Frank Fairlegh

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~243~~"Umph! found my way up, you see! Fellow you call the gyp wanted to
make me believe you were out--thought I looked too like a governor to
be let in, I suppose; but it wouldn't do, sir; old birds are not to be
caught with chaff; and he spoke with an air of such intense honesty that
I felt sure he was lying, and told him so.--Don't get up, boy, don't get
up; you look as jaded as a hunted antelope. Why, you've never touched
your breakfast; you'll kill yourself if you go on at this rate."

"It will not last much longer, sir," said I; "in about another hour or
so my fate will be known. The list comes out this morning. Some of my
friends were to call for me, and we were to make a party to go down to
the Senate House together, for there is sure to be a crowd; but I shall
let them go without me, for I'm in such a state of nervous anxiety that
I feel fit for nothing."

"Umph! I'll go with them, if they've no objection," returned Mr.
Frampton. "If I should happen to get knocked over in the scuffle, I
shall want somebody to pick me up again. I shall like to see how near
the tail of the list they stick your name, Frank--umph!"

At this moment the door was flung open, and Lawless, Archer, and one or
two more men of my acquaintance came tumbling over one another into the
room, laughing vociferously at some unknown jest. Owing to the shape of
the apartment, the place where Mr. Frampton had seated himself was not
easily to be seen as you entered, consequently none of them observed
him.

"Fairlegh, old boy!" began Archer--

"Eh! here's such a tremendous go!" broke in Lawless. "Where's the
smelling-bottle? Archer swears he has just seen the ghost of Noah's
great-grandfather, as he appeared when dressed in his Sunday clothes!"

"'Pon my word it's true, and what will you lay it's a lie?" sang Archer.
"Oh! if you had but seen him, Fairlegh; he looked like--hang me if I
know anything ugly enough to compare him to."

"Was he at all like me, sir?--umph!" inquired Mr. Frampton in his
gruffest tone, putting on the broad-brimmed hat, and rising slowly from
his seat as he spoke.

"The very apparition itself, by Jingo!" exclaimed Archer, starting back
in alarm, half real, half affected, thereby nearly overturning Lawless,
who was just behind him.

~244~~"Hold hard there, young fellow; where are you jibbing to? You'll
smash my panels in a minute, if you don't look out--eh?--why surely
it's the old boy from Helmstone," continued Lawless aside; "Mr.
Frampton--sir, your most obedient."

"Same to you, sir," was the reply; "glad to see your spirits don't seem
likely to fail you, Mr. Lawless--laughing at me, all of 'em, impudent
young dogs--what's t'other one's name, Frank? the one that took me for a
ghost--umph!"

"Allow me to introduce you--Mr. Frampton, Mr. Archer, Mr. Green, Mr.
Lacy, Mr. Richards."

The individuals named delivered themselves of a series of nods and jerks
as I pronounced their various patronymics, and Mr. Frampton took off
his hat, and made a polite bow to each man separately; then turning to
Archer, he said:--

"Pray, sir, may I inquire when and how you became so intimate with
Noah's great-grandfather as to mistake me for him?--umph!"

"Well, sir," said Archer, who was evidently taken somewhat aback by this
direct appeal, "it is an affair--that is, a circumstance--what I mean to
say is--the thing, as you must see, was completely--in fact it was quite
by accident, and promiscuously, so to speak, that I mistook you for the
respectable antediluvian--I should say, for his ghost."

"Umph! don't think I look much like a ghost, either. Not that there are
such things in reality; all humbug, sir. A man goes and eats beef and
pudding enough for two, has the night-mare, fancies next morning he has
seen a ghost, and the first fool he tells it to believes him. Well, Mr.
Lawless, not made a ghost of yourself by breaking your neck out of that
Infernal Machine of yours yet. Get his ex-majesty Louis Philippe to go
out for a ride with you in that, and his life would be in greater danger
than all the Fieschis in France could ever put it in. Umph!"

"The horses are in first-rate condition," returned Lawless, "enough to
pull a fellow's arms off till they've done about ten miles; that takes
the steel out of them a bit, and then a child may guide them. Happy to
take you a drive, Mr. Frampton, any time that suits you--eh?"

"Thank ye, sir, when that time comes I'll let you know; but I hope
to live a few years longer yet, and therefore you'll excuse my not
accepting your kind offer. Besides, if Mr. Archer was to see the ghost
of Noah's great-grand-father ~245~~in a tandem, he'd never get over it."
Then came the aside: "Umph! had him there, the young jackanapes".

"Well, Fairlegh, are you coming with us?" asked Lacy; "the list must be
out by this time."

"No; 'pon my word I can't," replied I. "I'm good for nothing this
morning."

"Serve you right, too," said Lawless, "for refusing the second bowl of
punch last night. I told you no good would come of it, eh?"

"Positively we ought to be going," interposed Richards; "we'll bring you
some news presently, Fairlegh, that will set you all right again in no
time."

"I only wish you may prove a true prophet," replied I. "Umph! if you'll
allow me, I'll accompany you, gentlemen," said Mr. Frampton; "make one
of your party, umph!"

Several of those thus appealed to exchanged glances of horror, and at
last Archer, who was rather an exclusive, and particularly sensitive to
ridicule, began:--

"Why, really, sir, you must excuse--"

"Umph! excuse? no excuses are required, sir; when you've lived as long
as I have, you'll learn not to care in what company you sail, so as it's
honest company. Noah's great-grandfather found out the truth of
that, sir, when he had to be hail-fellow-well-met with tiger-cats and
hippopotamuses in the ark--hippopotami, I suppose you classical men call
it--though, now I come to think of it, he never was there at all. But
you will let an old man go with you, there's good boys," continued Mr.
Frampton in a tone of entreaty; "not one of you feels more interest in
Frank Fairlegh's success than I do."

"Come along, governor," exclaimed Lawless, taking him by the arm, "you
and I will go together, and if anybody gets in your way, down he goes if
he were as big as Goliath of Gath. You shall see the list as soon as any
one of them, for you're a trump--a regular brick!"

"With a very odd tile on the top of it," whispered Archer, pointing to
the broad brim.

"Now, then," continued Lawless, "fall in there. Follow the governor.
To the right about face! March!" So saying, he flung open the door, and
arm-in-arm with Mr. Frampton hurried down the stairs, followed by the
others in double-quick time. When they were all gone I made an effort to
rouse myself from the state of lassitude and depression into which I had
fallen, and ~246~~succeeded so far as to recover sufficient energy
to attempt the labour of dressing, though my hands trembled to such a
degree that I could scarcely accomplish it, and was forced to postpone
the operation of shaving to some more favourable opportunity.

Having made my outer-man respectable, I re-entered the sitting-room, and
waited with impatience for the return of my friends. Oh! the horrors of
suspense! that tooth-ache of the mind, in which each moment of anxiety r
stretched on the rack of expectation, appears to the overwrought senses
an eternity of gnawing anguish!--of all the mental tortures with which I
am acquainted, defend me from suspense!

I had worked myself up into a thorough fever, and was becoming so
excited that I was on the point of rushing out to learn the worst at
once, when sundry shouts, mingled with peals of laughter, reached my
ear--sounds which assured me that news was at hand. And now, with the
inconsistency of human nature, I trembled at, and would willingly have
delayed, my friends' arrival, lest it might bring me the certainty
of failure, to which even the doubt and suspense I had been so lately
chafing at appeared preferable. The sounds grew louder and louder--they
were approaching. Oh! how my heart beat! in another moment they would
be here. Sinking into a chair, for my knees trembled so that I could
scarcely stand, I remained with my eyes fixed upon the door in a state
of breathless anxiety. More shouting! surely that was a cheer--

"Hurrah! hurrah! out of the way there! room for the governor!"--a rush
of many feet up the stairs--more, cheering--the door is thrown open, and
a party of from fifteen to twenty undergraduates come pouring in, with
Mr. Frampton in the midst of them, carried in triumph on the shoulders
of Lawless and another man, and waving a list in one hand, and the
broad-brimmed hat in the other.

[Illustration: page246 Hurrah! Room for the Governor]

"Bravo, Fairlegh! all right, old fellow! never say die! hurrah!"
exclaimed half a score voices, all at once, while both my hands
were seized and nearly shaken off, and I was almost annihilated by
congratulatory slaps on the back from my zealous and excited friends.

"Well," exclaimed I, as soon as I could make myself audible amidst the
clamour, "I suppose by your congratulations I'm not plucked, but how
high do I stand?" "Silence there!" shouted Lawless. "Order! order! hear
the governor; he's got the list. Fire away, sir."

~247~~Thus appealed to, Mr. Frampton, who was still mounted on the
shoulders of his supporters, having cleared his throat and grunted
proudly, with an air of majesty read as follows:--

"Kushbrooke, Senior Wrangler--Crosby, second--Barham, third--Fairlegh,
fourth!"

"Nonsense," exclaimed I, springing up, "the thing's impossible!"

"What an unbelieving Jew it is," said Archer; "hand him the list, and
let him read it himself. Seeing is believing, they say."

Yes, there it was, beyond all possibility of doubt; with my own eyes
did I behold it. "Fairlegh, fourth Wrangler!" Why, even in my wildest
moments of hope my imagination had never taken so high a flight. Fourth
Wrangler! oh! it was too delightful to be real. So overcome was I by
this unexpected stroke of good fortune, that for a minute or two I was
scarcely conscious of what was going on around me, and returned rambling
and incoherent answers to the congratulations which were showered upon
me. The first thing that roused my attention was a shout from Lawless,
demanding a hearing, for that "the governor," as he persisted in calling
Mr. Frampton, was going to make a speech. The cry was immediately taken
up by the others, who for some moments defeated their own purpose by
calling vociferously for "silence for the governor's speech!" Having
at length, from sheer want of breath, obtained the required boon, Mr.
Frampton, waving his hand with a dignified gesture, began as follows:--

"Umph! on this happy occasion, gentlemen--set of noisy young scamps!--on
this happy occasion, I say"--(shouts of encore! bravo! etc.)--"what I
was going to say was--umph!" (a cry of "You have said it," from a man
near the door, who thought he could not be seen, but was). "Much obliged
to you, sir, for your observation," continued Mr. Frampton, fixing his
glance unmistakably on the Detected One, "but I have not said it,
nor does it seem very likely I ever shall say it, if you continue to
interrupt me with your wretched attempts at wit." (Cries of "Hear!
hear! don't interrupt the governor! Shame! shame!" and an aside from
Mr. Frampton, "Had him there, umph!" during all of which the detected
individual was striving to open the door, which several men, who had
perceived his design, held firmly against him.) "What I was going to
say," resumed the speaker, "when that gentleman who is trying to leave
the room ~248~~interrupted me" (more cries of "Shame!"), "was, that I
beg, in the name of my friend, Frank Fairlegh, to invite you all to a
champagne breakfast in his rooms to-morrow," (tremendous cheering, and a
cry of "Bravo, governor! you are a brick!" from Lawless), "and in my own
name to thank you all, except the gentleman near the door, who has not
yet, I see, had the grace to leave the room, for the patience with
which you've listened to me," (laughter, and cries of "It was a shame to
interrupt him," at which the Detected One, with a frantic gesture,
gives up the door, and, turning very pale, glances insanely towards the
window), "and for the very flattering attentions which you have all
of you generally, and Mr. Archer in particular, done me the honour of
paying me."

A perfect tornado of cheers and laughter followed Mr. Frampton's speech,
after which I thanked them all for the kind interest they had expressed
in my success, and begged to second Mr. Frampton's invitation for the
following day. This matter being satisfactorily arranged, certain of
the party laid violent hands on the Detected One, who was a very shy
freshman of the name of Pilkington, and, despite his struggles, made him
go down on his knees and apologise in set phrase to Mr. Frampton for his
late unjustifiable conduct; whereupon that gentleman, who enjoyed the
joke, and entered into it with as much zest as the veriest pickle among
them, sternly, and with many grunts, rebuked and then pardoned him.

The champagne breakfast on the following morning who shall describe!
What pen, albeit accustomed to the highest nights imaginable, may
venture to depict the humours of that memorable entertainment! How,
when the company were assembled, it was discovered Mr. Pilkington was
missing, and a party, headed by Lawless, proceeded to his rooms, which
were on the same staircase, and brought him down, _vi et armis_, in
a state of mind bordering on distraction, picturesquely attired in
a dressing-gown, slippers, and smoking-cap, of a decidedly oriental
character; and how, when they had forced him into a seat of honour at
Mr. Frampton's right hand, that gentleman discovered in him a striking
likeness to his particular friend the Rajah of Bundleoragbag, which
name, being instantly adopted by the company, he was invariably
addressed by ever after. How, as the champagne circulated, the various
members of the party began to come out strong, according to their
several idiosyncrasies, every man who had a peculiarity exhibiting it
for the benefit of the others; while those who had not ~249~~were even
more amusing, either from their aping the manners of somebody else, or
from the sheer absurdity of uttering insipid commonplaces in such an
atmosphere of fun and frolic. How, later in the day, after healths had
been drunk, and thanks returned, till every one, save Pilkington, was
hoarse with shouting, that individual was partly coaxed, partly coerced
into attempting to sing the only song he knew, which proved to be, "We
met"; in which performance, after making four false starts, and causing
a great many more meetings to take place than the author of the song
ever contemplated, he contrived, in a voice suggestive of a sudden
attack of cholera, to get as far as the words, "For thou art the cause
of this anguish, my mother," when he was interrupted by such a chorus of
laughter as completely annihilated him for the rest of the day.

[Illustration: page249 Shy Young Gentleman]

How Mr. Frampton, without giving the slightest warning of his intention,
or there being anything in the subject of the conversation generally
to lead thereunto, began to relate his adventure with the tiger of
Bundleapoor; while Lawless favoured the company with a full, true and
particular account of a surprising run with the royal stag-hounds; and
Archer, who had grown sentimental, with tears in his eyes, entered into
a minute detail of certain passages in a romantic attachment he had
conceived for a youthful female branch of the aristocracy, whom he
designated as Lady Barbara B.; and how these three gentlemen continued
their various recitals all at one and the same time, edifying the
company by some such composite style of dialogue as the following:--

"So, sir, Slingsby roused me by a kick in the ribs, saying
--umph!"--"Fairest, loveliest of thy sex,"--"Shove on your boots and
buckskins, stick a cigar in your mouth, and clap your leg over,"--"An
elephant half as high again as this room; take a couple of
double-barrelled rifles, and"--"Slap at everything that comes in your
way; no craning, ram in the persuaders, and if you do get a purl"--"Look
upon it as the purest, brightest gem in your noble father's coronet, for
true affection"--"Flung him clean into the tiger's jaws, sir, and the
beast"--"Drew her handkerchief across her eyes, and said, in a voice
which quivered with emotion, 'Love between two young creatures, situated
as we are, would be utter madness, Charles'. To which I replied,
'Barbara, my own sweet girl,'"--"Mind your eye, and look out for
squalls, for that's a rasper, and no mistake".

How all this took place, together with much more notable merriment, not
many degrees removed from "tipsy mirth and jollity," we will leave to
the fertile imagination of the reader to depict. Suffice it to say that,
ere we broke up, Mr. Frampton had distinctly pledged himself to ride one
of Lawless's horses the next hunting-day, and to accompany Archer on
a three weeks' visit to the country seat of Lady Barbara B.'s noble
father, with some ulterior views on his own account in regard to a
younger sister.~250~~

FRANK FAIRLEGH

Part II.

CHAPTER XXXII -- CATCHING SIGHT OF AN OLD FLAME

~250~~

"Give me thy hand... I'm glad to find thee here."
_The Lover's Melancholy_.

"Half light, half shade,
She stood, a sight to make an old man young."
_The Gardener's Daughter_.

UTTERLY worn out, both in mind and body, by hard reading and
confinement, I determined to return to Heathfield forthwith, with "all
my blushing honours thick upon me," and enjoy a few weeks' idleness
before again engaging in any active course of study which might be
necessary to fit me for my future profession. When the post came in,
however, I received a couple of letters which rather militated against
my intention of an immediate return home. A note from Harry Oaklands
informed me, that having some weeks ago been ordered to a milder air, he
and Sir John had chosen Clifton, their decision being influenced by the
fact of an old and valued friend of Sir John's residing there. He begged
me to let him hear all the Cambridge news, and hoped I should join him
as soon as Mrs. Fairlegh and my sister would consent to part with me.
For himself, he said, he felt somewhat stronger, but still suffered much
from the wound in his side. The second letter was from my mother,
saying she had received an invitation from an old lady, a cousin of my
father's, who resided in London, and, as she thought change of scene
would do Fanny good, she had accepted it. She had been there already
one week, and proposed returning at the end of the next, which she hoped
would be soon enough to welcome me after the conclusion of my labours at
the university.

Unable to make up my mind whether to remain where I was for a week
longer, or to return and await my mother's arrival at the cottage,
I threw on my cap and gown and ~251~~ strolled out, the fresh air
appearing quite a luxury to me after having been shut up so long. As
I passed through the street where old Maurice the pastry-cook lived I
thought I would call and learn how Lizzie was going on, as I knew Harry
would be anxious for information on this point. On entering the shop I
was most cordially received by the young lady herself, who had by
this time quite recovered her good looks, and on the present occasion
appeared unusually gay and animated, which was soon accounted for when
her father, drawing me aside, informed me that she was going to be
married to a highly respectable young baker, who had long ago fallen a
victim to her charms, and on whom she had of late deigned to take pity;
the severe lesson she had been taught having induced her to overlook his
intense respectability, high moral excellence, and round, good-natured
face--three strong disqualifications which had stood dreadfully in his
way when striving to render himself agreeable to the romantic Fornarina.
I was answering their inquiries after Oaklands, of whom they spoke in
terms of the deepest gratitude, when a young fellow, wrapped up in a
rough pea-jacket, bustled into the shop, and, without perceiving me,
accosted Lizzie as follows:--

"Pray, young lady, can you inform me--what glorious buns!--where
Mr.--that is to say, which of these funny old edifices may happen to be
Trinity College?"

On receiving the desired information, he continued, "Much obliged. I
really must trouble you for another bun. Made by your own fair hands, I
presume? You see, I'm quite a stranger to this quaint old town of yours,
where half the houses look like churches, and all the men like the
parsons and clerks belonging to them, taking a walk in their canonicals,
with four-cornered hats on their heads--abortive attempts to square the
circle, I conclude. Wonderful things, very. But when I get to Trinity,
how am I to find the man I want, one Mr. Frank Fairlegh?" Here I
took the liberty of interrupting the speaker, whom I had long since
recognised as Coleman--though what could have brought him to Cambridge I
was at a loss to conceive--by coming behind him, and saying, in a gruff
voice, "I am sorry you keep such low company, young man".

"And pray who may you be that are so ready with your 'young man,' I
should like to know? I shall have to teach you something your tutors and
dons seem to have forgotten, and that is, manners, fellow!" exclaimed
Freddy, turning round with a face as red as a turkey-cock, ~252~~ and
not recognising me at first in my cap and gown; then looking at me
steadily for a moment, he continued, "The very man himself, by all
that's comical! This is the way you read for your degree, is it?" Then
with a glance towards Lizzie Maurice, he sang:--

"'My only books
Were woman's looks,
And folly all they taught me'.

It's a Master of Hearts you're striving to become, I suppose?"

"Nonsense," replied I quickly, for I saw poor Lizzie coloured and looked
uncomfortable; "we don't allow bad puns to be made at Cambridge."

"Then, faith, unless the _genius loci_ inspires me with good ones,"
returned Freddy, as we left the shop together, "the sooner I'm out of it
the better."

Ten minutes' conversation served to inform me that Freddy, having been
down to Bury St. Edmund's on business, had stopped at Cambridge on
his way back in order to find me out, and, if possible, induce me to
accompany him home to Hillingford, and spend a few days there. This
arrangement suited my case exactly, as it nearly filled up the space of
time which must elapse before my mother's return, and I gladly accepted
his invitation. In turn, I pressed him to remain a day or two with me,
and see the lions of Cambridge; but it appeared that the mission on
which he had been despatched was an important one, and would not brook
delay; he must therefore return at once to report progress. As he could
not stay with me, the most advisable thing seemed to be that I should go
back with him. Returning, therefore, to my rooms, I set Freddy to
work on some bread and cheese and ale, whilst I hastened to cram a
portmanteau and carpet-bag with various indispensables. I then ran to
the Hoop, and took an affectionate farewell of Mr. Frampton, making him
promise to pay me a visit at Heathfield Cottage; and, in less than
two hours from the time Coleman had first made his appearance, we were
seated together on the roof of a stage-coach, and bowling along merrily
towards Hillingford.

During our drive Coleman recounted to me his adventures in search of
Cumberland on the day preceding the duel, and gave me a more minute
description than I had yet heard of the disreputable nature of that
individual's pursuits. From what Coleman could learn, Cumberland, after
having lost at the gaming-table large sums of ~253~~ money, of which he
had by some means contrived to obtain possession, had become connected
with a gambling-house not far from St. James's Street, and was supposed
to be one of its proprietors. Just before Coleman left town, there had
been an _expose_ of certain shameful proceedings which had taken place
at this house--windows had been broken, and the police obliged to make a
forcible entrance; but Cumberland had as yet contrived to keep his
name from appearing, although it was known that he was concerned in
the affair, and would be obliged to keep out of the way at present. "We
shall take the old lady by surprise, I've a notion," said Freddy, as
the coach set us down within ten minutes' walk of Elm Lodge. "I did not
think I should have got the Bury St. Edmund's job over till to-morrow,
and wrote her word not to expect me till she saw me; but she'll be glad
enough to have somebody to enliven her, for the governor's in town, and
Lucy Markham is gone to stay with one of her married sisters."

"I hope I shall not cause any inconvenience, or annoy your mother."