Frank Fairlegh

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My first act, as soon as the thieves had departed, was to assist the old
gentleman to rise. As soon as he was on his legs again he shook himself,
as if to ascertain that he was uninjured, and exclaimed:--

"Umph! they're gone, are they? the scoundrels, high time they should, I
think; where's my umbrella? umph! second I've lost this year--just like
me".

The voice, the manner, but, above all, the emphatic grunts and the
final self-accusing soliloquy, "just like me," could proceed but from
one person, my old Helmstone acquaintance, Mr. Frampton; though by what
strange chance he should be found wandering by owl-light in a meadow
near Cambridge passed my comprehension to conceive. Feeling secure from
the alteration which had taken place in me since I had last seen him--an
alteration rendered still more complete by my academical costume--that
he would be unable to recognise me, I determined to amuse myself a
little at his expense before I made myself known to him. In pursuance
of this plan I picked up his umbrella and handed it to him, saying in an
assumed voice as I did so, "Here is your umbrella, sir".

"Thank ye, young man, thank ye, cost five-and-twenty shillings last
Friday week; umph! might have got a cotton one for less than one quarter
the money, that would have done just as well to thump thieves with--a
fool and his money--just like me, umph!"

"I hope you are not injured by your fall, or by the rough treatment you
have been subjected to?" inquired I.

"Umph! injured?" was the reply; "I've got a great bump on the back
of my head, and burst all the buttons off my waistcoat--I don't know
whether you call that being injured; but I can tell you I got away from
the Thugs at Strangleabad without any such injuries: umph!"

"It was fortunate that I happened to come up just when I did," observed
I.

"Umph! glad you think so," was the answer; "if that stick had come down
upon your skull, as the blackguard meant it to do, you would not have
found it quite so fortunate, I've a notion. Umph! all the same, I'm much
obliged to you; I might have been robbed and murdered too, if it had
not been for you, young man, and if you'll walk home with me to
the 'Hoop'--there's a name for an inn!--I'll give you a couple of
sovereigns. ~233~~and that's more than you've earned before to-day, I'll
be bound--umph!"

"I shall be delighted to see you safe home, sir, but you will excuse my
declining your pecuniary offer, though I must plead guilty to the charge
of not having earned as much--I believe I might say, in my whole life
before."

"Umph! I see--a gentleman, eh? and I to offer him money--just like me--a
lord, or a duke, I shouldn't wonder--there are all sorts and sizes of
'em here, they tell me--ask him to dinner. Umph! perhaps you'll
do me the honour of dining with me, young man--my lord, I
mean--mulligatawny--cat smothered in rice, which they call
curry--kibobs, and kickshaws--the cook is not so bad for a white; but
you should go to India if you care about eating--that's the place for
cookery, sir."

"I shall have much pleasure in accepting your invitation," replied I,
"if you will allow me to run away directly after dinner: I am reading for
my degree, and time is precious with me just now."

"Umph! so it should be always. I see, now I come to look at you, you are
one of the cap-and-gown gentlemen." (Then came an aside--"Cap, indeed!
it's a fool's cap would fit one half of 'em best!") "Pray, may I ask
what college you belong to, Mr. ----?"

"Legh is my name, sir--Legh of Trinity."

"Umph! Trinity; just the man I wanted to get hold of. My name's
Frampton, Mr. Lee: they know me well at the India House, sir. When we've
had a bit of dinner, and washed this horrid fog out of our throats with
a few glasses of wine, I shall be glad to ask you a question or two.
Umph!"

"Any information it may be in my power to afford you," I began----

"That'll do, sir, that'll do," was the reply. "Perhaps you won't
be quite so ready when you hear what it is I want." Then, in an
undertone--"Tell me a parcel of lies, most likely; I know how these
young scamps hang by one another, and think it high fun 'to do the
governor,' as they call it. Umph!"

On our arrival at the Hoop we were ushered into one of the best
sitting-rooms the inn afforded, where a blazing fire soon effaced
all traces of the wet-blanket-like fog in which we had been so lately
enveloped. I was shown into a comfortable dressing-room to get ready for
dinner, an opportunity of which I availed myself to render my appearance
as unlike what it had been in former days as circumstances would allow,
before again subjecting myself ~234~~to Mr. Framptqn's scrutiny. For
this purpose, I combed my hair back from my face as far as possible, and
brushed my whiskers--an acquisition of which I had only lately become
possessed--as prominently forward as the growth of the crop permitted. I
poked my shirt-collar entirely out of sight, and tied my black neckcloth
stiffly up under my chin, and finally buttoned my coat, so as to show
off the breadth of my chest and shoulders to the greatest advantage.
Thus accoutred, and drawing myself up to my full height, I hastened to
rejoin Mr. Frampton. My arrangements seemed thoroughly to have answered
their purpose, for he gazed at me without evincing the slightest symptom
of recognition. He shook me by the hand, however, and thanked me more
cordially than he had yet done for the assistance rendered him, and then
rang for dinner. The bill of fare embraced all the Asiatic luxuries he
had enumerated, to which, on the strength of having invited a guest,
sundry European dishes were added; and with appetites sharpened by our
recent adventures, we did full justice to the good cheer that was set
before us.

CHAPTER XXX -- MR. FRAMPTON'S INTRODUCTION TO A TIGER

"Had I been seized by a hungry tiger,
I would have been a breakfast to the beast."
--_Shakspeare_.

"He started
Like one who sees a spectre, and exclaimed,
'Blind that I was to know him not till now!'"
--_Southey_.

"Go to, you are a counterfeit knave!"--_Shakspeare_.

"I HOPE you feel no ill effects from your adventure, sir: you resisted
the fellow's attack most spiritedly, and would have beaten him off,
I believe, if you had possessed a more serviceable weapon than an
umbrella," observed I to Mr. Frampton, as we drew our chairs to the fire
after dinner.

"Umph! all right, sir, all right: a little stiff or so across the back,
but not so bad as the tiger at Bundleapoor. I'm not as young as I used
to be, and there's a difference between young men and old ones. Young
men are all whalebone and whipcord, and it's nothing but hopping,
skipping, and jumping with them all day long; when ~235~~you're turned
of sixty-five, sir, the whalebone gets stiff, the whipcord wears
out, the skip and jump take their departure, and the hop becomes an
involuntary accompaniment to the rheumatism--confound it! Umph!"

"You have been in India, I presume; I think I heard you refer to some
adventure with a tiger," returned I.

"I've been everywhere sir--north, south, east, and west. I ran away from
school at twelve years old, because the master chose to believe one of
the ushers rather than me, and flogged me for lying when I had spoken
the truth. I ran away, sir, and got aboard a ship that was bound for the
East Indies, and for five-and-forty years I never saw the white cliffs
of Old England; and, when I did return, I might as well have left it
alone, for all who knew and cared for me were dead and gone--all
dead and gone, dead and gone!" he repeated in a tone of sorrowful
earnestness. Then came an aside: "Umph! wonder what I told him that
for; something for him to go and make fun of with the other young
scapegraces, instead of minding their books:--just like me!"

"You must have seen many strange things, and met with various adventures
worthy of note, in the course of your wanderings," remarked I.

"I must have been a fool if I hadn't," was the answer. "P'rhaps you
think I was--umph! Young folks always think old ones fools, they say."

"Finish the adage, sir, that old folks know young ones to be so, and
then agree with me that it is a saying founded on prejudice, and at
variance with truth."

"Umph! strong words, young gentleman, strong words. I will agree with
you so far, that there are old fools as well as young ones--old fools,
who, in their worldly wisdom, stigmatise the generous impulses and warm
affections of youth as folly, who may yet live to regret the feelings
they have crushed, and the affections they have alienated, and find out
that the things which they deemed folly may prove in the end the truest
wisdom." Then came the soliloquy: "There I go again--just like me!
something else for him to laugh at; don't think he will, though--seems
a good lad--wish t'other boy may be like him--umph!" He paused for
a minute, and then observed abruptly, "Umph! about the tiger at
Bundleapoor. You call to-night's an adventure, sir: wonder what you'd
have said if you'd been there!"

"As I was not, would it be asking too great a favour, if I request you
to relate the anecdote?"

"Aye, boy, boy, I see you know how to come round an ~236~~old traveller:
set him gossiping about all the fine things he has seen and done in his
younger days, and you win his heart at once. Well, fill your glass, sir,
and we'll see about it," was the reply.

I obeyed, Mr. Frampton followed my example, and, after sipping his wine,
and grunting several times to clear his throat, began the following
recital:--

"Umph! ha! let me recollect. When I was a young shaver, having lived
in the world some twenty years or so, I was engaged as a sort of
supernumerary clerk in the house of Wilson and Brown at Calcutta; and,
having no one else who could be so easily spared, they determined to
despatch me on a business negotiation to one of the native princes,
about eight hundred miles up the country.

"I travelled with a party of the -- Dragoons, commanded
by a Captain Slingsby, a man about five years older than myself, and
as good a fellow as ever lived. Well, somehow or other, he took a great
fancy to me, and nothing would do but that I should accompany him in all
his sporting expeditions--for I should tell you that he was a thorough
sportsman, and, I believe, entertained some wild notion that he should
be able to make one of me. One unfortunate morning he came into my tent,
and woke me out of a sound sleep into which I had fallen, after being
kept awake half the night by the most diabolical howls and screams that
ever were heard out of bedlam, expecting every minute to see some of the
performers step in to sup, not with, but upon, me.

"'Come, Frampton, wake up, man,' cried Slingsby; 'here's great and
glorious news.'

"'What is it?' said I--'have they found another hamper of ale among the
baggage?'

"'Ale! nonsense,' was the reply. 'A shikkaree (native hunter) has just
come into camp to say that a young bullock was carried off yesterday,
and is lying half eaten in the jungle about a mile from this place; so
at last, my boy, I shall have the pleasure of introducing you to a real
live tiger.'

"'Thank ye,' said I, 'you're very kind; but if it's at all inconvenient
to you this morning you can put it off: another day will do quite as
well for me--I'm not in the least hurry.'

"It was of no use, however; all I got for my pains was a poke in the
ribs, and an injunction to lose no time in getting ready.

"Before we had done breakfast the great man of the neighbourhood, Rajah
somebody or other, made his ~237~~appearance on his elephant, attended
by a train of tawnies, who were to undertake the agreeable duty of
beating. Not being considered fit to take care of myself--a melancholy
fact of which I was only too conscious--it was decreed that Slingsby and
I should occupy the same howdah. Accordingly, at the time appointed, we
mounted our elephant; and having a formidable array of guns handed up to
us, we started.

"As my companion, and, indeed, every one else concerned in the matter,
evidently considered it completely as a party of pleasure, and seemed
prepared to enjoy themselves to the utmost, I endeavoured to persuade
myself that I did so too; and, consoled by the reflection that if the
tiger had positively eaten half a bullock yesterday afternoon, it never
could be worth his while to scale our elephant, and run the risk of
being shot, for the sake of devouring me, I felt rather bold than
otherwise. After proceeding for some distance through the jungle, and
rousing, as it seemed to me, every beast that had come out of Noah's
Ark, except a tiger, our elephant, who had hitherto conducted himself
in a very quiet and gentlemanly manner, suddenly raised his trunk and
trumpeted several times--a sure sign, as the mahout informed us, that a
tiger was somewhere close at hand.

"'Now then, Frampton,' cried my companion, cocking his double-barrel,
'look out!'

"'For squalls,' returned I, finishing the sentence for him.--'Pray, is
there any particular part they like to be shot in? whereabouts shall I
aim?'

"'Wherever you can,' replied Slingsby; 'be ready--there he is, by
Jupiter!' and, as he spoke, the long grass about a hundred yards in
front of us was gently agitated, and I caught a glimpse of what appeared
a yellow and black streak, moving swiftly away in an opposite direction.
--'Tally ho!' shouted Slingsby, saluting the tiger with both barrels. An
angry roar proved that the shots had taken effect, and in another moment
a large tiger, lashing his sides with his tail and his eyes glaring with
rage, came bounding towards us.

"'Now what's to be done?' exclaimed I--'if you had but left him alone,
he was going away as quietly as possible.'

"Slingsby's only reply was a smile, and seizing another gun, he fired
again. On receiving this shot the tiger stopped for a moment, and then,
with a tremendous bound, sprang towards us, alighting at the foot of a
small tree not a yard from the elephant's head.

~238~~"'That last shot crippled him,' said my companion, 'or we should
have had the pleasure of his nearer acquaintance--now for the _coup
de grace_--fire away!' and as he spoke he leaned forward to take a
deliberate aim, when suddenly the front of the howdah gave way, and to
my horror Slingsby was precipitated over the elephant's head, into,
as it seemed to me, the very jaws of the tiger. A fierce growl and a
suppressed cry of agony proved that the monster had seized his prey;
and I had completely given up my friend for lost, when the elephant,
although greatly alarmed, being urged on by the mahout, took a step
forward, and, twisting his trunk round the top of the young tree, bent
it down across the loins of the tiger, thus forcing the tortured animal
to quit his hold, and affording Slingsby an opportunity of crawling
beyond the reach of its teeth and claws. Forgetting my own fears in the
imminence of my friend's danger, I only waited till I could get a shot
at the tiger without running the risk of hurting Slingsby, and then
fired both barrels at his head, and was lucky enough to wound it
mortally. The other sportsmen coming up at the moment, the brute
received its quietus, but poor Slingsby's arm was broken where the tiger
had seized it with its teeth, and his shoulders and chest were severely
lacerated by its claws, nor did he entirely recover the shock for many
months.{1} And this was my first introduction to a royal tiger, sir.
I saw many of 'em afterwards, during the time I spent in India, but I
can't say I ever had much liking for their society--umph!"

This anecdote brought others in its train--minutes flew by apace, the
wine grew low in the decanters, and it became apparent to me that if
I would not lose the whole evening, and go home with my brains
muddled beyond all possibility of reading, I must take my departure.
Accordingly, pulling out my watch, I reminded Mr. Frampton of my
previous stipulation to be allowed to run away as soon as dinner was
concluded, adding that I had already stayed longer than was altogether
prudent. The reply to this announcement was, "Umph! sit still, sir, sit
still; I'm going to ring for another bottle of port".

1 The main facts of the foregoing anecdote are taken from
Capt. Mundy's very interesting _Pen and Pencil Sketches_.

Finding, however, that I was determined, he gave up the point, adding:
"Umph! well, if you must go, you must, I suppose--though you might refuse
a worse offer;--but, if you really are anxious about your studies
and ~239~~wish to distinguish yourself, I won't be the man to hinder
you--it's few enough of 'em are like you here, I expect"; then, _sotto
voce_, "wish t'other young monkey might be". "You hinted before
dinner at some information I might be able to give you?" said I
interrogatively.

"Umph! did I?--aye, so I did--you see, Mr. Lee, there's a young fellow
at Trinity, about your age I should fancy, whom I used to know as a
boy,--and--he was a very good boy--and--and--his mother's a widow;
poor thing--a very nice boy, I may say, he was--and as I feel a sort of
interest about him I thought that you might, perhaps, give one an idea
of how he's going on--just a notion--you understand--umph!"

"Exactly, sir," returned I, "and what may be the name of your friend?"

"Frank Fairlegh," was the answer.

"You could not have applied to a better person," replied I. "Frank
Fairlegh!--why, he was one of my most intimate friends."

"_Was_--umph!"

"Why, yes, it's more was than is, certainly--for since I've been reading
hard, it's a positive fact that I've scarcely seen his face."

"That looks as if he wasn't over fond of reading, then, eh?--umph!"

"You may put that interpretation upon it, certainly," replied I, "but
mind, I don't say it's the true one. I consider it would not be right
in me to tell tales out of school; besides there's nothing to
tell--everybody knows Frank Fairlegh's a good fellow--ask Lawless--ask
Curtis."

"Umph! Lawless? what? that wild young scamp who goes tearing about the
country in a tandem, as if a gig with one horse wasn't dangerous enough,
without putting on a second to make the thing positively terrific?
he must be badly off for something to do, if he can find no better
amusement than trying how nearly he can break a fool's neck, without
doing it quite;--umph! Curtis--why, that's the name of the young
gentleman--very gentle--who, the landlord tells me, has just been
rusticated for insulting Dr. Doublechin, and fastening a muzzle and
chain on one of the men they call 'bull-dogs,' saying, forsooth, that
it wasn't safe to let such ferocious animals go about loose--nice
acquaintance Mr. Frank Fairlegh seems to choose, and you know the
quotation, '_Noscitur a sociis_'."

"Oh," replied I, "but he has others; I have seen him in company with Mr.
Wilford."

~240~~"Wilford? the noted duellist, that scoundrel who has lately shot
the son of Sir John Oaklands, as fine a young man as ever I set eyes
upon?--for I have often seen him when I was living at Helmstone; if I
thought, sir, that Fairlegh was a friend of that man--I'd--I'd--well,
sir," he exclaimed, seeing my eyes fixed upon him with a degree of
interest I could not conceal, "it's nothing to you, I suppose, what I
may intend to do by Mr. Frank Fairlegh! I may be his grandfather for
anything you can tell to the contrary; and I may choose to cut him off
with a shilling, I imagine, without its affecting you in any way--umph?"

"Scarcely so, Mr. Frampton," replied I, turning away to hide an
irrepressible smile, "if it is in consequence of what I have told you
that you are angry with poor Frank."

"Angry, sir, angry"--was the answer--"I'm never angry--there's nothing
worth being angry about in this world. Do you take snuff, sir? I've some
that came from--Umph! eh!" he continued, fumbling in all his
pockets--"hope I haven't lost my box--given me by the Begum of
Cuddleakee--splendid woman--only complexion too strong of the
tawny--Umph! left it in the other room, I suppose--back in a moment,
sir--Umph! umph!" and, suiting the action to the word, he went out,
slamming the door behind him.

As the reader may suppose, I was equally surprised and pleased to find
that my old friend not only remembered our former intimacy, but felt so
warm an interest in my welfare as to have put himself quite in a rage on
hearing of my supposed delinquencies. Although it had been the means of
eliciting such strong indications of his continued regard for me, I felt
half sorry for the deception I had practised upon him--the only thing
that could be done now, however, was to make myself known to him without
delay, and his absence from the room enabled me to put in practice a
plan for doing so which I had had in my mind all along. Accordingly,
going up to the chimney-glass I shook my hair forward, so that it fell
in waving curls about my face and forehead--took the stiffener out of my
neckcloth and, knotting the latter closely round my throat, turned down
my shirt-collar, so as to resemble as nearly as possible the Byron-tie
of my boyhood--then unbuttoning and throwing open my coat I resumed my
seat, arranging the candles so as to throw the light full upon my face
as I did so. I had scarcely completed my arrangements when I heard
Mr. Frampton's footstep in ~241~~the passage, and in another moment he
entered the room. "All right, Mr. Lee, all right, sir; I found the box
in my other coat-pocket; I was afraid the thieves might have forestalled
me; but--Umph!--eh!--why?--who?" Catching sight of me as he spoke, he
stopped short, and, shading his eyes with his hand, gazed earnestly at
me, with a look half-bewildered, half-incredulous. Taking advantage of
his silence I inquired in my natural tone and manner whether he had seen
Dr. Mildman lately.

"Umph! eh! Dr. Mildman?" was the reply--"why it can't be--and yet
it is--the boy Frank Fairlegh himself! Oh! you young villain!" and
completely overcome by the sudden and unexpected nature of the surprise
he sank back into a chair, looking the picture of astonishment.

Springing to his side, and pressing his hand warmly between my own, I
exclaimed, "Forgive me for the trick I have played you, sir. I knew you
the moment I heard your voice, when I was helping you up to-night, and,
finding you did not recognise me, I could not resist the temptation of
preserving my incognito a little longer, and introducing myself as a
stranger."

"Oh! you young scapegrace," was the rejoinder, "if ever I forgive
you, I'll--umph!--that I will"--then changing his tone to one of much
feeling, he continued, "So you hadn't forgotten the old man then, Frank?
good boy, good boy".

I had seated myself on a stool at his feet, and as he spoke he patted my
head with his hand, as if I had been a favourite dog.

"And all the things you said against yourself were so many lies, I
suppose? Umph! you are no friend to the homicide Wilford?"

"True to the ear, but false to the sense, sir," replied I. "Harry
Oaklands is the dearest friend I have on earth; we love each other as
brothers--between the man whose hand was so lately raised to shed that
brother's blood, and myself, there can be little friendship--if I do not
positively hate him, it is only because I would not willingly hate any
one. Lawless was an old fellow-pupil of mine, and, though he has many
follies about him, is at bottom more kind-hearted and well-disposed than
people give him credit for; we still continue friends, therefore, but,
our habits and pursuits being essentially different, I see very little
of him--with Curtis I never exchanged half a dozen words in my life."

"Umph! I understand, I understand; and how is Harry Oaklands? better
again, eh?"

~242~~The reply to this query led to my being obliged to give Mr.
Frampton a succinct account of the duel, and it was not till I explained
my intention of trying for honours, and made him comprehend the
necessity of my being fully prepared for the ensuing examination, that
he would hear of my departure; and, when at last he did allow me to
go, he insisted on accompanying me to the gate of Trinity, and made
me promise to let him see me as often as I was able during his stay in
Cambridge, where, he informed me, he proposed remaining till after the
degrees wore conferred.

CHAPTER XXXI -- HOW I RISE A DEGREE, AND MR. FRAMPTON GETS ELEVATED IN
MORE WAYS THAN ONE

"This is as strange a thing as e'er I looked on."--_The Tempest_.

"These news, my lords, may cheer our drooping spirits."--_King Henry
VI_.

"And liquor, likewise, will I give to thee, And friendship shall
combine, and brotherhood."--_King Henry V_.

THE week passed away like a dream, and with a beating heart and
throbbing pulse I went through the various examinations, and engaged
with my competitors in the struggle for honours. Anxious in the highest
degree as to the result of my labours, I scarcely ate, drank, or slept,
and, had the necessity for exertion been protracted much longer, my mind
could not have borne the continued strain, and I should probably have
had a brain fever. It was the eventful Friday morning on which the list
was to come out, and in the course of an hour or two my fate would be
known. Utterly worn out by a night which anxiety had rendered sleepless,
I had hastily swallowed a cup of tea, and, turning away from the
untasted eatables, flung myself, wrapped in a dressing-gown, on the
sofa. I had not, however, lain there above a quarter of an hour, when a
tap was heard at the door, and Mr. Frampton made his appearance, attired
as usual in the well-remembered blue coat, with brass buttons, drab
shorts, and gaiters, with the broad-brimmed hat, lined with green, fixed
sturdily on his head, as if it was not made to take off at any time.