Frank Fairlegh

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CHAPTER XIII -- CATCHING A SHRIMP

"Give me that boy."
--Shakspeare.

"I was there
From college, visiting the son."
--Princess.

"To bring in, Heaven shield us, a lion among ladies, is a
most dreadful thing."
--Shakspeare.

"A MIGHTY stupid chapter that last!" "True for you, A reader, but how
was it to be avoided? It was necessary to give you that short summary
of my proceedings, the better to enable you to understand all that is to
follow, and so, don't you see?"

"Yes, that will do. Above all things, Master Frank, avoid being prosy;
it is the worst fault an author can fall into."

"Reader, you're very cross!"

It was towards the close of the long vacation that, one morning as I was
sitting at breakfast with my mother and sister, a note was brought to
me. On opening it, it proved to be from Coleman, whose father had lately
taken a country-house near Hillingford, a small town about fifteen miles
from Heathfield, where he was now about to give a grand ball to all the
neighbourhood by way of house-warming. At this ball Freddy (with whom I
had kept up a constant correspondence, though we had never met since I
left Dr. Mildman's) was most anxious I should be present, and his letter
was really a master-piece of ~115~~persuasion: not only should I meet
all the beauty and fashion of the county, but he had for some days
past employed himself in paving the way for me with several of the most
desirable young ladies of his acquaintance, who were now, as he assured
me, actually pining to be introduced to me. Moreover, the Honourable
George Lawless had promised to be there; so we were safe for fun of
some sort, Lawless's tastes and habits being about as congenial to
the atmosphere of a ball-room, as those of a bull to the interior of a
china-shop.

~115~These manifold temptations, together with the desire of again
meeting Freddy himself, proved irresistible, and I decided to go.
Oaklands, who had received a similar invitation, was unluckily not able
to accept it, as his father had fixed a shooting-party for that day,
at which, and at the dinner that was to follow, Harry's presence was
indispensable.

It was in the afternoon of a glorious September day that I set off
on horseback for Hillingford. I had accompanied the sportsmen in the
morning, and had walked just enough to excite without fatiguing myself;
and now the elastic motion of the horse (a valuable hunter of Sir
John's)--the influence of the fair scene around me, as I cantered over
the smooth turf of Heathfield Park, and along the green lanes beyond
it--the prospect of seeing again an old companion of my boyhood's
days--all contributed to produce in me an exhilaration of spirits which
seemed to raise me above the _kleinigkeiten_, the little, nesses (as
the Germans so well express it) of this world, and to exalt me to some
higher and nobler sphere. Out of this day-dream I was at length aroused
by the clatter of horses' feet and the rattle of wheels in the lane
behind me, while a man's voice, in tones not of the most gentle
description, accosted me as follows: "Now then, sir, if you've got a
licence to take up the whole road, I'll just trouble you to show it!"
With a touch of the spur I caused my horse to bound on one side, and, as
I did so, I turned to look at the speaker. Perched high in mid-air, upon
some mysterious species of dog-cart, bearing a striking resemblance to
the box of a mail-coach, which had contrived, by some private theory of
development of its own, to dispense with its body, while it had enlarged
its wheels to an almost incredible circumference; perched on the top of
this remarkable machine, and enveloped in a white greatcoat undermined
in every direction by strange and unexpected pockets, was none other
than the Honourable George Lawless! The turn-out was drawn by a pair
~116~~of thorough-breds, driven tandem, which were now (their irascible
tempers being disturbed by the delay which my usurpation of the road
had occasioned) relieving their feelings by executing a kind of hornpipe
upon their hindlegs. The equipage was completed by a tiger, so small,
that beyond a vague sensation of top-boots and a livery hat, one's
senses failed to realise him.

"Why, Lawless!" exclaimed I; "you are determined to astonish the
natives, with a vengeance: such a turnout as that has never been seen in
these parts before, I'm certain."

"Frank Fairlegh, by Jove! How are you, old fellow? Is it my trap you're
talking about? what do you think of it? rather the thing, isn't it, eh?"
I signified my approval, and Lawless continued, "Yes, it's been very
much admired, I assure you;--quiet, mare! quiet!--not a bad sort of
dodge to knock about in, eh?--What are you at, fool?--Tumble out,
Shrimp, and hit Spiteful a lick on the nose--he's eating the mare's
tail. Spicy tiger, Shrimp--did you ever hear how I picked him up?" I
replied in the negative, and Lawless resumed:--

"I was down at Broadstairs, the beginning of the long --wretched place,
but I went there for a boat-race with some more fellows; well, of
course, because we wanted it to be fine, the weather turned sulky, and
the boat-race had to be put off; so, to prevent ourselves from going
melancholy mad, we hired a drag, and managed to get together a team,
such as it was. The first day we went out they elected me waggoner, and
a nice job I had of it; three of the horses had never been in harness
before, and the fourth was a bolter. It was pretty near half an hour
before we could get them to start; and, when they were off, I had enough
to do to keep their heads out of the shop-windows. However, as soon as
they began to get warm to their work, things improved, and we rattled
along merrily. We were spinning away at about twelve miles an hour when,
just as we were getting clear of the town, we came suddenly upon a covey
of juvenile blackguards who were manufacturing dirt pies right in the
centre of the road. As soon as I saw them I sung out to them to clear
the course, but before they had time to cut away we were slap into the
middle of them. Well, I thought it was to be a regular case of Herod,
and that there would be at least half a dozen of them spifflicated, but
they all managed to save their bacon, except Shrimp--one of the wheels
went over him and broke him somewhere. Where was it, Shrimp?"

~117~~"Left arm, sir, if you please," replied Shrimp in a shrill treble.

"Ay, so it was," continued Lawless. "As soon as I could contrive to
pull up I sent the groom back, with orders to find a doctor, get the boy
repaired, and tell them to come to me at the hotel in the morning, and
I'd pay for all damages. Accordingly, while I was eating my breakfast
next morning, an amphibious old female in a blue pea-jacket was shown
in to me, who stated she was Shrimp's mother. First, she was extremely
lachrymose, and couldn't speak a word; then she got the steam up,
and began slanging me till all was blue: I was 'an unchristian-like,
hard-hearted, heathen Turk, so I was, and I'd been and spiled her sweet
boy completely, so I had; such a boy as he was too, bless him; it was
quite a sight to hear him say his Catechism; and as to reading his book,
he'd beat the parson himself into fits at it'. Fortunately for me, she
was a little touched in the wind, and, when she pulled up to take breath
for a fresh start, I managed to cut in. 'I tell you what it is, old
lady,' said I, 'there's no need for you to put yourself into a fury
about it; misfortunes will happen in the best-regulated families, and
it seems to me a boy more or less can make no great odds to any one--no
fear of the breed becoming extinct just at present, if one may judge
from appearances; however, as you seem to set a value upon this
particular boy, I'll tell you what I'll do: I'll _buy_ him of you, and
then, if anything should go wrong with him, it will be my loss and not
yours. I'll give you twenty pounds for him, and that's more than he
would be worth if he was sound.' By Jove, the old girl brightened up in
a moment, wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her coat, and said: 'Five
pounds more, and it's a bargain'. And the end of it all was, the brat
got well before I left the place; I paid the old woman her money, and
brought Shrimp away with me, and it hasn't turned out such a bad spec
either, for he makes a capital tiger; and now I've broken him in, I
would not take twice the money for him. You'll be at old Coleman's hop
to-night, I suppose; so bye! bye! for the present."

Thus saying he drew the whip lightly across the leader's back, the
horses sprang forward, and in another moment he was out of sight.

Half an hour's ride brought me within view of Elm Lodge, the house
lately taken by Mr. Coleman, senior. As I rang at the bell a figure
leaped out of one of the front windows, and came bounding across the
lawn to meet me, ~118~~and in another minute my hand was seized and my
arm nearly shaken off by Coleman.

"Freddy, old boy!" "Frank, my dear old fellow!" were our mutual
exclamations, as we once more shook hands with an energy which must have
highly edified a pompous footman whom my ring had summoned. After the
first excitement of our meeting had a little subsided we found time to
examine each other more minutely, and note the changes a couple of years
had wrought in us. Coleman was the first to speak.

"Why, Frank, how you are altered!" "If you were but decently civil, you
would say 'improved' instead of 'altered,'" replied I; "but you'll
never learn manners."

"Oh, if you want compliments I'll soon get up a few, but it strikes me
they are not required. A man with such a face and figure as yours soon
finds out that he is a deucedly good-looking fellow. Why, how high do
you stand?"

"About six feet without my boots," replied I, laughing at Coleman, who
kept turning me round, and examining me from top to toe, as if I had
been some newly discovered animal.

"Well, you are a screamer, and no mistake," exclaimed he at length.
"Be merciful towards the young ladies tonight, or the floor will be so
cumbered with the heaps of slain that we shall have no room to dance."

"Never fear," rejoined I, "the female breast is not so susceptible as
you imagine; and I'll back your bright eyes and merry smile to do more
execution than my long legs and broad shoulders any day."

"No soft sawder, Master Frank, if you please; it's an article for which
I've a particular distaste: people never make pretty speeches to one's
face without laughing at one behind one's back afterwards by way of
compensation."

"Which rule of course applies to the remarks you have just been making
about me," returned I.

"You've caught me there fairly," laughed Coleman; "but come along in,
now, I want to introduce you to my mother and the governor; they are
longing to see you after all I've told them about you, though I can't
say you look much like the thin delicate youth I have described you."

Mr. Coleman, who was a short, stout, red-faced old gentleman, with a
bald head and a somewhat pompous manner, came forward and welcomed
me warmly, saying ~119~~all sorts of complimentary things to me in
extremely high-flown and grandiloquent language, and referring to my
having saved his son's life, in doing which, however, he quite won my
heart by the evident pride and affection with which he spoke of Freddy.
The lady of the house was a little, round, merry-looking woman, chiefly
remarkable (as I soon discovered) for a peculiar mental obliquity,
leading her always to think of the wrong thing at the wrong time,
whereby she was perpetually becoming involved in grievous colloquial
entanglements, and meeting with innumerable small personal accidents, at
which no one laughed so heartily as herself.

About half-past nine that evening some of the guests began to arrive,
amongst the foremost of whom was Lawless, most expensively got up for
the occasion in a stock and waistcoat, which, as Coleman observed,
required to be seen ere they could be believed in. As the arrivals
succeeded each other more rapidly, and the rooms began to fill, Lawless
took me by the arm and led me to a corner, whence, unnoticed ourselves,
we could observe the whole scene.

"This will be a very full meet, Fairlegh," he began; "I'm getting
confoundedly nervous, I can tell you; I'm not used to this sort of
affair, you know; I used always to shirk everything of the kind, but my
_Mater_ has got it into her head, since she's become 'My Lady,' that
she must flare up and give balls, because 'ladies of rank always do so,'
forsooth; and so she's taken me in hand, to try and polish me up into
something like 'a man of fashion,' as she calls those confounded puppies
one sees lounging about drawing-rooms. Well, as I didn't like to rile
the old woman by refusing to do what she wanted, I went to a French
mounseer, to teach me my paces; I've been in training above a month, so
I thought I'd come here just as a sort of trial to see how I could go
the pace." "This is your _debut_, in fact," returned I. "My how much?"
was the reply. "Oh, I see, starting for the maiden stakes, for untried
horses only--that sort of thing--eh? Yes, it's the first time I've been
regularly entered; I hope I shan't bolt off the course; I feel uncommon
shy at starting, I can assure you."

"Oh, you'll do very well when you're once off; your partner will tell
you if you are going to make any mistake," replied I.

"My partner, eh? You mean one of those white-muslined young ladies, who
is to run in double harness with me, I suppose?--that's another sell;--I
shall be ~120~~expected to talk to her, and I never know what to say
to women; if one don't pay 'era compliments, and do a bit of the
sentimental, they set you down as a brute directly. What an ass I was to
come here! I wish it was bedtime!"

"Nonsense, man; never be afraid!" exclaimed Freddy, who had just joined
us; "I'll pick you out a partner who's used to the thing, and will do
all the talking herself, and be glad of the opportunity of giving
her tongue a little exercise; and here comes the very girl, of all
others--Di Clapperton." Then turning towards a tall, showy-looking girl,
who had just arrived, he addressed her with--"Delighted to see you, Miss
Clapperton; a ball-room never appears to me properly arranged till it
is graced by your presence: here's my friend, the Hon. George Lawless,
dying to be introduced to you".

"Pleasure--ar--dancing--with you, eh?" muttered the Hon. George, giving
a little quick nod between each word, and getting very red in the face.

The young lady smiled a gracious assent, and saying, "I think they
are forming a quadrille--shall we take our places?" marched him off in
triumph.

"Frank, are you provided; or can I do anything for you?" inquired
Coleman.

"Who is that interesting-looking girl, with dark hair?" asked I, in
return.

"What, the she-male with the white camellia in her head, leaning on the
arm of that old fellow with a cast-iron face? What a splendid pair
of eyes she has got! I'll rind out her name, and get you introduced,"
replied Coleman, disappearing in the crowd. In a minute or two he
returned, and informed me that the young lady's name was Saville.
"You've not made such a bad hit either," continued he; "they tell me
she's to be a great heiress, and old Ironsides there is her guardian.
They say he keeps her shut up so close that nobody can see her; he would
hardly let her come to-night, only he's under some business obligations
to my governor, and he persuaded him to bring her, in order to give me a
chance, I suppose."

"What an expression of sadness there is in those deep blue eyes of hers!
I am afraid she is not happy, poor thing!" said I, half thinking aloud.

"Why, you're getting quite romantic about it!" returned Coleman; "for
my part, I think she looks rather jolly than otherwise;--see how she's
laughing with my cousin Lucy; by Jove, how her face lights up when
~121~~she smiles!--she's very decidedly pretty. Well, will you be
introduced?--they are going to waltz."

I signified my assent, and Coleman set off in search of his father to
perform the ceremony, not having courage enough himself to face "old
Stiff-back," as he irreverently termed the young lady's guardian.

"I am sorry to refuse your young friend, Mr. Coleman," was the reply to
my introduction; "but Miss Saville never waltzes."

"Come, don't be crabbed, Vernor; young people ought to enjoy themselves;
recollect, we were young ourselves once!"

"If old Time had dealt as leniently by me as he seems to have done by
you, Coleman, I should consider myself young yet," replied Mr. Vernor.
"I believe I have spoken my ward's wishes upon this point; but, if it
would be more satisfactory to your friend to hear her decision from her
own lips I can have no objection.--Clara, my dear, this gentleman, Mr.
Fairlegh, does you the honour of wishing to waltz with you."

Thus accosted, Miss Saville raised her eyes to my face for a moment,
and, instantly casting them down again, coloured slightly, as she
replied: "If Mr. Fairlegh will excuse me, I had rather not waltz".

I could, of course, only bow in acquiescence, and was turning away, when
old Mr. Coleman stopped me with:--

"There, wait a minute, Mr. Fairlegh; my little niece, Lucy Markham, will
be only too glad to console you for your disappointment; she's never so
happy as when she's waltzing".

"If you are impertinent, uncle, I'll make you waltz with me till you're
quite tired, by way of punishment!" replied his niece, as she accepted
my proffered arm.

During a pause in the waltz I referred to the refusal just received, and
asked my partner (a lively little brunette, with very white teeth and a
bewitching smile) whether her friend Miss Saville were not somewhat of a
prude?

"Poor dear Clara--a prude?--oh no!" was the reply. "You mean because she
would not waltz, I suppose?"

I bowed my head in assent, and she continued:--

"I gave you credit for more penetration, Mr. Fairlegh; did you not see
it was all that horrible Mr. Vernor, her guardian?--he chose her not to
waltz; and she is too much afraid of him to dare to do anything he does
not approve;--he would hardly let her come here to-night, only Uncle
Coleman worried him into it".

~122~~"She is exceedingly pretty," remarked I; "there is something
peculiar in the expression of those beautiful blue eyes which
particularly pleases me; an earnest, trustful look, which--you will
laugh at what I am going to say--which I have never seen before, except
in the eyes of a dog!"

"Oh! I know so well what you mean," replied my partner; "I have observed
it often, but I never should have known how to express it. What a good
idea!"

"May I ask whether you are very intimate with her? Is she an old friend
of yours?"

"No, I never saw her till my uncle took this house; but Mr. Vernor
sometimes brings her with him when he drives over on business, and she
comes and sits with me while they are puzzling about their parchments. I
like her so much; she seems as agreeable and good as she is pretty."

"How is it," asked I, "that my friend Freddy did not know her by sight
even?--he had to inquire her name this evening."

"Why, Frederick is generally obliged to be in town, you know; and I
have observed that when he is down here Mr. Vernor never brings her with
him."

"He had better make a nun of her at once," said I.

"Perhaps she won't be a nun!" said, or rather sang Lucy. And here we
joined the waltzers again, and the conversation ended.

CHAPTER XIV -- THE BALL

"I could be pleased with any one,
Who entertained my sight with such gay shows
As men and women, moving here and there,
That coursing one another in their steps,
Have made their feet a tune."
--Dryden.

"And run through fire I will for thy sweet sake."

"Come now, what... shall we have,
To wear away this long age of three hours,
Between our after-supper and bed-time?"
--Midsummer Night's Dream.

"By Jove! this is hot work!" exclaimed Lawless, flinging himself down on
a sofa so violently as to make an old lady, who occupied the farther end
of it, jump to an extent which seriously disarranged an Anglo-Asiatic
~123~~nondescript, believed in by her as a turban, wherewith she adorned
her aged head. "If I have not been going the pace like a brick for the
last two hours, it's a pity; what a girl that Di Clapperton is to step
out!--splendid action she has, to be sure, and giving tongue all the
time too. She's in first-rate training, 'pon my word: I thought she'd
have sewn me up at one time--the pace was terrific. I must walk into old
Coleman's champagne before I make a fresh start; when I've recovered my
wind, and got a mouthful of hay and water, I'll have at her again, and
dance till all's blue before I give in."

"My dear fellow," said I, "you must not dance all the evening with the
same young lady; you'll have her brother call upon you the first thing
to-morrow morning to know your intentions."

"He shall very soon learn them as far as he is concerned, then," replied
Lawless, doubling his fist. "Let me have him to myself for a quiet
twenty minutes, and I'll send him home with such a face on him that his
nearest relations will be puzzled to recognise him for the next month to
come at least. But what do you really mean?"

"That it's not etiquette to go on dancing with one young lady the whole
evening; you must ask some one else."

"Have all the bother to go over again, eh? what a treat! Well, we live
and learn; it will require a few extra glasses of champagne to get the
steam up to the necessary height, that's all. And there they are going
down to supper; that's glorious!" and away he bounded to secure Miss
Clapperton's arm, while I offered mine to the turbaned old lady, to
compensate for her late alarm.

After supper the dancing was resumed with fresh energy, the champagne
having produced its usual exhilarating effects upon the exhausted frames
of the dancers. Notwithstanding my former repulse, I made a successful
attempt to gain Miss Saville's hand for a quadrille, though I saw, or
fancied I saw, the scowl on Mr. Vernor's sour countenance grow deeper as
I led her away. My perseverance was not rewarded by any very interesting
results, for my partner, who was either distressingly shy, or acting
under constraint of some kind, made monosyllabic replies to every remark
I addressed to her, and appeared relieved when the termination of the
set enabled her to rejoin her grim protector.

"Of all the disagreeable faces I ever saw, Mr. Vernor's is the most
repulsive," said I to Coleman; "were I a believer in the power of the
'evil eye,' he is just the sort ~124~~of looking person I should imagine
would possess it. I am certain I have never met him before, and yet,
strange to say, there is something which appears familiar to me in his
expression, particularly when he frowns."

"He is a savage-looking old Guy," replied Freddy, "and bullies
that sweet girl shockingly, I can see. I should feel the greatest
satisfaction in punching his head for him, but I suppose it would be
hardly the correct thing on so short an acquaintance, and in my father's
house too; eh?"

"Not exactly," replied I, turning away with a smile.

When Lawless made his appearance after supper it was evident by his
flushed face, and a slight unsteadiness in his manner of walking, that
he had carried his intentions with regard to the champagne into effect;
and, heedless of my warning, he proceeded to lay violent siege to Miss
Clapperton, to induce her to waltz with him. I was watching them with
some little amusement, for the struggle in the young lady's mind between
her sense of the proper, and her desire to waltz with an Honourable, was
very apparent, when I was requested by Mrs. Coleman to go in search of a
cloak appertaining to the turbaned old lady whom I had escorted down to
supper, and who, being delicate in some way or other, required especial
care in packing up. Owing to a trifling mistake of Mrs. Coleman's (who
had described a red, worsted shawl as a blue cloth cloak, which mistake
I had to discover and rectify) my mission detained me some minutes. As I
re-entered the ball-room, shawl in hand, I was startled by the crash of
something heavy falling, followed by a shriek from several of the ladies
at the upper end of the room; and on hastening to the scene of action I
soon perceived the cause of their alarm.

[Illustration: page124 Fall of the Cadelabrum]

During my absence Lawless, having succeeded in overcoming Miss
Clapperton's scruples, had recommenced waltzing with the greatest
energy; but unfortunately, after going round the room once or twice,
"the pace," as he called it, becoming faster at every turn, the combined
effects of the champagne and the unaccustomed exercise rendered him
exceedingly giddy, and just before I entered the room he had fallen
against a small table supporting a handsome China candelabrum,
containing several wax lights, the overthrow of which had occasioned
the grand crash which I heard. The cause of the shriek, however, still
remained to be discovered, and a nearer approach instantly rendered it
apparent. One of the wax candles, which had not been extinguished in its
fall, had rolled against the ball-dress of Miss Saville, who happened
to ~125~~be seated next the table, and set it on fire. After making an
ineffectual attempt to put it out with her hands, she became alarmed,
and as I approached started wildly up, with the evident intention of
rushing out of the room. Without a moment's hesitation I sprang forward,
caught her in my arms, and, flinging the worsted shawl over her dress,
which was just beginning to blaze, enveloped her in it, and, telling her
if she only remained quiet she would be perfectly safe, laid her on the
floor, while I continued to hold the thick shawl tightly down, till, to
my very great delight, I succeeded in extinguishing the flames.