Watch Yourself Go By

A >> Al. G. Field >> Watch Yourself Go By

Pages:
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38

The day for Alfred's going to the country arrived. Aunt Betsy had the
neuralgia and Uncle Joe came alone on horseback. Meeting former friends,
he tarried long at the Tavern. When under the influence of stimulants he
became even louder. John Rathmell, the town watchman, endeavored to
quiet him. Finally, he ordered Uncle Joe to go home or he would arrest
him.

Uncle Joe was riding Black Fan, his fox-hunting mare. She was seventeen
hands high, mostly legs, a natural pacer. She could jump over anything
under the moon. Her hind legs the longer,--they seemed to be the
propelling power and appeared to move faster than her front legs. When
at top speed she traveled sort of sideways. This seemed a wise
provision of nature as it prevented her running over herself, or like a
stern-wheel boat, with too much power going by the head.

Uncle Joe obeyed the order of the officer of the law. Tardily, leisurely
and tantalizingly mounting Black Fan, taking Alfred up behind him, he
headed the mare in the opposite direction from home. Alfred feared he
was going down the hill into the "Neck" to get more liquor and he almost
decided to get off and go back home.

[Illustration: "You Can All Go to H--ll"]

At a pace as respectable as ever a funeral cortege traveled, Uncle Joe
rode until opposite the old market house, there turning the mare around
heading her homeward. Straightening her out in the middle of the road,
rising in his stirrups to emphasize his contempt for the law in the
person of the watchman, Uncle Joe gave vent to a yell that brought
store-keepers to the doors, pedestrians to turn around and drivers to
pull to the side of the street.

He gave the mare her head. At the sound of the voice nearer and
consequently louder than ever before, she shot forward at a speed never
equalled on that street. At every revolution of her hind legs her body
under Alfred rose and fell like a toy boat on a ruffled bay. Uncle Joe
rose and fell with the movement and at every rise he yelled even louder
than before.

[Illustration: The End of the Ride]

The minion of the law and several idlers, always seeking an opportunity
to meddle, rushed to the middle of the street, but as well might they
have attempted to arrest the wind. The shoes of Black Fan struck the
flinty limestones on the pike, the sparks flew, and her trail was a
veritable streak of fire. As the mare rounded the turn at Workman's
Hotel, Uncle Joe, as a parting shot, yelled:

"You can all go to h--ll."

How Alfred maintained his hold he never knew nor did the mare slacken
pace greatly until home was reached. Alfred is of the opinion to this
day that Uncle Joe forgot he carried a handicap.

The corn-cob stopper in a large bottle which Uncle Joe, (as was the
custom of farmers in those days), carried in his right hand overcoat
pocket, came out, the contents splashed in Alfred's face and saturated
his clothing. Alfred was almost stupefied with the fumes of the liquor
and had the distance been further he surely would have fallen from his
seat.

As the mare halted, Uncle Joe vigorously threw his leg over her back to
dismount, sweeping Alfred from his seat as though he had been a
rag-doll. Down he fell head first and no doubt sustained bodily injury
had not Providence, or a kindly cow deposited a cushion as soft as
velvet for his reception, and curls. His yells and calls brought the
family to the rescue. Alfred was not received as courteously as on
former visits; however, after a bath in a tub of not overly warm water,
the family were a trifle less distant.

The wife was very much provoked over the husband's actions.

Reinforced by Billy Hickman, the preacher, and several church members,
renewed her efforts to have Uncle Joe ally himself with the church.
Uncle Joe assured one good brother that if sheep-washing time was
over--it was then September and sheep are washed in May or June--he
would join the church. He explained that he felt he must have a little
"licker" sheep-washing time or he would "ketch the rheumatiz."

The District Fair was on, Black Fan was entered in the free-for-all
pace. She was considered a joke by horsemen and the knowing ones. But
Alfred would have bet all he had that Black Fan was the fastest goer in
the world. Ike Bailey's Black Bess, John Krepps' Billy, John Patterson's
Morgan Messenger, were the other entries, all under saddle except Morgan
Messenger. Patterson drove him to a sulky, the only sulky in the county,
the wheels higher than the head of the driver. It was the idea of the
builder the larger the wheels the greater the speed.

Black Fan had much the worst of the get-away and it looked as if she
would be left in the stretch. It was a half-mile track. Twice around
completed the heats. The crowd laughed themselves hoarse at Uncle Joe's
entry and rider.

[Illustration: "Git Up, Fan!"]

The other riders leaning forward, holding their bridle reins close down
to the bit, seemed to lift their horses as they sped away from Black Fan
whose rider was leaning back holding the briddle reins at arm's length
as if he feared she would go by the head.

There was no grandstand, the populace standing thick along the track,
separated from it by a rough board fence.

As the horses neared the starting point on the first turn, Black Fan far
in the rear, Uncle Joe was seen pushing through the crowd, towering
above the multitude. He made his way to the side of the track, climbing
up on the fence-board next to the top, he stood erect.

The leaders flew by and, as Black Fan got opposite, he raised his arms
as if to throw a stone or club at her, at the same time, in stentorian
tones, yelling: "Git up! Git up! Git! Git out of that, you Black B----
h! Git up Fan. Gin her her head! Don't hold her, dam her! Let her go!
Scat!"

[Illustration: "Give Her Head! Don't Hold Her!"]

As the last yell left his lips over he went onto the dusty track
head-first. Black Fan surely imagined Uncle Joe was after her, she shot
forward, her hind legs going so fast she looked in danger of running
over herself, taking up nearly the width of the course. John Patterson
and his high-wheeled sulky were swept off the track. Black Bess jumped
the fence, ran off with her rider and was disqualified. Only John Krepps
kept his little horse on the track, but Black Fan had the race in hand.

Great confusion reigned. Several fights started, Uncle Joe being in the
midst of all of them. Everybody surrounded the judges, and the other
horse owners protested the race. As the judges were all farmers with the
usual fairness pervading decisions as between town folks and country
ones, Black Fan was given the race.

[Illustration: After the Race]

Uncle Joe led the mare all over the fair grounds with Alfred mounted on
her, and notwithstanding the boy was surfeited with ginger bread, cider
and other District Fair delicacies, he importuned the uncle for more.
Finally the uncle impatiently handed him two cents, "So there go eat
ginger bread till you bust." Uncle Joe celebrated his victory all
afternoon. When he advised Alfred that they would soon start home and
that he could ride behind him on Black Fan, Alfred slid down and
requested a neighboring farmer to permit him to ride home in his dead
axe wagon.

Uncle Joe did not get home until very late, claiming that he did not
know that Alfred had gone before and that he was searching the fair
grounds for him. Alfred's aunt gently chided him and advised that when
he went anywhere with his uncle thereafter he must remain until his
uncle came, but to urge his uncle to come early.

Uncle Joe was very sick the next day. Aunt Betsy said it served him
right. She hoped he'd "puke his innards out." Alfred was busy carrying
the afflicted man water by the gourdful from the spring. Uncle Joe would
not permit him to bring it in a pail: he wanted it cold and fresh.

"Dip her deep, son," he would say as he emptied the gourd and sent the
boy for more.

The sufferer grew worse and finally Aunt Betsy's womanly sympathy
impelled her to go to the sick man. She began by saying:

"I oughtn't to lift a hand to help you. Any man that will pour licker
down his stomach until he throws it up is a hog and nothing else."

Catching a whiff of that which had come up, she turned up her nose and
contemptuously continued:

"I don't see how any one can put that stuff down them."

She held her nose and turned her head in disgust. The sick man raised
his head and feebly answered:

"Well, it don't taste that way going down. Go away and let me die in
peace. I deserve to die alone; I don't want any of ye to pity me. Just
bury me is all I ask."

[Illustration: She Asked Him If He Were Not Afraid to Die]

The woman's sympathy entirely overcome her anger as the man well knew it
would. She begged to be permitted to do something for him. He was
obdurate. He was "not worthy of being saved"; all he desired was to "die
alone and be forgotten."

She asked him if he were not afraid to die.

"No, no" he answered, "I'm not afraid to die but I'm ashamed to."

Feeling his heart was softening, she begged to do something to relieve
him, a cold towel for his head or hot tea for his stomach. No, nothing
could do him any good, so he declared.

"If you don't have something done for you, you might die."

"Let me die, but if I ever get over this one, it's the last for Joe. I
hope every still house in Fayette County will burn down afore night and
all the whiskey ever made destroyed."

The wife exulted greatly at these words and renewed her entreaties to do
something for him.

"Well, if you insist on doing something for me", and he hesitated, "but
I know it will do no good--go down to the kitchen, fill a big coffee cup
half full of bilin' hot water, dissolve a lump of loaf sugar in it, drop
in a little lump of butter 'bout as big as a robin's egg. Then reach up
in the old cupboard in the hall, top shelf and way back in the corner,
you'll find a big, black bottle. Pour quite a lot out of this bottle
into the cup, fill it up. Grate a little nutmeg into it and fetch it up
yar."

Then holding his hands to his head as if suffering great pain, dropping
his voice to a faint whisper as if he were about to collapse, he said:

"Bring it up here and if I don't want to take it you jes' make me."

Not long afterwards the whole neighborhood was talking of the conversion
of Uncle Joe and the day of his baptism marked an epoch in that section.
The lion and the lamb were roaming together. Old Bill Colvin and Uncle
Joe were making cider on the shares. Many were the strange tales told
of how the conversion of Uncle Joe came about.

The day of baptism saw the largest gathering in the history of Red Stone
meeting house. Alfred, Cousin Charley and all the country folks round
about were there and many from town. Many were the conjectures made by
the idle gossipers as to whether Joe would hold out. Tom Porter
prophesied that the first time Joe got on a tear he would lick the
preacher. Billy Hickman, the preacher, was a mite of a man, while Uncle
Joe was a giant in comparison.

[Illustration: Alfred's Ride]

Uncle Joe had never been ducked or put under water but once, that the
writer knows of. It was sheep-washing time. The sheep in a pen on the
bank of the creek. Uncle Joe and another man in the creek up to their
middles washing the sheep. Alfred and another boy in the pen catching
the sheep dragging them to the bank as the workers called for another
sheep. There was one old bell-wether that was too strong for the boys.
After futile attempts to drag him to the creek Alfred decided to ride
him. Jumping astride of the animal it made frantic efforts to free
itself from the burden. Round the pen, bleating and panting it ran. It
started for the creek and from a height of several feet it plunged,
hitting Uncle Joe square between the shoulders.

[Illustration: They All Follow]

Its weight and Alfred's sent the powerful man under the water. Where one
sheep leads another will follow. As he attempted to rise, sheep after
sheep hit him on head or back. Under he went again as often as he arose
until the whole herd were out of the pen.

This experience probably accounted for Uncle Joe's actions the day of
the baptism. Grouped on the banks of the creek, in fence corners, some
lying on the grass under the red haw trees, were the rabble--all there
out of curiosity.

Standing near the creek, chanting a familiar hymn as only an earnest
congregation of good people can sing, were the church members. Walking
slowly from the church was the preacher and Uncle Joe, the disparity in
their size all the more marked as they waded into the water.

Uncle Joe seemed ill at ease and it appeared as though he was sort of
holding back. By the time the minister was in up to his middle, the
water only flowed about Uncle Joe's knees. The little preacher paused,
folded Uncle Joe's hands across his breast. Uncle Joe looked behind him
as much as to say:

"It's a long ways down to the water."

The minister began the solemn baptismal service. At the last word he
attempted to lay Uncle Joe back, immersing him in the usual manner but
Uncle Joe resisted. Alfred said afterwards he "knowed Uncle Joe was
skeered, that Hickman couldn't rise him up after he got him under."
Alfred explained that it was hard to keep from strangling when you went
down backwards. "That's the way I nearly drowned. They ought to baptize
'em forward," was his conclusion.

The silence was oppressive. The minister sort of squirmed around and
began the service over. At the last word he made another effort to
immerse the sinner. Again his strength was insufficient, both men
jostled around.

Sam Craft, who was watching the proceeding from a fence corner, at the
failure of the second attempt to dip the penitent, drawled in a voice
thick with hard cider:

"Trip--him--Bill--dam--him--trip--him."

Uncle Joe quickly took hold of his nose with thumb and finger; stooping,
he put his face under water to his ears, left the preacher standing in
the creek as he rushed out, not to the church members but to his old
cronies, until led to his proper place among the congregation.

The conversion of Uncle Joe made Aunt Betsy happy. Alfred had liberties
he never enjoyed previously. He rode Billy, the pony, when and where he
chose. He ran rabbits, chased through the woods until the scant wardrobe
he brought from home was in rags and tatters.

The great Civil War had just begun. All the country was marching
mad--soldiers passing and repassing along the pike. Aunt Betsy and Lacy
Hare, the hired girl, decided that Alfred should have a soldier's suit
that would surprise the natives. Neither had ever been blessed with
children, neither had ever attempted to make a garment such as they
fashioned in their minds for Alfred.

The original that Alfred's suit was patterned after was a military
uniform worn by John Stevenson in the War of 1848 between Mexico and the
United States.

As the faded garment was brought from the garret and Alfred, with
wood-ashes and vinegar brightened up the ornaments and medals, he
thought John had been a mighty general, judging from the medals he wore.
When he learned John was only a fifer his admiration for him greatly
increased and often he coaxed John to play the old tunes that cheered
the warriors on to victory in the many battles John graphically
described not recorded in history.

Lacy with a pair of sheep shears cut out the coat, while Aunt Betsy held
the pattern down on the heavy grey cloth. The goods were of the
home-made quality, known as "linsey-woolsey," a material worn by farmers
almost universally in those days. The household scissors were too dull
to cut it, hence the sheep shears were pressed into service by Lacy.

The coat cut, Alfred had to stand out in the entry while the women used
his nether garments to pattern by. The door a little ajar, Alfred
impatiently watched the two women cut out the pants. Lacy remarked,
after he had asked for his pants twice:

"Land sakes! Have a little patience. You climb trees, run through
thickets, till you're rags and tatters, and I hope when we get these
clothes done you'll settle down and save them to wear when you go
anywhar."

The women decided, or rather endeavored, to make the suit after the cut
of the uniforms worn by the soldiers. Lacy insisted that a blouse would
not look well on Alfred and it was decided to make him a jacket at the
bottom "close fittin'" as Lacy expressed it.

Nothing like this suit was ever seen before or after the war. Angles and
folds were, where should have been smoothness; too short at the bottom,
too high at the top, too tight where they should have been loose and
vice versa. The jacket was short in the waist and high in the neck. Lacy
remarked as they basted the thing that there seemed too much cloth in
some parts but she thought it would take up in the sewing. The surplus
cloth in the west side of the pants hung to the boy's calves, covering
the limbs that far down. Therefore, it was difficult to decide at a
distance where the jacket ended and the pants began. In fact, the boy,
from a backside view at a little distance, seemed to be wearing a
long-tailed coat.

Going from you, Alfred looked like a grown man; coming towards you he
looked more natural. Wherever there appeared a bunch or angle that
seemed out of place, Lacy endeavored to modify the over abundance by
tacking on one of the ornaments taken from the old uniform of which a
great number were used. The shoulders of the jacket seemed to fit to
suit Lacy, therefore she used the epaulets from the shoulders of the old
soldier's uniform elsewhere. The seat of the pants hanging so low, Lacy
said looked too bare, whereupon she tacked the epaulets on that part of
the pants, with the yellow and red fringe hanging down.

There was a very large lump resembling "Richard the Third's" hump; on
this Lacy perched a brass eagle with wings spread as if about to fly off
with the coat. Red and yellow stripes ran up and down the outside seam
of the pants.

Lacy said they "looked so purty it was a shame the folds of the cloth
kivered so much of the stripe"; she "allowed it was too bad that more of
the folds had not found their way into the seat of the pants cos it
wa'n't noticed there, the epaulets hid it."

Lacy had such a great quantity of this yellow and red material, she
insisted on running a double row around the cuffs of the coat and
around the bottom of the pants. Aunt Betsy gently dissented but Lacy
seemed the moving spirit in the project and the elder woman deferred to
her. The aunt said the only fear she had was that folks might think the
suit too gaudy. Aunt Betsy said she feared they had not sewed the braid
on straight or the pants wouldn't pucker so at the knees.

All the ornaments, space could not be found for elsewhere, were tacked
on the cap. The vizor or brim was the only disappointment to the women.
No stiff leather procurable, they used cardboard and blackened it with
shoe polish. This soon broke and crumpled. Lacy remarked:

"The blame rim spiles the whole outfit."

It dangled in Alfred's eyes all the time, hence he generally wore the
vizor behind.

The soldier clothes were to Alfred a thing of beauty and joy until he
went to town. Alfred collected all the country boys he could enlist and
called them the "Red Stone Blues." He found an old, rusty sword, its
scabbard a load, yet he carried it wherever he went. Others of his
company had corn cutters, old scythes and muskets.

Alfred attempted to drill the boys as he had seen the home guards and
Sam Graham's Zouaves do in town. Two old stove pipes were mounted on
wheels for cannon.

It was Alfred's ambition to ride at the head of his command as did the
commander of the Ringold Cavalry, but Lacy had attached the epaulets to
the seat of Alfred's trousers as they came from the shoulders of the old
coat, and the tin shape frames prevented Alfred assuming any attitude
while in the uniform than that of standing. When Alfred spoke to Lacy as
to the advisability of changing the location of the epaulets she
explained that they had nothing suitable to replace them. When Alfred
complained he could not sit down, Lacy said:

"Law sakes, you shouldn't think of it. Them 'air things are too purty to
kiver up."

The battle of Bull Run had been fought. The country was ablaze with
excitement, war and rumors of war, war stories, war talk. Everybody was
up in arms, soldiers moving everywhere, as the locality was not far from
where battles were soon expected.

Uncle Joe and Aunt Betsy went to town to hear the news. Alfred, left
alone, marshalled his hosts in battle array.

In the romance of Pierce Forrest, a young knight being dubbed by King
Alexander, he was so elated he galloped into the woods, cut and slashed
trees until he eased his effervescence and convinced the army he was a
most courageous soldier.

Alfred at the head of his army, strode down the column as Jupiter is
said to have strode down the spheres as he hurled his thunderbolts at
the Titans.

Alfred and his army charged and recharged, Uncle Joe's hedge fence. On
and on they charged, coming on the enemy standing ten deep in line,
asking or giving no quarter; the enemy fell bruised and bleeding. Every
stalk of Uncle Joe's broom corn patch lay on the ground, not one stalk
standing to tell the tale.

How vain are the baubles of war. Alfred standing in the midst of the
field of slaughter--he could not sit down--heard a roar that froze his
hot blood and scattered his army to the winds of anywhere and to the
thickets.

Uncle Joe, returning, had witnessed the slaughter of his broom corn from
the top of the hill by the big shell-bark hickory nut trees. His yells
not only struck terror to Alfred's heart but Black Fan and other stock
broke from the fields into the big road where they stood trembling.

[Illustration: Alfred's Redstone Blues]

Lacy said she hadn't heard Uncle Joe chirp since he was baptized. When
he hit his finger with a hammer she felt certain he would "break out,"
but he stuck to his religion.

As he crossed the apex of the hill and saw the broom corn falling before
Alfred and his minions, the roar that floated across the flat sounded
very much like:

"Whatinthehellanddamnationdoesthismean?"

When Alfred saw Ajax drawing nearer, his sword fell from his hand and
Alfred fell on the broom corn, an object of abject fear. Ajax grabbed
him by the nape of the neck and seat of his uniform, nearly ruining one
of the epaulets.

Never was warrior so ignobly driven or dragged from a field of victory.
Aunt Betsy could find no excuse for Alfred. Broom corn was a necessity
in the household work. Every farmer made his own brooms.

After a very short trial by court martial it was decided that the
country was too quiet for Alfred and that he should be transferred to
town at once.

Although tried and found guilty, Alfred, to his delight, was permitted
to retain his side-arms and wear his uniform. The next day, standing
between Aunt Betsy and Uncle Joe in the old buggy driving the old mare,
he began the journey home. He was arrayed in full regimentals, the brim
of the cap turned behind, his yellow hair hanging in strings, (it had
never been curled since he went to the country).

Everyone they met cast admiring glances at Alfred's uniform. The aunt
was proud of the attention attracted. Passing through Sandy Hollow, Sid
Gaskill, the roughest girl in the neighborhood, motioned the buggy to
stop. As Sid inspected Alfred she requested him to turn around. Looking
him over she asked:

"Who made 'em?" referring to the uniform.

Alfred promptly replied:

"Lacy Hare helped Aunt Betsy make 'em."

The aunt's face showed her satisfaction. Not even when Sid inquired if
the clothes were made to wear in a show did the aunt's pride in Alfred's
suit diminish, although the inference is that it was the military
character of the clothes rather than the cloth or fit, she was proud of,
as Aunt Betsy was very patriotic.

All the way to town she was picturing what a surprise the suit would be
to Mary and John, and it was.

Alfred was driving the old mare as she had not been driven in years.
Uncle Joe made him slow down. Uncle Joe sometimes exceeded the speed
limit leaving town but usually went in at a respectable gait.

Alfred's desire to see the loved ones at home was so strong that he
jumped out of the buggy as they entered the town. Running ahead of the
buggy he passed Uncle Bill's: Waving a welcome to Martha and Hester, who
stood in the front yard, he regarded their laughter as evidence of their
pleasure at seeing him back home again.

When Martha shouted, "What devilment are you up to now?" he never
imagined it was his appearance that so amused the girls.

Over the fence, across lots to the rear of the house he scampered. Lin
was out mopping the floor of the back porch. Perched on the top of the
fence he caught sight of her.

"Hello, Lin? How-dye?"

Lin heard the voice. She did not recognize the speaker at once.

"Hello, Lin?" he shouted again.

Lin shaded her eyes, gazed hard at the boy, dropped the mop, and Alfred
heard her call:

Pages:
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38