The Man With The Broken Ear
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Edmond About >> The Man With The Broken Ear
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"Well, good mother, shall I serve these three like the others?"
"No! No! No! Be careful!" cried the good old lady. "My husband and my
son, Monsieur, and Doctor Nibor, who has restored you to life."
"In that case all honor to them, good mother! Fougas has never violated
the laws of gratitude and hospitality. As for you, my Esculapius, give
me your hand!"
At the same instant, he noticed ten or a dozen inquisitive people on
tiptoe on the pavement just by the windows of the laboratory. Forthwith
he marched and opened them with a precipitation which upset the gazers
among the crowd.
"People," said he, "I have knocked down a hundred beggarly pandours who
respect neither sex nor infirmity. For the benefit of those who are not
satisfied, I will state that I call myself colonel Fougas of the 23d.
And _Vive l'Empereur!_"
A confused mixture of plaudits, cries, laughs, and jeers, answered this
unprecedented allocution. Leon Renault hastened out to make apologies to
all to whom they were due. He invited a few friends to dine the same
evening with the terrible colonel, and, of course, he did not forget to
send a special messenger to Clementine. Fougas, after speaking to the
people, returned to his hosts, swinging himself along with a swaggering
air, set himself astride a chair, took hold of the ends of his
moustache, and said:
"Well! Come, let's talk this over. I've been sick then?"
"Very sick."
"That's fabulous! I feel entirely well. I'm hungry, and, moreover, while
waiting for dinner, I'll even try a glass of your schnick."
Mme. Renault went out, gave an order, and returned in an instant.
"But tell me, then, where I am," resumed the colonel. "By these
paraphernalia of work, I recognize a disciple of Urania; possibly a
friend of Monge and Berthollet. But the cordial friendliness impressed
on your countenances proves to me that you are not natives of this land
of sour-krout. Yes, I believe it from the beatings of my heart. Friends,
we have the same fatherland. The kindness of your reception, even were
there no other indications, would have satisfied me that you are French.
What accidents have brought you so far from our native soil? Children of
my country, what tempest has thrown you upon this inhospitable shore?"
"My dear Colonel," replied M. Nibor, "if you want to become very wise,
you will not ask so many questions at once. Allow us the pleasure of
instructing you quietly and in order, for you have a great many things
to learn."
The Colonel flushed with anger, and answered sharply:
"At all events, you are not the man to teach them to me, my little
gentleman!"
A drop of blood which fell on his hand changed the current of his
thoughts:
"Hold on!" said he; "am I bleeding?"
"That will amount to nothing; circulation is reestablished, and your
broken ear...."
He quickly carried his hand to his ear and said:
"It's certainly so. But Devil take me if I recollect this accident!"
"I'll make you a little dressing, and in a couple of days there will be
no trace of it left!"
"Don't give yourself the trouble, my dear Hippocrates; a pinch of powder
is a sovereign cure!"
M. Nibor set to work to dress the ear in a little less military fashion.
During his operations, Leon reentered.
"Ah! ah!" said he to the Doctor, "you are repairing the harm I did."
"Thunderation!" cried Fougas, escaping from the hands of M. Nibor so as
to seize Leon by the collar, "was it you, you rascal, that hurt my ear?"
Leon was very good-natured, but his patience failed him. He pushed his
man roughly aside.
"Yes, sir, it was I who tore your ear, in pulling it, and if that little
misfortune had not happened to me, it is certain that you would have
been, to-day, six feet under ground. It is I who saved your life, after
buying you with my money when you were not valued at more than
twenty-five louis. It is I who have passed three days and two nights in
cramming charcoal under your boiler. It is my father who gave you the
clothes you now have on. You are in our house. Drink the little glass of
brandy Gothon just brought you; but for God's sake give up the habit of
calling me rascal, of calling my mother 'Good Mother.' and of flinging
our friends into the street and calling them beggarly pandours!"
The colonel, all dumbfounded, held out his hand to Leon, M. Renault and
the doctor, gallantly kissed the hand of Mme. Renault, swallowed at a
gulp a claret glass filled to the brim with brandy, and said in a
subdued voice:
"Most excellent friends, forget the vagaries of an impulsive but
generous soul. To subdue my passions shall hereafter be my law. After
conquering all the nations in the universe, it is well to conquer one's
self."
This said, he submitted his ear to M. Nibor, who finished dressing it.
"But," said he, summoning up his recollections, "they did not shoot me
then?"
"No."
"And I wasn't frozen to death in the tower?"
"Not quite."
"Why has my uniform been taken off? I see! I am a prisoner!"
"You are free."
"Free! _Vive l'Empereur!_ But then, there's not a moment to lose! How
many leagues is it to Dantzic?"
"It's very far."
"What do you call this chicken coop of a town?"
"Fontainebleau."
"Fontainebleau! In France?"
"Prefecture of Seine-et-Marne. We are going to introduce to you the
sub-prefect, whom you just pitched into the street."
"What the Devil are your sub-prefects to me? I have a message from the
Emperor for General Rapp, and I must start, this very day, for Dantzic.
God knows whether I'll be there in time!"
"My poor Colonel, you will arrive too late. Dantzic is given up."
"That's impossible! Since when?"
"About forty-six years ago."
"Thunder! I did not understand that you were ... mocking me!"
M. Nibor placed in his hand a calendar, and said: "See for yourself! It
is now the 17th of August, 1859; you went to sleep in the tower of
Liebenfeld on the 11th of November, 1813; there have been, then,
forty-six years, all to three months, during which the world has moved
on without you."
"Twenty-four and forty-six; but then I would be seventy years old,
according to your statement!"
"Your vitality clearly shows that you are still twenty-four."
He shrugged his shoulders, tore up the calendar and said, beating the
floor with his foot: "Your almanac is a humbug!"
M. Renault ran to his library, took up half a dozen books at haphazard
and made him read, at the foot of the title pages, the dates 1826, 1833,
1847, 1858.
"Pardon me!" said Fougas, burying his head in his hands. "What has
happened to me is so new! I do not think that another human being was
ever subjected to such a trial. I am seventy years old!"
Good Madame Renault went and got a looking-glass from the bath room, and
gave it to him, saying:
"Look!"
He took the glass in both hands, and was silently occupied in resuming
acquaintance with himself, when a hand-organ came into the court and
began playing "Partant pour la Syrie!"
Fougas threw the mirror to the ground, and cried out:
"What is that you were telling me? I hear the little song of Queen
Hortense!"[4]
M. Renault patiently explained to him, while picking up the pieces of
the mirror, that the pretty little song of Queen Hortense had become a
national air, and even an official one, since the regimental bands had
substituted that gentle melody for the fierce Marsellaise, and that our
soldiers, strange to say, had not fought any the worse for it. But the
Colonel had already opened the window, and was crying out to the
Savoyard:
"Eh! Friend! A napoleon for you if you will tell me in what year I am
drawing the breath of life!"
The artist began dancing as lightly as possible playing on his musical
instrument.
"Advance at the order!" cried the Colonel, "and keep that devilish
machine still!"
"A little penny, my good monsieur!"
"It is not a penny that I'll give you, but a napoleon, if you'll tell me
what year it is."
"Oh but that's funny! Hi--hi--hi!"
"And if you don't tell me quicker than this amounts to, I'll cut your
ears off!"
The Savoyard ran away, but he came back pretty soon, having meditated,
during his flight, on the maxim: "Nothing risk nothing gain."
"Monsieur," said he, in a wheedling voice, "this is the year Eighteen
Hundred and Fifty-nine."
"Good!" cried Fougas. He felt in his pockets for money, and found
nothing there. Leon saw his predicament, and flung twenty francs into
the court. Before shutting the window, he pointed out, to the right, the
facade of a pretty little new building where the Colonel could
distinctly read
AUDRET ARCHITECTE.
MDCCCLIX.
A perfectly satisfactory piece of evidence, and one which did not cost
twenty francs.
Fougas, a little confused, pressed Leon's hand, and said to him:
"My friend, I do not forget that Confidence is the first duty from
Gratitude toward Beneficence. But tell me of our country! I tread the
sacred soil where I received my being, and I am ignorant of the career
of my native land. France is still the queen of the world, is she not?"
"Certainly," said Leon.
"How is the Emperor?"
"Well."
"And the Empress?"
"Very well."
"And the King of Rome?"
"The Prince Imperial? He is a very fine child."
"How? A fine child! And you have the face to say that this is 1859!"
M. Nibor took up the conversation, and explained in a few words that the
reigning sovereign of France was not Napoleon I., but Napoleon III.
"But then," cried Fougas, "my Emperor is dead!"
"Yes."
"Impossible! Tell me anything you will but that! My Emperor is
immortal."
M. Nibor and the Renaults, who were not quite professional historians,
were obliged to give him a summary of the history of our century. Some
one went after a big book written by M. de Norvins and illustrated with
fine engravings by Raffet. He only believed in the presence of Truth
when he could touch her with his hand, and still cried out almost every
moment: "That's impossible! This is not history that you are reading to
me: it is a romance written to make soldiers weep!"
This young man must indeed have had a strong and well-tempered soul, for
he learned in forty minutes all the woful events which Fortune had
scattered through eighteen years, from the first abdication up to the
death of the King of Rome. Less happy than his old companions in arms,
he had no interval of repose between these terrible and repeated
shocks, all beating upon his heart at the same time. One could have
feared that the blow might prove mortal, and poor Fougas die in the
first hour of his recovered life. But the imp of a fellow yielded and
recovered himself in quick succession like a spring. He cried out with
admiration on hearing of the five battles of the campaign in France; he
reddened with grief at the farewells of Fontainebleau. The return from
the Isle of Elba transfigured his handsome and noble countenance; at
Waterloo his heart rushed in with the last army of the Empire, and there
shattered itself. Then he clenched his fists and said between his teeth:
"If I had been there at the head of the 23d, Blucher and Wellington
would have seen another fate!" The invasion, the truce, the martyr of
St. Helena, the ghastly terror of Europe, the murder of Murat--the idol
of the cavalry, the death of Ney, Bruno, Mouton Duvernet, and so many
other whole-souled men whom he had known, admired, and loved, threw him
into a series of paroxysms of rage, but nothing upset him. In hearing of
the death of Napoleon, he swore that he would eat the heart of England;
the slow agony of the pale and interesting heir of the Empire, inspired
him with a passion to tear the vitals out of Austria. When the drama was
over and the curtain fell on Schoenbrunn, he dashed away his tears and
said: "It is well. I have lived in a moment a man's entire life. Now
show me the map of France!"
Leon began to turn over the leaves of an atlas, while M. Renault
attempted to continue narrating to the colonel the history of the
Restoration, and of the monarchy of 1830. But Fougas' interest was in
other things.
"What do I care," said he, "if a couple of hundred babblers of deputies
put one king in place of another? Kings! I've seen enough of them in the
dirt. If the Empire had lasted ten years longer, I could have had a king
for a boot-black."
When the atlas was placed before him, he at once cried out with profound
disdain: "That, France!" But soon two tears of pitying affection
escaping from his eyes, swelled the rivers Ardeche and Gironde. He
kissed the map and said, with an emotion which communicated itself to
nearly all present:
"Forgive me, poor old love, for insulting your misfortunes. Those
scoundrels whom we always whipped have profited by my sleep to pare down
your frontiers; but little or great, rich or poor, you are my mother,
and I love you as a faithful son! Here is Corsica, where the giant of
our age was born; here is Toulouse, where I first saw the light; here is
Nancy where I felt my heart awakened, where, perhaps, she whom I call my
AEgle waits for me still! France! Thou hast a temple in my soul; this arm
is thine; thou shalt find me ever ready to shed my blood to the last
drop in defending or avenging thee!"
CHAPTER XII.
THE CONVALESCENT'S FIRST MEAL.
The messenger whom Leon had sent to Moret, could not reach there before
seven o'clock. Supposing that he would find the ladies at table with
their hosts, that the great news would cut the dinner short, and that
there would be a carriage handy, Clementine and her aunt would probably
be at Fontainebleau between ten and eleven o'clock. Young Renault
rejoiced in advance over the happiness of his _fiancee_. What a joy it
would be for her and for him when he should present to her the
miraculous man whom she had protected against the horrors of the tomb,
and whom he had resuscitated in answer to her entreaty!
Meanwhile Gothon, proud and happy to the same degree that she had before
been scandalized and annoyed, spread the table for a dozen persons. Her
yoke-fellow, a young rustic of eighteen, half-fledged in the commune of
Sablons, helped her with all his might, and amused her with his
conversation.
"Well, now, Ma'm'selle Gothon," said he, setting down a pile of empty
plates, "this is what one might call a ghost coming out of its box to
upset the commissary and the sub-prefect!"
"Ghost, if you'll have it so, Celestin; it's certain-sure that he comes
from a good ways, poor young man! But perhaps 'ghost' isn't a proper
word to use in speaking of our masters."
"Is it true, then, that he has come to be our master too? Too many of
_them_ come every day. I'd like it better if more servants and help
would come!"
"Shut up, you lizard of laziness! When the gentlemen leaves tips for us
on going away, you don't complain because there's only two to divide
'em."
"That's all well enough as far as it goes! I've carried more than fifty
buckets of water for him to simmer in, that Colonel of yours, and I know
mighty well that he won't give me a cent, for he hasn't a farthing in
his pockets. We've got to believe that money isn't plenty in the country
he just came from!"
"They say there's wills in his favor in Strasburg; a gentleman who'd
hurt his fortune----"
"Tell me now, Ma'm'selle Gothon--you who read a little book every
Sunday--where he could have been, our Colonel, while he was not in this
world."
"Eh! In purgatory, of course!"
"Then why don't you ask him about that famous Baptiste, your sweetheart
in 1837, who let himself tumble off a roof, and on whose account you
have so many masses said? They ought to have met each other down there!"
"That's very possible."
"Unless Baptiste has left there since the time when you paid so much
money to get him out."
"Very well. I'll go this very evening to the Colonel's chamber, and,
since he's not proud, he'll tell me all he knows about it.--But,
Celestin, are'nt you never going to act different? Here you've rubbed my
silver pickle knives on the grindstone again!"
The guests came into the parlor, where the Renault family with M. Nibor
and the Colonel were already assembled. There were successively
presented to M. Fougas the mayor of the city, Doctor Martout, Master
Bonnivet the notary, M. Audret, and three members of the Paris
committee; the other three had been obliged to return before dinner. The
guests were not entirely at their ease; their sides, bruised by the
first movements of Fougas, left room for them to suppose that possibly
they were dining with a maniac. But curiosity was stronger than fear.
The Colonel soon reassured them by a most cordial reception. He excused
himself for acting the part of a man just returned from the other world.
He talked a great deal--a little too much, perhaps; but they were so
well pleased to listen to him, and his words borrowed such an importance
from the singularity of recent events, that he gained an unqualified
success. He was told that Dr. Martout had been one of the principal
agents of his resuscitation, in conjunction with another person whom
they promised soon to present to him. He thanked M. Martout warmly, and
asked how soon he could evince his gratitude to the other person.
"I hope," said Leon, "that you will see her this evening."
No one came later than the colonel of the 23d of the line, M. Rollon. He
made his way with no little difficulty through the crowds of people who
filled the Rue de la Faisanderie. He was a man of forty-five, with a
quick voice, and full figure. His hair was a little grizzled, but his
brown mustache, full, and twisted at the ends, looked as young as ever.
He said little, spoke to the point, knew a great deal, and did no
boasting--all in all, he was a fine specimen of a colonel. He came right
up to Fougas, and held out his hand like an old acquaintance.
"My dear comrade," said he, "I have taken great interest in your
resurrection, as much on my own account as on account of the regiment.
The 23d which I have the honor to command, yesterday venerated you as an
ancestor. From to-day, it will cherish you as a friend."--Not the
slightest allusion to the affair of the morning, in which M. Rollon had
undergone his pummelling with the rest.
Fougas answered becomingly, but with, a tinge of coldness:
"My dear comrade, I thank you for your kindly sentiments. It is singular
that Destiny places me in the presence of my successor on the very day
that I reopen my eyes to the light; for, after all, I am neither dead
nor a general; I have not been transferred, nor have I been retired; yet
I see another officer, more worthy, doubtless, at the head of my noble
23d. But if you have for your motto 'Honor and Courage,' as I am well
satisfied you have, I have no right to complain, and the regiment is in
good hands."
Dinner was ready. Mme. Renault took Fougas' arm. She had him sit at her
right, and M. Nibor at her left. The Colonel and the Mayor took their
places at the sides of M. Renault; the rest of the company distributed
themselves as it happened, regardless of etiquette.
Fougas gulped down the soup and _entrees_, helping himself to every
dish, and drinking in proportion. An appetite of the other world!
"Estimable Amphitryon," said he to M. Renault, "don't get frightened at
seeing me fall upon the rations. I always ate just so; except during the
retreat in Russia. Consider, too, that I went to sleep last night, at
Liebenfeld, without any supper."
He begged M. Nibor to explain to him by what course of circumstances he
had come from Liebenfeld to Fontainebleau.
"Do you remember," said the doctor, "an old German who acted as
interpreter for you before the court-martial?"
"Perfectly. An excellent man, with a violet-colored wig. I'll remember
him all my life, for there are not two wigs of that color in existence."
"Very well; it was the man with the violet wig, otherwise known as the
celebrated Doctor Meiser, who saved your life."
"Where is he? I want to see him, to fall into his arms, to tell him----"
"He was sixty-eight years old when he did you that little service; he
would then be, to-day, in his hundred and fifteenth year, if he had
waited for your acknowledgments."
"And so, then, he is no more! Death has robbed him of my gratitude!"
"You do not yet know all that you owe to him. He bequeathed you, in
1824, a fortune of seventy-five thousand francs, of which you are the
rightful owner. Now, since a sum invested at five per cent, doubles
itself in fourteen years--thanks to compound interest--you were worth,
in 1838, a trifle of seven hundred and fifty thousand francs; and in
1852, a million and a half. In fine, if you are satisfied to leave your
property in the hands of Herr Nicholas Meiser, of Dantzic, that worthy
man will owe you three millions at the commencement of 1866--that is to
say, in seven years. We will give you, this evening, a copy of your
benefactor's will; it is a very instructive document, and you can
consider it when you go to bed."
"I'll read it willingly," said Colonel Fougas. "But gold has no
attractions for my eyes. Wealth engenders weakness. Me, to languish in
the sluggish idleness of Sybaris!--to enervate my senses on a bed of
roses! Never! The smell of powder is dearer to me than all the perfumes
of Arabia. Life would have no charm or zest for me, if I had to give up
the inspiriting clash of arms. On the day when you are told that Fougas
no longer marches in the columns of the army, you can safely answer, 'It
is because Fougas is no more!'"
He turned to the new colonel of the 23d, and said:
"Oh! do you, my dear comrade, tell them that the proud pomp of wealth is
a thousand times less sweet than the austere simplicity of the
soldier--of a colonel, more than all. Colonels are the kings of the
army. A colonel is less than a general, but nevertheless he has
something more. He lives more with the soldier; he penetrates further
into the intimacy of his command. He is the father, the judge, the
friend of his regiment. The welfare of each one of his men is in his
hands; the flag is placed under his tent or in his chamber. The colonel
and the flag are not two separate existences; one is the soul, the other
is the body."
He asked M. Rollon's permission to go to see and embrace the flag of the
23d.
"You shall see it to-morrow morning," said the new colonel, "if you will
do me the honor to breakfast with me in company with some of my
officers."
He accepted the invitation with enthusiasm, and flung himself into the
midst of a thousand questions touching pay, the amount retained for
clothing, promotion, roster, reserve, uniform, full and fatigue dress,
armament, and tactics. He understood, without difficulty, the advantages
of the percussion gun, but the attempt to explain rifled cannon to him
was in vain. Artillery was not his forte; but he avowed, nevertheless,
that Napoleon had owed more than one victory to his fine artillery.
While the innumerable roasts of Mme. Renault were succeeding each other
on the table, Fougas asked--but without ever losing a bite--what were
the principal wars in progress, how many nations France had on her
hands, and if it was not intended ultimately to recommence the conquest
of the world? The answers which he received, without completely
satisfying him, did not entirely deprive him of hope.
"I did well to come," said he; "there's work to do."
The African wars did not interest him much, although in them the 23d had
won a good share of glory.
"As a school, it's very well," said he. "The soldier ought to train
himself in other ways than in the Tivoli gardens, behind nurses'
petticoats. But why the devil are not five hundred thousand men flung
upon the back of England? England is the soul of the coalition, I can
tell you that."
How many explanations were necessary to make him understand the Crimean
war, where the English had fought by our sides!
"I can understand," said he, "why we took a crack at the Russians--they
made me eat my best horse. But the English are a thousand times worse.
If this young man" (the Emperor Napoleon III.) "doesn't know it, I'll
tell him. There is no quarter possible after what they did at St.
Helena! If I had been commander-in-chief in the Crimea, I would have
begun by properly squelching the Russians, after which I would have
turned upon the English, and hurled them into the sea. It's their
element, anyhow."
They gave him some details of the Italian campaign, and he was charmed
to learn that the 23d had taken a redoubt under the eyes of the Marshal
the Duke of Solferino.
"That's the habit of the regiment," said he, shedding tears in his
napkin. "That brigand of a 23d will never act in any other way. The
goddess of Victory has touched it with her wing."
One of the things, for example, which greatly astonished him, was that a
war of such importance was finished up in so short a time. He had yet to
learn that within a few years the world had learned the secret of
transporting a hundred thousand men, in four days, from one end of
Europe to the other.
"Good!" said he; "I admit the practicability of it. But what astonishes
me is, that the Emperor did not invent this affair in 1810; for he had a
genius for transportation, a genius for administration, a genius for
office details, a genius for everything. But (to resume your story) the
Austrians are fortified at last, and you cannot possibly get to Vienna
in less than three months."
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