Cecilia vol. 3

F >> Frances (Fanny) Burney (Madame d\'Arblay) >> Cecilia vol. 3

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"Do not talk of forgiveness," said Cecilia, "you have never offended
me; I always knew--always was sure--always imputed--" she stopt, unable
to proceed.

Deeply penetrated by her apparent distress, he with difficulty
restrained himself from falling at her feet; but after a moment's pause
and recollection, he said, "I understand the generous indulgence you
have shewn me, an indulgence I shall ever revere, and ever grieve to
have abused. I ask you not to remember me,--far, far happier do I wish
you than such a remembrance could make you; but I will pain the
humanity of your disposition no longer. You will tell my mother--but no
matter!--Heaven preserve you, my angelic Cecilia!--Miss Beverley, I
mean, Heaven guide, protect, and bless you! And should I see you no
more, should this be the last sad moment---"

He paused, but presently recovering himself, added, "May I hear, at
least, of your tranquillity, for that alone can have any chance to
quiet or repress the anguish I feel here!"

He then abruptly retreated, and ran out of the house.

Cecilia for a while remained almost stupified with sorrow; she forgot
Mrs Delvile, she forgot Mrs Charlton, she forgot her own design of
apologizing to one, or assisting the other: she continued in the
posture in which he had left her, quite without motion, and almost
without sensibility.

CHAPTER vii.

A MESSAGE.

From this lethargy of sadness Cecilia was soon, however, awakened by
the return of the surgeon, who had brought with him a physician to
consult upon Mrs Delvile's situation. Terror for the mother once more
drove the son from her thoughts, and she waited with the most
apprehensive impatience to hear the result of the consultation. The
physician declined giving any positive opinion, but, having written a
prescription, only repeated the injunction of the surgeon, that she
should be kept extremely quiet, and on no account be suffered to talk.

Cecilia, though shocked and frightened at the occasion, was yet by no
means sorry at an order which thus precluded all conversation; unfitted
for it by her own misery, she was glad to be relieved from all
necessity of imposing upon herself the irksome task of finding subjects
for discourse to which she was wholly indifferent, while obliged with
sedulity to avoid those by which alone her mind was occupied.

The worthy Mrs Charlton heard the events of the morning with the utmost
concern, but charged her grand-daughters to assist her young friend in
doing the honours of her house to Mrs Delvile, while she ordered
another apartment to be prepared for Cecilia, to whom she administered
all the consolation her friendly zeal could suggest.

Cecilia, however unhappy, had too just a way of thinking to indulge in
selfish grief, where occasion called her to action for the benefit of
others: scarce a moment, therefore now did she allow to sorrow and
herself, but assiduously bestowed the whole of her time upon her two
sick friends, dividing her attention according to their own desire or
convenience, without consulting or regarding any choice of her own.
Choice, indeed, she had none; she loved Mrs Charlton, she revered Mrs
Delvile; the warmest wish with which her heart glowed, was the recovery
of both, but too deep was her affliction to receive pleasure from
either.

Two days passed thus, during which the constancy of her attendance,
which at another time would have fatigued her, proved the only relief
she was capable of receiving. Mrs Delvile was evidently affected by her
vigilant tenderness, but seemed equally desirous with herself to make
use of the prohibition to speech as an excuse for uninterrupted
silence. She enquired not even after her son, though the eagerness of
her look towards the door whenever it was opened, shewed either a hope,
or an apprehension that he might enter. Cecilia wished to tell her
whither he was gone, but dreaded trusting her voice with his name; and
their silence, after a while, seemed so much by mutual consent, that
she had soon as little courage as she had inclination to break it.

The arrival of Dr Lyster gave her much satisfaction, for upon him
rested her hopes of Mrs Delvile's re-establishment. He sent for her
down stairs, to enquire whether he was expected; and hearing that he
was not, desired her to announce him, as the smallest emotion might do
mischief.

She returned up stairs, and after a short preparation, said, "Your
favourite Dr Lyster, madam, is come, and I shall be much the happier
for having you under his care."

"Dr Lyster?" cried she, "who sent for him?"

"I believe--I fancy--Mr Delvile fetched him."

"My son?--is he here, then?"

"No,--he went, the moment he left you, for Dr Lyster,--and Dr Lyster is
come by himself."

"Does he write to you?"

"No, indeed!--he writes not--he comes not--dearest madam be satisfied,
he will do neither to me ever more!"

"Exemplary young man!" cried she, in a voice hardly audible, "how great
is his loss!--unhappy Mortimer!--ill-fated, and ill-rewarded!"

She sighed, and said no more; but this short conversation, the only one
which had passed between them since her illness, agitated her so much,
that Dr Lyster, who now came up stairs, found her in a state of
trembling and weakness that both alarmed and surprised him. Cecilia,
glad of an opportunity to be gone, left the room, and sent, by Dr
Lyster's desire, for the physician and surgeon who had already
attended.

After they had been some time with their patient, they retired to a
consultation, and when it was over, Dr Lyster waited upon Cecilia in
the parlour, and assured her he had no apprehension of danger for Mrs
Delvile, "Though, for another week," he added, "I would have her
continue your _patient_, as she is not yet fit to be removed. But pray
mind that she is kept quiet; let nobody go near her, not even her own
son. By the way he is waiting for me at the inn, so I'll just speak
again to his mother, and be gone."

Cecilia was well pleased by this accidental information, to learn both
the anxiety of Delvile for his mother, and the steadiness of his
forbearance for himself. When Dr Lyster came down stairs again, "I
shall stay," he said, "till to-morrow, but I hope she will be able in
another week to get to Bristol. In the mean time I shall leave her, I
see, with an excellent nurse. But, my good young lady, in your care of
her, don't neglect yourself; I am not quite pleased with your looks,
though it is but an old fashioned speech to tell you so.--What have you
been doing to yourself?"

"Nothing;" said she, a little embarrassed; "but had you not better have
some tea?"

"Why yes, I think I had;--but what shall I do with my young man?"

Cecilia understood the hint, but coloured, and made no answer.

"He is waiting for me," he continued, "at the inn; however, I never yet
knew the young man I would prefer to a young woman, so if you will give
me some tea here, I shall certainly jilt him."

Cecilia instantly rang the bell, and ordered tea.

"Well now," said he, "remember the sin of this breach of appointment
lies wholly at your door. I shall tell him you laid violent hands on
me; and if that is not, enough to excuse me, I shall desire he will try
whether he could be more of a stoic with you himself."

"I think I must unorder the tea," said she, with what gaiety she could
assume, "if I am to be responsible for any mischief from your drinking
it."

"No, no, you shan't be off now; but pray would it be quite out of rule
for you to send and ask him to come to us?"

"Why I believe--I think--" said she, stammering, "it's very likely he
may be engaged."

"Well, well, I don't mean to propose any violent incongruity. You must
excuse my blundering; I understand but little of the etiquette of young
ladies. 'Tis a science too intricate to be learned without more study
than we plodding men of business can well spare time for. However, when
I have done _writing_ prescriptions, I will set about _reading_ them,
provided you will be my instructress."

Cecilia, though ashamed of a charge in which prudery and affectation
were implied, was compelled to submit to it, as either to send for
Delvile, or explain her objections, was equally impossible. The Miss
Charltons, therefore, joined them, and they went to tea.

Just as they had done, a note was delivered to Dr Lyster; "see here,"
cried he, when he had read it, "what a fine thing it is to be a _young_
man! Why now, Mr Mortimer understands as much of all this _etiquette_
as you ladies do yourselves; for he only writes a note even to ask how
his mother does."

He then put it into Cecilia's hand.

_To Dr Lyster_.

Tell me, my dear Sir, how you have found my mother? I am uneasy at your
long stay, and engaged with my friend Biddulph, or I should have
followed you in person.

M.D.

"So you see," continued the doctor, "I need not do penance for engaging
myself to you, when this young gentleman can find such good
entertainment for himself."

Cecilia who well knew the honourable motive of Delvile's engagement,
with difficulty forbore speaking in his vindication. Dr Lyster
immediately began an answer, but before he had finished it, called out,
"Now as I am told you are a very good young woman, I think you can do
no less than assist me to punish this gay spark, for playing the
macaroni, when he ought to visit his sick mother."

Cecilia, much hurt for Delvile, and much confused for herself, looked
abashed, but knew not what to answer.

"My scheme," continued the doctor, "is to tell him, that as he has
found one engagement for tea, he may find another for supper; but that
as to me, I am better disposed of, for you insist upon keeping me to
yourself. Come, what says _etiquette_? may I treat myself with this
puff?"

"Certainly," said Cecilia, endeavouring to look pleased, "if you will
favour us with your company, Miss Charltons and myself will think the
_puffing_ should rather be ours than yours."

"That, then," said the doctor, "will not answer my purpose, for I mean
the puff to be my own, or how do I punish him? So, suppose I tell him
I shall not only sup with three young ladies, but be invited to a
_tete-a-tete_ with one of them into the bargain?"

The young ladies only laughed, and the doctor finished his note, and
sent it away; and then, turning gaily to Cecilia, "Come," he said, "why
don't you give me this invitation? surely you don't mean to make me
guilty of perjury?"

Cecilia, but little disposed for pleasantry, would gladly now have
dropt the subject; but Dr Lyster, turning to the Miss Charltons, said,
"Young ladies, I call you both to witness if this is not very bad
usage: this young woman has connived at my writing a downright
falsehood, and all the time took me in to believe it was a truth. The
only way I can think of to cure her of such frolics, is for both of you
to leave us together, and so make her keep her word whether she will or
no."

The Miss Charltons took the hint, and went away; while Cecilia, who had
not at all suspected he meant seriously to speak with her, remained
extremely perplexed to think what he had to say.

"Mrs Delvile," cried he, continuing the same air of easy good humour,
"though I allowed her not to speak to me above twenty words, took up
near ten of them to tell me that you had behaved to her like an angel.
Why so she ought, cried I; what else was she sent for here to look so
like one? I charged her, therefore, to take all that as a thing of
course; and to prove that I really think what I say, I am now going to
make a trial of you, that, if you are any thing less, will induce you
to order some of your men to drive me into the street. The truth is, I
have had a little commission given me, which in the first place I know
not how to introduce, and which, in the second, as far as I can judge,
appears to be absolutely superfluous."

Cecilia now felt uneasy and alarmed, and begged him to explain himself.
He then dropt the levity with which he had begun the discourse, and
after a grave, yet gentle preparation, expressive of his unwillingness
to distress her, and his firm persuasion of her uncommon worthiness, he
acquainted her that he was no stranger to her situation with respect to
the Delvile family.

"Good God!" cried she, blushing and much amazed; "and who"---

"I knew it," said he, "from the moment I attended Mr Mortimer in his
illness at Delvile Castle. He could not conceal from me that the seat
of his disorder was his mind; and I could not know that, without
readily conjecturing the cause, when I saw who was his father's guest,
and when I knew what was his father's character. He found he was
betrayed to me, and upon my advising a journey, he understood me
properly. His openness to counsel, and the manly firmness with which he
behaved in quitting you, made me hope the danger was blown over. But
last week, when I was at the Castle, where I have for some time
attended Mr Delvile, who has had a severe fit of the gout, I found him
in an agitation of spirits that made me apprehend it would be thrown
into his stomach. I desired Mrs Delvile to use her influence to calm
him; but she was herself in still greater emotion, and acquainting me
she was obliged to leave him, desired I would spend with him every
moment in my power. I have therefore almost lived at the Castle during
her absence, and, in the course of our many conversations, he has
acknowledged to me the uneasiness under which he has laboured, from the
intelligence concerning his son, which he had just received."

Cecilia wished here to enquire _how_ received, and from whom, but had
not the courage, and therefore he proceeded.

"I was still with the father when Mr Mortimer arrived post at my house
to fetch me hither. I was sent for home; he informed me of his errand
without disguise, for he knew I was well acquainted with the original
secret whence all the evil arose. I told him my distress in what manner
to leave his father; and he was extremely shocked himself when
acquainted with his situation. We agreed that it would be vain to
conceal from him the indisposition of Mrs Delvile, which the delay of
her return, and a thousand other accidents, might in some unfortunate
way make known to him. He commissioned me, therefore, to break it to
him, that he might consent to my journey, and at the same time to quiet
his own mind, by assuring him all he had apprehended was wholly at an
end."

He stopt, and looked to see how Cecilia bore these words.

"It is all at an end, Sir;" said she, with firmness; "but I have not
yet heard your commission; what, and from whom is that?"

"I am thoroughly satisfied it is unnecessary;" he answered, "since the
young man can but submit, and you can but give him up."

"But still, if there is a message, it is fit I should hear it."

"If you chase it, so it is. I told Mr Delvile whither I was coming, and
I repeated to him his son's assurances. He was relieved, but not
satisfied; he would not see him, and gave me for him a prohibition of
extreme severity, and to _you_ he bid me say--"

"From _him_, then, is my message?" cried Cecilia, half frightened, and
much disappointed.

"Yes," said he, understanding her immediately, "for the son, after
giving me his first account, had the wisdom and forbearance not once to
mention you."

"I am very glad," said she, with a mixture of admiration and regret,
"to hear it. But, what, Sir, said Mr Delvile?"

"He bid me tell you that either _he_, or _you_ must see his son never
more."

"It was indeed unnecessary," cried she, colouring with resentment, "to
send me such a message. I meant not to see him again, he meant not to
desire it. I return him, however, no answer, and I will make him no
promise; to Mrs Delvile alone I hold myself bound; to him, send what
messages he may, I shall always hold myself free. But believe me, Dr
Lyster, if with his name, his son had inherited his character, his
desire of our separation would be feeble, and trifling, compared with
my own!"

"I am sorry, my good young lady," said he, "to have given you this
disturbance; yet I admire your spirit, and doubt not but it will enable
you to forget any little disappointment you may have suffered. And
what, after all, have you to regret? Mortimer Delvile is, indeed, a
young man that any woman might wish to attach; but every woman cannot
have him, and you, of all women, have least reason to repine in missing
him, for scarcely is there another man you may not chuse or reject at
your pleasure."

Little as was the consolation Cecilia could draw from this speech, she
was sensible it became not her situation to make complaints, and
therefore, to end the conversation she proposed calling in the Miss
Charltons.

"No, no," said he, "I must step up again to Mrs Delvile, and then be-
gone. To-morrow morning I shall but call to see how she is, and leave
some directions, and set off. Mr Mortimer Delvile accompanies me back:
but he means to return hither in a week, in order to travel with his
mother to Bristol. Mean time, I purpose to bring about a reconciliation
between him and his father, whose prejudices are more intractable than
any man's I ever met with."

"It will be strange indeed," said Cecilia, "should a reconciliation
_now_ be difficult!"

"True; but it is long since he was young himself, and the softer
affections he never was acquainted with, and only regards them in his
son as derogatory to his whole race. However, if there were not some
few such men, there would hardly be a family in the kingdom that could
count a great grand-father. I am not, I must own, of his humour myself,
but I think it rather peculiarly stranger, than peculiarly worse than
most other peoples; and how, for example, was that of _your_ uncle a
whit the better? He was just as fond of _his_ name, as if, like Mr
Delvile, he could trace it from the time of the Saxons."

Cecilia strongly felt the truth of this observation, but not chusing to
discuss it, made not any answer, and Dr Lyster, after a few good-
natured apologies, both for his friends the Delviles and himself, went
up stairs.

"What continual disturbance," cried she, when left alone, "keeps me
thus for-ever from rest! no sooner is one wound closed, but another is
opened; mortification constantly succeeds distress, and when my heart
is spared; my pride is attacked, that not a moment of tranquility may
ever be allowed me! Had the lowest of women won the affections of Mr
Delvile, could his father with less delicacy or less decency have
acquainted her with his inflexible disapprobation? To send with so
little ceremony a message so contemptuous and so peremptory!--but
perhaps it is better, for had he, too, like Mrs Delvile, joined
kindness with rejection, I might still more keenly have felt the
perverseness of my destiny."

CHAPTER vii.

A PARTING.

The next morning Dr Lyster called early, and having visited Mrs
Delvile, and again met the two gentlemen of the faculty in whose care
she was to remain, he took his leave. But not without contriving first
to speak a few words to Cecilia in private, in which he charged her to
be careful of her health, and re-animate her spirits. "Don't suppose,"
said he, "that because I am a friend of the Delvile family, I am either
blind to your merits, or to their foibles, far from it; but then why
should they interfere with one another? Let them keep their prejudices,
which, though different, are not worse than their neighbours, and do
you retain your excellencies, and draw from them the happiness they
ought to give you. People reason and refine themselves into a thousand
miseries, by chusing to settle that they can only be contented one way;
whereas, there are fifty ways, if they would but look about them, that
would commonly do as well." "I believe, indeed, you are right,"
answered Cecilia, "and I thank you for the admonition; I will do what I
can towards studying your scheme of philosophy, and it is always one
step to amendment, to be convinced that we want it."

"You are a sensible and charming girl," said Dr Lyster, "and Mr
Delvile, should he find a daughter-in-law descended in a right line
from Egbert, first king of all England, won't be so well off as if he
had satisfied himself with you. However, the old gentleman has a fair
right, after all, to be pleased his own way, and let us blame him how
we will, we shall find, upon sifting, it is for no other reason but
because his humour happens to clash with our own."

"That, indeed," said Cecilia, smiling, "is a truth incontrovertible!
and a truth to which, for the future, I will endeavour to give more
weight. But will you permit me now to ask one question?--Can you tell
me from whom, how, or when the intelligence which has caused all this
disturbance---"

She hesitated, but, comprehending her readily, he answered "How they
got at it, I never heard, for I never thought it worth while to
enquire, as it is so generally known, that nobody I meet with seems
ignorant of it."

This was another, and a cruel shock to Cecilia, and Dr Lyster,
perceiving it, again attempted to comfort her. "That the affair is
somewhat spread," said he, "is now not to be helped, and therefore
little worth thinking of; every body will agree that the choice of both
does honour to both, and nobody need be ashamed to be successor to
either, whenever the course of things leads Mr Mortimer and yourself to
make another election. He wisely intends to go abroad, and will not
return till he is his own man again. And as to you, my good young lady,
what, after a short time given to vexation, need interrupt your
happiness? You have the whole world before you, with youth, fortune,
talents, beauty and independence; drive, therefore, from your head this
unlucky affair, and remember there can hardly be a family in the
kingdom, this one excepted, that will not rejoice in a connection with
you."

He then good-humouredly shook hands with her, and went into his chaise.

Cecilia, though not slow in remarking the ease and philosophy with
which every one can argue upon the calamities, and moralize upon the
misconduct of others, had still the candour and good sense to see that
there was reason in what he urged, and to resolve upon making the best
use in her power of the hints for consolation she might draw from his
discourse.

During the following week, she devoted herself almost wholly to Mrs
Delvile, sharing with the maid, whom she had brought with her from the
Castle, the fatigue of nursing her, and leaving to the Miss Charltons
the chief care of their grandmother. For Mrs Delvile appeared every
hour more sensible of her attention, and more desirous of her presence,
and though neither of them spoke, each was endeared to the other by the
tender offices of friendship which were paid and received.

When this week was expired, Dr Lyster was prevailed upon to return
again to Bury, in order to travel himself with Mrs Delvile to Bristol.
"Well," cried he, taking Cecilia by the first opportunity aside, "how
are you? Have you studied my scheme of philosophy, as you promised me?"

"O yes," said she, "and made, I flatter myself, no little proficiency."

"You are a good girl," cried he, "a very extraordinary girl! I am sure
you are; and upon my honour I pity poor Mortimer with all my soul! But
he is a noble young fellow, and behaves with a courage and spirit that
does me good to behold. To have obtained you, he would have moved
heaven and earth, but finding you out of his reach, he submits to his
fate like a man."

Cecilia's eyes glistened at this speech; "Yes," said she, "he long
since said 'tis suspence, 'tis hope, that make the misery of life,--
for there the Passions have all power, and Reason has none. But when
evils are irremediable, and we have neither resources to plan, nor
castle-building to delude us, we find time for the cultivation of
philosophy, and flatter ourselves, perhaps, that we have found
inclination!"

"Why you have considered this matter very deeply," said he; "but I must
not have you give way to these serious reflections. Thought, after all,
has a cruel spite against happiness; I would have you, therefore, keep
as much as you conveniently can, out of its company. Run about and
divert yourself, 'tis all you have for it. The true art of happiness in
this most whimsical world, seems nothing more nor less than this--Let
those who have leisure, find employment, and those who have business,
find leisure."

He then told her that Mr Delvile senior was much better, and no longer
confined to his room: and that he had had the pleasure of seeing an
entire reconciliation take place between him and his son, of whom he
was more fond and more proud than any other father in the universe."

"Think of him, however, my dear young lady," he continued, "no more,
for the matter I see is desperate: you must pardon my being a little
officious, when I confess to you I could not help proposing to the old
gentleman an expedient of my own; for as I could not drive you out of
my head, I employed myself in thinking what might be done by way of
accommodation. Now my scheme was really a very good one, only when
people are prejudiced, all reasoning is thrown away upon them. I
proposed sinking _both_ your names, since they are so at variance with
one another, and so adopting a third, by means of a title. But Mr
Delvile angrily declared, that though such a scheme might do very well
for the needy Lord Ernolf, a Peer of twenty years, his own noble
ancestors should never, by his consent, forfeit a name which so many
centuries had rendered honourable. His son Mortimer, he added, must
inevitably inherit the title of his grandfather, his uncle being old
and unmarried; but yet he would rather see him a beggar, than lose his
dearest hope that _Delvile_, Lord _Delvile_, would descend, both name
and title, from generation to generation unsullied and uninterrupted."

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