The Sleeping Bard
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Ellis Wynne >> The Sleeping Bard
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"And here is another," said he, "who went the last dark night, to visit
two young maidens in Wales, who were _turning the shift_; and instead of
enticing the girls to wantonness in the figure of a handsome youth, he
must needs go to one with a _hearse_ to sober her; and to the other with
the _sound of war_ in an infernal whirlwind, to drive her farther from
her senses than she was before, and there was no need for that. But this
is not the whole, for after going into the last girl, he cast her down
and tormented her furiously, so that her parents in horror, sent for some
of our enemies the clergy, to pray over her and cast him out, which they
did. Now, if he had been wise, instead of kicking up such a hubbub, he
would have tempted her quietly to despair, and to make away with herself.
On another time, wishing to gain some of the conventiclers, he went to
preach to them, and revealed the secrets of your kingdom; thus, instead
of hindering, assisting their salvation." At the word _salvation_, I
could see some emitting living fire for madness. "Capital stories both,
I won't deny," said the goblin; "but I hope that Lucifer will not permit
one of Adam's race of dirt, to put himself on an equality with me who am
an angel, of a species and descent far superior." "Ha!" said Lucifer,
"he may be sure of his punishment. But, sirrah, answer to these
accusations speedily and clearly, or by hopeless Destruction I will--" "I
have brought hither," said the goblin, "many a soul since Satan was in
the garden of Eden, and ought to know my trade better than this novice of
an informer." "Blood of an infernal fire-brand!" said Lucifer, "did I
not command you to answer speedily and clearly." "Do but hear me," said
the sprite. "As to preaching, by your own command I have been a hundred
times _preaching_, and have forbidden people to follow several of the
roads which lead to your territories, and yet silently, in the same
breath, have led them hither safe enough, by some other vain paths; as I
have done by preaching lately in Germany, and in one of the Faroe isles,
and various other places.
"Thus through my preaching," he continued, "have come many of the
_superstitions_ of the papists, and the _old fables_ first to the world,
and the whole under the shape of some goodness. For who ever swallows
the hook without some bait? who ever would believe a story if there were
not some measure of _truth_ mingled with the falsehood; or some semblance
of _good_ to shade the _evil_? Thus if I find an opportunity in
preaching, to push in amongst a hundred correct and salutary counsels,
one of my own, with this one I will do you, either through
_contentiousness_ or _superstition_, more advantage than all the rest of
my counsels will do you harm." "Well," said Lucifer, "since you are of
such utility in your pulpit, I order you for seven years, to take up your
abode in the mouth of one of the barn-preachers, who will be sure to
utter the first thing which comes to his tongue's end. Then you will
find an opportunity to put in a word now and then, to your own purpose."
There were still many more devils and damned who were twisting through
one another like lightning, around the throne of Terrors, to give an
account of what they had done, and again to receive commissions. But
suddenly and unexpectedly, an order was given to all the messengers and
the prisoners, to go out of the palace, every one to his hole, and to
leave the king and his chief counsellors there alone. "Had we not best
depart," said I to my companion, "lest they should find us?" "You need
not fear," said the angel "no unclean spirit will ever see through this
veil." Thus we continued there invisible, to see what was the matter.
Then Lucifer began to speak graciously to his counsellors, in this
manner:--"O ye, the chief spiritual evils!--ye, who for subtlety are
unequalled in Unknown, I request you in my need, to exert to the
uttermost your malicious wiles. No one here is unaware, that Britain and
the surrounding isles, constitute the kingdom most dangerous to my
authority, and most abounding with my enemies; and what is a hundred
times worse, there is at present there a queen, who does not offer to
turn once hitherward, either by the road of Rome on the one hand, or the
road of Geneva on the other. Notwithstanding, all the service which the
Pope has rendered us there for a long time, and Oliver for some years
past, how far are we from our object? what shall we do now? I am afraid
that we shall lose there our ancient possession, and our market entirely,
if we do not pave immediately some new way for its inhabitants to walk
in, for they know all the old roads which lead hither too well. And,
since yonder invincible fist shortens my chain, and prevents me from
going myself to the earth, counsel me, I pray you, as to whom I shall
make my deputy, to oppose yonder detestable queen, who is the deputy of
our enemy." "O mighty emperor of Darkness!" said Cerberus, the devil of
Tobacco, "make a deputy of me, from whom the crown of Britain derives the
third part of its revenue. I will go and will send to you a hundred
thousand of the souls of your enemies, through the hollow of a pipe."
"Well, well," said Lucifer, "you have done me excellent service, by
causing the proprietors of tobacco in India to be slaughtered, and those
who take it to die of diseases, and sending many to vend it idly from
house to house, and making others to steal in order to obtain it, and
thousands to love it so far, that they cannot be a day without it in
their right senses.
"Therefore go and do thy best; but, I tell thee, that thou art little
better than nothing in the present exigency." Thereupon Cerberus sat
down, and uprose Mammon, devil of Money, and with a morose sinister look
said:--"I showed men the first mine from which they got money, and
therefore, I am always extolled and worshipped more than God; men undergo
for me trouble and danger, and place their whole mind, their delight, and
their trust upon me: there is no one easy, because he has not obtained
somewhat more of my favour, and the more they obtain the farther are they
ever from rest, until at length by seeking _easy circumstances_, they
arrive at the country of Eternal Torments. How many a crafty old miser
have I not deluded hither, along paths more difficult than those which
lead to the kingdom of Happiness? At fair or market, sessions or
elections, or any other assemblage of people, who has more subjects? who
has more power and authority than I? Cursing, swearing, fighting,
litigating, plotting, deceiving, striking, hoarding, murdering and
robbing, sabbath breaking and uncharitableness, all proceed from me: and
there is no other black mark, which stamps men as belonging to the fold
of Lucifer, which I have not a hand in giving, on which account I am
called 'the root of all evil.' Therefore if it seem good to your
majesty, I will go." And having said that he sat down.
Then arose Apollyon. "I do not know," said he, "any thing that will
bring the Britons hither, more certainly than what brought
yourselves--that is _Pride_: if she ever plant her pole within them and
inflate them, there is no reason to fear that they will stoop to lift the
cross, or go through the narrow gate. I will go," said he, "with my
daughter Pride, and will cause the Welsh, by gazing on the magnificence
of the English, and the English, by imitating the frivolities of the
French, to tumble into this place before they know where they are."
Next arose Asmodeus, devil of Wantonness. "You cannot but be aware,"
said he, "O most mighty sovereign of the Abyss! and you, ye princes of
the country of Despair! how I have crammed the nooks of Hell through
debauchery and lasciviousness. What need have I to speak of the time,
when I kindled such a flame of lust in the whole world, that it was
necessary to send the flood, to clear the earth of its inhabitants, and
to sweep them to us in the unquenchable fire; or of Sodom and Gomorrah,
fair and pleasant cities, whose people I burnt with wantonness, till
their infernal lusts brought down a fiery shower, which drove them hither
alive to burn to all eternity; or of the vast army of the Assyrians,
which was slain all in one night on account of me? Sarah I disappointed
of seven husbands; Solomon, the wisest of men, and many thousand other
kings I blinded by means of women. Therefore," said he, "suffer me to go
with my _sweet sin_, and I will kindle in Britain the sparks of Hell so
universally, that it shall become one with this place of unextinguishable
flame; for there is not much chance, that any one will return from
following me, to lay hold of the paths of Life." And thereupon he sat
down.
Then arose Belphegor, prince of _Sloth and Idleness_. "I am," said he,
"the great prince of Listlessness and Laziness; great is my power on
myriads of men of all ages and degrees. I am the still pool, where 'the
root of all evil' is generated; where coagulate the dregs of all
destructive corruption and filthiness. What would you be worth,
Asmodeus; or you, ye other master spirits of evil, without me who keep
the window open for you, without any watch, so that you may go into man
by his eyes, by his ears, by his mouth, and by every other orifice which
he has, whensoever you please. I will go, and will roll to you all the
inhabitants of Britain over the precipice in their sleep."
Then arose Satan, the devil of _Deceit_, who sat next to Lucifer on his
left hand, and after turning a frightful visage on the king,--"It is
unnecessary for me," he said, "to declare my deeds to you, O lost
archangel! or to you, black princes of Destruction! because it was I who
struck the first blow which man ever received; and a mighty blow it was,
causing him to remain _mortal_, from the beginning of the world to its
end. Do you imagine that I, who despoiled the whole world, cannot at
present give counsel which will serve for a paltry islet? And cannot I,
who cheated _Eve_ in _Paradise_, vanquish _Anne_ in _Britain_? If no
natural craft will avail, and continued experience for more than five
thousand years, my counsel to you is, to dress up your daughter
_Hypocrisy_, to deceive Britain and its queen; you have not a daughter in
the world, so useful to you as she; she has more extensive authority and
more numerous subjects, than all your other daughters. Was it not
through _her_ that I cheated the first woman? It was: and ever from that
time she has remained and increased exceedingly upon the earth. At
present indeed, the whole vast world is but one _Hypocrisy_; and if it
were not for the skill of Hypocrisy, how should any one of us do business
in any corner of the world? Because if people were to see _sin_ in its
own _color_, and under its own _name_, who would ever come in contact
with it? The world would no more do so, than it would embrace the Devil
in his infernal shape and garb. If Hypocrisy were not able to disguise
her _name_, and the _nature_ of every _evil_, under the similitude of
some _good_, and were not able to give some evil nickname to all
_goodness_, no one would approach, and no one would covet evil at all.
Traverse the whole city of Destruction, and you will see her in every
corner. Go to the street of _Pride_, and enquire for an _arrogant man_,
or for a pennyworth of _coquetry_, mixed up by Pride; 'woe's me,' says
Hypocrisy, 'there is no such thing here; nothing at all I assure you in
the whole street but grandeur.' Or go to the street of _Lucre_, and
enquire for the house of the _Miser_; fie, there is no such person in it:
or for the house of the _murderer_ amongst the physicians: or the house
of the _arrant thief_ amongst the drovers, and see how you would fare;
you would sooner get into prison for enquiring, than get any body to
confess his name. Yes, Hypocrisy creeps between man and his own heart,
and conceals every _iniquity_ so craftily, under the name and similitude
of some virtue, that she has made every body almost unable to recognise
himself. _Avarice_ she will call _economy_. In her language
_dissipation_ is _innocent diversion_; _pride_ is _gentility_; a
_perverse_ _man _is a _fine manly fellow_; _drunkenness_ is _good
fellowship_, and _adultery_ is only the _heat of youth_. On the other
hand, if _she_ and her disciples are to be believed, the _devout man_ is
only a _hypocrite_ or a _blockhead_; the _gentle_ but a _sneaking dog_;
the _sober_ a mere _hunks_, and so on. Send her, therefore," he
continued, "thither, in her full array, I will warrant that she will
deceive every body, and that she will blind the counsellors and the
warriors, and all the officers, secular and ecclesiastical, and will draw
them hither in multitudes presently, by means of her _mask of changeable
hue_." And thereupon he sat down.
Then Beelzebub arose, the devil of _Inconsiderateness_, and with a rough,
bellowing voice,--"I am," said he, "the mighty prince of _Bewilderment_;
to me it pertains to prevent man from reflecting upon and considering his
condition. I am the principal of those wicked, infernal _flies_ which
craze mankind, by keeping them ever in a kind of continual buzz, about
their possessions or their pleasures, without ever leaving them with my
consent, a moment's respite, to think about their courses or their end.
It ill becomes one of you, to attempt to put himself on an equality with
me, for feats useful to the kingdom of Darkness. For what is Tobacco but
one of my meanest instruments, to carry bewilderment into the brain? And
what is the kingdom of _Mammon_, but a branch of my vast domain? Yea, if
I were to recite the ties which I have on the subjects of _Mammon_ and
_Pride_--yea, and on the subjects of _Asmodeus_, _Belphegor_, and
_Hypocrisy_--no man would tarry a minute longer under the rule of one of
them. Therefore," said he, "I am the one to do the work, and let none of
you boast again about his merits." Then Lucifer the Great arose himself
from his burning throne, and with a would-be complaisant but nevertheless
frightful look on both sides,--"Ye master-spirits of eternal Night! ye
supreme possessors of the cunning of Despair!" he said, "though the vast
black gulf and the wilds of Destruction, are indebted to no one for
inhabitants, more than to my own royal majesty since I of yore, failing
to drag the Omnipotent from his possession, drew millions of you, my
swarthy angels to this place of horrors, and have since drawn millions of
men to you; nevertheless, it cannot be denied, that ye too have all done
your part, to sustain this vast infernal empire."
Then Lucifer began to answer them one by one. "For one of late origin, I
will not deny, O _Cerberus_, that thou hast brought to us many a booty
from the island of our enemies, by means of tobacco, a weed the cause of
much deceit; for how much deceit is practiced in carrying it about, in
mixing it, and in weighing it: a weed which entices some people to bib
ale; others to curse, swear, and to flatter in order to obtain it, and
others to tell lies in denying that they use it: a weed productive of
maladies in various bodies, the excess of which is injurious to every
man's body, without speaking of his _soul_: a weed, moreover, by which we
get multitudes of the poor, whom we should never get, did they not set
their love on tobacco, and allow it to master them, and pull the bread
from the mouths of their children.
"And as for you, my brother _Mammon_, your power is so universal, and
likewise so manifest upon the earth, that it has become a proverb that
'_any thing can be got for money_.' And undoubtedly," said he, turning
to Apollyon, "my beloved daughter _Pride_ is of great utility to us; for
what is more capable of injuring a man in his condition, his body, and
his soul, than that _proud_, _haughty idea_, which will make him squander
a _hundred pounds_ for display, rather than stoop to give a _crown_ for
peace. _She_ keeps people so stiff-necked, with their sight so intent on
lofty things, that it is a pleasure to see them, by staring and reaching
into the air, falling plump into the abysses of Hell. As for you,
_Asmodeus_, we all remember your great services of yore; no one keeps his
prisoners more firmly under the lock, and no one meets with less rebuke
than yourself--the whole rebuke, indeed, consisting in a little laughing,
at what is called wanton tricks. Yes, Asmodeus, I admit that your power
is very great; though I cannot help reminding you," he added, with a
jocular though truly infernal grin, "that you were all but starved, above
there, during the last dear years. As for you, my son _Belphegor_, lousy
prince of Sloth, nobody has afforded us more pleasure than yourself, so
very great is your authority amongst gentle and simple, even down to the
beggar. Nevertheless, if it were not for the skill of my daughter
_Hypocrisy_, in coloring and disguising, who would ever swallow one of
your hooks? And after all, if it were not for the diligent firmness of
my brother _Beelzebub_, in keeping men in _inconsiderate bewilderment_, I
question whether all of you united would be worth a straw. Now," said
he, "let us review the whole.
"What would you be worth, Cerberus, with your excessive sucking, if it
were not for the assistance of Mammon? What merchant would ever fetch
your leaves from India, through so many perils, if it were not for the
sake of Mammon? And if it were not for _his_ sake, what king would
receive it, in Britain especially? And who, but for the sake of Mammon,
would carry it to every corner of the kingdom? But, notwithstanding
this, what wouldst thou be worth, Mammon, without Pride to squander thee
upon fine houses, magnificent garments, needless litigations, music,
horses and costly appurtenances, various dishes, beer and ale in a flood,
far above the _means_ and _rank_ of the possessor; for if money were used
within the limits of _necessity_ and _propriety_, of what advantage would
Mammon be to us? Thus you would be worth nothing without _Pride_; and
little would _Pride_ be worth without _Wantonness_, because bastards are
the most numerous and the fiercest subjects, which my daughter _Pride_
possesses in the world.
"You too, Asmodeus, prince of _Wantonness_, what would you be worth, if
it were not for _Sloth and Idleness_; where but for them would you get a
night's lodging? You could hardly expect it from a labourer or toiling
student. And you, Belphegor of Idleness, who would welcome you a minute,
attended as you would be with shame and reproach, if it were not for
Hypocrisy, who conceals your ugliness under the name of _internal
sickness_, or of a _well meaning person_, or under the shape of
_despising riches_ and the like.
"And she too, my dear daughter _Hypocrisy_, what is she worth, or what
would she ever be worth, skilful and resolute sempstress as she is, if it
were not for your help, my eldest brother _Beelzebub_, mighty prince of
_Inconsiderateness_. If he would leave people leisure and respite, to
seriously consider the nature of things and their difference, how often
would they spy holes in the folds of the gold-cloth robe of _Hypocrisy_,
and perceive the hooks through the bait? What man, did not
Inconsiderateness deprive him of his senses, would chase baubles and
pleasures--evanescent, surfeiting, foolish and disgraceful--and prefer
them to _peace of conscience_, and glorious _everlasting happiness_? And
who would hesitate to suffer martyrdom for his faith, for an hour or a
day, or to endure affliction for forty or sixty years, if he would
reflect that his neighbours here are suffering in an hour, more than he
can ever suffer upon the earth?
"_Tobacco_ then is nothing without _money_, nor money without _Pride_;
and Pride is but feeble without Wantonness, and Wantonness is nothing
without _Idleness_; Idleness without _Hypocrisy_, and Hypocrisy without
_Inconsiderateness_. But," said Lucifer, (and he raised his fiendish
hoofs on the fore claws,) "to speak my own opinion, however excellent all
these may be, I have a _friend_ to send against the she-enemy of Britain,
better than the whole."
Then I could see all the chief devils, with their ghastly mouths opened
towards Lucifer, in anxious expectation of learning what this friend
might be, whilst I was as impatient to hear as they. "The one I allude
to," said Lucifer, "is called _Ease_; she is one whose merits I have too
long disregarded, and whose merit, Satan, you yourself disregarded of
yore, when in tempting Job you turned the unpleasant side of life towards
him. She is my darling, and her I now constitute deputy, immediately
next to myself, in all matters relating to my earthly government; Ease is
her name, and _she_ has damned more men than all ye together, and very
few would ye catch without _her_. For in _war_, _or danger_, _or
hunger_, _or sickness_, who would value _tobacco_, _or money_, or the
pomposity of Pride, or would entertain a thought of welcoming either
_Wantonness or Sloth_? Or who in such straits, would permit themselves
to be distracted either by _Hypocrisy or Inconsiderateness_? No, no!
they are too awake then, and not one of the infernal _flies of
Bewilderment_, which shows its beak, will buzz, during one of these
storms. But _Ease_, smooth Ease, is the nurse of you all: in her calm
shadow, and in her teeming bosom ye are all bred, and also every other
infernal worm of the conscience, which will come to gnaw its possessor
_here_ for ever, without intermission.
"As long as _Ease_ lasts, there is no talk but of some species of
diversion, of banquets, bargains, pedigrees, stories, news, and the like.
There is no mention of _God_, except in idle swearing and cursing;
whereas the _poor_ and the _sick_, who know nothing of ease, have God in
their mouths and their hearts every minute.
"But go ye also in the rear of her, and keep every body in his sleep and
his rest, in prosperity and comfort, abundance and carelessness; and then
you will see the poor honest man, as soon as he shall drink of the
alluring cup of Ease, become a perverse, proud, untractable churl--the
industrious labourer change into a careless, waggish rattler--and every
other person become just what you would desire him. Because pleasant
_Ease_ is what every one seeks and loves; she hears not counsel, fears
not punishment--if good, she will not recognise it--if bad, she will
foster it of her own accord. _She_ is the prime-temptation; the man who
is proof against _her_ tender charms, ye may fling your caps to--for we
must bid farewell for ever to his company. _Ease_, then, is my
terrestrial _deputy_, follow her to Britain, and be as obedient to her as
to our own royal majesty."
At this moment the huge bolt was shaken, and Lucifer and his chief
counsellors were struck to the vortex of _extremest Hell_; and oh, how
horrible it was to see the throat of Unknown opening to receive them!
"Well," said the angel "we will now return; but you have not yet seen any
thing in comparison with the _whole_, which is within the bounds of
_Destruction_, and if you had seen the whole, it is nothing to the
inexpressible misery which exists in _Unknown_, for it is not possible to
form an idea of the World in extremest Hell." And at that word the
celestial messenger snatched me up to the firmament of the accursed
kingdom of Darkness, by a way I had not seen, whence I obtained, from the
palace along all the firmament of the black and hot _Destruction_, and
the whole _land of Forgetfulness_, even to the walls of the _city of
Destruction_, a full view of the accursed monster of a _giantess_, whose
feet I had seen before--I do not possess words to describe her figure.
But I can tell you that she was a _triple-faced giantess_, having one
very atrocious countenance turned towards the heavens, barking, snorting
and vomiting accursed abomination against the celestial king; another
countenance very fair towards the _earth_, to entice men to tarry in her
shadow; and another, the most frightful countenance of all, turned
towards _Hell_, to torment it to all eternity. She is larger than the
entire earth, and is yet daily increasing, and a hundred times more
frightful than the whole of Hell. She caused Hell to be made, and it is
she who fills it with inhabitants. If _she_ were removed from Hell, Hell
would become Paradise; and if she were removed from the earth, the little
world would become Heaven; and if she were to go to Heaven, she would
change the regions of bliss into utter Hell. There is nothing in all the
universe, (except herself,) that God did not create. She is the mother
of the four female deceivers of the city of Destruction; she is the
mother of _Death_; she is the mother of every _evil_ and _misery_; and
she has a fearful hold on every living man--her name is SIN. "_He who
escapes from her hook_, _for ever blessed is he_!" said the angel.
Thereupon he departed, and I could hear his voice saying, "_write down
what thou hast seen_, _and he who shall read it carefully shall never
have reason to repent_."
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