Frank Fairlegh

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"'Please, sir, there's ever so many more gents called for their money.
There's Mr. Flanker, the whipmaker, and Mr. Smokem, from the cigar-shop,
and Trotter, the bootmaker, and--yes, sir, there's a young man from Mr.
Tinsel, the jeweller: and, oh! a load more of 'em, if you please, sir.'

"This was agreeable, certainly; what to be at I didn't know, when
suddenly a bright idea came across me.

"'What have you done with 'em?' asked I.

"'Put 'em all into Mr. Skulker's rooms, sir.'

"'That's the ticket,' said I. 'Now, listen to me. Look out, and see if
there are any more coming;--if there are, show 'em up to the others;
take 'em a couple of bottles of wine and some glasses, and tell them
I must beg them to wait a quarter of an hour or so, while I look over
their bills; and as soon as the room is full, come and tell me.'

"In about ten minutes Shrimp reported that he could not see any more
coming, and that he thought 'all the gents I dealt with was upstairs'.

"'That's the time of day!' exclaimed I, and taking out the key of the
room, which Skulker had left with me, in case I might like to put a
friend to sleep there, I slipped off my shoes, and creeping upstairs as
softly as possible, I locked the door. 'Now then, Shrimp,' said I, 'run
and fetch me some good stout screws, a gimblet and a screwdriver.' He
was not long getting them, and in less than five minutes I had them all
screwed in as fast as if they had been in their coffins, for they were
kicking up such a row over their wine that they never heard me at work.
Well, as soon as I had bagged my game, Shrimp and I packed up the traps
and sent them to the coach-office--found a coach about to start in half
an hour, booked ~318~~ myself for the box, and then strolled back to
see how the caged birds were getting on. By this time they had come to a
sense of their 'sitivation,' and were hammering away, and swearing, and
going on like troopers; but all to no purpose, for the door was a famous
strong one, and they had no means of breaking it open. Well, after I had
had a good laugh at the row they were making, I tapped at the door,
and 'discoursed' 'em, as Paddy calls it. I told them that I was so much
shocked by the want of consideration, and proper feeling, and all that
sort of thing, which they had shown, in coming and besieging me as they
had done, that I felt it was a duty I owed to society at large, and to
themselves in particular, to read them a severe lesson; therefore, on
mature deliberation, I had sentenced them to imprisonment for the term
of one hour, and to wait for their money till such time as I should
further decree, which I begged to assure them would not be until I might
find it perfectly convenient to myself to pay them; and I wound up by
telling them to make themselves quite at home, entreating them not to
fatigue themselves by trying to get out, for that they had not a chance
of succeeding; inquiring whether they had any commands for London, and
wishing them a very affectionate farewell for some time to come. And
then down I ran, leaving them roaring and bellowing like so many mad
bulls--got to the office just in time, and tipping the coachman, drove
three parts of the way to town, feeling as jolly as if I had won a
thousand pounds on the Derby."

"And what became of the locked-up tradesmen?" inquired I.

"Oh! why they stayed there above two hours before anybody let them out,
amusing themselves by smashing the windows, breaking the furniture to
pieces (one of them was an upholsterer, and had an eye to business,
I dare say), and kicking all the paint off the door. However, I have
written to Skulker, to get it all set to rights, and send me the bill,
so no harm's done--it will teach those fellows a lesson they won't
forget in a hurry, and the next time they wish to bully a Cantab,
they'll recollect my little '_Matinee musicale,_' as I call it. Oh! they
made a sweet row, I can assure you, sir."

The chestnuts trotted merrily on their homeward journey, and the noble
oaks of Heathfield Park, their leafless branches pointing like giant
arms to the cold blue sky above them, soon came in sight.

"You are a great deal too early for dinner, Lawless," ~319~~ said I, as
we drove up; "suppose you walk down to our cottage, and let me introduce
you to my mother and sister; you'll find Oaklands there most likely, for
he talked of going to play chess."

"Eh! your mother and sister! by Jove, I never thought of them; I declare
I had forgotten there were any ladies in the case--I can't go near them
in this pickle, I'm all over mud and pheasant feathers, they'll take
me for a native of the Sandwich Islands, one of the boys that cooked
Captain Cook--precious tough work they must have had to get their teeth
through him, for he was no chicken; I wonder how they trussed him, poor
old beggar. No! I'll make myself a little more like a Christian, and
then I'll come down and be introduced to them if it's necessary, but
I shall not be able to say half a dozen words to them: it's a fact, I
never can talk to a woman, except that girl at old Coleman's hop, Di
Clapperton; she went the pace with me, and no mistake. By the way, how's
the other young woman, Miss Clara Sav----"

"If you really want to dress before you come to the cottage,"
interrupted I hastily, "you have no time to lose."

"Haven't I? off we go then," cried my companion. "Here, you lazy young
imp," he continued, seizing Shrimp by the collar of the coat, and
dropping him to the ground, as one would a kitten, "find my room, and
get out my things directly--brush along."

So saying, he sprang from the phaeton, and rushed into the hall, pushing
Shrimp before him, to the utter consternation of the dignified old
butler, who, accustomed to the graceful indolence which characterised
his young master's every movement, was quite unprepared for such an
energetic mode of proceeding.

Forgetting that politeness required me to wait for my companion, I threw
the reins to a groom, and started off at a brisk walk in the direction
of the cottage.

Lawless's concluding words had aroused a train of thought sufficiently
interesting to banish every other recollection. Sweet Clara! it was
quite a month since I had parted from her, but the soft tones of her
silvery voice still lingered on my ear--the trustful expression of her
bright eyes--the appealing sadness of that mournful smile, more touching
in its quiet melancholy, than many a deeper sign of woe, still presented
themselves to my imagination with a vividness which was almost painful.
I had received a note from her about a week before, in which she told me
that Cumberland had been absent from the Priory for some days, and,
as long as this was the case, ~320~~ she was comparatively free from
annoyance, but that Mr. Vernor's mind was evidently as much set upon the
match as ever; nothing, however, she assured me, should induce her to
consent, for much as she had always disliked the scheme, she now felt
that death were far preferable to a union with a man she despised; and
she ended by saying, that whenever she felt inclined to give way to
despair, the remembrance of my affection came across her like a sunbeam,
and rendered her happy even in the midst of her distress.--Oh! what
would I not have given, to have possessed the dear privilege of
consoling her, to have told her that she had nothing to fear, that my
love should surround and protect her, and that, under the hallowing
influence of sympathy, happiness for the future would be increased
twofold, while sorrow shared between us would be deprived of half its
bitterness!--in fact, long before I arrived at the cottage, I had worked
myself up into a great state of excitement, and had originated more
romantic nonsense than is promulgated in a "seminary for young ladies,"
in the interval between the time when the French teacher has put out the
candle, and the fair pupils have talked themselves to sleep, which, if
report does not belie them, is not until they have forfeited all chance
of adding to their attractions by getting a little beauty-sleep before
twelve o'clock.

"Ah, Frank! back already! what have you done with Lawless?" exclaimed
Oaklands, raising his eyes from the chessboard as I entered our little
drawing-room.

"He will be here shortly," replied I, "but he positively refused to face
the ladies till he had changed his shooting costume, so I left him up at
the Hall to adonise. But how goes the game? who is winning?"

"As was certain to be the case, I am losing," answered Fanny.

"Well, I won't disturb you," returned I, "and perhaps you will have
finished before Lawless makes his appearance; where is my mother,
by-the-by?"

"She only left the room just as you returned," replied Fanny quickly;
"she has been sitting here ever since Mr. Oaklands came."

"I do not wish to know where she has been, but where she is," rejoined I;
"I want to tell her that Lawless is coming to be introduced to her; is
she upstairs?"

"I believe she is," was the reply, "but you will only worry her if you
disturb her; mamma particularly dislikes being hunted about, you know:
you had better sit still, and she will be down again in a few minutes."

~321~~ "There is no such thing as free-will in this world, I believe,"
exclaimed I, throwing myself back in an easy-chair; "however, as you do
not very often play the tyrant, you shall have your own way this time.
Harry, the chestnuts did their work to admiration; Lawless was delighted
with them, and talked of nothing else half the way home."

"I don't doubt it--your queen's in danger, Fanny," was the answer.

Seeing that my companions appeared entirely engrossed by their game,
I occupied myself with a book till I heard the ominous sounds,
"Check! excuse me, the knight commands that square; you have but one
move--checkmate!"

"Who has won? though I need not ask. How dare you beat my sister, Master
Harry?"

"I had some trouble in doing it, I can tell you," replied Oaklands; then
turning to Fanny, he continued, "had you but moved differently when
I castled my king to get out of your way, the game would have been
entirely in your own hands, for I was so stupid, that up to that moment
I never perceived the attack you were making upon me."

"Really I don't think I had a chance of beating you: Frank must take you
in hand next, he is a much better player than I am."

"Indeed I am not going to be handed over to Frank, or any one else, in
that summary way, I can assure you; I intend to have another game of
chess with you tomorrow, after we come in from our ride.--I forgot
to tell you that Harris says the little grey Arab carries a lady
beautifully--however, 1 left orders for one of the boys to exercise her
well this afternoon, with a side-saddle and a horse-cloth, to enact the
part of a lady. At what hour shall we ride to-morrow? it is generally
fine before luncheon at this time of year, I think."

"Oh! you are very kind," replied Fanny hurriedly, "but I am afraid I
cannot ride to-morrow."

"Why not? what are you going to do?" inquired Oaklands.

"I am not going to do anything particularly," returned Fanny,
hesitating, "but I don't know whether my habit is in wearable order,
and--well, I will talk to mamma about it. By-the-by, I really must go
and see what has become of her all this time," she continued, rising to
leave the apartment.

"I thought there was nothing my mother disliked so ~322~~ much as being
hunted about," rejoined I; "I wonder you can think of disturbing her."

A playful shake of the head was her only reply, and she quitted the
room.

CHAPTER XLI -- HOW LAWLESS BECAME A LADY'S MAN

"Doublet and hose should show itself courageous to petticoats.
Therefore, courage!"
--_As You Like It_.

"From the crown of his head, to the sole of his foot, he is all mirth.
He hath a heart as sound as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper;
For what his heart thinks, his tongue speaks.
"I hope he is in love."
--_Much Ado about Nothing_.

"FRANK, I am not at all satisfied about your sister," began Oaklands,
as the door closed after her. "She does not look well, and she seems
entirely to have lost her spirits."

"I thought as you do before I went up for my degree," replied I; "but
since my return I hoped she was all right again. What makes you imagine
her out of spirits?"

"Oh! several things; she never talks and laughs as she used to do. Why,
all this afternoon I could scarcely get half a dozen words out of
her; and she seems to have no energy to do anything. How unwilling
she appeared to enter into my scheme about the riding! She evidently
dislikes the idea of exertion of any kind: I know the feeling well; but
it is not natural for her; she used to be surprisingly active, and was
the life and soul of the party. But what, perhaps, has caused me to
notice all this so particularly, and makes me exceedingly uncomfortable,
is, that I am afraid it is all owing to me."

"Owing to you, my dear Harry! what can you mean?" inquired I.

"Why, I fear that business of the duel, and the great care she and your
mother took of me (for which--believing as I do that, under Providence,
it saved my life--I can never be sufficiently grateful), have been too
much for her. Remember, she was quite a girl; and no doubt seeing an
old friend brought to the house apparently dying, must have been a very
severe shock to her, and depend upon it, her nerves have never recovered
their proper tone. However, I shall make it my business to endeavour
to interest and amuse her, and you must do ~323~~ everything you can to
assist me, Frank; we'll get all the new books down from London, and have
some people to stay at the Hall. She has shut herself up too much; Ellis
says she has; I shall make her ride on horseback every day."

"Horseback, eh!" exclaimed Lawless, who had entered the cottage without
our perceiving him. "Ay, that's a prescription better than all your
doctor's stuff; clap her on a side-saddle, and a brisk canter for a
couple of hours every day across country will set the old lady up again
in no time, if it's your mother that's out of condition, Frank. Why,
Oaklands, man, you are looking as fresh as paint; getting sound again,
wind and limb, eh?"

"I hope so, at last," replied Harry, shaking Lawless warmly by the hand;
"but I've had a narrow escape of losing my life, I can assure you."

"No; really I didn't know it had been as bad as that I By Jove, if
he had killed you, I'd have shot that blackhearted villain, Wilford,
myself, and chanced about his putting a bullet into me while I was doing
it."

"My dear Lawless, I thank you for your kind feeling towards me; but I
cannot bear to hear you speak in that light way of duelling," returned
Oaklands gravely; "if men did but know the misery they were entailing
on all those who cared for them by their rash acts, independently of all
higher considerations, duelling, and its twin brother, suicide, would be
less frequent than they are. When I have seen the tears stealing down
my father's grief-worn cheeks, and witnessed the anxious, painful
expression in the faces of the kind friends who were nursing me, and
have reflected that it was by yielding to my own ungoverned passions
that I had brought all this sorrow upon them, my remorse has often been
far harder to bear than any pain my wound has caused me."

At this moment, my mother and Fanny making their appearance, I hastened
to introduce Lawless, who, being greatly alarmed at the ceremony, grew
very red in the face, shuffled my mother into a corner of the room, and
upset a chair against her, stumbling over Harry's legs, and knocking
down the chessboard in the excess of his penitence. Having, with my
assistance, remedied these disasters, after stigmatising himself as an
awkward dog, and comparing himself to a bull in a china-shop, he turned
to Fanny, exclaiming:--

"Delighted to have the pleasure of seeing you at last, Miss Fairlegh; it
is several years since I first heard of ~324~~ you. Do you remember the
writing-desk at old Mildman's, eh, Frank? no end of a shame of me to
spoil it; I have often thought so since; but boys will be boys, eh, Mrs.
Fairlegh?"

My mother acquiesced in this obstinate adherence to their primary
formation on the part of the junior members of the nobler sex with so
much cordiality that Lawless was encouraged to proceed. "Glad to find
there's a chance of seeing you out with us some of these days, ma'am;
shall we be able to persuade you to accompany us to-morrow?"

"Yes, I think it very likely that I may go," returned my mother, who
imagined he was referring to some proposed drive; "in what direction
will it be, pray?"

"Direction, eh? Why that of course depends very much on what line he may
happen to take when he breaks cover," returned Lawless. My mother, who
had been previously advised of Lawless's sporting metaphors, concluding
that the "he" referred to Sir John Oaklands, calmly replied:--

"Yes, certainly, I was mentioning the ruins of Saworth Abbey to Sir John
yesterday; do you know them?"

"I should think I did--rather," exclaimed Lawless, forgetting his
company manners in the interest of the subject. "Why, I have seen more
foxes run into in the fields round Saworth than in any other parish in
the country. Whenever the meet is either at Grinder's End or Chorley
Bottom, the fox is safe to head for Saworth. Oh! I see you're up to the
whole thing, Mrs. Fairlegh; we shall have you showing all of us the way
across country in fine style to-morrow. 1 expect there'll be some pretty
stiff fencing though, if he should take the line you imagine, but
I suppose you don't mind anything of that sort; with a steady,
well-trained hunter (and a lady should never ride one that is not),
there's very little danger--take care to keep out of the crowd when
you're getting away; don't check your horse at his fences; have a little
mercy on his bellows over the heavy ground; and with a light weight like
yours you might lead the field. Why, Frank, you ought to be proud of
Mrs. Fairlegh. I tell you what--the first time the hounds meet near
Leatherly, I'll have my mother out, whether she likes it or not. I'll
stand no nonsense about it, you may depend; she shall see a run for once
in her life, at all events. Mrs. Fairlegh, ma'am," he continued, rising
and shaking her warmly by the hand, "excuse my saying so, but you're a
regular brick--you are indeed!"

~325~~ The scene at this moment would not have made a bad study for a
painter. Oaklands, having struggled in vain to preserve his gravity,
was in fits of laughter. Fanny, who had from the first perceived
the equivoque, was very little better, while my mother, completely
mystified, sat staring at Lawless, whom she evidently considered a
little insane, with an expression of bewildered astonishment, not
unmixed with fear. As soon as I could contrive to speak (for Lawless's
face, when he had discovered the effect he had produced, completely
finished me, and I laughed till the tears ran down my cheeks), I
explained to him that it was my sister, and not my mother, who was
thinking of riding, while the notion of hunting originated wholly and
solely in his own fertile imagination.

"Eh? What! she doesn't hunt?--ah! I see, put my foot in it pretty deep
this time; beg pardon, Mrs. Fairlegh--no offence meant, I assure you.
Well, I thought it was a very fast thing for an old----I--that is, for a
lady to do. I fancied you were so well up in the whole affair, too: most
absurd, really; I certainly am not fit for female society. I think, when
the hunting season's over, I shall put myself to one of those tip-top
boarding-schools to learn manners for a quarter; the sort of shop, you
know, where they teach woman her mission--(how to get a rich husband,
eh, Frank?)--for three hundred pounds a year, washing and church
principles extra, and keep a 'Professor' to instruct the young ladies in
the art of getting out of a carriage on scientific principles, that is,
without showing their ankles. Didn't succeed very well with my sister
Julia, though; the girl happens to be particularly clean about the
pasterns, so she declared it was infringing on the privileges of a
free-born British subject, vowed her ankles were her own property,
and she had a right to do what she liked with 'em, and carried out her
principles by kicking the Professor's shins for him. Plucky girl is
Julia; she puts me very much in mind of what I was when I was her age at
Eton, and pinned a detonating cracker to old Botherboy's coat-tail, so
that, what between the pin and the explosion, it's my belief he would
have found himself more comfortable in the battle of Waterloo, than he
felt the first time he sat down. Ah! those were happy days!"

Thus running on, Lawless kept us in a roar of laughter, till Oaklands,
pulling out his watch, discovered it was time to return to the Hall, and
prepare for dinner. It turned out, on examination, that the habit did
require altering, so the ride was put off till the necessary repairs
~326~~ should be executed. As the next day proved too frosty to hunt,
Lawless and I, under the auspices of the head-keeper, set to work to
slaughter the supernumerary pheasants, Sir John and Harry joining us for
a couple of hours, though Ellis would not allow the latter to carry a
gun. We had a capital day's sport, and got home just in time to dress,
and Sir John having contrived in the course of the afternoon to carry
off my mother and Fanny, we were a very comfortable little party. Sir
John took my mother down to dinner, and Lawless paired off with Fanny,
an arrangement which, as his eccentricities evidently afforded her great
amusement, I was not sorry for.

"Why, Fanny," whispered I, when we joined the ladies in the
drawing-room, "you are growing quite frisky; what a row you and Lawless
were making at dinner-time! I have not heard you talk and laugh so much
for many a day."

"Oh! your friend is famous fun," replied Fanny--"perfectly
irresistible; I assure you I am delighted with him--he is something
quite new to me."

"I am so glad you have asked Lawless here," observed I to Oaklands; "do
you see how much pleased and amused Fanny is with him?--he appears to
have aroused her completely--the very thing we were wishing for. He'll
be of more use to her than all of us put together."

"He seems to me to talk a vast deal of nonsense," replied Harry, rather
crossly, as I fancied.

"And yet 1 can't help being amused by it," replied I; "I'm like Fanny in
that respect."

"I was not aware your sister had a taste for that style of conversation.
I confess it's a sort of thing which very soon tires me."

"Splendid old fellow, Sir John," observed Lawless in an undertone,
seating himself by Fanny; "I never look at him without thinking of
one of those jolly old Israelites who used to keep knocking about the
country with a plurality of wives and families, and an immense stud of
camels and donkeys: they read 'em out to us at church, you know--what do
you call 'em, eh?"

"One of the Patriarchs, I suppose you mean," replied Fanny, smiling.

"Eh--yes, that's the thing. Noah was rather in that line before he took
to the water system, wasn't he? Well, now, if you can fancy one of
these ancients, decently dressed in a blue coat with brass buttons, knee
shorts and silk stockings, like a Christian, it's my belief he'd be the
very moral (as the old women call it) of Sir John; uncommonly ~327~~
handsome he must have been--even better looking than Harry, when he was
his age."

"Mr. Oaklands is so pale and thin now," replied Fanny.

"Eh! isn't he just?" was the rejoinder. "Many a man has been booked for
an inside place in a hearse for a less hurt than his; and I don't know
that he is out of the wood, even yet."

"Why, you don't think him worse?" exclaimed Fanny anxiously. "Nothing
has gone wrong--you have not been told--are they keeping anything from
me?"

"Eh! no! 'pon my word; Ellis, who is getting him into condition, say's
he's all right, and will be as fresh as a colt in a month or two. Why,
you look quite frightened."

"You startled me for a moment," replied Fanny, colouring slightly; "any
little relapse renders Sir John so uncomfortable that we are naturally
anxious on his account."

"I am sure Lawless is boring your sister," observed Oaklands, who had
been sitting quite at the farther end of the drawing-room, cutting open
the leaves of a new book. "I know that worried look of hers so well:--I
shall go and interpose on her behalf.--Lawless," he continued, crossing
over to him, "the billiard-room is lighted up, if you like to challenge
Fairlegh to a game."

"Billiards, eh?" returned Lawless; "why, really, if you had walked as
many miles to-day as I have, I don't think you'd much fancy trotting
round a billiard-table. Besides, I'm very well off where I am," he
added, with what was intended for a gallant glance towards Fanny;
"here's metal more attractive, as the fellow says in the play."

Oaklands' only reply was a slight curl of the lip, and, turning to
Fanny, he said, "Are you at all inclined to take your revenge? We shall
have time for a good game if we begin at once; will you come into the
music-room, or shall I fetch the chess-men here?"