, fast asleep, with one of his fists shut tight. The
magician touched his fist with his magic staff, and it immediately
opened, and there was a key! So Alcahazar took the key, and shut up the
dwarf's hand again. Zamcar went up to the floor, near the top of the
house, and entered a large room, which was empty, but the walls were
hung with curtains made of snakes' skins, beautifully woven together.
Ting-a-ling slipped down to the floor, and, peeping behind these
curtains, saw the hinge of a door; and without saying a word, he got
behind the curtain; and, sure enough, there was a door! and there was a
key-hole! and in a minute, there was Ting-a-ling right through it! and
there was the Princess in a chair in the middle of a great room, crying
as if her heart would break! By the light of the moon, which had now
broken through the clouds, Ting-a-ling saw that she was tied fast to the
chair. So he climbed up on her shoulder, and called her by name; and
when the Princess heard him and knew him, she took him into her lovely
hands, and kissed him, and cried over him, and laughed over him so much,
that her joy had like to have been the death of him. When she got over
her excitement, she told him how she had been stolen away; how she had
heard her favorite cat squeak in the middle of the night, and how she
had got up quickly to go to it, supposing it had been squeezed in some
door, and how the wicked dwarf, who had been imitating the cat, was just
outside the door with his slaves; and how they had seized her, and bound
her, and carried her off to this castle, without waking up any of the
King's household. Then Ting-a-ling told her that his five friends were
there, and that they were going to see what they could do; and the
Princess was very glad to hear that, you may be sure. Then Ting-a-ling
slipped down to the floor, and through the key-hole; and as he entered
the room where he had left Zamcar, in came Alcahazar with the key and
the other magicians with news that everybody was asleep. When
Ting-a-ling had told about the Princess, Alcahazar pushed aside the
curtains, unlocked the door with the key, and they all entered the next
room.

There, sure enough, was the Princess Aufalia; but, right in front of
her, on the floor, squatted the dwarf, who had missed his key, and had
slipped up by a back way! The magicians started back on seeing him; the
Princess was crying bitterly, and Ting-a-ling ran past the dwarf (who
was laughing too horribly to notice him), and climbing upon the
Princess's shoulder, sat there among her curls, and did his best to
comfort her.

"Anyway," said he, "_I_ shall not leave you again," and he drew his
little sword, and felt as big as a house. The magicians now advanced
towards the dwarf; but he, it seems, was a bit of a magician himself,
for he waved a little wand, and instantly a strong partition of iron
wire rose up out of the floor, and, reaching from one wall to the other,
separated him completely from the five men. The magicians no sooner saw
this, than they cried out, "O ho! Mr. Dwarf, is that your game?"

"Yes," said the little wretch, chuckling; "can you play at it?"

"A little," said they; and each one pulled from under his cloak a long
file; and filing the partition from the wall on each side, which only
needed a few strokes from their sharp files, they pulled it entirely
down. But before the magicians could reach him, the dwarf again waved
his wand, and a great chasm opened in the floor before them, which was
too wide to jump over, and so deep that the bottom could not be seen.

"O ho!" cried the magicians; "another game, eh!"

"Yes indeed," cried the dwarf. "Just let me see you play at _that_."

Each of the magicians then took from under his magic cloak a long board,
and, putting them over the chasm, they began to walk across them. But
the dwarf jumped up and waved his wand, and water commenced to fall on
the boards, where it immediately froze; and they were so slippery, that
the magicians could hardly keep their feet, and could not make one step
forward. Even standing still, they came very near falling off into the
chasm below. "I suppose you can play at that," said the dwarf; and the
magicians replied.

[Illustration]

"O yes!" and each one took from under his cloak a pan of ashes, and
sprinkled the boards, and walked right over. But before they reached the
other edge, the dwarf pushed the chair, which was on rollers, up against
the wall behind him, which opened; and instantly the Princess,
Ting-a-ling, and the dwarf disappeared, and the wall closed up. Without
saying a word, the magicians each drew from beneath his cloak a pickaxe,
and they cut a hole in the wall in a few minutes. There was a large room
on the other side, but it was entirely empty. So they sat down, and got
out their magical calculators, and soon discovered that the Princess was
in the lowest part of the castle; but the magical calculators being a
little out of order, they could not show exactly her place of
confinement. Then the five hurried down-stairs, where they found the
slaves still asleep; but one poor little boy, whose business it was to
get up early every morning and split kindling wood, having had none of
the feast, was not very sleepy, and woke up when he heard footsteps near
him. The magicians asked him if he could show them to the lowest part of
the castle. "All right," said he; "this way;" and he led them to where
there was a great black hole, with a windlass over it. "Get in the
bucket," said he, "and I will lower you down."

"Bucket!" cried Alcahazar. "Is that a well?"

"To be sure it is," said the boy, who had nothing on but the
baby-clothes he had worn ever since he was born; and which, as he was
now about ten years old, had split a good deal in the back and arms, but
in length they were very suitable.

"But there can be no one down there," said the magician. "I see deep
water."

"Of course there is nobody there," replied the boy. "Were you told to go
down there to meet anybody? Because, if you were, you had better take
some tubs down with you, to sit in. But all I know about it is, that
it's the lowest part of this old hole of a castle."

"Boy," said Alcahazar, "there is a young lady shut up down here
somewhere. Do you know where she is?"

"How old is she?" asked the boy.

"About seventeen," said the magician.

"O then! if she is no older than that, I should think she'd be in the
preserve-closet, if she knew where it was," and the boy pointed to a
great door, barred and locked, where the dwarf, who had a very sweet
tooth, kept all his preserves locked up tight and fast. Zamcar stooped
and looked through the key-hole of this door, and there, sure enough,
was the Princess! So the boy proved to be smarter than all the
magicians. Each of our five friends now took from under his cloak a
crowbar, and in a minute they had forced open the great door. But they
had scarcely entered, when the dwarf, springing on the arm of the chair
to which the Princess was still tied, drew his sword, and clapped it to
her throat, crying out, that if the magicians came one step nearer, he
would slice her head off.

"O ho!" cried they, "is that your game?"

"Yes indeed," said the chuckling dwarf; "can you play at it?"

The magicians did not appear to think that they could; but Ting-a-ling,
who was still on the Princess's shoulder, though unseen by the dwarf,
suddenly shouted, "I can play!" and in an instant he had driven his
little sword into the dwarf's eye, who immediately sprang from the chair
with a howl of anguish. While he was yelling and skipping about, with
his hands to his eyes, the poor boy, who hated him worse than pills,
clapped a great jar of preserves over him, and sat down on the bottom of
the jar! The magicians then untied the Princess; and as she looked weak
and faint, Zamcar, the youngest, took from under his cloak a little
table, set with everything hot and nice for supper; and when the
Princess had eaten something and taken a cup of tea, she felt a great
deal better. Alcahazar lifted up the jar from the dwarf, and there was
the little rascal, so covered up with sticky jam, that he could not
speak and could hardly move. So, taking an oil-cloth bag from under his
cloak, Alcahazar dropped the dwarf into it, and tied it up, and hung it
to his girdle. The two youngest magicians made a sort of chair out of a
shawl, and they carried the Princess on it between them, very
comfortably; and as Ting-a-ling still remained on her shoulder, she
began to feel that things were beginning to look brighter. They then
asked the poor boy what he would like best as a reward for what he had
done; and he said that if they would shut him up in that room, and lock
the door tight, and lose the key, he would be happy all the days of his
life. So they left the boy (who knew what was good, and was already
sucking away at a jar of preserved green-gages) in the room, and they
shut the door and locked it tight, and lost the key; and he lived there
for ninety-one years, eating preserves; and when they were all gone, he
died. All that time he never had any clothes but his baby-clothes, and
they got pretty sticky before his death. Then our party left the castle;
and as they passed the slaves still fast asleep, the three oldest
magicians took from under their cloaks watering-pots, filled with water
that makes men sleep, and they watered the slaves with it, until they
were wet enough to sleep a week. When they went through the gates of
copper, brass, iron, and wood, they left them all open behind them. They
had not gone far before they saw seventy-five men, all sitting in a row
at the side of the road, and looking woefully indeed. They had been wet
to the skin, and were now frozen stiff, not one of them being able to
move anything but his eyelids, and they were all crying as if their
hearts would break. So the magicians stopped, and the three oldest each
took from under his cloak a pair of bellows, and they blew hot air on
the poor creatures until they were all thawed. Then Alcahazar told them
to go up to the castle, and take it for their own, and live there all
the rest of their lives. He informed them that the dwarf was his
prisoner, and that the slaves would sleep for a week.

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