The Adventures of Uncle Jeremiah and Family at the Great Fair
C >>
Charles McCellan Stevens (AKA \'Quondam\') >> The Adventures of Uncle Jeremiah and Family at the Great Fair
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| Inconsistent hyphenation in the original document |
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| Obvious typographical errors have been corrected; |
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The
Adventures of
Uncle Jeremiah
and
Family
At The
Great Fair
60 Illustrations
The Pastime Series--Issued monthly. By subscription, $8.00 per annum.
No. 108. June, 1893, Entered at Chicago P. O. as second-class matter.
Chicago
LAIRD & LEE, Publishers
1893
[Illustration: "Apples, pears, bananas, sweet oranges."]
The Adventures
OF
UNCLE JEREMIAH
AND FAMILY
AT THE
Great Fair
_Their Observations and Triumphs_
By "Quondam"
With Sixty Illustrations
Chicago
LAIRD & LEE. Publishers
1898
COPYRIGHT, 1893, BY LAIRD & LEE
(ALL RIGHTS RESERVED)
_To
UNCLE JEREMIAH AND FAMILY
And to
All those Interested
in the
WORLD'S COLUMBIAN EXPOSITION
This Book
Is Respectfully Dedicated_
CONTENTS
CHAPTER PAGE
I. On the Way 7
II. Now for the Fair 20
III. Around the World for Twenty Cents 33
IV. Escort and Body Guard 38
V. Columbia Avenue 51
VI. Dancers of the Great City 63
VII. On Board the "Illinois" 76
VIII. La Rabida 87
IX. The Plaisance Prophecy 102
X. Plaisance Society 113
XI. A Startling Mystery 128
XII. Beauty Show 137
XIII. Sunday and Conscience 148
XIV. Sight-seeing Galore 163
XV. A Terrible Experience 174
XVI. To Buy a Dog 183
XVII. Cairo Street 194
XVIII. Uncle in the Lock-up 205
XIX. The Lost Found 220
UNCLE JEREMIAH AND FAMILY
AT THE GREAT FAIR
_CHAPTER I_
ON THE WAY
"Apples, pears, bananas, sweet oranges, five cents apiece."
"Last call for dinner in the dining car."
"Ah! this is comfortable," soliloquised Uncle Jeremiah. "All the nations
of the earth contribute to our appetites, and millions are spent to
transport us comfortably. Going to the World's Fair with Mary's two
children, me and Sarah. Say, stranger, what time do you think we'll
arrive?"
"In about two hours if we are on time, but so many people are crowding
on, that I doubt if we can get there before six o'clock."
Uncle Jeremiah had addressed his question to a good-natured appearing
young man just behind him who had been ostensibly reading a newspaper
but really covertly watching with admiring glances Uncle Jeremiah's
grand-daughter Fanny as she replaced the fragments of a lunch back into
the basket. Uncle was in a communicative mood for he had just disposed
of his share of one of Aunt Sarah's admirable lunches and squared
himself round, as he called it, to talk with some one. Johnny was busy
investigating a hole in the seat cushion and Aunt Sarah had laid her
head against the window frame and was calmly viewing the flying scenery
outside. The two seats turned together were occupied by Uncle Jeremiah
and his family and a number of bundles and valises.
"Yes, this is a great country; and, as I have lived in it nigh onto
sixty year and fit for it without seeing much of it but what I tramped
over with Sherman to the sea, I concluded to take the whole world in at
once by spending a month or so at the Exposition. I told Sarah we'd take
Mary's two children along, for I didn't like to leave them so long with
our hired help. Then they'd be company for us. Mary was our girl, but
she's dead now, and so Johnny and Fanny must take her place. Me and
Sarah has worked hard for many a year, and we're going to enjoy this
trip ef it takes more 'n a dozen of my best Jerseys to foot the bill.
We've got the best farm and Jersey herd in Park County, and I've made up
my mind that we can afford it."
The stranger laid down his paper and seemed much interested in the
talking farmer and his family. Fanny had stowed the lunch basket away
under the seat and wearily laid her head against the back of the seat,
unconscious of the respectful admiration bestowed upon her from the
gentleman in conversation with her grandfather. Fanny was a very pretty
miss, just reaching womanhood, and unsullied in thought or conduct by
the usual desire for masculine attention. Her face was warm and full,
and her light wavy hair reached her shoulders and turned up at the ends
around her neck.
Johnny was too industrious in his varied investigations to notice much
that was occurring about him. His keen eyes just a little turned inward
gave him the appearance of shrewdness that well befitted him. He always
investigated what he did not understand and the World's Fair opened a
field directly in his line.
"As I was saying. I've brought along enough money to get everything we
want and to enjoy life for once. I guess we can go back home then
contented and have enough to talk about for the rest of our natural
lives."
Uncle's new-found friend was evidently a well-to-do commercial traveler
and there was something about him that won Uncle's heart at once. It was
not long till Uncle had relieved his mind of all that bore on it about
himself or his neighbors or his church. Uncle was a deacon and he had
many original ideas about the social and religious economics of the
world. The only pride he had was in his Jerseys and in Fanny, and his
only ambition was to be considered a kind of Socrates by his neighbors.
The commercial traveler did not have much of a chance to talk, if he had
been so inclined, but he listened with very respectful attention to the
odd observations of Uncle Jeremiah. Uncle had not talked loud, but
across the aisle were two young men who seemed to be listening more
intently than befitted their opportunity to hear. They were faultlessly
attired, and frequently exchanged observations with each other in low
tones, covertly watching Uncle and his family as if they had become very
interesting personages. Presently one moved to a seat a little nearer,
and both apparently became absorbed in their own affairs.
"But maybe I should beg pardon, Mister. I've been talking to you all
this time without introducing myself. I know it isn't just the thing,
but I'm not used to sassiety. I'm Jeremiah Jones, and what is your
name?"
"My name is Hezekiah Moses," said the traveling man, solemnly.
"Ah," remarked Uncle, warmly, "that sounds a right smart like a Jew
name, but you don't look like a Jew. I Judge your parents were very good
people."
"They were very pious people, and, of course, brought me up in the way
I should go. You have quite a charming family."
"There now, I knew you had good judgments and I am glad for you to say
so. Of course me and Sarah are too old to be charming and Johnny is too
bad, but I take no exceptions to Fanny."
Mr. Moses thoroughly agreed with Uncle on the latter observation.
"Johnny is all right but only last week he was training one of my Jersey
calves to walk a plank like he saw the lions In the circus and it fell
off and broke its neck and that was not a month after it had took the
prize at our county fair. And, after I had took him atween my knees and
talked to him about his responsibility to his Creator, he didn't wait
two days till he cut off the colt's tail so as to make it bobbed like
the British and it kicked and broke its leg on the cross bar. But I do
believe he's got the making of a man in him after all. I think he must
be like his father, though I never seed him. You see Mary she run off to
marry some man she fell in with when she went off to school, and I
forbid her letting him come to see her, for you see he might be some
city fortune hunter; but Mary said she knowed, and so one day when we
went to town somebody drove up to our house in a buggy and I never seed
her any more. I didn't think she ought to take that way to somebody I
didn't know. I must have been hard hearted them days, but somehow I
couldn't help it. Sarah she went to see them lots of times over in the
big town across in Ohio but I couldn't leave Indiana and when Johnny was
born Mary she died a senden good words to me but I couldn't help it."
The old man drew his sleeve across his eyes and continued, "You see
Mary's man was all broke down, and he told Sarah to take the children
and he'd go wandering around the world for a year or two. Mary was the
only child we had living, and when she died I wanted to move away from
where she used to play when she was a little girl, so in two years I
got a good offer, and I sold out. All four of us went to see my sister
in the city, and somehow didn't tell nobody where we were going, but I
said I thought we would go on to California. Well, I found a stock farm
in Illinois, and after a while we went back to our old home visiting,
and the old neighbors told us a nice looking man had come soon after we
left, and was nearly distracted to find us gone. He advertised and spent
lots of money trying to find us, but at last went away broken-hearted.
Then I sent Sarah right to Ohio, but Mary's man had sold his big
clothing store, and some said he had gone to California, and others said
one place and another, but he couldn't be found. He never came back to
our old home place, nor to his old home place, for I've kept a writing
ever since. Somehow he had to give us up. It broke me all down, and I've
been doing all I could for the children. Fanny is getting a good
education, for our town has got to be a big one now, and has a fine
college in it; but I can't educate Johnny. He's always experimenting and
doing damage. Howsumever, he's a great trader, and I'm going to give him
a start some time. Why, I gave him a shote a month ago, and I don't
believe there is a sled or a jack-knife in the hull neighborhood any
more, for Johnny's got them in our garret, but the pig is gone.
"But say, Mr. Moses, you haven't said a word about your business yet,
and I've been a bragging about my farm and stock for half an hour."
"Don't worry about that, Mr. Jones. I haven't got much to tell. I'm a
traveling salesman for a Chicago house; and, like you, I intend to rest
up for a couple of weeks and see the Fair. I am happy to say that I
stand well with my firm, and I am to be taken in as the junior member
soon. The head of the firm has been the friend to whom I owe all my
advancement and advantage. I hope sometime to settle down into a quiet
business life and enjoy a home once more. Your talk takes me back to my
old Indiana home and its comforts."
"Ah, that's it, Mr. Moses, it is plain your parents have given your mind
a good mold. Here, newsboy, just bring over to me and Mr. Moses two of
your best five cent cigars and we'll go into the smoker and have a
smoke. I don't never smoke cigars, but these are extra days, and we can
afford the luxuries."
The idea seemed to amuse Mr. Moses, but he complied with the request of
the friendly farmer, and, with a good-natured wink at the newsboy, took
out a cigar and deftly stuck it into his pocket as he pulled out one of
his own.
Uncle could find no change and without more ado took out a roll of bills
from his breast pocket. The smallest bill was ten dollars but neither
Mr. Moses nor the boy could change it. One of the young men across the
aisle volunteered to help them out of the difficulty and counted the
change into Uncle's hand. Just then the newsboy's heel struck Mr. Moses'
foot sharply and there was a quick response. The change went into one of
Uncle's trouser's pockets and the roll of bills into the other, when he
and Mr. Moses went into the smoking car and were soon behind a cloud of
smoke.
The newsboy came in presently and there were a few whispered words
between him and Mr. Moses.
"Apples, pears, bananas, sweet oranges, here, five cents apiece."
There was no sale for anything eatable in the smoker just then and the
boy returned to the rear cars.
"You didn't notice when the gentleman across the aisle made change for
you that you got flim-flamed did you?"
"That I got what?" said Uncle.
"That you got flim-flamed. Did you count your change when that young
gent gave it to you? This is a money making occasion you know and the
gentry are on the make."
"Of course I counted the money. Nobody gets me that way."
"I'll bet a cigar that you haven't got over seven dollars of that ten
dollar bill."
"It's a go," said Uncle as he thrust his hand into his pocket and drew
out a handfull of coins. He laid his hat between his knees and counted
the money into it. "Six dollars, six fifty, six seventy-five, seven,
seven ten, seven fifteen."
[Illustration: "UNCLE AND MR. MOSES WERE SOON BEHIND A CLOUD OF SMOKE."]
"Ah, I've not got it all out of my pocket," and Uncle's hand dived
hastily into his trousers but came out empty. A look of consternation
came into his face as he looked at the laughing salesman.
"Well, by Jove! I don't often lose my bets, but here, Uncle, is the
cigar, for I've lost the bet. You have fifteen cents more than seven
dollars. I didn't watch that gent's counting as well as I thought," and
Uncle mechanically took the cigar he had so generously given to Mr.
Moses a few minutes before.
"It's worth it, Mr. Moses, it's worth it. I don't begrudge the fellow
for his two dollars and six bits. I feel like I ought to go in and thank
him for the lesson."
"Cigars, gentlemen, best Havanas. Here, old man, is the rest uv yer
change. The chappie back there wanted to kick, but he couldn't stand me
look. I don't 'low no working uv me customers dat way. You see I wur
next to him in a minute."
"Ah, my boy, nobody can talk to me any more about dishonorable newsboys.
You keep that money. I won't have a cent of it. I'm willin' to pay fer
my teaching. And here's a dollar more for you to go right back there and
supply my folks with whatever eating things you've got that they want.
"You see, Mr. Moses, I know before I get through with them Arabs and
Esquimaux, and Indians and African savages at Chicago I'm going to know
a good deal more than I do now, and I never in my life got something for
nothing, and it's too late for me to begin now."
The first suburban station of the great World's Fair city was now passed
and Mr. Moses said he must return to his seat and get his grip ready for
leaving the train at the next station. He gave Uncle a card on which was
printed:
|------------------------------|
| _William Warner_ |
| |
| _With The Clarendon Company |
| Wholesale Clothiers_ |
|------------------------------|
As he did so, he said, "Now Uncle, remember never to give a chance to
pickpockets or confidence men, watch your change and take directions
only from those you know to be responsible officers; and if at any time
you need a friend, don't fail to call at the office of the firm and
present that card."
They returned to their seats and a frown came over Mr. Moses' face when
he saw the companion of the disreputable money changer glibly talking to
Aunt Sarah and Fanny. The young man bowed himself away very gracefully
and went to his seat as Uncle and Mr. Moses came up.
Uncle gave Mr. Moses a hearty hand shake and God bless you as he started
for the car door; but, to the astonishment of Mr. Moses Aunt Sarah and
Fanny looked scornfully at him and did not in any way acknowledge his
parting salute.
"Baggage, have your baggage checked?"
"Well, what a town Chicago is, anyhow. Here they've sent a man to take
care of our baggage. Now, I call that all-fired hospital. Get the checks
quick, Sarah."
"What hotel?" Inquired the agent.
"We're not overly pertiklar. I was talkin' some with a young fellow back
here who said he was a hotel agent; but I don't mind if I go where you
say. How high are your rates?"
"The Auditorium--as high as you want to go; the Northern, fourteen
stories, and the Palmer, out of sight."
"Well, Mister, we don't want to go out of sight, and we don't know how
high we do want to go so I guess you'd better make it fourteen stories."
The agent took the checks, gave him some tickets and passed on.
In a few minutes a uniformed young man came along and said:
"Mr. Jones, I'd like very much to book you for one of our down-town
hotels. Every convenience, gas, baths, heat, and all the modern
appliances; near car lines that land you right at the Exposition gates.
Best place in the city. Take you right there free of cost."
"But how high is it?"
"Only one dollar a day apiece and up as high as you want to go."
"Ah, that's it, young man. I see your mother taught you United States.
You see the baggage man said fourteen stories and I didn't understand
the city way of charging."
"Shall I book you?"
"Yes."
"For how long?"
"O we may stay a month. May be less."
"Say two weeks."
"All right."
"Here's your ticket with coupons. Fifty-six dollars please."
"But I haven't seen the place nor got the money's worth. I'm Deacon
Jones and I always pay my debts."
"No difference, it's the rules."
"Mr. Moses said not to deal only with responsible officers. How may I be
sure you are a responsible officer?"
"I'll prove it by the conductor."
The conductor was called and Uncle Jeremiah paid over his money and
received his printed directions.
"Where are your baggage checks?"
"O, I've already attended to that. I'll see to that myself."
The hotel agent left and the two young men across the aisle watched with
satisfaction as Uncle folded his big roll of bills and deposited them in
his left trouser's pocket.
"There it is--there is the White City," some one yelled, and the people
rose from their seats and looked at the most favored spot of the earth
as long as it could be seen. Houses flew by, stations were passed; the
placid lake, flecked with many boats, lapped the shore as with some
friendly greeting. The great buildings of Chicago's business center
appeared in view, and the end of their journey was near at hand.
"Chicago, all out!"
"Listen at 'em," said Uncle, "they've got our money and now they're
goin' to put us off. But I guess we must be there."
[Illustration: "UNCLE WAS BEING ROUGHLY HANDLED BY THE TWO MEN."]
All the people were standing as the magic words were yelled in at the
front door by the brakeman. Uncle Jeremiah had not been as excited since
he heard of the fall of Richmond.
With a valise, packed almost to bursting, in each hand, Uncle was
preparing to do whatever he saw others do. The two young men from across
the aisle had also arisen and pressed into the crowd. One was directly
in front of Uncle, and the one who had made the false change had crowded
himself between Uncle and Aunt Sarah. The train slowed up as the depot
was reached, and all crowded toward the door. There was a low chirrup,
and Uncle was being roughly jostled about by the two men, when there was
a cry of "pickpockets," and the train-boy was seen swinging on to the
wrist of one of the men behind Uncle and yelling "let 'er go; let 'er
go."
[Illustration: "UNCLE GAVE HIS CHECKS TO THE NEAREST CAB DRIVER."]
The man held a wallet in his hand, but with a curse he dropped it, tore
loose from the boy and rushed through the door, disappearing in the
crowd.
"Here, Mister, is yer wad. Yer wants ter keep yer eye skinned fur them
fellers."
Uncle warmly thanked the boy but he received this second lesson with a
little less complacency than the first. Following the crowd to the
outside he presented his tickets to the first hack driver he came to.
"You are pretty well supplied, aren't you dad. You have the right of way
to two hotels. Which do you want?"
"Take us to the one I've paid fer."
"Which is that?"
"Well, I guess it must be the down town hotel."
"They are both down hotels. I see your baggage is booked for the
Northern and I suppose you want to follow your baggage."
Without more ado all four were placed into the uncomfortably crowded
hack and shortly unloaded at the Northern. An obsequious porter ushered
them into the office and Uncle was astounded with a demand for twenty
dollars down. "But I've paid," Uncle protested. The clerk looked at his
card and assured him he was at the wrong hotel. It was now dark and
Uncle concluded to pay the money and start out anew the next day. They
were shown to their rooms by way of the elevator and more dead than
alive, to use Aunt Sarah's expression, they flung themselves into chairs
and Johnny yelled, "This is Chicago, what I've heard them talk about."
They went to the windows and could not repress a shudder as they saw the
street lights so far below. Aunt Sarah did not see how she could sleep
so high up, but when their evening meal was done and the events of the
day discussed they became as sleepy and they felt as safe as they did
with the whippoorwill singing in the orchard and the hogs grunting
lazily in the lane.
_CHAPTER II_
NOW FOR THE FAIR
The next morning Uncle Jeremiah was up as usual at four o'clock, chafing
like a caged stable horse that could not get out to fresh air and the
tempting pastures.
[Illustration: "I THINK OF EARTHQUAKES EVERY TIME I LOOK OUT."]
"These confounded people won't let a fellow have his meals only at their
own convenience, and the feelin' of earthquakes keeps a growing on me
every time I look down out of that window. I've got to quit it." Aunt
Sarah shared the same feeling, but John and Fanny decided that it was
not half as high as they wanted to go before they left Chicago.
[Illustration: "Say, Mister, I've paid fare once on this tarnal
machine."]
In due time the city awoke, with a rush and a roar, to the business of
the day. Uncle found the office of the boarding house syndicate a few
doors away, and the family were soon safely housed in more congenial
quarters.
"The Fair, Father, the Fair! When will we ever get to see the Fair? I
just heard a man say that it's ten o'clock, and here we are a-fussing
about in the rooms and missin' the sights."
Johnny was impatient, but not long after, the family hailed a passing
street car and were on their way at last.
"Twenty cents is the fare for four of you."
The conductor rang the fares and passed on. The new scenes of the city
absorbed their attention, but Uncle soon began shifting in his seat, and
at last whispered to Aunt Sarah: "Say, I noticed that we went clear
'round a hull lot of blocks, and it 'pears ter me that we air goin'
right backards to where we ought to go, or else this 'ere town has got
two parts a blamed sight alike."
"Fare, please!"
"Say, Mister, I've paid fare once on this tarnal machine. How often do
you have to pay--every once in a while?"
"Are you riding around for your health, or do you want to go somewhere?"
"That's it, Mister, exactly. I wish you'd drive this riding machine at
once to the World's Fair. You've got it pasted on the front of your
engine, and yet you're takin' us right back past where we got on."
"Sure, old man, you're all right, only you got on a car going the wrong
way, and so went on around the loop. But you're all right now. I'll land
you at the grounds; but twenty cents, please."
Twenty cents were forthcoming, and shortly the family found themselves
in a maze of booths, people, streets and vehicles. It was not difficult
to follow the crowd, and in a few minutes the amazed family were walking
the streets of the great White City.
"Guides, World's Fair Guides!"
Uncle stopped a moment as a boy planted himself in front of him, thus
calling him from the amazement of the wonderful city down to the
realities of the earth.
[Illustration]
"Guides, Mister, only twenty-five cents. This little book contains all
you want to know about yonder lovely city--for the price of one small
quarter you have a key to all the doors of the Fair--with this book no
Columbian guard can call you down--you are free and independent of
everybody with this book in your hands--it's only a quarter, remember,
only twenty-five cents! Illustrated, tells you everything."
"That's it Sarah, let's buy one of these books and go home. It tells us
every thing and it is illustrated. What's the use of wearing our eyes
out and our feet off when we can learn it all out of this feller's book.
I feel all done up on the first sight. It's too big a job fer me to
undertake. I didn't calculate on such a big show."
"No, my boy. I wish I could accommodate ye but you see I ain't got no
time on the grounds for reading or I'd a brought the Scriptures along. I
judge it prophesied this when it spoke of signs and wonders appearing."
"Only a quarter, sir."
Uncle shook his head, but Fanny produced a quarter and took one of the
books.
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