Man and Maid

E >> Elinor Glyn >> Man and Maid

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"Nicholas, I am going to be by myself this evening, you will have a
dinner for me? Just us alone, _hein?_"

I permitted my face to express pleasure and amusement. _My wife_ watched
me agitatedly.

"_Non, chere Amie_--Alas! To-night I am engaged. But I shall see you
soon."

"_Est il vrai--ce mensonge-la?_"

Coralie said this loud!

I put up my hand so as to be able to continue observing Alathea's face.
It was the picture of disgust and resentment.

"Yes, it is perfectly true, Coralie--_Bon soir_."

In a temper, one could gather, Coralie put the receiver down! And I
laughed aloud.

"You see I prefer your intellectual conversation to any of my friends!"
I told Alathea.

Alathea's cheeks were a bright pink.

"It is not that," her tone was sarcastic, "so much as that you probably
have a sense of _tenue_, as the Duchesse says. After a little while you
will not have to observe it so strictly," and she rose from her chair
and went to the window. "If you are going to rest now, I would wish to
go out," her voice was a little hoarse.

"Yes, do go, and if you will be near the _rue de la Paix_ go into
Roberts' and ask if the new menthol preparation has come, and if so
bring it back to me, it takes ages for things to be sent now."

"I was not going to the _rue de la Paix_. I was going to a hospital."

"Never mind then, and don't hurry back, Burton will give me my tea. So
_au revoir_ until dinner Miladi."

I had to say all this because I was at breaking point, and could not any
longer have kept up the game, but would have made an ignominious
surrender, and have told her I loved her, and loathed the idea of a
mistress, and would certainly murder any lover she should ever glance
at!

She went from the room without a word more. And left alone I tried to
sleep, but it was no good. I was too excited. I don't think I am such a
fool as to flatter myself. I am trying to look at the situation
abstractedly. And it seems to me that Alathea is certainly interested in
me, certainly jealous of Suzette, of Coralie, furious with herself for
being so, really convinced now that she has lost her hold upon me,--and
is uneasy, rebellious, disturbed and unhappy!

All this is perfectly splendid,--my darling little girl!

After a while I went to sleep in my chair, and was awakened by Burton
coming in to turn on the lamps.

"Her Ladyship has ordered tea in her room, Sir Nicholas," he told me,
"Shall I bring yours here?"

"Her Ladyship has come in then?" I said.

"Her Ladyship did not go out, Sir," Burton answered surprised.

What did this mean I wondered? But I saw no sign of Alathea until she
came in ready for dinner as the clock struck eight.

She was pale but perfectly composed, she had evidently been having some
battle with herself and had won.

All through dinner she talked more politely and indifferently than she
has for a long time. She was brilliantly intelligent, and I had a most
delightful repast. We both came up to the scratch, I think.

She longs to visit Italy, she told me; she has not been there since she
was a child. I said I would take her directly the war would be over, and
things in the way of travel had become possible again. How strong her
will must be to have so mastered herself. No slightest sign of emotion,
one way or another, showed now. She was the serene, aloof companion of
the day at Versailles, before Suzette's shadow fell upon us. I grew
puzzled, as the evening wore on, and just a little unsure of myself. Had
I gone too far? Had I over disgusted her? Had all interest died out, and
so is she enabled to fulfill the bargain without any more disturbance of
mind?

I asked her to play to me at last, I was growing so apprehensive, and
she went from one divine thing to another for quite an hour, and then at
ten o'clock stopped and said a dignified and casual "good-night" leaving
me sitting in my chair.

I heard twelve and one strike after I too went to bed, no sleep would
come, I was reviewing things, and strengthening my courage. Then I got
up and hobbled into the salon to get the "Last Poems," the door was
open, why I don't know, nor do I know what impelled me to go out into
the passage and towards Alathea's room, some powerful magnet seemed to
draw me. The carpets are very deep and soft, no noise of footfalls can
be heard. I crept near the door and stopped. What was that faint sound?
I listened, yes it was a sob. I crept nearer.

_Alathea was crying._

A soft continued moaning as of one in resigned distress. I could hardly
bear it. I could hardly prevent myself from opening the door and going
to her to comfort her.

My darling, darling little girl!

Flight was my only resource. So I left her to her tears, and returned to
my bed, and when I was safely there and could think, a wild sense of
triumph and power and satisfaction filled me! The weight, which all the
evening her marvelous self-control had been able to make me feel, lifted
from my heart, and I rejoiced!

Is it possible that the primitive instinct of the joy of conquest could
make of me such a brute!

_It gave me pleasure to know that my little love suffered!_

The sooner would she belong to me--quite!

XXV

Marriage is the most turbulent state I could have imagined! Whether or
not Alathea and I will ever get the tangle straightened out I am not
certain. Now as I write--Saturday afternoon, the ninth of November,
1918--it looks as if we were parted forever, and I am so irritated and
angry that as yet I feel no grief.

The quarrel all arose from my fault, I suppose. When Alathea came into
the sitting-room at about ten o'clock she had blue circles round her
eyes, and knowing what caused them I determined to ask her about them
and disturb her as much as possible! This was mean of me.

"You poor child! You look as if you had been crying all night. I do hope
nothing is troubling you?"

Her cheeks flushed.

"Nothing, thank you."

"Your room cannot be properly aired then, or something. I have never
seen you looking so wretchedly. I do wish you would be frank with me.
Something must have worried you. People don't look like that for
nothing."

She clasped her hands together.

"I hate this talk about me. What does it matter how I look, or am, so
long as I do the things I am engaged for?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I suppose it ought not to, but one has a
feeling that one hates anyone under one's roof to be unhappy."

"I am not unhappy. I mean not more unhappy than I have always had to
be."

"But the causes which made you sad before have been removed surely, only
things which are occurring now from day to day between you and me, can
bring fresh trouble. Is it something I have done?"

Silence.

"Alathea, if you knew how you exasperate me by your silences! I was
always taught that it was very rude not to answer when one was spoken
to."

"It depends upon who speaks, and what about, and whether they have a
right to an answer."

"Then the inference is that I have no right to an answer, when you are
silent?"

"Probably."

I grew irritated.

"Well, I think I have a right, I ask you a plain question--have I done
anything which has caused you distress--distress which is so evident
that you must have been crying!"

She threw up her arms.

"Why on earth cannot you keep to business, it is quite unfair. If I were
really your secretary and nothing more you would never persecute me for
answers like this!"

"Yes I would. I have a perfect right to know why anyone in my service is
unhappy. Your fencing tells me that it _is_ something which I have done
which has hurt you, and I insist upon knowing what it is."

"I shall not tell you," defiantly.

"I am very angry with you, Alathea," my voice was stern.

"I don't care!" hers was passionate.

"I think you are very rude."

"You have told me that before--well I am rude then! I will tell you
nothing. I will do nothing but just be your servant to obey orders which
relate to the work I have been engaged for."

I felt so furious I had to lie back in my chair and shut my eye.

"You have a very poor sense of a bargain, if you only keep it in the
letter. Your underneath constant hostility makes everything so
difficult, the inference of your whole attitude toward me, and of
everything you say and do, is that you feel injured, that you have some
grudge against me."

I tried to speak levelly.

"What on earth have I ever done to you except treat you with every
courtesy? Except that one day when you had the baby in your arms and I
was rude, but apologized, and that one other time when I kissed you, and
God knows I was sorry enough afterwards and have regretted it ever
since. What _is_ the reason of your attitude; it is absolutely unfair?"

This seemed to upset her considerably. She hated the idea that she was
thought unfair. It may have made her realize too that she _had_ a
definite sense of injury. She lost her temper, she stamped her scrap of
a foot.

"I hate you!" she burst out. "You and your bargain! I wish I was dead!"
and then she sank into the sofa and covered her face with her hands, and
by the shaking of her shoulders, I saw that she was crying!

If I had been cool enough to think then, I suppose I could have reasoned
that all this was probably most flattering to me, and an extra proof of
her state of mind, but the agitation it had plunged me into made me
unable to balance things, and I too allowed my temper to get the better
of me, and I got up as best I could and seizing my crutch, I walked
towards my bedroom door.

"I shall expect an apology," was all I said, and went in and left her
alone.

If we are to go on fighting like this, life won't be worth living!

I tried to calm myself and went in the window, but the servants came
into the room to make the bed, so I was forced to go back again to the
sitting-room. Alathea had gone into the little salon, I suppose, because
for the same reason, she could not have returned to her room. I sat down
in my chair quite exhausted. I did not feel like reading or doing
anything.

It was to-day that we were to go to the Duchesse's in the afternoon for
Alathea to be presented to our friends as my wife! I wondered if she
had forgotten this!

After an hour Burton came in with the second post.

"You do look badly, Sir Nicholas!" he said. His face was perplexed and
troubled. "Can I get you anything?"

"Where is Her Ladyship, Burton?"

Then he told me that she had gone out. I could see he wanted to say
something. His remarks are generally valuable.

"Out with it, Burton."

"I do think it is Mam'zelle that's causing all the trouble. As bad luck
would have it, as I opened the door to let Her Ladyship out, who should
come up the stairs a moment after but Mam'zelle! They must have passed
on the floor below. Neither had taken the lift, which as you know, Sir
Nicholas, is out of order again, since last night."

"Then she thinks Suzette has come in here to see me Burton. By Jove what
a devilish complication! I think we had better move from the flat as
quickly as we can."

"It seems as if it would be advisable, Sir Nicholas."

"Can you suggest anything, Burton? I really am quite knocked over
to-day."

"Her Ladyship don't chat to servants like some ladies, or I could easily
let her maid know that Mam'zelle don't visit here, so that won't do," he
mused. "You could not tell her yourself straight out. Sir Nicholas,
could you?"

"It would be difficult, because it presupposes I think she minds about
it, and for me to let her know that would insult her more than
anything."

"Beg pardon, Sir Nicholas, but there was a young woman some twenty years
ago, who had a temper like, and I always found it was best just to make
a fuss of her, and not do no reasoning. That is what they wants, Sir
Nicholas, indeed it is. I've watched them in all classes for a matter of
many years. You can get what you want of them if you only make a fuss of
them."

"What does 'to make a fuss of' exactly mean Burton?"

"Well, it is not for me to tell you Sir, knowing ladies as you do, but
it is just kissing and fondling them, and them things, makin' them feel
that they're just everything,--even reasonable, Sir Nicholas."

Burton's dryly humorous face delighted me. His advice was first class,
too!

"I'll think it over," I told him, and he left me alone.

That would be one way of winning or losing everything certainly! But it
would also be breaking my word, and I don't believe I could do that.

Alathea came in in time for luncheon. Her face was set in a mutinous
obstinate mould. We went into the dining-room immediately, and so there
was no chance of conversation. I noticed that she wore no bracelets or
rings, nothing of mine, not even the wedding ring.

We were icy to each other during the meal, and made conversation, and
when we were alone with the coffee I just said:

"I hope that you have not forgotten that at four o'clock we are to go to
the Duchesse's to meet the friends that she thinks it is suitable for
you to know."

Alathea started. I could see she had not registered this fact for this
date.

"I would rather not go," she said resentfully.

"I daresay you would. So would I, but we owe the Duchesse gratitude for
all her kindness to us, and I fear we must."

We did not speak further. I could not talk until she apologized, and I
rose to go out of the room. She gave me my crutch. Her not apologizing
made me burn with resentment.

I had not been in the salon a minute, however, before she came in, her
face crimson. She stood in front of me.

"I apologize for showing my temper this morning. Would it not do after
to-day if I just lived out somewhere, and came in and worked as before?
It is a perfect farce that I live here, and wear a wedding ring, even
the servants must be laughing at me."

"I notice you do not wear a wedding ring. Your whole attitude is
perfectly impossible, and I demand an explanation. What is the reason of
it? We made a bargain, and you are not keeping it."

"If you will give me time to work, I will pay you back the fifty
thousand francs, and the clothes and jewels I can leave behind me--I
want to go."

She spoke with a break in her voice now.

"Why do you want to go suddenly, there is nothing different to-day to
yesterday or any other day? I refuse to be the puppet of your caprices."

She stood clasping and unclasping her hands, never looking at me.

"Alathea," I said sternly, "look me straight in the face and tell me the
truth. _What_ is your reason."

"I can't" still her eyes were down.

"Is there someone else?" My voice sounded fierce to my own ears. I had a
sudden fear.

"But you said it would not matter if there was someone else--if I told
you," she answered defiantly.

"There is someone else then?" I tried to be casual. "Look at me."

Slowly she raised her eyes until they met my one.

"No, there is no one.--I just don't want to live here, in this flat any
longer."

"Unless you can give me some definite reason for this extraordinary
behaviour on your part, I am afraid I must refuse to discuss the
situation, and meanwhile will you please go to your room and fetch the
rings and bracelets."

She turned and left without a word--I daresay she wondered what I was
going to do with them.

She brought them back.

"Come here close."

She came rebelliously.

"Give me your hand."

"I won't."

"Alathea, I will seize it, crippled as I am, and make you obey me by
force if you will not for asking."

Her whole face expressed furious resentment, but she is too sensible and
level headed to make a scene, so she gave me her hand. I put the wedding
ring back, and the big diamond one.

"Now you will wear them until you convince me of your reason so
thoroughly that I myself take them off, the bracelets you can do as you
like about--throw them away, or give them to your maid. And this
afternoon I hope I can count upon your instincts of being a lady to make
you behave so that no one can chatter about us."

She drew away her hand, as though my touch burnt her. Her expression was
contemptuously haughty.

"Of course you can count upon me for this afternoon," and she turned and
went out of the room again.

And now I am waiting for her to come back dressed for the Duchesse's
reception, it is ten minutes to four o'clock. The volcano upon which we
are living cannot go on simmering much longer, there is bound to be an
explosion soon!

* * * * *

_Later:_

Things are developing! My bride and I never spoke a word on the way to
the Hotel de Courville. She was looking the most desirable morsel a man
could wish to present to his friends. The sable cloak and the most
perfect frock and hat. Her maid is evidently a splendid hairdresser. She
was "of a _chic_," as Maurice afterwards told me.

I had telephoned and broken the news to him while I was waiting for
Alathea to come. He was not surprised, he pretended, and now that the
marriage is an accomplished fact, he is too well bred not to fall into
the attitude of delight about it. Maurice has no intention of dropping
me--married or single!

Thus when we arrived, and went up in the lift to the sitting-room, we
found him among the first to greet us.

The Duchesse kissed us both fondly, and said many pleasant things, and
having placed me in a suitable chair, brought everyone to me, and
presented Alathea to them all.

They were the very _creme de la creme_ of the Faubourg who could be
collected in Paris--many are still in the country. Coralie was there,
with two resentful pinpoints in her clever little eyes, but the most
gracious words on her lips.

They none of them could find fault with the appearance of my wife--nor
her manner. She has the ways of the _ancien regime_ like the Duchesse.
I could see that she was having a huge success.

While everything seemed to be going beautifully and all the company had
gone on into another small anti-room where the "_gouter_" was, my dear
old friend came to me.

"It is not progressing Nicholas--_Hein_?"

"There is some screw very loose, Duchesse. She absolutely hates me and
wants to go and live out of the flat!"

"_Tiens_!--She is jealous of some one. Nicholas, it is not possible that
you have still--?"

I did not grow angry.

"No indeed, that is over long ago, but I do believe she thinks it is
not. You see the person in question comes to see a relative who has
married an _antiquaire_ on the floor above me, and Alathea has seen her
on the stairs and imagines she comes to see me!"

"And you cannot tell her?"

"I am not supposed to know it would matter to her!"

"_Bon_. Do you really love the child, Nicholas?"

"_Chere Amie_, with my whole heart. I only want her in all the world."

"And she is being impossible for you surely! I know her character--if
she thinks you have a mistress--her pride is of _le diable_!"

"It is indeed."

The Duchesse laughed.

"We must see what can be done, dear boy. Imagine though what I have
discovered! That infamous father took that money that you gave, when the
affair had already been settled by _le Colonel_ Harcourt with your
money! A relation of mine attested at the investigation and had to know
the facts. Nicholas, you _preux chevalier_! You paid twice, and never
said a word! You are of a devotion! It was splendid of you, but my poor
Hilda is heartbroken that you have been so pillaged."

At that moment the crowd returned from the other room and the Duchesse
rose and left me.

Coralie now sat with me.

"_Mes compliments_, Nicholas! She is lovely! But what a fox,--thou!"

"Am I not? It is so delicious to find things out for oneself!"

Coralie laughed; she has a philosophic spirit, as I have found always
those much love-battered ones possess. She accepts my defection and
again looks to the main chance to see how she can benefit by it.

At last the whole thing was over, and Maurice and I had a cigarette
together in the tea room.

People would be crazy, "simply crazy, my dear chap," about Alathea, he
told me. She was "_seduisante_," how right I had been! How fortunate I
was! When was I going to England?

He said farewells after this, and once more _my wife_ and I were alone
in the brougham.

Alathea wore her mask. Having been received now as my wife, and by the
Duchesse whom she loves and respects, she knows she cannot go on
suggesting she will not live in the flat with me. She cannot bring
herself to speak about Suzette, because the inference would be that she
objects. I wondered if the Duchesse had been able to say anything to
her.

She did not speak at all and went straight to her room when we arrived.

It was five minutes past eight when she came in to the sitting-room.

"I am sorry if I have kept you waiting," were her first words.

At dinner we spoke ceremoniously of the party. And when we went back to
the salon she went straight to the piano and played divinely for an
hour.

The music soothed me. I felt less angry and disturbed.

"Won't you come over and speak now?" I called in a pause, and she came
over and sat down.

"Don't let us talk to-night," she said. "I am trying to adjust things in
my mind. I want to go to my mother to-morrow, if you will agree. She is
ill again, and has not been able to start. From there I will tell you if
I can force myself to keep on with it, or no."

"I cannot understand why it should be so difficult, the idea did not
affright you when we first talked of it. You voluntarily accepted the
proposal, made your bargain, promised to stick to it, and here after
three days you are trying to break out, and are insinuating that the
circumstances are too horrible for you to continue bearing it. Surely
your reason and common sense must tell you that your behaviour is
grotesque."

The same agitation which always shows when we talk thus overcame her
again. She did not speak.

"I could understand it better if you were a hysterical character. You
did not seem to be so, but now no ridiculous school miss of romance
could be more given to the vapours. You will absolutely destroy the
remaining respect I have for you, unless you tell me the truth, and what
is underneath in your mind influencing you to behave so childishly."

This stung her to the quick, as I had meant that it should. She bounded
up.

"Well,--I will then. I hate being in the house--with your mistress!"

She was trembling all over, and as white as marble.

I leaned back and laughed softly. My joy was so immense I could not help
it.

"To begin with, I have no mistress, but if I had how can it possibly
matter to you, since you hate me, and yourself arranged to be only my
secretary."

"You have no mistress!" I could see she thought I was lying ignobly.

"I had one, as of course you know, but the moment I began to think that
you might be an agreeable companion, I parted from her, at the time when
you saw the counterfoils in the cheque-book, and changed to me from
that moment."

"Then--?" she still looked incredulous.

"She has a cousin living in the flat above, married to an _anticaire_.
She comes to see her. You have no doubt met on the stairs. And on our
wedding day she came in here, not knowing, to thank me for a villa I had
given her at Monte Carlo as a good-bye present. I am very angry that she
intruded, and it shall never happen again."

"Is this true?" She was breathless.

That made me angry.

"I am not in the habit of lying," I said haughtily.

"_Mademoiselle la Blonde_," and her lips curled. "She came in while you
were at St. Malo. She inferred you had not parted then!"

"That was because she was jealous, and is very temperamental. I had
thought that quality was confined to her class."

I too can hit hard when I am insulted!

Alathea flashed at me. She was beginning to realize that she was at a
disadvantage.

"You are not unutterably shocked that I should have had a--friend, are
you?"

Her face grew contemptuous.

"No, my father had one. Men are all beasts."

"They may be in the abstract, but are not when they can find a woman
worth love and respect."

She shrugged her shoulders.

"My mother is an angel."

"Now that your mind is at rest as to this question, have you any other
cause of complaint against me? Though why it should matter to you what I
do or don't do in this respect, as long as I am courteous to you, and
fulfill my side of the bargain, I cannot think. One could imagine you
were jealous!"

"Jealous!" she flared furiously. "Jealous, I! How ridiculous.--One has
to care to be jealous!" and then she flounced out of the room.

Yes,--even when they appear all that is balanced, there is nothing so
amazing as a woman!

XXVI

_Sunday:_

I slept last night soundly for some strange reason, and woke quite late
on Sunday morning.

One frequently has some sense of depression or some sense of exhaltation
before one is quite conscious, and quite often cannot account for either
state. Presumably Alathea had left me full of contemptuous indifference,
but I awoke with a feeling of joy and satisfaction, which gradually
changed to flatness, when I became fully aware of things.

For indeed what reason had I for great rejoicing? None, except that the
menace of the Suzette bogie may be lifted.

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